Back to Before

So, WASSUP, PEOPLES?! I know, I know, I kind of lead some of you on about me updating Nature's Body faster than the other ones, but give me time, fools! My mind has jump-started the story process again, overloading me with too many plotlines! It's gotten to the point where I conveniently merged two storylines together just because the plotline started making sense!

And every respectable author knows not to let that happen, so if you have anything bad to say about The Saint Cometh whenever I get around to posting it that concerns intersecting plots, shove it where the sun don't shine! And yes, that means down your throat or in your ear! So many perverts think I mean something else when I say that, so that's why I had to spell it out for ya! NYAAA!!

In other news, it's one of my big bro's birthday this month (yes, just like EVERYONE else), so that damn e-card better not be blocked by spam filters, cuz if it is... I will be pissed, and there will not be blood.

Isn't it interesting how today's culture has de... degress... er... decomposed (?) to the point where everyone and their mum has a laptop instead of a gun? I mean, yeah, most people still have guns and the like, but that's mostly the people that don't have laptops. And the ones that have both are the most violent, has anyone noticed that?

Why has today's culture begun revolving around the media and this Information Superhighway that is the Internet? I mean, sure people go out sometime (or at least, they did the last time I was anywhere near civilization), but it's not as fun for some as it is for others. Once upon a time a relative of mine told me over the phone that I scare people into silence with a look. Now, I've never been near a mirror whenever this look happened to cross my face, but for whatever reason, some punk-ass people decide to either ask me "What the fuck is wrong with you?" or "You don't scare me, you little bitch."

Besides the fact that I am not a female dog (a male dog/wolf/human, to be precise), I don't seem to recall having asked those specific people if I scared them or not, and in the case of the former, I was usually just staring off into space whenever said person asked me if I was okay.

My point is that whenever I ask those people what the hell they're talking about, they say I've just got this look on my face. Once I asked someone I know if it looked like I wanted to blow something up or some crazy shit like that. I was joking, of course, at the time.

She said that was exactly how I looked.

Now, it may come as a surprise to those of you who actually give a shit, but the sad thing was I was just thinking during those times... imagine if I actually was mad about something... no lie, I'm completely serious about this shit. And no, I don't mean just like EVERYONE ELSE that lies on the web, I mean serious enough to the point of depression... and happiness, but mostly depression... Ah, screw it, I'm happy, OKAY?! God, you people have no idea how frustrating it is... ON WITH THE SHOW!!

La Ranta Funnies

"Unique" is just a nice way of saying that you're just like everyone else.

The news is where the people say "Good morning" or "Good evening," then tell you why it isn't one.

"Life" is the thing that happens between birth and Death. "Death" is the thing that most people fear, some people glorify, and some people just don't care about.

"S/he is in a better place now." That's what we tell ourselves when loved ones pass on. The thing is, we can't hear those loved ones' spirits when they say "What the hell? I thought I was supposed to be dead! Why am I still stuck with these people?!"

"Awkward" is the word some people use to describe a stupid-funny event. The true definition of awkward is when you know someone is about to get their ass beat by everyone else in the room, but it's going to be the person who knows it, and blinks first. That's why no one says a word during those moments. And those are the moments where, when some dumbass shouts "FRIED ICE CREAM IS COMING!!"... I'll be there.

Some say eyes are the window to the soul. Others say that the soul can be captured in the film of a camera. I'm the stupid person who acts violated and shouts "Stop looking at my soul, you PERV!!"

It is simply astounding how many love stories have the phrase "You belong with/to me." It is simply stupid how many of said stories have the person that phrase is said to practically faint at the emotion in the first person's words.

"Superstition" is the phrase that describes half of the world's population today; it means fierce belief in a rumor. Nobody has stopped to wonder why the word "super" stays at the beginning of that word, or what "stition" by itself could possibly mean.

Being a dick is not hard; all you have to do is act like you are.

Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye when the stripper took her top off in the next room over?

A: Get out of the way, I wanna see this! (How is this funny?!)

A blonde walked into a bar... what do you mean "Where's the punchline," that's it!

Flying is easy. All you have to do is jump off a building and hope to hell that you miss the ground. If you don't... well, you're flying out of your body if you don't miss the ground, so that's good... I think?

