I, AKA Quin, do solemnly swear to review all the fictions I read, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else. Copy and Paste this into your profile to join the Review Revolution.

Quin is a fully house-trained human. She gets on well with most people, but can be wary around men. She is good-natured, and her bark is usually worse than her bite. However, she has been known to bite good-looking teenage boys (and the occasional girl). She is currently on a special diet, due to weight issues, and must be taken for regular walks in the park, or around the block if there's no park in the area. She must not be fed sweets, as these make her terribly hyperactive. She is fond of children, but will tire of them after being around them for extended periods of time. Free to a good, loving, warm home, preferably in Europe.

Okay, I don't normally do these copy-paste things in my profile, but I felt this one was important:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

If you support gay marriage and want to show it, paste this into your profile.

I’m currently beta’ing the amazing indifferent child of the earth’s wonderful fanfic, Such A Pretty Girl. Now go read it.

I beta stories! Check my Beta profile if you have a story you'd like for me to beta. I accept most categories and pairings, and will at least consider your request.

"I do not have trouble spelling! My keyboard is on strike and the letters keep changing places."

Twinfetish

Pet Peeves:

1. People who do not read the warnings on a story, and then leave a review or send a pm complaining about something that they were clearly warned about.

2. People who do not put appropriate warnings on their story. I am innocently reading alone and BAM! Someone is getting raped by a relative. For the sake of my poor eyes, put crap like that in the warnings.

3. Chat speak. I hate it in any form. Just don't do it.

4. People who complain about the pairing of a story. If you don't like the pairing, why did you click on the story? See that back button? Click it. Don't complain to the author because you didn't take the time to read the pairing.

5. People who complain that a story is slash and people who complain that a story is het. Once again, I direct you to the warning and pairing section. If it isn't your cup of tea, find something that is.

6. People who try and tell the author what they should write. If you want to write, then write, don't tell someone else how their story should turn out and what their writing style should be like. The story belongs to them.

7. People who do not use Spellcheck. I am not going to read a story that requires a dictionary, a magnifying glass, a mirror, and encryption technology. Hell, they have free spell checking online. Use it!

8. Reviews that say. "I love it. Update now!" I, as a writer, appreciate you taking your time to review, I truly do. However, actual feedback would be greatly appreciated. What exactly did you like? What should I work on? Did something not make sense how I explained it? Tell me these things. Even if what you have to say isn't all positive, I will appreciate that you are attempting to help make me a better writer.

9. People who use unknown/rare words because they think it makes them sound smarter. I consider myself to be a well-read individual, however, I hate having to grab a dictionary every five minutes in an attempt to understand what I am reading. I am not a National Spelling Bee participant, and neither are most of the people on here, you are not impressing me with your long-winded unknown words.

10. People who expect instant relationship development. If you want to read about sex that badly, find a PWP. Hell, I have written one or two myself. However, when it comes to a multi-chapter fic, I like to show emotional and character growth and development. If you are asking me when so and so will hook up and they have only known each other for one day, I am laughing at you.

11. Flames, there is no point to them. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you want to be helpful, leave them a constructive criticism review.

12. Authors who can't take constructive criticism the way it is meant. If I leave you such a review, it is because I am trying to help you and improve your writing, not because I think you suck. I don't read stories that I think are hopeless.

13. Authors who hold chapters hostage for a certain number of reviews. That is just stupid. XD If you need vindication that you are a good writer, you shouldn't be writing. The reviews aren't the only thing that matter. I honestly appreciate those who add my story to favorites and alerts, though I do enjoy reviews.

14. The OOC Monster. I am ashamed to say that I have written a story where most everyone was OOC. I could take it down and pretend I never did, but I leave it up. Some people seem to like it, and that is their decision. I feel I have come a long way since then and that I am now much better at keeping people IC.

15. People who bash their own writing. I am so sick of author notes that say, "This sucks ass, but here it is." If you really think its terrible, don't post it! Wait until you like it, or can at least tolerate it. If you hate it, chances are that we will too.

16. Author notes that are longer than the chapter itself. That is just pointless.

17. Reviews being answered in the story instead of through the review reply link. There is nothing more frustrating than thinking you get to read a long well-written chapter and it ends up being short as Hell, with pages and pages of review replies. Just don't do it.

18. Plagiarism. Enough said.

19. Incorrect word usage. For the love of my brain, re-read your writing before you post it people. I am so sick of seeing 'slime' instead of 'slim,' or 'defiantly' instead of definitely,' or 'waste' instead of 'waist.' If it looks a little off, ask someone for help. There is no shame in needing assistance with something if you aren't sure.

