NOTE:

This profile is about four years old but I don't intend to change it as I'm not currently writing new fanfiction. If you want to write to me about something please remember I'm no longer 15 years old and haven't thought about fanfiction in a few years.

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I am David Macintyre. This is not my real name, but it's all you need to know.

I am also a pirate, and anyone who tries to argue otherwise will have their throat cut. Arrrrr.

I write dark fiction. I can easily say that everything I write is better than your 'random' or 'insane' humor story. That is because I'm smarter than you, simply enough. Until you pull your head out of your ass and stop assuming that (character) is (made up word, or hit in the face) by (random object fish, cupcake, bottle of soda, whatever) passes for good writing, this will remain the fact. If you hate my style of writing you are wrong and stupid. No, you are not entitled to your opinion, because you probably consider your opinions to be facts, whether or not you want to admit it. If you truly hatenot just dislike or are indifferentthe fiction itself there's a high chance you're wrong and stupid.

I write mostly for the area of Sonic the Hedgehog, but lately I've been trying to move away from fanfiction to work on my
own literature. I have a few short stories in the works that you guys probably won't see. Assuming you care.

I am the kind of person who, if appointed head of Sonic Team, would turn the games into something less like Mario or Dragon Ball Z and into something more like Fight Club, Vanilla Sky or Memento (my three favorite movies), if that's any indication. I like to make films in my spare time. It's a fun exercise.

I write what I think are 'real' stories. I define real stories as having:
1. A plot and acceptable (decent) story. Originality DOES matter, no matter what you assholes think.
2. Character development.
3. Feeling and drive behind the words being written. Not bullshit that you threw together in five seconds.
4. A conclusion. Plot twists are a plus.
5. Things with summaries and a title, written by someone who uses a NAME.
An example of my work in this case: The Final Step.

I define 'n00b' stories, the kinds that really chap my ass, as:
1. Mishmashes of badly spelled words that sacrifice plot and development for dry, unintelligent jokes and slapstick, or are just poorly written garbage that the author tries to pass off as some kind of staple literature.
2. Blatant, repetitive character moulds and clichés that are never unique to their host.
3. Stories written by someone who obviously measures emotion by how heavy they crapped their pants laughing at their own childish jokes (feeling?whats that lol rofl!) or just doesn't bother at all. Or is so out of touch with describing emotion that they just shouldn't be making their work public.
4. The ones that get so many reviews from other 8-year-olds that a needless sequel is crapped out within a week or so, which is usually an even more godawful bucket of tripe.
5. Crap that says "I suck at summaries lol rofl just read it its really good PLEEEEEASSSEE review!", with a title like "Sonics ultra way past cool mall addventure!" that are written by someone called "Soniclover692000" or "Magnolifrutia Prower-Rose, kidnahog from the future". I swear half the fancharacters nowadays sound like something out of a Lord of the Rings fanfiction, and authors with names that sound like something from a bad fantasy novel tend to be really bad.
Example of my own work in this case: Kung Fused (exempt from rule #5.)

Finally I think one of the lower forms of n00bishness comes when you decide to rewrite (bastardize) a movie, book, game or otherwise but simply replace the character's names with "Sonic," "Tails", and etc. I've seen people who do NOTHING but this, and it just proves that some wannabe writers don't have an original bone in their body.

I suggest extreme caution when creating a fan character (for my own humble tips on this, see my tutorial at Stephen Zacharus' site the Graffiti Wall: graffitiwall.tripod.com). Self insertion fics are dumb, end of story. The story itself could be good (Falconess' "An Author's Nightmare" for instance), but personally I think putting yourself into the story is immature and a bad idea. If you have to do it, make it metaphorical or symbolic or some shit. I'm gonna be quiet now so I don't look like an idiot.

That is all I have to say for the time being, I think. If you feel bored or want to yell at me for any reason, add me to MSN: cheesypickupline@hotmail.com

Also know that I will always accept anonymous reviews, and will never, ever block reviewsto do so is chickenshit, and most of the site's users nowadays use it to make sure they receive nothing but blind praise, usually from their friends.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my cutlass needs to be walked. Arrrr!

Personal note from me for 'Ryu Gunslinger' and 'Enyon the Origin'get off your high horses and go away. You're obviously too close-minded to understand a goddamn thing I say or write, but you continue to pick at my words (and harangue Vincent and Nazza) and offer completely unhelpful, extremely abusive comments. Nobody cares, cut the bullshit and move on with your lives.