Kinky as a cheap garden hose.

Hey, this is Auburn Envy and here's some stuff about me...

Name: You can call me June or Auburn

Age: 15

Eye color: Brown

Height: 5'8

Hair: Auburn

About Me: OMG I'm alive!! Ever had really bad writer's block that makes you fall off the face of the earth? Yeah, its kind of like the swine flu without the yellow skin and getting sick. Anyways, my life has changed...

1. My mom's boyfriend died (R.I.P D.L.P)

2. I'm going to public school (sign one of the apocalypse)

3. And I'm updating all my stories!!

So stay tuned and watch as all your favorite stories start popping up again:D

ALERT: I'll be updating all my stories and also writing the stories in the genres you earlier requested, including Twilight, Maximum Ride, Vampires and many others. These will be appearing in the next few weeks (I am in school)so be patient and you'll get all the chapters you can handle ;)

Copy and Paste: Because the Devil Wears Prada made me...

Okay People

Almost every girl in the 13-17 age range absolutely loves Edward Cullen, and almost every girl wants an Edward Cullen of her own. So for all you guys out there...

How To Be An Edward Cullen

1. Wear Sparkly Body Lotion.

2. Dye Your Hair Strange Colours In The Following Shades Of Brown, Bronze & Gold.

3. Gel It In A Strange Form, With Random Bits & Pieces Sticking Out Everywhere.

4. Buy Gold, Amber, Dark Brown, Emerald, Topaz & Black Contact Lenses & Change It Regularly.

5. Stalk The Girl You Like.

6. Climb Up Her Bedroom Window(Don't Forget To Bring Oil, Just Incase It Jams) While She Sleeps.

7. Get A Perverted Satisfaction If/When She Says Your Name In Her Sleep.

8. Have Strange Mood Swings (Or Be Bipolar whichever is easier for you)

9. Be Impossibly Protective Of Her.

10. Tell Her You're A Killer, But You Can't Stay Away From Her.

11. Tell Her She Is Like An Illegal SubstanceTo You, Preferrably Something Like Heroin, Which Dulls The SensesAnd Intoxicates The BodyWith Poison. (She'll Love That)

12. Make Her Faint When You Kiss Her.

13. Look At Her In A Way She Gets Temporary Amnesia.

14. Drive Like A Maniac.

15. Dump Her. (It's For The Best) Then Go Commit Suicide Whenever She Tries To Do Any Recreational Sports (God Forbid She Play Ping Pong)

So, If Whenever You See A Team Edward T-Shirt, An I Like Boys Who Sparkle, Or An I Kissed A Vampire & I Liked It T-Shirt, Or Even A Forget Princess, I Want To Be A Vampire T-Shirt, And Wanted ToSet It On Fire, Dance On Its Ashes, Then Blow It All Away Into The Skies. Join The Stalker Vampires ARE CreepyGroup, Copy & Paste This Into Your Profile And Add Your Name To The List. dusk3ttex01, ImaginativeRainbowPenguin, AuburnEnvy

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I LIKE GRAFFITI so I MUST be a vandal.
I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY so I MUST be a hillbilly, country-music-loving redneck hick.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one". (haha I would hope I didn't)
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. (that's not conceited...)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. (but I am...not)
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I DRESS UP so I MUST be preppy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I MUST be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I LISTEN TO SCREAM MUSIC so I MUST be emo.
I'm ON THE COMPUTER A LOT so I MUST be a geek.
I'm SMART so I MUST be a nerd.
I like DRESSING UP so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I LOVE THE SUN so I MUST be tan.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (but I do...).
I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a REDHEAD so I MUST be angry.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (I wish...)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MUST be a HOMOPHOBE.
I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love SLASH, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo's.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around.
I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I'm PALE so I MUST be an indoor couch-potato geek
I like to RUN so I MUST be a sporty machoist.
I'm PROUD OF WHO I AM so I MUST be vain.
I think I'm BEAUTIFUL so I MUST be stuck-up.
I TALK A LOT so I MUST be preppy.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I like FIRE so I MUST be an arsonist.(hehehe)
I'm a CUTTER so I MUST want to commit SUICIDE.
I have been to THERAPY so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a REDHEAD so I MUST be angry.
I'm PALE so I MUST be albino.(like I said, I wish...)
I have been ABUSED, so I MUST be an abuser.

I'm a BITCH, so I MUST ALWAYS want to fight. (only most of the time)