The person who uses the screen name Tristen1497 teckniquialy does not exist, therefor no bio can be posted about said non-existant person.

Insted, feel free to fill your pitiful and pointless lives with amusments by reading the following funny lists of doom.

The Benefits of being Emo

1. Emo people never have to hide their feelings.

2. Emo people are always ready for a funeral.

3. Emo people don’t have to spend the money Goths do.

4. Emo people don’t have to use the excuse “There’s just something in my eye.”

5. Emo people don’t have to dress up for Halloween.

6. Emo people get to cut human flesh without going through medical school.

7. Emo people get to show off their figure with skin-tight clothes.

8. Emo people don’t have to worry about skin cancer.

9. Emo people don’t have to wear sun screen.

10. Emo people don’t have to hide their emotions.

11. Emo people always get to bring out their eyes with eyeliner.

12. Emo people have enough hoodies to last in case WWIII comes along.

13. Emo people don’t have to worry about being stereotyped.

14. Emo people never have people looking directly into their eyes.

15. Emo people don’t have to pretend for others.

16. Emo people know that life sucks.

17. Emo people get to specify what gender they are.

18. Emo people always fit in with other Emos.

19. Emo people could invest in the black nail polish company and make a fortune.

20. Emo people get to listen to The Emo Song ALL THE TIME.

21. Emo people already know what other people say behind their backs.

22. Emo people aren’t afraid of the inevitable death that awaits all of us.

23. Emo people, if they are girls, have the satisfaction of knowing most emo guys are REALLY hot.

24. Emo people get to copy this into their profile.

Words and other funny things from The Devil's Dictionary or other works by Ambrose Bierce (Note!! LOTS of big words ahead. Those with small vocabularies, BEWARE!!)

First published in book form as The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Accord, n. Harmony.

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

Advice, n. The smallest current coin.

Alone, adj. In bad company.

Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think.

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets.

Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.

Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.

Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.

Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

Freemason, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha.

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.

Hers, pron. His.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.

Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen sic in America and Americans in Scotland.

Land, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A, B and C, there will be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to exist.

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants sic from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.

Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker.

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.

Once, adj. Enough.

Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amok by hamstringing it.

Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Politeness , n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.

Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.

Twice, adv. Once too often.

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.

Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

White, adj. and n. Black.

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

Epigrams

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day. Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forgo.

Attributed

Think twice before helping a friend in need.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. Translation: I think that I think, therefore, I think that I am.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men.

On Oscar Wilde The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

Naruto pairings EVERYONE should agree on:

GaaraXSakura

(They are just So cute togather! Admit it! They're met to be!)

NarutoXHinata

KibaXIno

Kiba-bachelor

ShinoXHisbugs

ShikamaruXTemari

ChyojiXFood

ChyojiXIno

SasukeXNobody because he needs to die!

NejiXTenten

Rock Lee-Bachelor

Quotes everyone should know:

"Believe it!" - no duh it's Naruto

"Mine!"-almost every GaaraXSakura story ever writen.

"I've had similar threats from way stronger guys who's memories I keep alive by dancing on their toumstones!"-Inuyasha.

"I've got a jar or dirt! I've got a jar or dirt! And guess what's inside it WOW-" -Jack Sparrow.

"Don't touch my dirt!"-Jack Sparrow.

"A lazy persone does everything twice, so don't be lazy!" -Old russian saying.

Don't make stupid mistakes!" -A randome teacher of doom.

"I'll shut up now."unknown

"Cross over to the dark side... We have cookies"-off some girl's T shirt.

"I like chocolate milk"-Cheese from fosters home for imaginary friends.

"Sit boy!" -Kagome.

"You've burt all the food, the shade, the Rum!" -Jack

"Yes, the rum is gone"-Elizabeth

"Why is the rum gone?" -Jack

"One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into compleat sckowndrels. Two, that signel is over a thousand feet. The entire royal nave is out looking for me. Do you think that there is even the slightest chance that they wont see it?" -Elizabeth

"But why is the rum gone?" -Jack

"Just wait Mr. Sparrow. Give it an hour maby two and you will se white sails on the horizon."-Elizabeth

Jack deliberates shooting her then leaves. Then " 'it must have been trible for you Jack' well it Bloody well is now!" See the ship. "They'll be no living with her after this."

