Author has written 22 stories for Sailor Moon, Maximum Ride, Mai HiME, Naruto, Gilmore Girls, Suite Life series, Twilight, iCarly, Hannah Montana, Grey's Anatomy, South of Nowhere, Kim Possible, and Harry Potter.

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Thebestnameonthesite, reporting for duty. I'm your basic fifteen-year-old genius with the exception that I live in the most retarded place on the planet. I'll give you a hint: it's hot. I'm an aspiring writer with an addiction to anything that can even be interpreted to lesbians and anime. The only exceptions I have are books, which I have been having a long-standing marriage since I was about three, and the television shows Hannah Montana, Grey's Anatomy, which I hate as a series but love the fanfiction, South of Nowhere, and House.

Check out my fictionpress account if you like my fanfiction: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/601282/

And look up Vanessa if you like me so she'll leave me alone, both here: http://tabbi21.deviantart.com/ and here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1872894/Tabbi21

ATTENTION:

It has recently come to my attention that I've got way to much stuff going on. I have everything from challenges to personal stuff that I'm doing for my own pleasure (please no dirty comments) so you'll excuse me as I go on hiatus. I may occasionally find myself writing a chapter, but only if that story is attractive to me at the instant. I have also found that my writing style has changed and I'll have to redo 13 of my previous fanfictions because I find them juvenile and I've yet to finish. Once I get the challenges out of the way, I might be able to write more, but don't bet on anything.

QUOTES OF THOSE STUPID ENOUGH TO FIND ME ENTERTAINING:

#1

"Cahlil, what's your Mom's first name?" - My Mom

"Crystal."- My four year old cousin, Cahlil

"What's her last name then?"- Mom

"Mommy." - Cahlil

#2

"Mommy! My baby ugly!"- Genesis, my niece

"Okay Punkin," - My sister Paris

#3

"Dude!" -Me, in disgust

"You said dude."- Christopher W., laughing

#4

"The only thing I won't eat is hair. Stomachs can't digest hair, but everything except poison, I can eat," -David.

#5

"It's the Andy Milinakis Show. The Shndy Shilinakis show? It's the Andy Milinakis show. Yeah."- Christopher R. He started singing this in the middle of class.

#6

"I'm loopy. I'm loopy. I'm loooopy."- Zephry on the bus.

#7

"I'm playing video games on Mia's forehead!"-Zephry

"I'm beating you."- Me (those go together)

#8

"I'm standing on a toilet bowl, no tissue to wipe my booty. So what do I do? I take it like a man and use my hands. No tissue, no tissue, no tissue. Yeah, yeah. No tissue, no tissue, no tissue." - Collis in Spanish class

#9

"Mush, doggy, mush." -Jesus, David's little brother, while clinging to my bookbag.

#10

"Man, Jesus has that snap! You know how mob bosses can snap their fingers really loud? He can do that! You hear it like a block away. And he's always on the phone with random people in the dead of night." - David

#11

"Alright ladies have a good night. Don't do anything I wouldn't do and if you do make sure to take pictures." - My mom's coworker, Mr. Everett

#12

"C'mon David; you actually believe that only one person invented math? What, it's recorded somewhere in the bible 'And on the eigth day there was math?'" - Mr. Dobson, my sarcastic algebra teacher.

#13

"When the big bang happened guys, God and Ms. Davis, our lovely principal, were still in elementary school, cheating on the spelling test. Barker and Singleton were still in diapers." - Mr. Jarrell, my science teacher.

#14

"For the last time, techno is not a choice! It's a lifestyle!"- Vanessa in gym class

#15

"You're weird. I'm weird when I have candy but you're just plain weird." - Wayne-Ann. Me and Taylor were talking and I said something about the armed forces or whatever and she just said that. It was funny.

#16

"You know what's funny? That in Japan the final episode of Sailor Moon had Sailor Moon and Galactia naked and floating around Earth but not in here."- Me

"Goddammit!" - Latwan hitting the table with his fist after I told him this.

#17

"You, quadruped mammal. Sprechen Sie Englisch?" - Skipper the Penguin

"I sprechen." - Marty

"What continent is this?"- Skipper the Penguin

"Manhattan."-Marty. My favorite part of the movie, Madagascar.

