.Recent news.

27/09/2009 (09.27.2009)
So, in the three weeks I've been silent:
School.
Been to see Coldplay, with White Lies and Jay-Z supporting. A-ma-zing.
Truth Will Out.
Plotting for NaNo.
Not like I've been slacking off.
Check out the forums at www.fanbbs.net - they are totally anonymous, you don't have to sign up and they're really straightforward.

05/09/2009 (09.05.2009)
I'm not writing any of the three on the poll next. It'll be the sequel to Hidden Truth next, once I get myself a beta for it.

30/08/2009 (08.30.2009)
I intend to start writing one of Last Chance, Last Night A DJ Saved My Life or New Tricks next. Let me know which you'd prefer. And actually let me know this time...please.

15/08/2009 (08.15.2009)
I have a page up on Facebook, so go become a fan of me there and there'll be various assorted spoilers, ideas and teasers, as well as general crap. Or alternatively, follow me on Twitter. Both sites are under Felineyx.

27/07/2009 (07.27.2009)
Minor change of plan. Rio will be...sometime.

.A little bit about me.

Name: Fee.
Age: Uh-uh.
Gender: C'mon, would a guy call himself Felineyx?
Location: Manchester, UK.
Place of birth: Glasgow, UK.
Birthday: October 24th.
Favourite music: Indie/rock/alternative.
Favourite films: Twilight, Harry Potter, 50 First Dates, Madagascar.
Favourite books: Twilight Saga, Harry Potter series, House of Night series, Sarah Dessen books.
Football affiliation: Liverpool FC. Come on you reds!
Loves: Cats, books, writing, drama.
Hates: Bad grammar, the Sun newspaper.
Languages: English, some French.
Most pathetic weakness:Either the end of Doomsday (Doctor Who) at Bad Wolf Bay, or the end of Robin Hood when Robin dies.

.My stories.

Truth Will Out-Twilight. Sequel to Hidden Truth. Decisions lurk on the horizon for Edward and the MI5 team, but will the outcomes be pretty? AU, AH.

.Various assorted ideas - steal and you die.

Live Alone-Twilight. Edward is very much a loner. He sits alone, works alone and takes off the second the bell rings. Bella is part of the popular crowd, but she can't help but notice him all over town, working every hour of the day. What's the story?

Now Playing-Twilight. Two radio show hosts are completely head over heels for each other. Yet neither is willing to take that first step, so they both wallow, playing songs for the other. AU, AH

Meaningless-Doctor Who. Donna can't stop dreaming, all these things that she knows are impossible. A man in a blue box? And who's that irritatingly chirpy American who speaks to her everyday? Jack, meanwhile, tries to puzzle out what on earth is the matter with Donna. The Doctor flies around, trying to forget the events imprinted in his mind, conceivably forever.

Last Chance-Twilight. Jane gives Bree one last chance to prove herself. AU, vampires.

Coffee and Muffins-Twilight. Alice is still searching for someone she truly loves. Jasper's trying to turn his back on a harsh relationship. Every morning, they meet in the same secluded café. How long will it take them to speak?

Free Agent-Twilight. Since breaking up with girlfriend Leah, Jake always assumed he'd be a free agent. Then the vampires come to town, and he can't help falling for his worst enemy...AU, vampires and werewolves.

Last Night A DJ Saved My Life-Twilight. Edward Cullen, award winning breakfast DJ. Bella Swan, ordinary girl in an abusive relationship. How do the two stories come together? Abusive Jacob.

Song For Your Heart-Twilight. Bella Swan, one of the city's richest, sees that same busker and his sad, sad eyes every day. She always wonders quite how someone so handsome could ever end up in that situation. AU AH

Protection-Twilight. The tale of the Saga, told through the words of Volturi shield, Renata. Canon, vampires.

Comedy of Errors-Robin Hood BBC. A complete comedy of errors: Robin believes Marian dead, she believes him gone for good. Truthfully, neither of them is going to be six feet under any time soon. But how long will it take them to find out, and at what cost?