One night, a thief broke into a house. The second he got in, he heard somebody scream "Jesus is watching!" Turning around, he saw nobody there when he looked. Passing it off as him just hearing things, he made it to the next room, where he heard it again. "Jesus is watching!" Looking around again, he saw a parrot next to the door he'd just come through. After a minute of staring at the bird, he heard it again. "Jesus is watching!" It was the parrot talking to him. His friends had always told him that he had a way with animals, and knowing that whoever lived here wasn't home at the moment if they hadn't come for him yet, he marched over to the bird and asked, "What idiot taught you to say that?" The parrot replied "The same idiot who would name a pit bull Jesus."

Living on the edge is a very dangerous experience, but not just because it's hazardous to your helath; you never know when some moron might just push you over.

Stretching the truth too much and being found out is like what happens when you tell the Joker that he's not funny; whatever happens, it's bad for ya.

If you think you're "hot stuff" now, wait till you get into prison.

What happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas, it gets posted online. Then it's all fun and games until somebody commits suicide or somebody gets sued. Then it's still fun and games once people forget just who the fuck this all happened to.

(For those of you who don't get this phrase, I'm gonna be a douche and explain it; all you have to do is act like you're hard, and you are officially a dick :P)

A Totally Un-Serious Service Announcement

It has recently come to my attention, you people who actually bother checking out my profile (you know who you are... I'm staring right at you!) - and yes, I do mean my own attention, not the deranged ramblings of some pissed-off mod- that I might have scared/ticked some of you off with the rant far below. I doubt I will take said rant down for the time being, for people still need to know about this stuff. However, seeing as I am not the kind of person to hold that much of a grudge (I try, really I try, I just can't do it!), so until I actually get around to go hunting for what bastards or bitches actually indulge in this stuff, I believe I will take some wise advice and shut my freaking pie-hole on the matter. Why now, you may ask?

Well, it's not like violent, stalker-esque behavior is going to get me out of this bleeping asylum anytime soon, now, is it? Yeah, that's what I thought. I suppose my "new world order" will just have to wait for the time being... (sigh)

On that note, it gives me much more time to NOT BE SERIOUS!! YAY!! Even better, seeing as my visiting hours have been adapted to my own personal... agenda (! that's what I was looking for!), no more visits from those maniacs I call my friends, due to some first-class hacking by moi! Yes, I know, usually that would be a bad thing, right? Well, it was necessary if Re-re didn't want to face a "not-nearly-medicated-enough" me. Ahhh, good memories, good times... which reminds me.

How the heck does this country not notice a freaking hybrid (pick me! pick me!) living amongst them? It's like a "Where's Waldo," except I look cool wearing glasses and the red-and-white pattern just... doesn't work for me. I mean, seriously, I thought this was the Land of Opportunity, not the Land of Obliviousness. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm not completely sure if "obliviousness" is an actual word, so my personal meaning for it is "the active tense of oblivious." Didn't know I had such an adaptable vocabulary, didja? Well there ya go.

SO, just because I do not know the true... er... components (! that's what I was looking for!) of a blog, I might just start up one on my profile. I know; terrifying thought, huh? You have no idea...

On that note, life here in the ward is pretty much business as usual. Turns out this is more of a school for "mentally deranged" (quote on quote) people that are considered "menaces to society." Except, you know, in that way it's more of a Hotel California; You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!

Dear god, what did I ever do to deserve this? I mean sure, the food here is g-g-g-great (!), and the people are just pedantic enough to be good politicians if they put their minds to it (I fear for this country's future if these people get out, really I do), and the Open Mic Night is borderline hilarious, and the Internet connection enables access to "top secret" government files (not all they're cracked up to be, no), and the beds are made in heaven, and the wardrobe options are killin', and the cable channels are tee-riffic, honeys are s-s-s-mokin' (!) and the natural surroundings are quite tranquil, but really...

What did I do to deserve this?!

... Huh. Now that I look back on all the features and good things about this place, I understand how you might have been mislead to believe I was honestly disappointed with this place. Looks like I fooled you once; shame on you.Back to the rant, though.