20. Authors who get offended when you recommend that they get a beta. You are only trying to help them, and make their writing more enjoyable for everyone. They would slowly learn their mistakes and be able to better themselves as a writer. If I say you should get a beta, take it as a compliment, it means that I think your story has potential.

Quotes/words that should be in Harry Potter but Aren’t:

- “Geez, Voldemort, stop acting so gay!”

- Fabulous

- “Bellatrix, stop groping me. Just…just…go stand over there.”

- “Tell me Lucius, who’s the prettiest ballerina of them all?” Voldemort gave a cold smile at the clearly horrified man.

- “Sooo, what’s REALLY going on between his lordship and that snake, hmm?”

-“Wait a minute,” Harry said. “You want me to put this Snitch where now?”

- “What we need,” Voldemort mused, “is some sort of sign that people can rally around. To keep the masses happy and unrebellious.” Snape gasped. “You mean-” “Yes.” Voldemort allowed a vicious, cold smile to play upon his lips. “What the Death Eaters need, is a theme song.”

- “NO, DAMMIT! I DON’T CARE IF THE POTTER BOY’S BEEN FOUND! AMERICAN IDOL IS ON!”

- “One of you go see if the boy is alive. No, don’t poke him with that, Fenrir!”

- Flirtatious

- Glittery

- Pedophilic

-“Damn that Malfoy boy is sexy.” “GINNY!” “What, I was just saying-”

- Hoshit!

- “Harry Potter, you pathetic twit. Come here so I can smack you properly.”

- “GODDAMMIT, now is not the time for that! We are out here, risking our lives and fighting off Death Eaters, and they are making-out in a girls’ restroom?”

- “Sucks for you, Harry!”

- “Well, the mushrooms looked edible!”

- “Kreacher, how exactly do you snog a pair of trousers? Wait-Don’t answer tha-KREACHER, NOOO!”

-“My Lord, with all due respect, if you do not undo whatever you did to my hair in the next FIVE SECONDS, your eyes won’t be the only things that are slitted.”

- Freaking

-Voldemort rushed on through the night towards his last Horcrux, a crazed look in his eyes. Potter had gotten the ring, he had gotten the locket, but Voldemort would be damned if the blasted boy was going to lay one finger on his bunny slippers!

-“Perhaps Draco will baby-sit the cubs!” “Does Lucius Malfoy have to curse a bitch?”

- “Screw guarding Sirius Black’s old house; let’s go get drunk!”

- “What are you doing here?” Harry asked, bewildered. Draco spun around, did a double-take, then glared at Harry and made an obscene hand gesture.

- “HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIO-” Ron was cut off suddenly when Harry smacked him and yelled “For God’s sake, SHUT THE HELL UP!”

- “I’ll get you, Harry Potter, and your little owl, too!”

-“Snape has a female patronus? Alright, Severus, what aren’t you telling us?”

- Voldemort glared angrily at the house-elf carrying the offending meal. “The Dark Lord,” he explained slowly, “does NOT eat muffins!”

-“Why? Why isn’t it possible?” The Dark Lord raged at his cowering victim. “Tell me WHY!” He snarled as he paced furiously. “My lord, have you considered the possibility that you’re taking your loss to this muggle game a bit too seriously?” Lucius Malfoy offered meekly. “NO I’M NOT TAKING IT TOO SERIOUSLY!” Voldemort roared. “IF I AM TO HAVE A WEAKNESS, IT IS NOT GOING TO BE DDR!”

- “Kreacher angry! Kreacher SMASH!”

-Ron, Hermione, and Harry all stood around the body of their fallen foe. “So, whadda’ya reckon?” Ron asked, gazing at the lifeless form of Voldemort. “Boxers or briefs?”

- And thus, Harry never did get a high school education.

- Victor Krum was one sexually frustrated Quidditch Champion.

- The Boy Who Continued to Live nearly died with laughter when the Malfoys turned up to their disciplinary hearing. Lucius Malfoy was wearing a tux, complete with top hat and cane, while his wife wore a pale blue satin ball gown with elbow-length gloves. Draco was wearing blue jeans and a black tee-shirt that said “I was forced to try and kill Albus Dumbledore, I had to put up with Snape for seven years, the Ministry raided my house more times than I have fingers, I couldn’t get away from Delores Umbrage, Death Eaters moved into my house, Voldemort made fun of me and my family, I had to hurt people to stop my parents from being killed, I watched my Mom and Dad tortured, my wand was stolen, I still haven’t won a Quidditch game against Harry Potter, and all I got was this lousy tattoo, and even that went away after Voldemort’s downfall.” It was the start of a long and lasting friendship.