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Author has written 21 stories for Discworld, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek: 2009, and Good Omens. Greetings, O hapless Visitor, and beware the Grue! Since I've Officially Posted Two Pence, I feel justified in writing an actual profile. It's very informative. Order of Business #1: Seven Haikus: Or, An Ode To The Art Of The Disclaimer 1: It has come to my Attention that my fanfics Are all undisclaimed. 2: Yet I am lazy; Too lazy to fix each one Individually. 3: Hence the haikus I Now present to you, reader. Facts are as follows. 4: Discworld, alas, ain't Mine. You can tell because I Do not have a beard. 5: If I was bearded, It might have been. But I don't. This is my sorrow. 6: All that belongs to Me are a few flat OCs And some of the words. 7: One final note, dear Reader. If you really thought This mine - you are dense. Order of Business #2: Statistics, except not really, since there are very few numbers involved. My name is not, alas, Schlodenbert Roxeim III. It kills me, but sometimes people just have to own up. I did not just burn down the White House. I completely failed to gain possession of weapons of mass destruction. I own not even one single cherry tree. I can't speak German. I am not out of high school yet. I do not have red hair. I never ate a butterfly. While these are just a few selected facts out of the many, I hope they will help you form a clear picture of various persons I ain't. Order of Business #3: Miscellany Credits for the avatar to Marionette, x672, Emily, Debbie, Talia, Claire, or whatever it is she's calling herself today. I appreciate the most accurate rendition of my brain yet very, very much. Without it, who knows how far into the depths of iniquity I would have sunk? Also, you can find the exact same fanfiction as is list below at the Archives of Excellence, because I am, obvs., excellent even in the my current dormant state. OBVS. | |||||||
1. Within a Shadowed Forest » reviewsAU. Adam… succumbs to his inner Son of Satan, when the time comes. Adam being Adam, this still involves a little rewriting of the Plan. Written for the 2010 go exchange.Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 30,724 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 1-16-11 - Published: 1-4-11 - Adam Young2. The Fine Art of Clandestinely Meeting Your Contact reviewsA missing scene from the book. A certain agent of Goodness and Light and a certain representative of Purest Evil argue over tea buns.Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 721 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 12-5-10 - Complete3. Conserving Water reviewsCrowley experiments with succulents. Or rather, doesn't, much. But a little goes a long way, with cacti.Good Omens - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 572 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 12-5-10 - A. Crowley & Aziraphale - Complete4. In Imitation of Apples reviewsChekov crosses paths with a certain pair of immortals relatively early in life.Crossover - Good Omens & Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,715 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-5-10 - Aziraphale & P. Chekov - Complete5. The Universal Solvent reviews"Here's the thing about obliterating all flesh: it can take some time." Aziraphale and Crowley talk about some things and fail to talk about others while the Flood is still in the process of, well, flooding.Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,027 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-1-10 - Aziraphale & A. Crowley - Complete6. Rest, Recuperation, and Reanimation reviewsAfter leaving the minds of men whereto they were banished, and making their way back into the world, the Horsepersons camp out at the Tadfield Manor Conference and Management Training Center.Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,071 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7-30-10 - Sister Mary Loquacious - Complete7. An Inheritance reviewsSome genealogies are bloody difficult to write out. There's probably a message there, if you look. Or, failing that, a pun.Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,850 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7-25-10 - Adam Young & Pepper - Complete8. Seven Deadly Days reviewsIn the week following the Apocalypse, Aziraphale sins. A lot. Although he never does use the phrase "core values".Good Omens - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,515 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7-11-10 - Aziraphale & A. Crowley - Complete9. And Miles To Go Before I Sleep, The Remix reviews"Books have weight and density unrelated to their physical realities; in large quantities- their concentrated hope a concentrated mass- they warp the spirit." A look at Aziraphale and Crowley immediately after the burning of the Library of Alexandria.Good Omens - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,878 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6-10-10 - Aziraphale & A. Crowley - Complete10. With Flowers In Her Girdle And Wax In Her Ears reviewsGoldberry takes an inventive approach towards learning to live with a poetry-spouting headcase.Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 324 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 11-11-09 - Complete11. Playing For Keeps reviewsIn the end, the fate of the Centaurian slug is decided by an inadvisable game of poker.Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,219 - Reviews: 19 - Published: 6-9-09 - C. Pike & M. Scott/Scotty - Complete12. The Brave and the Bold and the Slightly Illegal » reviewsBeing the swashbuckling story of the JUSTICE LEAGUE OF ANKH-MORPORK, an insidious band of vigilantes whose evil might be thwarted only through the efforts of mild-mannered journalist SAM VIMES JR., his father's ghost, & eighteen dead, goldfishy sidekicks!Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 44,935 - Reviews: 87 - Updated: 4-7-09 - Published: 12-12-0813. The Purchase Of A One Horse, Open Sleigh reviewsThe Vimes family are taking the long-that is to say, scenic-way home from Uberwald, but certain preparations must be completed first, which may involve loss of life, limb, or ear. Plotless and somewhat fluffy gift!fic for Roruna. You have been warned.Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,600 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 10-19-08 - Complete14. Angua Von Uberwald, A Lycanthropic Compromise reviewsMore angsty snapshots in time, the subject being our very favorite angsty werewolf. Of course. Forgive me. Also, I keep changing the title! Sorry 'bout that.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,039 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 8-9-08 - Complete15. The Perils Of Smoking Out Back reviewsIt wasn't even as if Vimes liked cigarettes. But, well, you had to respect the timing. And after all, nicotine was nicotine. Right? *This fanfiction sponsored by Pantweed's Slim Panatellas -tm-*Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,611 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 7-1-08 - Complete16. When Realms Collide reviewsANGSTY SLASH. Also, technical difficulties, for though it is said one must never meddle in the affairs of slashers, well, since when have watchmen listened to good advice? Warning: utter, utter pointless crack, and the shameless abuse of the term 'meta'.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,001 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 6-29-08 - Complete17. The Eyes Of The World reviewsDenethor looks and is blinded.Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 740 - Reviews: 19 - Published: 6-28-08 - Denethor & Sauron - Complete18. Wherefore Ducks? And Other Stories » reviewsRead the chronicles of Ankh-Morpork's Finest as they struggle valiantly to keep The Truth away from That Nosy De Worde's ears, The Convenient Lies out of That Bloody Slant's hands, and The Nobbs out of Mr. Scrope's Family Institution! **COMPLETE!**Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 38,236 - Reviews: 68 - Updated: 6-22-08 - Published: 3-1-08 - Complete19. Of Cats and Conmen » reviewsIt might have been Fate, but it was probably Fortune. Two old friends, fellows, and famous fraudsters meet in the Watch's cells. And if one of them is a pwetty wittle putty tat and the other a respected citizen, well, what of it? Everyone needs a day job.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,839 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 6-8-08 - Published: 2-9-0820. Ankh Morpork Malady: Or, Where Alchemists Go Wrong » reviewsMadam comes to Ankh-Morpork! Vimes' desk explodes! Angua blacks out! Sybil darns Vimes' socks! COULD THERE BE A CONNECTION? Venture on, dear reader, to find out. **COMPLETE!**Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,018 - Reviews: 76 - Updated: 2-15-08 - Published: 1-1-08 - Complete21. Havelock Vetinari, Flamingo and Boy reviewsSeries of snapshots covering the supposed life and times of Havelock Vetinari. Read at your own risk.Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,013 - Reviews: 21 - Updated: 1-3-08 - Published: 1-1-08 - Complete
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