#18

"Get that whore off my radio. What the hell's the matter with you?"- My Mom about Brittney Spears

#19

"Go faster, you bastard!"- My bro, Sam, at the fair.

#20

"Can I borrow your GC CD?"- Taylor

"Will I get it back?"- Me

"Most likely not."-Taylor

"Most likely not, then."-Me (Those four go together)

#21

"It's to late to order fries. It's too late, ay, ay, ay."- Otelnise at BK.

#22

I hate to see you go, but I love to see you walk away. -Maddie in Requited

#23

"Heh, isn't that just like a Wop? Brings a knife to a gunfight. Get outta here you Dago bastard! Go on, get your ass out of here!"- Sean Connery as Jim Malone in The Untouchables.

#24

"Man, your full of- I'd curse but both my mother and your mother are here. Just know your full of it."-My brother Michel to his brother Theo.

#25

"How the hell do you get away with that? You say something sarcastic and you get away with it. I say something sarcastic and I get called home. It's bullshit!"- Otelnise

"I look better than you do. It's a matter of prettiness." - Me

#26

"Hey! No one gets away with jumping Joe Dirt! No one!" - Christopher M.

#27

"It's about that time, right Josh?"- Jahdiel

"Yeah, bout that time."-Josh

"Definitely about that time."-Stern

#28

"Do I have to smile?"- Me

"What else do people do in pictures?"- Tiffany

"I don't know, put up middle fingers and gang-signs?"- Me

#29

"Air bitch-slap on three."- Me to David

#30

"Do you realize how freaking stupid your girlfriend is?"- Me

"Why else do you think we're always kissing? I don't need her to talk."- Devonte, resident pimp.

#31

"Hey, Kassy, want to come to my house tomorrow?"- Jesse when David was flirting with her.

"Dammitt Jesse, stop cockblocking!"- Me and Anthony

#32

"Do you really want to finish that sentence when my foot is less than two inches from your balls?"- Taylor to Jared.

#33

"Take your shirt off! Take it off! Take it off!"-Taylor and Vanessa to Jared.

#34

"Let me guess; you two are talking about lesbians?"-Jared

"Not just any lesbians; teenage English lesbians."-Vanessa

#35

"I had a weird dream last night. He (Jared) was in it."-Vanessa

"Don't your dreams usually involve beautiful women?"-Me

"I know!"-Vanessa

"I was joking!"-Me

(pause) "I wasn't."- Vanessa.

#36

"I'm surprised vampires haven't died of AIDS yet."-Vanessa

#37

"I like green, too."-Vanessa after I give Taylor a dollar

"That's funny. I like beige!"-Taylor as she flashes it.

#38

"I know very touchy people."-Vanessa

"Who, your girlfriend?"-Me, being sarcastic

"WHAT!"- Vanessa, who looks up from her almost nap

#39

"I saw lesbians today."-Vanessa

"Where, in the mirror?"-Me

(Vanessa glares and then looks away)

#40

"Jahziah! Come make-out with me!"-Vanessa

"How many times do I have to tell you 'No!'"-Jahziah

#41

"I'm starting to get the feeling she doesn't want to kiss me."-Vanessa

"I don't think she wants to do anything sexual at all with you."-Me

"Bullshit."-Vanessa

#42

"So you bought her that?"-Vanessa, pointing to Taylor's boostiay.

"It was a Christmas present!"-Jahziah

"So you wanted her naked for your Christmas present?"-Vanessa

"Vanessa!"-Jahziah

"What? You wanted to see her naked, but not me?"-Vanessa

#43

"You do know that you can talk to yourself in your mind, right?"-Me

"No. It hurts."-Vanessa

"It's called thinking."-Me

"Exactly! It hurts."-Vanessa

"Explains your grade in this class."-Jared

#44

"In my next life I want to die as a pocky stick at a cosplay convention between either Sasuke and Naruto or Yorouichi and Soi-Fon."-Vanessa

#45

"No wonder you can never spend any time with me! There's always somebody intruding on our time!"-My cousin Crys to my cousin Tiffany

"My. That's one needy wife, Tiffany."-Me

#46

"What are you guys talking about?"-Wendy to Vanessa and me

"You're to young to hear this."-Vanessa

"I'm older than you!"-Wendy

"Just shut the fuck up."-Vanessa

#47

"Jahziah. We need to take a break."-Vanessa with Taylor in her lap.