Elizbeth has this big talk about how Jack should be a better persone and asks him sonething about ever seeing something and knowing they should do the right thing. Then Jack says "I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."- Jack (obviously)

"Why is the rum always gong?"-Jack. Stands up and is drink. Say "That's why." Then goes down looking for rum, meets bootstrap Bill and asks "Is this a dreem?" then when Bill says no Jack says "Of couse not. If it were there would be rum."

In the third pirate movie Jack prepares to catapolt himslef off of Lord Becket's ship. The Lord dude is all "Your carzy," And Jack's all "Well that's a reliefe because if I wasn't this would probobly never work." Then he does the whole cataplt thing. Lord Becket ask's this guy when they can presue them, then the main mast breacks. Then that guy he askes say "Do you think he plans it all out, or just makes it up as he goes along?" Then when Jack lands he all "And that was without a single drop of rum!" -Pirates!

"When life gives you lemmons, make grap juce then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."-unknown source.

"Hn." -GAARA!

"I exist to whipe out every other existance but my own!" -Gaara. Isn't he cool!

"Guess what? You're weird! MMMUUUAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Choke. Cough. Cough. Hack. Gag. Wheeze. Inhail. Sniff. I'm good." -my old friend Raya.

"I've got Indians in my pockets."-sandwhichesareawsome AKA Emily Rose. (1,2,23,4,5,6!)

"Don't touch my Cheerios!" -Crazy Emily Rose.

"CRAZY LUNCH LADIES! somebody stop them!"-Guess who? Emily Rose.

"Look at me now and have dreams of me later, L O S E R." -off of a T-shirt seen by Gaara'sbaby1

"Pickels are cucombers soked in evil"-crimson.tears.i.shed.

"Tragety is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you "acsidently" fall into an open sewer and die!"-A science teacher's white bord.

"If you woke up tired, you probobly need more sleep. If you woke up drooling at your desk, you probobly need a new job. If you woke up with a headache, on a ferris wheel at the Idaho state fair, wearing a toga, you proboly need answers, not to mention some vitimen water"-the back of a vitimen water bottle.

"Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to."-Unknown.

"There are two things that are infinite... the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe." Albert Einstein.

"Out of my mind. I'll be back in five minutes." -Unknown.

"You always get what's coming to you, unless it gets lost in the mail."- Unknown.

"Flying is not inhereently dangerous... crashing is." Unknown.

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence that you tried."- Unknown.

"They say guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well, I think the guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill too many people."-Unknown.

"Forecast for tonight: Darkness"-Unknown

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'" -Tommy Cooper

"If you were waiting for the oppurtune moment ... that was it." -Jack Sparrow

"New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him." -Emo Philips

Miniature Jack 1: Sail the seas for eternity. Jack Sparrowsmiling I love the sea... Miniature Jack 2: What about port? Jack Sparrow: I prefer rum... Rum is good. Miniature Jack 2: Making port, where we can get rum and sultry wenches... once every ten years. Miniature Jack 1: What'd he say? Jack Sparrow: Once every ten years. Miniature Jack 1: Ten years is a long time, mate. Jack Sparrow: Even longer, given the deficit of rum. Miniature Jack 1: ...But eternity is longer still. Miniature Jack 2: And how'll you be spending it? Dead? Miniature Jack 1: ...Or not... The immortal Captain Sparrow. Jack Sparrow: Well, I like that. Miniature Jack 2looking out to the sea Come sunset and it won't matter. Jack Sparrowrealizing ... Not sunset... Sundown!

"Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures?"-Unknown

"Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines"-unknown

"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"-unknown

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."-unknown.

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack." -Demetri Martin

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'"-- Joe Namath

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch." -- Jack Nicholson

"I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday." -- W.C. Fields

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible." --George Burns

"Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot." -Jim Rohn

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose." -Dennis Miller

FUNNY WAYS TO AWNSER THE PHONE

Pick up the phone and Scream Hacunnah mattatta! (No worries) I think I spelled it wrong. oh well. To make it even more interesting ask them if they have any worries and recoment them tons of random Numbers even if they say no.

Pick up the phone and in a real professional voice tell whoever is at the end of the line: "This is your local police department how may i help you"? or "We have tagged this phone call and we will be their in five minutes to put out the fire. hang up"

say: "Your soul is mine"

"Hell" or just wait until they say hello and for special effects breath heavily or moan. "City Morgue, You kill em, we chill em".