High School Never Ends-Robin Hood BBC. Robin comes back after several long years away to find Nottingham a different city. But how can one kid set the world to rights on his own?

Bittersweet Rivalry-Warriors. There's a fight brewing between ThunderClan and ShadowClan, but underneath all this, the deputies try to deny their feelings for each other. Can they follow their hearts and risk exile, or follow their orders and risk tearing each other apart? AU.

Daybreak-Twilight. AU, AH. This is a collaborative fic with my lovely friend, flashwithwave. Bella's losing her grasp on reality and there's only one place Renée can send her: Forks, WA. But what help can Forks hold for Bella?

A Most Unlikely Family-Twilight. Rotating POVs of all the characters as they become part of the Cullen family. Canon pairings.

Redheaded Angel-Twilight. How James feels about Victoria. What Laurent makes of it. Two-shot.

Swings and Roundabouts-Twilight. "I can't let her be put in danger by a werewolf. There again, is a vampire so much better? Or is it all just swings and roundabouts?"

New Tricks-Harry Potter. Series of oneshots about each of the second generation. James, Al, Lily, Rose, Hugo, Scorpius...the whole family!

Changing Places-Twilight. It's been the better part of twenty years since Edward and Bella last saw each other, and things have changed. Edward was always the scally, but it seems he has changed for the better. Bella, the perfect girl, is struggling for money and is forced to sell her house and most of her belongings. Can the old flame be resparked?

Chains-Twilight. Remember in NM, when Bella mentioned Angela being a witch? Well, what if saying that set a chain of events into motion, and a certain friend of Bella's really did turn out to be a witch?

Various assorted songfics.

.Over and done with, never to be seen again.

Michael's Return-Princess Diaries. Basically, Michael comes back, but what are the consequences. Seriously people, stop alerting this. It's finished and I wouldn't touch it with someone else's bargepole, never mind my own (no euphemism intended).

All That Happens-Misc Books. Nightjohn. What happens to Sarny after the pit school?

Busy Being Fabulous-Robin Hood BBC. Songfic, oneshot. Marian's feelings when Robin goes away, pre series one.

Everybody Hurts-Princess Diaries. Mia's feelings when Michael leaves during After Eight.

Love Returns-Warriors. Formerly No Love Lost. When an old flame returns, what effect does he have on Iceheart and RiverClan?

If Today Was Your Last Day-Princess Diaries. Songfic to the Nickelback song of the same name. Michael has just died after returning from Japan and Mia grants his last requests.

Addiction-Robin Hood BBC. I'm so amazed that I've managed to get this done! I literally screamed for ten minutes. I know the epilogue's kind of shit, but hey. Marian's in a rehabilitation centre after an addiction to cocaine. Then a new kid shows up and changes her perspective on the world around her. Eventual R/M, I think there may have been slight W/D implied but nothing big.

Never Gonna Be Alone-Twilight. Jacob's POV during Bella's pregnancy in BD. Oneshot, songfic.

Hidden Truth-Twilight. AU, all human. The Cullens all work for MI5, protecting the country. But what happens when they are asked to guard rich girl Isabella? J/A, Es/C, Em/R, E/B. Rating may go up for violence etc, probably not though. Really bad summary, story much better. Try me?

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing-Robin Hood BBC. Robin's thoughts on Marian's death. Set sometime in 3.01. Slightly angsty, pretty crap.

Why Barry Scott Always Shouts-TV Commercials. Complete parody of the guy on the Cillit Bang adverts.

Barclay Slide-TV Commercials. Parody of the Barclaycard advert. References to all kinds in there, including the Beatles...

Hugs-Noughts and Crosses. Callum watches over his love and daughter, seeing them down at their lowest ebb. But sometimes, watching can just get so tiring...set at the very end of Checkmate. Oneshot.

Little Helium Balloon-Twilight. Why Jasper loves Alice the way he does.

Reality-I am Legend. Being lonely for too long can do strange things to your head...

Four Weddings and a Funeral-Princess Diaries. Four marriages, one death. Whose?

Friends-Harry Potter. In DH, Luna's bedroom had portraits of the Trio, Ginny and Neville. Why?

