Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake! (SLURP) I drink it up!

XM7 Wyvern Armored Combat Exoskeleton

http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k17/kgk26/MARINE.jpg

Currently Listening to: Skillet - "Monster"

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King every day, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Random Ass Military Quotes

"Hell, these are Marines. Men like them held Guadalcanal and took Iwo Jima; Baghdad ain't shit."
-Major General John Kelly; 1st Light Armored Recon. Operation: Iraqi Freedom

"I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all.
-General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders

"Underway on Nuclear Power."
-USS Nautilus; First nuclear powered submarine

"Nuts!"
-General Anthony McAuliffe; 101st Airborne. Battle of Bastogne

"Boys, the old flag never touched the ground!"
-Sergeant William Carney; 54th Massachusetts. Assualt on Fort Wagner

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war."
-William Shakespeare; Julius Caesar

"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I have no fear, because I am the meanest motherfucker in the whole valley."
-General George S. Patton

"If everything is going according to plan, you've just stepped into an ambush"
-Old U.S Army Saying

"Front Towards Enemy"
-M18A1 Claymore Antipersonnel Mine

"Retreat? No. We're advancing in another direction."
-Call of Duty 2

One Big Ass Mistake America
-Obama backronym

"Foxtrot Uniform"
-Military Jargon for; Fucked Up

Foxtrot November Golf. (FNG)
-Military Jargon for; Fucking New Guy

Situtation Normal: All Fucked Up. (SNAFU)
-Military Jargon

Fucked Up Beyond Any Recognition. (FUBAR)
-Military Jargon

"Aren't Really Men Yet" (ARMY)
-U.S Army Backronym

"Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up" (YMRA S.U)
-U.S Army Backwards; Backronym

"My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment" (MARINE)
-Marine Corps Backronym

"Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential" (MARINE)
-Marine Corps Backronym

U Signed the Motherfucking Contract (USMC)
-USMC Backronym

Uncle Sam's Misguided Children (USMC)
-USMC Backronym

The United States Marine Corps; Helping enemy soldiers die for their countries since 1775
-USMC

Semper Fi!
Do or Die!
Oorah!
Pray for War!
-USMC Battle Cry

My Mama can't you see?
What this Corps has done for me.
Put me in a barber's chair.
Snip, Snap, and I had no hair.
And if I die in a combat zone.
Box me up and ship me home.
Put me in a set of dress blues.
Comb my hair and shine my shoes.
Pin my medals upon my chest.
Tell my Mama I did my best.
But my Mama don't you cry.
Marine Corps motto is do or die!
-USMC Cadence; Mama Can't You See?