"I've got the money, just let her go, she's been through enough." say very panicky

"send someone in with the money and no one gets hurt!"

"Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em"

Joe's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em. Now with speshial vampire acomidations! You stake them, we bake them!

"Hello Johnny? I told you to dump the body! now hurry up before we get caught!"

"Your gonna be my new phone buddy"

Hello, please state your name, address, and credit card number.

Ask "Is this being recorded?"

"Phone tag, you're it."

"Hello? OH NO! the voices are back again!"

"Moo?"

"Braaaaaaainnnnnnss..."

"Hello, i'm a secret agent... oops, i have to kill you now"

"Federal Bureau of Investigation tips line, this call has been traced"

Say in a very cheery and peppy voice "hello, City morge, you stad them we slab them. At the moment all of our present staff members are experiencing sever mental break downs due to a potenshaly deadly inbalming fluid leek and anyone else that might be able to take your call is currently in the deep freeze. But please leave your name and number after the horrifying screem of our latest murder victem and we will get back to you shortly. Have a happly ever after life. (screem into phone)"

"Did you find the body Sam? Quick bring it over to my house to check for fingerprints"! and hang up quickly before they can say anything

If you have caller I.D. And your absolutely certian who the person calling is say this: "Were sorry to inform you that we have just found (insert that persons name) Floating dead in the lake". be carefull though because if you get the wrong person it might freak them out and it wouldnt be funny anymore.

yell BOB! WE FOUND THE MURDURERS! bang loudly on something to make it sound like a gun DARN IT! HERE THEY COME! MEET ME BY THE FRONT GATE IN FIVE MINUTES"! hang up

You might want to be carefull with these though, because they could seriously freak someone out:

"Sorry the person your asking for died yesterday. Can i have her call you back"?

"scream I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD"! " "

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

3. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.

13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.

18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.

22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

28. Ask people what gender they are.

29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

36. Wear a lot of cologne.

37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

39. Mow your lawn with scissors.

40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"

41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

51. Practice making fax and modem noises.

52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

59. Honk and wave to strangers.

63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..

66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.

67. Drum on every available surface.

68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

69. Set alarms for random times.

70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."

71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

74. Wear your pants backwards.

76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."

77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.

78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.

88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.

91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.

93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

101. Never make eye contact.

102. Never break eye contact.

103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.

104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.

108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

110. Place your shoes on the table.

111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.

114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.

116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.

117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.

118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.

119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.

121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.

124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.

125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.

126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.

128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.

130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.

131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.

133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.

134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.

135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.

136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!

137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.

139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."

140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.

141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.

142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.

143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.

144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.

145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.

148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.

149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."

150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.

151. Ride a unicycle to work.

152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.

153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.

154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.

155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.

157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.

158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.

159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.

161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.

162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.

163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.

164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"

166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.

167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.

169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.

170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.

174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.

175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.

176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.

181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.

182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.

183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.

184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.

185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.

187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)

188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.

189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.

192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."

193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

194. Call every girl you know "dude".

195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.

196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"

198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.

199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.

200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)

201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)

202. Recite shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.

203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper. When they insist they don't sell them saiy "Hey! Wait! I know this one! You're just not selling it today! I'll be back tomorrow! Repeat everyday for the rest of your life.

204. Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.

205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"

206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.

207. Place a piece of red cloth up in a corner of an elivator. Sit, couring in the corner of the elivator wearing a yellow cape. When someone comes in and looks at you funny say. "Shhh!! They're listinging!" (hello? The Village?)

208. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).

210. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.

212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.

213. Pretend you are invisible.

214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.

215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.

216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"

217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" for no apparent reason.

218. Call everyone a communist.

219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.

220.. Call your neighbors collect.

221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"

222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.

223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.

224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.

225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.

227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"

228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.

229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.

231. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."

232. Sending this list to all of your friends through email.

233. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.

234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.

235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!"

236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".

237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.

238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"

239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.

240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.

241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.

242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."

243. Scotch tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.

244. Super Glue quarters to floors.

245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.

246. Call random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."

248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people.

249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. (Thanks Alex)

250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together.

251) Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax.

252) When making a list use the same number twice.

253) Pronunce people's names wrong everytime you meet them.

254) Laugh at everything they say.

255) Never laugh at what they say.

256) When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.

Well here it is. The famous 'copy this into your profile if it applies to you' list.

Read it,copy it into your profile, change things you don't agree with, then add your own things.