Rio de Janeiro-Twilight. Edward's thoughts when he receives the phone call from Rosalie during New Moon and the following events. More a series of oneshots than anything else.

.Disclaimer.

I always forget to disclaimer things. I've already had one three day posting ban for forgetting to disclaimer a songfic (Everybody Hurts, I cheated and reposted after my ban.) So I'm going to say this once, because I don't fancy losing my account. If you recognise it and it's in my story, then I don't own it. It's going to be property of:

For Hidden Truth, Daybreak, Rio de Janeiro, Never Gonna Be Alone, Little Helium Balloon, Truth Will Out and all Twilight ideas
Stephenie Meyer.

For Addiction, Busy Being Fabulous, I Don't Want To Miss A Thing and all other Robin Hood BBC ideas
Kudos.

For Michael's Return, Everybody Hurts, If Today Was Your Last Day, Four Weddings and a Funeral and all Princess Diaries ideas
Meg Cabot.

For All That Happens
Gary Paulson.

For Love Returns and all Warriors ideas
Erin Hunter.

For Hugs and all Noughts and Crosses ideas
Malorie Blackman.

For Friends and all Harry Potter ideas
JK Rowling.

For Barclay Slide, Why Barry Scott Always Shouts and all TV Commercials ideas
The owners of the commercials (Barclaycard and Cillit Bang.)

For Reality and all I am Legend ideas
The writers of I am Legend.

For Never Gonna Be Alone, If Today Was Your Last Day and any other songfics based from Nickelback songs
Nickelback.

For Everybody Hurts and any other songfics based from REM songs
REM.

For Busy Being Fabulous and any other songfics based from songs written by The Eagles
The Eagles.

For I Don't Want To Miss A Thing and all other songfics based from songs written by Aerosmith
Aerosmith.

.Beta reading.

I'm a reasonably experienced beta-reader. Currently I beta for...

Midnightxoxo - New Friends Old Flames and shared work on Oceans Pirates - Twilight
Status: both in progress.

KatieBellaTrix - A Drabble A Day: Lily's Story - Harry Potter
Status: no idea.

TERRORLIES: Black Heart - Vampirates
Status: I'm not even sure I'm beta-ing this anymore...

Nightcat444 - Harry Potter and the Imprisonment - Harry Potter
Status: complete, being partially rewritten.

thelovelymara - One Love, Two Worlds, Three Words - Twilight
Status: presumably on hold.

XxShieldingMoonxX - New but improved? Isabella Marie Swan - Twilight
Status: presumably on hold.

lookingatstars - Times Like These - Robin Hood BBC
Status: don't know.

Ashes to Ashes obsessive - The End? - Ashes to Ashes
Status: ongoing.

smileforyou - In the arms of an angel - Twilight
Status: ongoing, I think.

random jiberish‏ - The Sparkling Diamond - Twilight
Status: ongoing.

If I beta for you and haven't listed a story, please drop me a PM or an email. Chances are I forgot the name and you've changed your pen-name since. It doesn't mean I forgot about you, or that I don't want to beta for you anymore. I'm just rubbish with names.

.Oath to reviewing.

Not strictly what you'll be used to seeing, but I'm not a wonderful reviewer...
I, Felineyx, promise that when I choose to review a fic, despite its age, length, rating or any other factor, I will do so honestly and without malice. I shall be constructive in my criticism where possible, and polite in my manner.

Life In Technicolor ii - Coldplay
Love Story - Taylor Swift
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It - Snow Patrol
Ulysses - Franz Ferdinand
Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback
America's Suitehearts - Fall Out Boy
Revelry - Kings Of Leon
This Afternoon - Nickelback
Everybody Hurts - REM
All These Things I've Done - The Killers
Hostage Of Love - Razorlight
Violet Hill - Coldplay
Broken Strings - James Morrison & Nelly Furtado
(Barry) Islands In The Stream - Comic Relief (Ruth Jones, Rob Brydon & Sir Tom Jones)
Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects
Temptation Dice - The View
Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon
Shock Horror - The View
Greatest Day - Take That
Bones - The Killers
Skeleton Boy - Friendly Fires
Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls
Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Bella's Lullaby - Carter Burwell
Double Yellow Lines - The View
Mr Brightside - The Killers
Starlight - Muse

.Stuff from outside fanfiction.