"We were never together!"-Jahziah

"Bull!"-Vanessa

#48

"You have to many women in your life."-Me

"Shut up."-Vanessa

"Or is their no such thing as to many women?"-Me

"(long pause) Shut up."-Vanessa

#49

"What's R?"-Ms. Trice, the geometry teacher

"R?"-Me

"Yeah, in the book."-Ms. Trice

"A letter."-Me and Vanessa at the same time

#50

"Whose your favorite teacher?"-Vanessa

"Ms. Johnson."-Jared

"I said favorite, not hottest."-Vanessa

"That's actually true."-Me

"Shut up. Your done talking, just shut up."-Vanessa

#51

"Wow, Kayla your ringtone couldn't be any gayer."-Vanessa

"You couldn't be any gayer!"-Kayla

"(Pause) Yes, I can."-Vanessa

#52

"Asians named Jared suck and not in a good way."-Taylor

#53

"See, you do want to see me naked!"-Vanessa

"No. But maybe she does." - Jahziah about Taylor

"I'm down for whatever."-Taylor

#54

"Your arm says 'Genius at Work'."-Me

"I know."-Vanessa

"Shouldn't it say 'Idiot Doing Nothing?'"-Me

#55

"You think backwards. Sex makes you think of abstinence. Abstinence makes you think of sex. What do lesbians make you think of, gay guys?"-Me

"Hot! Wait, what?"-Vanessa

#56

"The highlight of my day is when I hook up in the bathroom with your mom. I-I mean, in my dreams, yeah, that's what I said."-Taylor

#57

"There are three things that make you American: Oreo cookies, Burger King, and apple pie."-Jahdiel

"I agree. You can never go wrong with apple pie. Even bad apple pie is good apple pie and that is what America is based on."-Me

"That and killing people because we're that badass. What? I had to say something."-Josh

#58

'"And there have been instances where some have overdosed on Viagra."'-News

"How do you overdose on Viagra? You deserve to die. 'Oh, yeah honey I'm coming- Oh, Jesus call 911! I'm having the big one!'"-Me

#59

"NINJA!"- Joshua jumping on the table.

#60

"Your dog is retarded. She just looks at the Frisbee and watches it go past her."- Me to Tiffany

#61

"I lost that paper I had of quotes and I can't remember anything about it."-Me

"Me neither. It was something about lesbians."-Vanessa

"Isn't it always with you around?"-Me

#62

"Jahziah is ancient Hebrew for 'Giant Boobs On Small Body.'"- Joshua

#63

"I had the best dream last night."- Vanessa

"Women?"-Me

"Basically."- Vanessa

#64

"2 paragraphs minimum."-Ms. Durrant

"Minimum?"-Josh

"I'm becoming a minimalist."-Me

"Ditto."-Josh

#65

"That test wasn't nice. The questions were all random."- Funsized Brianna

"The computer did it."-Me

"The computer isn't nice. The computer can suck my balls."-Funsized Brianna

#66

"You know, when you see an actress and your like, 'Man, she's hot?' And you have all these thoughts about her and you think she's super sexy, right? That happened to me but then she did the unthinkable: she spoke. And I have never been the same."-Me

#67

"Why don't you make her look like Edward Cullen?"- Me

"No one deserves that."-Taylor

#68

"Hey, I just bought that messenger bag at A&F too!"-Melanie

"Awesome. (under breath) Like I give a fuck."-Me

"You are so rude."- Vanessa

#69

"Hi."-Anika

"Hi."- Me

"Hi."-Anika

"Hi."- Me

"What the fuck, you two bonding or some shit?"- Ms. Johnson, Mom's Co-Worker

#70

"My hat smells fruity."- Brittany

"It's just like you!" Jessie

#71

"I think it's impossible for a straight kid to skip."- Me

"I can."- Vanessa

"I knew it!"- Alyssa when I told her this.