If you are a GAARA fanatic copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something everyone became scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile.

If you or your best friend are insane, copy this into your profile.

Weirs is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy this into your profile.

If you have been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.mo.flooded.window, Bloodied Sand, Tristen1497,

If you think being unique is cooler then being cool, copy this into your profile.

If you think Sasuke is gay and should have the nickname 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude' copy this into your profile while laughing your head off.

If you got anyone addicted to Naruto in your life 9including friends, family, etc...) or any anime, copy this into your profile.

Copy this into your profile if you're a procrastination addict.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

Drugs are bad news. Copy this into your profile.

Too amyn people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed a door that clearly said PULL, copy this into your profile.

98 of teenagers have participated in under aged drinking and drugs. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy this into your profile wearing a smerk of pride.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings when you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

95 of kids are concerned about being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 who aren't copy this into your profile and add your name to this list: AnimeKittlyCafe, Hyperactively Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamomo, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The gypsy-Pirate Queen, xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetOverMonorecillex, Smartest Girl In The Wrold, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', Zwerqschnauzer, 'Dark-Independent-Girl-101', Drama Queen Girl, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, Bloodied Sand, Tristen1497,

95 of the world's population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said "Stop breathing." if you are one of the 5 who whould be laughing your ass of, copy this into your profile.

If you think those damn spoiled kids should just give the poor Trix Rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you are aware so amny people these days pretend to be something they're not, copy this into your profile.

If you think it is a good idea to wait at least a year before living in the same confind space as your sidnificant other, copy this into your profile.

If you think iit is an accomplishment to be a virgin in high school and are proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you would dump your boyfriend/girlfriend upon learning they are racist, copy this into your profile.

If you think using medical terms such as 'retarded' and 'gay' as insults in NOT wrong IF said persone is acting as such, copy this into your profile.

If you think it is weird and sad that many girls get up ridiculously early to do their hair and make-up and pick out the perfect outfit EVERY DAY and yet somehow have no time to eat breackfast, copy this into your profile.

If you wear black and a genuine smile at the same time on a daily basis, copy this into your profile.

If you thing Granddaddy Long-legs are NOT cute, copy this into your profile.

If you think it is a good idea to wait at least until you are engaged to have sex, copy this into your profile.

If you have come out and said to someone you really don't know that they are pissing you off, copy this into your profile.

If you secretly wish you could be a vampire and go around scaring people half to death, copy this into your profile.

If you HATE those girls who go around with colored hair saying it's natural, copy this into your profile.

If you are fully prepared to go to Japan and kill the dude who created Naruto if Gaara ends up with his student, copy this into your profile while grabbing your torch and pitch fork.

If you are 100 sure Gaara should be with Sakura, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever thought someone was talking about one thing and started raving about it when they were actualy talking about something totally different, copy this into your profile.

Copy this into your profile if you only go to the mall to visit Barns and Noble or Hot Topic.

If you could care less what you are wearing as long as it is comfortable, copy this into your profile.

If your parents are pretty much clueless about most of your life, likes, and dislikes, copy this into your profile while rolling your eyes at the thought of your mom and/or dad actualy trying to get to know you.

If you have ever been refered to as dark, gothic, emo, or something closely related, copy this into your profile.

If you are ok with death and have ever had a conversation about your chosen wat to die, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something only to have your friend say 'well... that was random,' copy this into your profile.

Copy this into your profile if you have been permanently scared for life after hearing your mom or dad say 'I have to go potty'.

If you've ever wondered if you were adopted because of your sibling, copy this into your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you think that yougurt is not meant to be eaten with a spoon but with your mouth copy this onto your profile.

If you think that Mickey mouse and his friends seriously went to a bar then copy this onto your profile.

If you think that i'm making you think too much then copy this onto your profile.

If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and SUCCEEDED, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know the clowns are out to get you, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have broke out in tears for no reason, and then laughed while still crying copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you believe that the government should make levees, not war, copy this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

You know you live in the year 2000+ when...

1. you accidentally enter you password on the microwave.

2. you haven't played solitare with real cards in years.

3. the reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or a myspace.

4. you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the buttons on the TV.

6. your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

7. as you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8. as you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9. and you were too busy to notice number 5.

10. you scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11. you are now laughing at yourself for you stupidity.

12. put this in your profile if you fell for that... and you know you did!