Deathly Hallows Mayhem
Scene 1: The Ministry of Magic
HARRY, RON, AND HERMIONE: UMBRIDGE!!!
HARRY: Give us that locket or I’ll darn you to heck!
UMBRIDGE: What the Flobberworm!!! Educational Decree number three hundred and fifty five thousand six hundred and seventy eight clearly stated that no ex-student shall contradict the ex High Inquisitor of Hogwarts School of W-
HERMIONE: Shut the Phoenix up!
RON: Wait…that doesn’t start with an F…
HARRY: SHUT UP, RON! MY LIFE SUCKS ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU BUTTING YOUR DREADFUL SPECKLED MUG IN!!!
HEMIONE: Anyway, give us that locket!
Scene 2: Xenophelius Lovegood
HERMIONE: Mr. Lovegood, that’s not a Crumple-Horned Snorcack!
RON: What is it then?
HERMIONE: It’s an Erumpent horn! I read about it in The Book of Highly Dangerous Objects and Other Various –
(Crumple Horned Snorcack Explodes)
XENOPHELIUS: Oh, Shhhh-
DUMBLEDORE: DUMBLEDORE!!! (from Potter Puppet Pals)
Scene 3: Bellatrix’s Vault
(Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Griphook the goblin are in Bellatrix’s vault)
GRIPHOOK: AVADA KEDAVRA!
(Harry, Ron, and Hermione die)
GRIPHOOK: (to Gryffindor sword)
You’re mine, now!
L is for the way you look at me…O is for –
(Harry, Ron, and Hermione wake up)
HRH: STUPEFY!
Ron: RUN!
(They run)
RON: (goes back)
L is for the way you-
(Harry and Hermione drag him away)
HERMIONE: It’s a Dragon! I knew we shouldn’t have come here! I read about Dragons in Gringotts in the book of-
Dragon: (roars)
Scene 4: Snape’s Death
VOLDEMORT: You have been very useful, Severus. Very, very Useful. Very, very, very useful, Snape-a-doodle. But the Elder Wand is MINE!
(Talks to Nagini in Parsletongue)
Kill
(Nagini kills Snape)
SNAPE: Harry, look at me with those bright, green eyes!
HARRY: But...wait…those are contacts…my eyes are hazel!!
SNAPE: What the firebolt?!?!!! UGH! Just take my memories and darn yourself to heck.
HARRY: I’m Harry Potter, Harry Harry Potter… (From Potter Puppet Pals)
SNAPE: Oh Firebolt!
(Dies)
Scene 5: The Prince’s Tale
SNAPE: Lily in the Sky with Diamonds…
LILY: (slaps Snape)
You called me Mudblood! Go darn yourself to heck!
VOLDEMORT: Voldemort, Voldemort, ooo Voldy Voldy Voldy Voldemort! Muahahahahaaa!!
HARRY: Where am I?
DUMBLEDORE: (meditating)
Om Shanti……………..
HARRY: DUMBLEDORE! I’m dead and you’re meditating!!!! Firebolt you!!!
DUMBLEDORE: No. You can go back and fight the crap out of ol’ Voldy!!! In the meantime, I’m going to find Grindelwald and talk to him…he dumped me AGAIN.
Well, Tootles!!!
VOLDEMORT: Let’s see how the Boy Who Lived matched his powers with Voldemort, the Almighty Lord who conquered-
HARRY: AVADA KEDAVRA!!!
VOLDEMORT: What the-
(Dies)
(Silence)
PEEVES: We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one,
And Voldy’s gone Moldy, so now let’s have fun!
HARRY: That was fun! I want to do it again! Do you still have that Time-Turner, Hermione?
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