clickity-click
http://www.fictionpress.com/~bloodstains
That's my non fan fiction writing mabobber.
Same username.
Yeah.
Me and my uncreative self.
Anywhozles.
Instant Messengers:
MSN: theoffspring.4ever@hotmail.com
Yahoo!: punk_pirate766@yahoo.com
AIM: I swear, I'm getting one soon!
If you add me, then either PM me first or send me a message to my IM/Email alerting me of who you are on fanfiction.net.
Name:
Well, they call me 'Mello Yello.'
But they also call me... 'Tater Salad.'
Go figure.
But most people call me Comma. See, that way Slash isn't the only punctuation mark that plays guitar.
Meaning Slash the guitarist, not Slash the fan fiction genre.
Just to clear that up.
I'd tell ya my real name, too, but there would be no point, because I'm going to change it when I'm 18 due to issues with -certain- members of my family.
Age:
16
Gender:
Girl
Location:
Middle of, Nowhere
Appearance:
Invisible 0.o except on Fridays. Don't know why, I've been trying to work that out for a while. Haven't come to a good conclusion on how to fix that yet. Oh well.
So currently on Fridays, I consist of the following:
Long dark red hair
Brown eyes w/mucho black eyeliner
Band T-Shirts
Black or blue jeans often w/holes
Black platform leather boots, black leather combat boots, black foam sandals, or lime green foam sandals.
Leather of some sort somewhere usually. I like my leather arm warmers especially.
Ocasional fishnet armwarmers.
10 Gauge earrings
Chains
Spikes
With a slight chance of a chocolate bar in one hand.
I have a severe leather complex but not much leather clothing so =/ kinda sucky-ish.
Personality:
I am probably one of the most random people you will ever meet.
This is partially due to the fact that I hear voices. These voices belong to my other personalities. My other personalities take over my brain at random moments.
I am the type of person who names random objects, such as guitars.
I am the type of person who can get distracted by one thing so badly I forget to eat... such as guitars again.
I am the type of person who can obsess over something so much that it practically takes over my life... um. such as guitars. Again. For more information, see catogory labeled Obsessions.
I am the type of person who cares more about my family and my friends than anything else in the world. Guitars come second.
I would give my life for any of them. Or any of my guitars. Seriously. I would. Dead serious.
Anyone who messes with my family, my friends, or, incidentilly, my guitars, will be severly injured unless I am held away from them against my will.
I am the type of person who can stay awake for an entire month on soda and chocolate.
Not counting the thirty minute long power naps, of course.
I am an involentary insomniac.
Okay. So sometimes, it is completely volentary.
I have short term memory loss and I have it bad.
I am always in a better mood when I haven't slept the previous night.
I require proof of dern near everything before I'll believe it.
I also argue everything tooth and nail, even if I actually agree with it, because arguing is fuuuuun!
I have some major trust issues. It generally takes a long time to get me to open up about much of anything.
So basically, I'm a paranoid, argumentative, goofy, compassionate insomniac geetarist.
Obsessions:
Music
Writing
Drawing
Knives and swords and other sharp objects
DEATH NOTE!! Or Nota de la Muerta, depending on where you're from
Muscle cars!!
My car
Favorite Music:
Almost any rock from the 60s-80s
And blues. I love me some good old 1930s blues guitar yesyes.
I'll name a few for the heck of it.
Led Zeppelin. MUCHO.
Guns 'N' Roses. TAMBIEN MUCHO.
Motley Crue
The Who
Sweet (three whoops for ballroom blitz!)
UFO
MSG (Michael Schenker Group)
The Scorpions
Metallica
The Beatles (mostly just The White Album, but a little more besides that too)
Megadeth
Iron Maidennnnnnnnnnnnn
Black Sabbath
OZZZZYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Ozzy is my freaking idol, despite me being a guitarist and not a singer. Don't ask me why. He's just awesome like that.
Tenacious Deeeeeeeeeeee because Jack Black is awesome, too.
Charlie Daniel's Band. I'm a freaking Devil Went Down To Georgia nutcase, but I like their other stuff tooo.
Blue Oyster Cult fjhighfotrnhg!!
Boston
Soundgarden
Pearl Jam
Alice In Chains
Nirvana
Seven Mary Three
Stone Temple Pilots
Stevie Ray Vaughan
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJimi Hendrixxxxxxxxx
Robert Johnson
Lead Belly
Ram Jam
LLLLLLynard Skynarddddddd
AC/DC
Loverboy
Deep Purple
Elton John. To a certain extent.
Monster Magnet
Creedence Clearwater Revival
QQQQQQUUEEEEENNNN!! Because Freddie Mercury=greatness.
In case you don't know, the ones I went kind of spastic on are some of my absolute favorites of all time ever in the history of the entire world. Chyeah.
Yes, I know I said a "few." Stop laughing at me. I didn't mean to do this. This is what happens when I talk about music. I apologize...
Favorite books:
I'm a Harry Potter dork =)
But I also enjoy reading random biographies of rock musicians on occasion.