It's not like I'm complaining or anything, Kami, sir (or madam), or even asking you to spontaneously take all this away from me, no! I mean, this is the sweet life, for real! I got a girl -or at least, had one. She asked me if I wanted to go with her (as in "go with," yes(not that way, perverts)) sometime last week, seen her rarely since, saw her today and asked if we still go together and get this? She says her aunt told her that she couldn't handle a boyfriend! However, being the clever bastard I am, I read in between the lines and found that she didn't technically dump me (wouldn't even say it out loud, even though I pestered the hell out of her with "So is that a yes or no?"), so there! Whoo, score one for the home team!

Anyway, as I was saying, I got a girl -however stable the relationships turns out to be- I've got my own room and t.v., I'm not technically on the run at the moment, those "suits" as I call 'em haven't yet figured out that I fed that stinkin' tracer chip to a snake (wonder how that's going?), I've got a laptop with an Internet connection, I've got all the necessary materials needed to make a personal home-made flamethrower, and... what else, what else... that's pretty much it. Oh, and we get special bootleg (tm) movies on demand the very day said movies come out! Talk about fast work!

My only problem with this place is that it actually has... school. Of course, I don't mind as much as I would in a real school, seeing as the "teachers" are we, the students, and some of these people are really fun to chat with/bugger the hell out of. Only problem with that is that it usually restricts my airtime online to a minimum of at night on weekdays, and most of the day on weekends. Bummer.

Anyway, some of you may or may not have noticed my new, unplanned story, Nature's Body. Yes, that is a kind of pun of Jennifer's Body, the movie, but seeing as I barely got to see any of the movie as is (seriously, like only three parts at five minutes, individually), I think mine could either be unbelievably cooler/creepier/generally weirder than the original product. Just hope nobody jacks my idea before I get the next chapter out. XD

On that note, with my next updates for all of my stories, I will be posting a poll for which one you guys want updated first. Yes, I know the current leader in said poll is Alec vs. The Man, formerly Adrenaline Rush, but with the coming out of J.M. Bower's Logan's Run (check out the saga if you haven't, it's totally the shit!), I decided to hold off on my own chronic weirdness to name a story that at another time. So, as I was saying, I need you people to vote again. I've hit a roadblock with Alec vs. The Man where I've decided to redo some of the older chapters, even if the readers say it is fine as is (sorry, guys! really!).

Meanwhile, with BBtC:PWO... well, I had something big planned a few months ago, then I lost the damned book I recorded me shit in. Arrr, thar be some strange thievin' peoples in society these days! What the hell could they want with the book of an obviously insane person?! Anyway, fear not people who have already forgotten all about the story, for redemption is on the way!

With Challenger, I'm seriously working on the next chapter. However, my muse decided to run away with the story and make the scenes confusing as heck to the point where even I don't understand what she's saying (and that doesn't take much, I admit, but this is really (bleep) confusing!). So, people, I will be updating... before the end of the year, hopefully.

With Thing Thing: Teen Titans Style!, I'm totally sorry, people who actually read it, for not updating when I said I would. Thing is, halfway through being carted off here, I decided to remake Chapter 2 even more badass than I had originally planned (not to mention longer, and more plot-oriented) with a bit more action... maybe. What is it with me and the unreasonable love of strange fight scenes, even though I can't write worth a damn? No clue. Anyway, expect a reasonably reasonable chapter by the end of the year.

For all of you who actually liked Sleepless (and, thank god, didn't ask for a sequel(seriously, I would not have written one if you had asked)), I think I'm finally gonna get around to writing it up! Except, unlike I had planned much earlier this year of 2009, I believe it will not be a one-shot, but a series of peeks into the developing relationship... and the relationships of other Titans as well! (evil grin)

What is it with me and evil grins? I never get around to an evil laugh, but the grin is just always there!

For the people actually paying any attention to my MR original character-ed story, Gary's Declassified Rules For School Survival... well, you're screwed. No, seriously, though, I'm gonna update sooner or later, with a few un-noticable improvisations to the earlier chapters... as usual. Sorry for the long-ass wait!

For the very disappointed people watching the ever-haitus-ed The Last Ryders, well... you're still on haitus. Thanks to James Patterson (that jackass), it seems that the series is STILL, as of yet, continuing. Only a matter of time before he comes out with book number 6 for the mature audiences, if the damned Daniel X doesn't get in the way. YOU IDIOT!!