#72

"I don't believe gays should marry. Why do they have to be as miserable as the rest of us?"- Peter Griffin on Family Guy

#73

"Josh, you are a fatass." - Arley

"What? Because I like to eat?"- Josh

"No. Because you don't eat when your hungry."-Me

"It takes the pleasure away."-Josh

#74

"Sex is powerful but not that powerful. Wars may have been fought because of a hot ass, but novels have been burned for sucking."- Me to Vanessa

#75

"My bookbag smells like strawberries and razors." - Vanessa

#76

"My dad's an asshole. He says he goes to work but all he does is sit on the couch and watch TV or he's on the internet." - David

"I want that job." - Me

"Me too." - Jessie

#77

"Your girlfriend's named what?"- Arley

"Wooki."- Harlan

"You mean that ugly, hairy Sasquatch thing from Star Wars?"- Josh

"That's his mother."- Christopher W.

"Nothing to say?"- Taylor to me

"I'm stuck on the fact that someone actually wants to date him."- Me

#78

"I can't believe you! You gave me ADD! I can't focus!" - Me to Jessie

#79

"I hate Twilight." - Me

"The hell is wrong with you? I loved it. Did you watch the movie?" - Devon

"Yeah, and I read all the books." - Me

"Why'd you do that if you hated it?" - Devon

"I was hoping it'd get better as time went on but I was sorely mistaken. I never thought all my braincells could simultaneously want to commit seppuku." - Me

#80

"It's not that I'm ashamed to cry, per se. It's that... Actually, yes." - Me to Michel

#81

"What're you singing?" - Mom

"Date Rape by Sublime." - Me

"If you weren't going to Hell before this, you're going now." - Mom

#82

"Damn, that was cold as hell. Just cut me deep, shit." - Jermal to me

#83

"Get his ass!"- Devon S.

#84

"You see, I have an inner white-girl, an inner gangster, and an inner gay guy." - Jermal

"The inner gay is strongest, huh?" - Me

"What?" - Jermal

"Nothing." - Me

#85

"OMG, would you two shut the fuck up?"- Kassandra

"Did she just tell us to shut up?" - Taylor

"I think she did." - Me

"Bitch!" - Me and Taylor

#86

"You know what? For all the copying you've let me do over the years, I give you Kassandra." - Taylor

"I'm not a pet." - Kassy

"What happens if I don't want her?" - Me

"Um, guys, right here." - Kassy

"Look, take her or leave her." - Taylor

"Fuck you guys." - Kassy

"Alright, alright, I'll take her. You could be a salesman." - Me

#87

"Hey, sweetheart, can I get some more coffee?" - Jermal

"You realize you just called him 'sweetheart', right?" - Me

"Fuck it. He's probably into shit like that." - Jermal

#88

"Shut up before I make you talk to the concrete." - Aliyah

"Hey, even I'm not that stupid." - Taylor

#89

"You stabbed a guy! David was crying!" - Taylor

"That's cause he's a pussy." - Me

#90

“Ariel's sister was hot.” - Taylor

“Did she look like you?” - Me

“No, she was blonde with big-hair and this really dark tan.” - Taylor

“How the Hell do you get a tan underwater?” - Me

#91

"A farmer sells coconuts and chickens on the side of the road. One day a woman asks if he has any fruit. He tells her, "Hold my cock and pullet, so I can turn my ass around and show you my nuts.""- Uncle Chris

"We're all going to Hell." - Me, laughing.

#92

"Jerome, want to here a joke?" - Me

"No." - Jerome

"A farmer sells coconuts and chickens on the side of the road. One day a woman asks if he has any fruit. He tells her, "Hold my cock and pullet, so I can turn my ass around and show you my nuts.""- Me

"All of you are going to Hell." - Jerome

"That's what I said! We are related!" - Me

#93

"'I wanna fuck you like an animal.'" - The song Closer, on my computer

"Jesus Christ, this is why no one bothers to listen to your iPod?" - Dante, my cousin

#94

"Why are you dating Daniel?" - Me

"He's like a male-version of me with less sexiness and you know I'm narcissistic." - Taylor

"Then why do you deny it?" - Me

"He plays the clarinet in the school band; what, you want us to skip down the halls?" - Taylor (She didn't say this but I'm psychic when it comes to her.)