Favorite manga:
Death Note!! I finished reading it FINALLY. I say finally, but it kinda only took me about a month... I'm still rewriting it, though (see The King's Note for more info).
A few others, too.
I like One Piece and Naruto (though I haven't read either in a while)
Dragon Ball has been a favorite of mine for forever.
click!http://heavy-metal-thunder.deviantart.com
Favorite characters:
Death Note
L: Coolest insomniac ever. I'm an insomniac too, but I don't spend my time awake solving crazy murder cases, so congrats to L for not wasting his time like me. Oh, and YAY CAKE!!
B: His indecisiveness over what laugh makes him seem awesomest is just f-cking great. And I've been obsessed with strawberry jam since I was two freaking years old. So I was reading that part of the book like "What the freaking hell?!"
Mello: Psycho crazy and obsessed with chocolate and leather and weapons, so I can relate to him completely. Plus a member of my family uuused to have mafia connectins until we moved outa that state, so more relatedness :P -takes bite of chocolate bar and continues typing-
Matsuda: His goofiness is so-very amusing. And I cheer for him for shooting the -ahem- godof the new world. WOO! If only he hadn't missed when he was aiming for the bastard's head... and YES I despise Light so there's no need to ask. Anyone person who thinks he/she is a God needs to be reminded by being shown firsthand that he/she is not immortal. So another big WOO! to Matsuda for attempting to do so!!
Ryuk: Effing smart ass, jurst like meh. Makes him uberly awesome. Yay apples!
Matt: Ifreakinglovehiscar!!1!!111!!111!!zomG. Okaaaaaayyyyyynow that I've gotten that out of my system, videogames and computerhacking are fun :). And mooooving on before I go muscle car nuts-o again.
Mikami: Three words: eliminationeliminationelimination!! I was reading the one chapter of the manga dedicated fully to him. Couldn't stop laughing at his random chanting at the very end there. Just couldn't.
Aizawa: I have decided that Aizawa is the dude from Afro Samurai in disguise. Why? Just because.
Naomi Misora: Because she's just badass enough to be on my list of favorites. Why don't you try owning a motorcycle, wearing awesome leather boots all the time, being in the FBI, and working with L without being awesome? I bet a million bucks it's impossible. Her death was also where I oficially decided that I hated Light Yagami. L's death just boosted my hatered of Light by about 16,456,321,121,246,415,258,445,156 notches. Then Mello's added on that many times ten. As did Matt's.
Pirates of the Carribean
Jack Sparrow: He's the coolest pirate in all movies ever made. Not to mention, I like rum and piracy, too. Plus, Johnny Depp is just great. -humming- hmm hmm hmmm hmm-hmm-hmm... and really bad eggs. Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
Norrington: I utterly detested him all the way through the first movie and up until the second movie when he turned all piratey and whatnot, then I hated him again by the end when he went all betrayal and stuff, then I cried when he got stabbedded for helping the pirates in the third movie. Go figure.
Tia Dalma: You just can't not be fucking awesome when you're capable of bringing dead people back to life and making pirates overly possessive of jars of dirt. It's just impossible not to be awesome at that point, I swear to bob. Tia Dalma is one of my favorite characters out of any movie I've ever watched about anything. She's just that fucking awesome and shiz.
Harry Potter Series
Fred and George: Practical jokes rock. So do fireworks. I need not say anymore.
Snape: He's an ass and all, but I felt bad for him after book 7 (won't say why, me no give spoilers just in case).
Dumbledore: Crazy-awesome old hippy. Wish my school's principal was that awesome.
The Marauders: Yes, this contradicts directly with Snape being under my favorite characters. Get over it.
Final Fantasy VII
Sephiroth: I believe the psycho-crazy thing comes into play here again.
Vincent Valentine: I like guns, too :) Not to mention the fact that he so looks like a vampire and I love vampires.
Yuffie: Ninja!
Cait Sith: I don't know why, I just adore the little talking cat. He's been a favorite of mine since I was about six years old :)
Reno: He's just so goofy. And his hair rocks.
Hobbies:
Guitar and writing
Current stories:
I haven't done much original stuff lately, my inspiration randomly disappeared one day.
I'm playing around with some ideas for other fan fictions.
The Orphan of Hogwarts,I've reached a blank on it, so I'll have to come back to it later.
My newest as of July 07, 2008 is Friendly Rivalry, a Death Notefanfiction.
Yes. I am obsessed with Death Note. I admit it.
It takes place at around the time Matt and Mello would be twelve years old, so it of course takes place at The Wammy's House. A new girl is sent to live there, and she poses a threat for Mello's major inferiority complex, andhis friendship with Matt... or so Mello seems to think. Mostly humor, a little drama here and there. I don't have the entire story planned out in my head, which is perfectly normal with me. It just sort of flows naturally. I'm not sure how or where it will end, so there's no chance of me giving away any spoilers.
(A Gaunt Tale is one of the only stories I've written to date that I have planned out. Unfortunately, I haven't been working on it in order, I'm writing its ending right now, which means that it may be a while before my next update on it).
Generally, twists in the plots of my stories surprise me as much as any readers. I don't like planning because surprises are fun.
My newest fic: Sketch.