Aaaand... that covers it, doesn't it? Hmm... Oh, and if you guys were wondering what the hell happened to my other discontinued stories (Saviors, ECLIPSE, and... what else? Hmm...), sorry, but it seems I'm also going to be re-doing those majorly. Expect ECLIPSE to make a major comeback by the next actual eclipse (maybe) if the world lasts that long, and let me bone up on my research on prisons before Saviors makes a continuation. Major plans for that one, yup...

Those of you expecting better from me, I need you to notice something; I have nothing to do with BetaReaders. I am not a BetaReader, nor do I, as of yet, require a BetaReader. I'm just that good at what I do by myself, so there. Sorry BetaReaders looking for work, this is my burden to carry. :( (sweat-drops)

And to you people wanting more from me, period? I've decided to take at least one leaf out of ChaosDragon's book (a fantastic Danny Phantom fic writer, btw) and write a multi-drabble in a little while, depending on the production rates down here at the shop (asylum). I'm thinking of entitling it Musings of an Insane Sage.

... Now that I actually get the title out, it doesn't sound that good. It's gonna be various drabble-types, though, so be careful!

On that note, I'm also gonna be belting out a Black Star High in a little while (still revising the first chapter, yah?), and after that, a The Logan Conspiracy. It's not totally how it sounds, and has no relation whatsoever to... er... I have to check the author, but no relation to The Logan Identity. Seriously, I know where I'm going with this... I'm just not starting the engine until I have everything perfected to my standards, with the odd screw-up here and there.

So... I think that about wraps it up! Never fear; I will bring back the stupid-insanity you all love about me in a little while, to this profile/blog. Just be patient while I attempt to squeeze grape juice out of these lemons that life gave me...

LATER!!

10x19x09

Seriously Important Service Announcement

Some of you may have noticed that my profile is much shorter now. I'm hoping that this is just temporary, but that all depends on my mood and when they let me near a computer.

I don't know who any of you are. We don't know who any of you are. But you guys know me, at least a little bit by now, right? I like being funny, 'cuz looking at the world serious all the time can't be good for you, and it gets boring. Looking at the world as a joke keeps you sane.

I don't like being serious, because it hurts me, and the people around me.

Earlier on this morning, I was bouncing around the Web, watching stuff and reading stuff when I came across something interesting on child abuse. I felt like I'd read it before, but for some reason I couldn't stop myself from looking at it again, and then I couldn't stop reading it. And I know how much this can be said around the world, several times a day, but for one of the few times in my life that I've paid attention, I felt myself die a little on the inside.

Not only child abuse, but abuse period is wrong. So many things in the world are wrong, but they exist. Why? That is my question for the world, and I want it answered; why? Why does it exist? Why does it happen? Why does no one stop it? Why, when we do try to stop it, does it only last for less than a day before it happens again?

It can be anything; rape, murder, abuse... So much is wrong with the world. I'm not threatening anyone when I say this, and I hope to hell that I don't get my e-ass kicked for telling you all this. If I know you, if I know anyone, if I know something is happening, I will do something to stop it. And I won't stop at tracking you down, beating the crap out of you and leaving you for the authorities, people who can and will be swayed to any way of thinking. I won't leave you to think about all you've done, to feel the guilt, all the pain of those you have hurt and killed.

No, I won't be that merciful on you. Because then you can realize, and beg for forgiveness. And if the world wasn't naive enough already, somebody would dare to forgive you without knowing what you have done, and you will think that is that.

No. I won't leave you in the hands of those who serve the laws justice, for they will not know what to do with you. I don't care what the law says, or what it can do to me.

I will trust my own sense of honor and justice, and give you what you deserve, whether it be punishment or judgment. Whatever you do to tip my balance will end in your death, no matter what the outcome is. Not even the innocent will be safe from me if they get in my way. I will do my very best to completely destroy your soul, and cleanse this beautiful planet of all your evils.

And if I happen to kill you, and you happen to have been completely innocent of the accused crime? Trust me, you will have your revenge, through me, on the ones who led to your demise.

And as I said, no, this is not a threat. This is a promise.

Huh, well, I guess serious time is over... I wish. I really hope this funk rubs off soon, 'cuz now I'm pissed. This is the kind of thinking that got me locked up in the first place. Hopefully this isn't seen as some hate speech ,you know, because it isn't. I just want you to think before they cart me away, off this site and gone forever; if you wouldn't do the very thing I promise to someone you know, someone you know who has done wrong, tell me.

How can you look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that a coward lives beneath the surface?