Book of November: Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz, started and finished on 11/24/09

Random Plot Generator

Advice for the Evil Overlord:

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways, and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

Advice for the Starship Captain:

Under no circumstance will I agree to not develop or employ any particular technology.

Advice for the Bad Auxiliary Character (Evil Henchman):

Never hold hostages at point-blank range. Anyone quick enough to even back into the role of Hero can punch you out faster than you can pull the trigger.

Advice for the Good Auxiliary Character (Good Guy's Sidekick):

If the Hero wants me to go get something, I'll arrange for delivery. If this is not available, I'll take along a few faithful comrades. At no time will these services be performed at night.

Further Evil (Advice for the Evil Empress):

Unless immortality comes with Absolute Power, I'd better be grooming my Evil Offspring to take the reins someday. It's better to carefully feed their growing lust for power by gradually increasing Imperial responsibilities than have them plotting my untimely demise.

Murphy's Laws of Combat:

When you've written down several of radio frequencies, the most important ones will be illegible.

Negative expectations yield negative results.

Positive expectations yield negative results.

No matter which way you have to march, it's always uphill.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Everyone lurks now and then. Theron lurks there, he lurks at HPHBH, assorted other places...I lurk, you lurk...

-Sam (...and you need this part for me to continue my description part.)

"Because we all secretly cried when we didn't get out Hogwarts letters."

"Yeah, but then I decided that the owl just got really, really lost."

Like Erol, except loster. has probably spelled Erol wrong"

-Faith, Sam, then Amber

(...The asterisks won't show up. But just in case you think Amber's shift key and grammar went out the window, there's supposed to be there before 'has' and after 'wrong'...)

"-glares- Oh, Honor killed you Faith...If you didn't know. -lights Faith on fire- Sowwy...I'm bored. -disappears-"

"...He killed me? When?"

"Uh...hold on a sec."

-Ily, Faith, then Ily again

Third Place Celebration Thread Thingie! Pheeeeaaaarrrreeee Iiittt...

"Does no one like my title?"

"-raises hand tentively- I do...? Even though I can't understand it...?"

"...You can't understand it...? -stares-"

"It says Fear It, Tor. Start fearing the thread."

"Oh."

-Amber, Me, Sam, Amber, Me, respectively

"whines I wanna talk to Alette."

"gasps Amber?!"

"Uh, no?"

"Oh. For a second, I thought maybe it was you. Silly me.

eyeroll"

"Yes. Silly you, Wings. /playing along"

"grins and laughs Why does everyone forget I'm Ky?"

"Oh, that explains things, 'Ky'...!"

-Amber, Wings, Amber, Wings, Alette, Amber, then Wings

Honor! Can i PLEASE put your Plege of Twilight on my profile, its SO COOL!! PLEASE WITH CHERRYS AND THE WORLD ON TOP?? i really want it!!

"-stare- Do I know this person?"

"Probably not. Otherwise they would be smart enough to ask you properly/be too scared to ask."

"...Gah! Who is this person!?"

-PM I got from MarchenHope, Me, Amber, then Wings

Around Election Day, eight years ago:

Mum: What's the elephant stand for?

Four-year Old Sam: Republicans!

Mum: -swells with pride- And what's the donkey?

Four-year Old Sam: Dominicans!

-Sam

"-hates the name Samson- I once knew a dude called that. Do you know how many snide remarks I got about having a son? In second grade?!"

"...What does that have to do with 'Samson'?"

"Sam...son..."

-Sam, Me, Wings

"Sam...son..."

"...I knew that."

"'Course you did, Ickle Torykins."

"Good, you agree with me."

"snicker"

-Wings, Me, Sam, Me, Wings

"-glares- I jus' wanna know who 'er father is."

"My mind went over evrything else except that for tha-- -screams- BUG! KILLIT!"

"-glares- Make something up, then."

"-whines-

I don't know where it went!"

"-stomps on bug- Stop making excuses."

"No! Really! It came out of the keyboard and and and! It flew. . . Somwhere. -stares around warily-

Uh, the only guy I know on here is the dude and I don't know anyone else except the pest so either him or unknown. You choice. . .

-will continue to look around for bug-"

"That's giving me many options, that is. Thanks."

"Fine! Do you want the dude? Fine, just, fine, he's the -- BUG!!

-headdesk-"

-Sam and Miu, alternating

"Yea, you got a kid! I am a dude in that! Ah screw it, as long as she didn't make 'em gay, I don't give a crap."

"He is straight! For goodness sake!"

"Thank God for that...He better be straight, because if he isn't...him and Tor are gonna have problems, and I don't want my other self hitting on Tor. It'd be weird..."

"It'd be pretty damn funny, though!"

"Yea, funny and weird, but with another self hitting on him, I'm hitting on him...which is creepy..."

"Unless Tor's other self was a girl."

"If Tor's otherself was a girl...Hm..."

-Ily, Miu, Ily, Sam, Ily, Sam, Ily