JulNoWriMo 2009
Podcasting
Amy was forced to move her hometown of Liverpool to the exact polar opposite: Manchester. She's instantly disliked, and events from this force her to make an unthinkable decision. Suicide. Matt loves Amy, but is framed, made to look as though he cheats on her. Wracked with guilt after her death, he recieves a box of CDs in the middle of the night. Amy's final message. What kind of message does she send him?
Progress: Gave up.

Script Frenzy 2009
A Class Apart
Isabella has it all - the looks, the money and the lifestyle. Jasen has nothing - no family, no money, not even a home to go to at night. Neither of them are happy with what they have, but will they be able to help each other or will it just be a comedy of errors?
Progress: 100 pages at 19.30 on April 19th 2009.
FINISHED!

NaNoWriMo 2008
Thorns
Rose-Marie struggles in her daily life as a nurse, but when she becomes pregnant via a deranged patient, her life takes on a whole new twist. How will she adapt to her pregnancy, and will she ever take to motherhood?
Progress: 3142 words, nowhere near finished. Epic fail.

Robin Hood BBC
Me likey: Robin/Marian, Will/Djaq, John/Alice, Allan/OC
Me no likey: Guy/Marian, Much/Kate, Robin/OC

Twilight
Me likey: Edward/Bella, Jasper/Alice, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme
Me no likey: Jasper/Bella, Emmett/Bella, Mike/Bella, Edward/Jessica, Carlisle/OC

Vampire Beach
Me likey: Jason/Sienna

Doctor Who
Me likey: 10/Rose
Me no likey: 10/Martha, 10/Donna, 10/Astrid, 10/River Song, 10/Jack, 10.5/Rose

Princess Diaries
Me likey: Mia/Michael, Lilly/Kenny, Tina/Boris
Me no likey: Mia/JP, Lilly/JP, Mia/Kenny, Tina/JP, Tina/Kenny

Harry Potter
Me likey: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Hannah, George/Alicia, Molly/Arthur
Me no likey: Harry/Severus, Harry/Draco, Harry/Ron, Harry/Hermione, Harry/George, George/Angelina, Hermione/Severus, Hermione/Fred, Hermione/Draco, Ron/Lavender

Pirates of the Caribbean
Me likey: Will/Elizabeth
Me no likey: Jack/Elizabeth

.Captain Jack Sparrow.

Love. I less than three him so much.

.Quotes.

"It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin."
Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean.

"Gentlemen, you shall always remember...-sploosh- Cap'n Jack Sparrow..."
Captain Jack Sparrow (and the Caribbean tide), Pirates of the Caribbean.

"Robin can't go in there with the Black Elite and a big...cat!"
Much, Robin Hood.

"It's not like I asked for ice and a slice, is it?"
Allan A Dale, Robin Hood.

"I'm good with nuns."
Allan A Dale, Robin Hood.

"You're a liability...you're fired, Gisbourne!"
Prince John, Robin Hood.

"Almost makes me want to sing a song."
"You start, I'll harmonise!"
Sheriff and Tuck, Robin Hood.

"You know, there is a lack of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to waste yours."
Westly, Princess Bride.

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Inigo, Princess Bride.

"Help! I'm being kidnapped by a monster trying to relate to me!"
Artie, Shrek the Third.

"How did this happen?"
"Well, when a man feels something for a woman, there is a certain..."
"I know how it happened!"
Shrek and Puss, Shrek the Third.

"But why is the rum gone?"
It's Captain Jack again. Of course it is.

"Was someone kissing me?"
And it's the other Captain Jack. Harkness, not Sparrow.

.Random spammy stuff.

The music quiz!

Instructions:

1. Turn on your i-pod, MP3 etc. and put the music on shuffle.

2. Answer each question with the title of the next song on the playlist. Got that?

1.) How am I feeling today?
Kids.

