Funny Quotes:

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm not racist, I've got a black president.

I'm going to hell, but you're laughing, so you're coming.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

Ankle: a device for finding furniture in the dark...

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

As the great prophet Naruto said: "Believe it."

The reason coke and weed are illegal in America because the best coke and weed ain't made in America.

MGS Quotes:

I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!

Those who look to the Heavens prosper, those who defy it are no more.

Land, Friends, dignity, all sold to the highest bidder, The United States Of America!

You have to beLIEve me!

Unfortunately, killing is just one of those things that gets easier the more you do it.

God's got a sense of humor, all right.

A cornered fox is more dangerous than a jackal!

If you ask me, there's no happiness to be found in death... no peace either. I'm leaving here alive.

I never felt truly alive unless I was staring death in the face.

People call mercenaries like us "Dogs of War." But you're different. You are a Wolf... You will die the proud wolf you are.

Inspirational Quotes:

Keep hope alive.

Let's roll.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Life does not cease to be funny when people die; any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

They envy the distinction I have won; let them therefore, envy my toils, my honesty, and the methods by which I gained it.

The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.

Conversations:

-I'm off pills.

-That's a wise choice, 'cause I knew this girl, she had this like crazy freak out cause she like took too many behavioral meds at once, and and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like "I am a Kricon from the sea."

-I heard that was you

My Life:

-You do drink, don't you?

-Of course. I just said I was a writer.