#95

"What are you getting me for my birthday?" - Me

"You know, my birthday's soon too." - Mom

"Yeah, but your old. No one cares anymore." - Me

#96

"Your mother doesn't look like she could be your mother." - Taylor

"You've never seen my mom." - Me

"I did, at the movies." - Taylor

"That was my sister." - Me

"No, she had the nice haircut. Your mom was hot; she doesn't look almost fifty. I'd so do her." - Taylor

"Oh God, now I need to block out these last few minutes of our conversation." - Me

#97

"Ryoubaka." - Me

"What's that mean?" - Taylor

"It's supposed to be Japanese for 'asshole', but I'm not sure." - Me

"Like I care. Hey, Ashley! Ryoubaka, ryoubaka, ryoubaka! Hey, you, with the hat! Giganto ryoubaka!" - Taylor

#98

"It's perfectly fine for me to be obnoxious; I'm Cuban. Hey you, with the hair! Move your fucking ass!" - Ahmed

#99

"I'm sorry I forgot your birthday. Tomorrow I'm going to steal all of Michael's Lunchables and give them to you." - Taylor

"That's so nice of you. If I had a baby brother, I'd steal his Lunchables for you too." - Me

#100

"Who else has noticed that roaches have become gangsters? I swear, I tried to sweep one out my room, it made some kind of gang-sign and attacked." - Ms. Dino, my English 1 teacher.

# 101

“I'M TELLING YOU THAT I GO TO THE SAME BUILDING AS YOU!” - Ronald

“THAT'S AWESOME!” - Ahmed

“WHY ARE YOU TWO YELLING?” - Me

“NO REASON! YOU WANT TO JOIN IN THE RANDOMNESS!” - Ahmed

“SURE!” - Me

“HI, I'M RONALD, BETTER KNOWN AS 'THAT ONE GUY!'” - Ronald

“HI, I'M (INSERT MY NAME), BETTER KNOWN AS 'THAT KID THAT NEVER SHUTS UP' AND 'TAYLOR'S LESS OBNOXIOUS FRIEND!” - Me

“NICE MEETING YOU!” - Ronald

“YOU TOO!” - Me

“SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES FOR DOING THIS!” - Random Kid

“OUR WORK IS DONE!” - Ahmed

“YEAH, IT NORMALLY TAKES LONGER THAN THIS!” - Me

# 102

“Damn, you guys are musty!” - Daniel T.

“What do you smell like when you run around after a ball in the hot sun?” - Janitor

“Uh, flowers.” - Daniel T.

# 103

“We're watching a parody of the Spanish Inquisition today for the last thirty minutes of class. It's very entertaining and I'm sure you guys will like it.” - Mr. Backs, my world history teacher

“'What is this, the bloody Spanish Inquisition?' 'No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!'” - Me

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” - Mr. Backs

# 104

“I only read and write lesbian fan-fiction.” - Me

“Why?” - Ahmed

“Because by the time I'm threw sorting through piles of total crap, I'm to frustrated to read the straight ones and, the gay porn makes my tummy hurt, and whenever I read a book that's been publicized recently it makes me want to listen to my six-year-old cousin rattle on about super-heroes that have evil twin cops that molest animals.” - Me

“That's not as random as all the other bull you say, but what about writing?” - Ahmed

“Everyone ends up acting like a girl any ways, so why not?” - Me

# 105

“Look at my buddy, kicking ass at billiards!” - Me

“Shut up! Your distracting me from actually hitting the stupid thing!” - Taylor

(She ends up scratching.)

“Fuck! This is all your fault!” - Taylor to me

“Want a hug?” - Me

“I don't want your damn hug! Your germs are gonna get on me and then I'm gonna end up losing pathetically bad instead of just seriously bad!” - Taylor

# 106

“Gays are going to Hell and that's the end of it. Now, excuse me as I go flirt with Marica and make her feel uncomfortable.” - Jade G.

(A few seconds after she leaves.)

“That girl is suppressing something.” - Me

“Hell yeah.” - Taylor

“Want another slice of pizza?” - Me

“Hell yeah.” - Taylor

# 107

“Ms. Walker, just take it! I'm going to cry, just take it and give me an A!” -Taylor

“No. It's not worth an A yet, so keep doing it.” - Ms. Walker

(Taylor flops in seat and cries on my shoulder)

“Normally it's the other way around, right?” - Me

“Yes, it's normally the other way around. Teachers have fucking retired and gone crazy because of me, and with you, and this evil bitch goes and makes me cry.” - Taylor

“Want to egg her car at the end of the year?” - Me

“Yes! Oh, my God, I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” - Taylor

# 108

“Spell 'United States of America,' Mr. A-student.” - Me

“U dot, S dot, A.” - Cahlil (That's pretty accurate for a six-year-old.)