2.) Where will I get married?
It's Not Easy (a Superman set?)

3.) What is my best friend's theme song?
Farewell to the Fairground.

4.) What is/was highschool like?
Valerie.

5.) What is the best thing about me?
Gotta Be Somebody.

6.) How is today going to be?
Unexpected. (Nope, it wasn't.)

7.) What is in store for this weekend?
Mr Brightside. (I am going to listen to my favourite song in the whole wide world? (No, it really is.))

8.)What song describes my parents?
10,000 Nights.

9.) How is my life going?
Hallelujah.

10.)What song will they play at my funeral?
You Give Me Something.

11.) How does the world see me?
Know Your Enemy.

12.) What do my friends really think of me?
Dream Again.

13) Do people secretly like me?
You're All I Have.

14.) How can I make myself happy?
A-Punk.

15.) What should I do with my life?
If Today Was Your Last Day.

16.) Will I be happy?
Elvis Ain't Dead.

17.) What is some good advice?
Ruby.

18.) What do I think my current theme song is?
Patience. (oh boy.)

19.) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Human. (wow, they're deeeeeep.)

20.) What type of men/women do you like?
Rule the World.

21.) Will you get married?
In This City. (ahhh, it actually makes sense for once!)

22.)What should I do with my love life?
I'd Come For You.

23.) Where will you live?
Over My Head (Cable Car)

24.) What will your dying words be?
Open Your Eyes.

25.) Am I hot?
Run. (no then.)

Ninety five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the five percent who aren't then copy this, put it onto your profile, and put your name on the list!

AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, iluvdavidwright45, dianeandnumairareahotcouple,windsoftiti, Ilovethelittletacos...Ilovethemgood, i-have-issues-deal-with-it, Kiba Obsessed Demonic Angel, Digital98, Anime-Kunoichi, Drifting One Phantom and Potter Obsession, x-flashwithwave-x, felinegirl121

Vibrance, energy, happiness! All things I don't have. If only...

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your first and/or last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.
Yep...and then we get the unfortunate nicknames.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." But I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan-fictions, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you are insane and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...and then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil. Copy and paste this in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then copy and paste this into your profile.

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

If you love Jasper Hale, copy this on your profile and faint.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowena iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Natal sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Hmm..Something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On an 8ft trampoline cover:
Trampoline not included.
(What? NO!)

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

How Stupid Can You Get?
18 or lower means you’re not stupid.

Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
~You have ran into a glass/screen door.
You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
~You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

Total so far = 2

~You have ran into a tree.
~It IS possible to lick your elbow
You just tried to lick your elbow.
You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
You just tried to sing them.
~You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
~You have choked on your own spit.
You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.
You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice
You just looked at it.
Your hair is blond/dirty blond.
People have called you slow.

Total so far = 6

You have accidentally caught something on fire
You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.
You have caught yourself drooling.
You’ve fallen asleep in class
If someone says “fart” you laugh.
You just laughed.

Total so far = 6

~Sometimes you just stop thinking
~You tell a story and forget what you were talking about
~People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you
You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
You use your fingers to do simple math.

Total so far = 8

You have eaten a bug.
You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
~You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
~You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket

Total so far = 10

You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.
~You break a lot of things.
Your friends know not to use big words around you
~You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused
~You have fallen out of your chair before
When you’re laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

Grand total = 13.
See? Told you I wasn't stupid.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

Good girls are actually bad girls who never got caught.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile

If you hate those obnoxious, snobby people please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil copy and paste this in your profile.

If you get too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out copy and paste this into your profile

Only crazy people understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, put this in your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with a song you actually A) dream about it, B) sing it in school no matter who's listening or, C) know the lyrics by heart and sing it no matter how of key you are, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something twice, and when someone said something, you had no recollection of saying it either time, copy and paste to your profile.

If you have ever asked the same question 3 times in 5 minutes, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations, and copy and paste this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers, do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and past this to your profile.

If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy an paste this in your profile.

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you (stupid Geography file!) copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against any kind of abuse, copy and paste this to your profile.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then reading ,if you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!)

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.