I'm guessing that nobody actually cares to read this, so I just conjured some pretty damn cool quotes from somewhere, which I find funny!

A good friend will bail you out of jail ->A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn, we messed up."

A good friend helps you when you fall ->A true friend laughs at you and trips you again while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain -> A best friend takes yours and say, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you’re rejected -> A best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

People will believe anything if you whisper it…

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. Its either my Mammy or Dad. Or my older brother Robin. Or my younger brother Ho-tai-chu-chang. I think it's Robin.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

I don’t suffer from insanity…I enjoy every minute of it!

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

There are three kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can’t.

If olive oil comes from olives then where does baby oil come from?

How is it possible to have a 'civil' war?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door, do they have to replace it later?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.

Don't let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

(='.'=)

('')_('')

Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side - no, wait, the rebels! ->

Darth vader - Come to the dark side. We have CAKE!!

Luke Skywalker - Nah, the rebels have COOKIES!!

Darth Vader - Ooh! can I be a rebel?!

One last annoying quote, that nobody probably even bothers to read ->

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!(Don't actually try this, the person I hit got really upset cos' it was "only a game"... Sucker...)