# 109

“Taylor, baby. I missed you this morning. And I think I left my bra at your house.” - Jade G.

(And she wonders why we think she's a lesbian.)

# 110

“Turn the damn page!” - Me

“I'm supposed to be the random one.” - Ahmed

“Is that the balance of our relationship? I'm quiet and your random?” - Me

“There is no balance. We're both random, I'm just supposed to be the random one.” - Ahmed

“If I gave you both random F's what would you?” - Mr. Backs

“Randomly cry out, 'Infidels!'” - Ahmed

“I'd just randomly cry.” - Me

# 111 (I'm 1/6th evil today!)

“So you use the numbers 32, 51, 98-” Ms. Walker

“Eleventy three.” - Taylor

“What's eleventy three?” - Alden

“It's thirty-three, because it's 11 y 3 and the y is 'and' in Spanish, which means you multiply.” - Me

“No, it's not! I thought you knew.” - Taylor

“Shh. I'm tricking them.” - Me

“Oh, okay.” - Taylor

“You guys realize you can't whisper, right?” - Alexander

“Shut the hell up. Your ruining the vibe.” - Me

# 112

“You so killed the vibe. Your like, like-” Daniel T.

“A vibe killer?” - Me

“No! Your Green Day to my Linkin Park.” - Daniel T.

“Oh, yeah? Your 'Oh Montreal' to my 'Panic at the Disco'!” - Me

“That lead singer's sexy.” - Adderly

“Then your Panic at the Disco to my Fall Out Boy.” - Daniel T.

“Pete Wentz is sexy.” - Adderly

“He wears eye-liner.” - Daniel T.

“Well, he makes it work!” - Adderly

“If your 'Fall Out Boy,' I'm 'Killswitch Engage.'” - Me

“What?” - Daniel T.

“Exactly!” - Me

“Ustedes finito trabajes?” - Ms. Garcia, my Algebra 2 teacher who teaches me more Spanish than anything else.

“Si. Don't know about el stupido diaz graders though.” - Me

# 113

“You write fanfiction, too?” - Me

“Yeah, if I can get another account.” - Jermal

“Why'd they delete you?” - Me

“I'll freely admit it to you. I'm a smut writer. I'd get, like, a hundred reviews and then some a-hole would report me because I didn't respond to their review. That, and, I don't like authority. Or rules. Or regulations on stories. It's a rated M for a reason, dude.” - Jermal

# 114

“Mr. Backs, leave (insert my gender) alone. This is my partner in crime.” - James G., Jade G.'s older brother (Don't tell her, but he's so much cooler.) “Should I be worried?” - Mr. Backs

“Yes, be afraid. We know where you live and I think Ahmed's with us on burning this bitch down.” - Me

#115

“With all the cooking I do here, I feel like I have three husbands.” - Mom

“I came out of you.” - Me

“I did try to marry you.” - Dad

“I do.” - Tiffany

#116

“Mom, my laptop's growling at me. I don't think it likes gospel songs.” - Me

“That's a Goddamn shame; the computer's a nihilist like it's owner.” - Mom

#117
“What's Cahlil plus Cahlil?” - Cahlil
“Twice the loving.” - Me
“Twice the loving?” - Cahlil
“Yeah, McLuvin.” - Me
“How is it McLuvin?” - Cahlil
“Superbad.” - Me
“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil
“McLuvin.” - Me
“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil
“McLuvin.” - Me
“McLuvin?” - Cahlil
“Superbad.” - Me
(He tackles me and tries to sit on me. I grab him and hold him upside down.)
“McLuvin.” - Me
“How is it Superbad!” - Cahlil
“Cahlil shut up before you get a pow-pow!” - Mom
“Haha, I win.” - Me
(Put him down.)
“Win what?” - Cahlil
“Superbad.” - Me
“How is it Superbad!” - Cahlil
“Cahlil!” - Mom
“Sorry, Auntie!” - Cahlil
“(My name)!” - Mom
“What, woman?” - Me
“Stop antagonizing that boy!” - Mom
“Superbad!” - Me
“What's Superbad?” - Mom
“McLuvin!” - Me
“Mc-what? Is it a new McDonald's thing?” - Mom
“I am McLuvin!” - Me
“Mc-shut the hell up!” - Mom
“What's all the yelling about?” - Jerome
“What's Superbad?” - Cahlil
“I am... McLuvin.” - Jerome
“Haha, I win.” - Me (Yes, this entire thing happened.)
#118
“Look at my new helmet, Auntie!” - Cahlil with a bucket on his head
“(My name)! Stop being an asshole and take that off his head!” - Mom
“Hey, this time it wasn't my fault! Jeez, shove his head in a sandbox once and suddenly you're a bad guy.” - Me (I didn't put it on him this time. I just made him leave the house like that.)
#119
“Do you have to eat like that?” - Me
“Like what?” - Jermal
“Do you have to make moans and stuff when you eat sausages and pancakes?” - Me
“Yes, I do. Breakfast for me is like sex. You look for something good. You find one and grab one. You don't just stab it though; seduce it and make it want you. Then you cover it in syrup and chomp, never to let it be seen again.” - Jermal
“Why are you right?” - Random Girl at a different table
“Somehow I was expecting something less... graphic. It was less about sex and more about how serial rapists work.” - Me
#120
“Rawr, mom.” - Me
“What?” - Mom
“Rawr.” - Me
“What does 'rawr' mean?” - Mom
“Rawr.” - Me
“I'm telling you, I don't know what 'rawr' means. I speak English and Spanish, none of that other modern shit like 'rabbitese' and 'doggish' or whatever the hell it is.” - Mom
“It's dinosaur and it means 'I love you.'” - Me
“Alright. Ditto.” - Mom
“Rawr.” - Me
“Use your words. You have them for a reason.” - Mom
“Still. Rawr.” - Me
“Go to Hell.” - Mom
(A few seconds later)
“Rawr, Auntie!” - Cahlil
“Ah, the hell with all of you!” - Mom

FROM CATCH-22:

#1

"He was polite to his elders, who disliked him. Whatever his elders told him to do, he did. They told him to look before he leaped, and he always looked before he leaped. They told him never to put off until the next day what he could do the day before, and he never did. He was told to honor his father and his mother, and he honored his father and his mother. He was told that he should not kill, and he did not kill, until he got into the Army. Then he was told to kill, and he killed. He always turned the other cheek on every occasion and always did unto others exactly as he would have had others do unto him. When he gave to charity, his left hand never knew what his right hand was doing. He never took the name of the Lord his God in vain, committed adultery or coveted his neighbor's ass. In fact, he loved his neighbor and never even bore false witness against him. Major Major's elders disliked him because he was such a flagrant nonconformist."

#2

"The chaplain had mastered, in a moment of divine intuition, the handy technique of protective rationalization, and he was exhilarated by his discovery. It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character."- This is my all time favorite quote.

#3

"He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all." - Catch-22, chapter 41, Yossarian's point of view.

Antigravity:

“She takes things from people,” the blonde mused quietly, more as if she meant to say it in her head.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged me off. “You must be pretty special.”

“I’m not,” I replied stiffly, and asked although I knew the answer wasn’t something I would want to hear. “Why did she take you back last night?”

“She didn’t realize who I was until this morning.”

That’s how far she got with her flippant tone before my fist found her jaw. But this definitely wasn’t a movie, and I wasn’t the prince in some twisted fairytale. She grimaced, I doubled over squeezing my knuckles. The throbbing in my hand didn’t stop even as she stopped rubbing her jaw, and I realized that I couldn’t do anything to her if I wanted to.

I wasn’t like Ashley. Wasn’t athletic, wasn’t brave, wasn’t a fighter. It wasn't my duty, running blindly after this girl that had hurt Ashley on a white horse I couldn't ride. It was something Ashley would and could do, not me. I was still, up till now, the gullible best friend with kind words and open arms.

My Life In Blue, a Webcomic:

"It's just that... I'd like to think my growing up in the South at least made me a gentlemen. "Don't fight retards, womenfolk, or queers, 'cause they can't rightly defend themselves." My dad used to say that." - Marius

"Something tells me your parents don't know you're a transsexual." - Alex

"I send a Christmas card to Georgia every year from their dear daughter, and that's enough for them." - Marius

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory:

"Everything in this room is edible. Even I am edible. But that my dear children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies." - Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka

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Future Planned Stories:

As Fools Only Do:

Ami is a nineteen-year-old college graduate who discovers the wonderful world of art through her estranged father. As such, she falls for the best artist of the century, if not ever, Michiru Kaioh. She attempts to compete for her love against her lover of many years, and the best pianist, Haruka Tenoh. Ami also finds that her best friends, Rei and Minako, are in a relationship, although they are not in love. Rei has sights only for Usagi, happily married to Mamoru and pregnant, while Minako loves Ami herself.

Hotaru's an intern at the hospital and assists on Usagi's prenatal care only to find herself waiting in anticipation for the baby to be born. Her 'mother' Setsuna attempts to guide them but is thrown for a loop when Makoto, Rei's cousin, admits to being attracted to her on the night of the brunette's engagement to Mamoru's friend, Motoki. Luna is Ami's cat, genetically modified and talking, tries to help but can't even get her relationship with Artemis, an escaped cat from the government, right. And so they revolve around each other, like ships in the night, as fools only do.

Seulement Toi:

Rei's gaining memories of the Silver Millenium, only to find that Mars and Serenity were far closer than the cats disclosed. Usagi is happy with Mamoru but discovers that her love for Rei is more than friendly and it pains her to be separated from the raven-haired beauty. It physically pains her and an examination at the hospital finds that Usagi's terminal with a never before seen illness. And when a donation comes in to the shrine it's signed: "Seulement Toi." In progress now

Baby On Board: (Title Pending)

Exactly how is Ami supposed to handle the newest addition to her life? A bouncing baby brat is thrown on her doorstep and he looks like her, scarily enough. Just as she's forming a tenacious relationship with him, his mother shows up, a street urchin named Hotaru, and she's found that she cannot separate from mother or child. But how is this supposed to look from the point of the father who finds that an eighteen-year-old is taking better care of them than he ever has? Everyone but Ami knows one thing: this cannot end well.

Sweet Little Child:

Ashley never miscarried. She had her son, Asher Jacob Davies, and her father bought her a house. Less than a year later a girl has moved in with her family to a small house that didn't exactly fit into the beach mansions the same way she did not fit in. To top it all off this girl seems to see something in both mother and child that no one else has ever seen: hope. Perhaps she can touch what no one else has within Ashley. But how is Ashley to get involved when her life is more than just her now, when all the focus is on someone else's needs? Specifically her beautiful son's.

The Devil Within:

To most Hell is a place of eternal torment and unbelievable pain. To Shego, it's home and she's bored. When her boredom gets to be to much she talks to her father and they set up a bet with God; if Shego is able to get one person to come to Hell willingly, the ultimate battle can commence. But if this is all just good, dirty, fun, why is Shego getting attached to her conquest, a college student named Kim?

Angel Residing By The Yellow Brick Road:

Willow Rosenberg is increasingly distanced from her peers and it seems that nothing can go any worse. She's unpopular, and no one can stand to be around her for long periods of time. When the new school year starts, the new, popular Buffy seems interested in Willow, who can only marvel at her. When they go out one day, Buffy saves them from certain death and tells Willow her secret: she's an agent for the Powers That Be and sent to destroy the illicit children between the supreme beings and mortals. On top of that, she has the sinking suspicion that Willow is more than meets the eye...

Singing To A Song You Don't Know:

In an alternative dimension the Starlights are still searching for 'Princess Kakyuu', in reality a girl they met on the internet and promised to sing for, but have no idea what to sing about. Hence, the enlistment of the only other true genius they know: Ami! With the use of her studio and lyrics, they start the search. There's only one question: Will Kakyuu come out for them or fall in love with the person that writes them?

(Untitled For Now):

Willow is a lonely teenager whose friends leave over the summer. She reads a spell aloud from a book one day and accidentally summons a demon. This demon is Tara Maclay, a painfully shy girl that has a crush on Willow. The two of them bond tightly and the spell makes it impossible for them to be more than twenty feet away and grants them telepathy with one another. When her friends come back will the bond be severed? Or will Willow gather the strength to fight for her beliefs?

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Parting Shots:

I really don't think anyone cares what I put on this except to see how bad my sense of humor is. Those of you that read this have no life but I applaud you for getting this far. I also advise you to shoot your brains out if you think that this is either entertaining or informational.