Death Note fic. Yo soy mucho obsesso.
Takes place durring the time of the Kira case.
Involves an original character because I enjoy messing with story lines and changing stuff to my liking.
Orignal character = Matsuda Emi.
She is Matsuda Tota's younger sister who is in the same year of school as Light.
After a fallout with her father, this rebelious chain-smoking seventeen-year-old artist moves in with her older brother, only to find herself slapped in the middle of the Kira case upon the discovery of her amazing profiling abilities.
A simple sketch could turn out to be important evidence of the Kira case, but she's not sure if she wants to get in the middle of it all.
Newest fic as of July 13: Justice Never Dies.
With this fic comes a number of bennefits:
1. Understanding more about Mu, which amazingly has nothing to do with cows.
2. L getting a Death Note thrown at him in the middle of the night at random.
3. More fun with Kira.
4. A brand new Shinigami!
5. Rather mean death threats. Not so much a bennefit, but oh well!
6. Cameos from Ryuk, Rem, Misa, Takada, Mikami, Matsuda, Sayu, and all your other favorite characters.
7. AU because screwing around with plots is just too much fun to resist.
8. Random raids of rooms.
9. Mispronunciation of names.
10. PRANKS!
All this and more for just three easy payments -and one f-cking hard payment- of 19.95!
Okay, not seriously. It actually doesn't cost anything. But it does involve L getting a Death Note thrown at him and ect ect.
Deceptive Winning is my newest fic (07/17) and first ever one-shot. I finished it JUST NOW (6:31 pm) and am about to go post it.
It's based on my fic Justice Never Dies (so it will obviously be a Death Note fic) explaining how L and a few other characters survived and became a part of the events in Justice Never Dies.
The idea is curtosy of Sabext so thanks muchly!
It's going to be quite like the movie's end with a couple manga details that didn't happen in the movie, but with a twist or two of my own added in as well.
Because if it were exactly like the movie, L would have died and I couldn't have started writing Justice Never Dies.
Is written in first person from L's POV, mostly just because I felt like it.
I may be working on another story soon.
Idea completely by Sabext on this website, not me.
It would be based onw what would have happened if Ryuk had written down the names of Near and the SPK and the Investigation team rather than Light's in the end, so Light could continue his work as Kira and Ryuk could continue to be amused.
I don't like Light much at all, but Ryuk effing rocks, so I could work with it :) I haven't started it yet, but the idea was given to me on 07/15 or 07/16 (depending on if it was before or after midnight. I don't know.
My next fic is going to be called Mellow Out.
Will take place at around the time L was fifteen and Mello was four.
Original character, yes. A fourteen-soon-to-be-fifteen-year-old new kid at The Wammy's with major attitude problems and a nasty scar on her right cheek.
Roger and Watari decide that she needs mental help after nearly four years of "trauma" in two different street gangs due to family ties.
It will follow about four to six years of her time there, I figure, and involves how Mello developed many of his quirks, though it is from her point of view, but in third person. You'll see what I mean if and when you read it.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I have started a small series of mini-fics, all 500 words each, all based mostly around L, that I may post soon, based on a fic challenge I found on Livejournal (it's from a table from the fanfic50 page, I'm not doing the actual challenge yet, I just got insufferably bored last night). I got bored last night and decided to do it.
The entire thing would be called Sugar Cubes, as many of the mini stories will be based around sugar cubes. Mostly comical, but some other subgenres as well (occasional angst, as an example), and based around the Kira case after the permanent headquarters is build.
I make fun of Matsuda quite a bit in it, but that's because writing from L's point of view in third person, I have to try to hold the same opinions of the beloved Matsuda that L does.
Besides, I only pick on him because he's so gosh dern adorable.
Original Characters:
These are my original characters. Two have been described as "Mary-Sues," but not often. My views are that out of the number of comments that I've gotten on my stories, it's only happened twice, so the people that said it can just screw off. No likey, no read. Tis simple.
A King's Note:
Katherine Lynton
Real name: Unknown
Aliases (In order of most used): Katherine Lynton, Regina M. Locksley, Amaya Matsui, Allyson Anderson, Beatrice Hernandez, Molly Rhudder, Kimberly O'Connery, Kyra Barrinston, Samantha Powell, Erin Lamburg, Shanna Williams
Age: At start of story, 18
DOB: July 4, 1986
Nationality: Irish
Background info: Born in Ireland to unknown parents, left in a low quality orphanage that never filed her identity. Makes friends with local con artists at the age of eleven who help her break out of the orphanage at the age of fourteen. Lives on the other side of the country with the alias Kimberly O'Connery and a fake identity made for her by previously mentioned con artists. Moves to Japan at the start of rumors of Kira because it seems like it would be "fun." In senior year of High School with Misa Amane, whom she befriends.
Personality: Loner, except a few close friends, but basically friendly. Immense sense of humor that is sometimes hard to shut off. Voluntary insomniac. Intelligent. Acts strongly on emotion, which overrides common sense often. Chocolate obsessive. Dislikes those who think that hard work can't be humourous. Child-like sense of adventure.
Appearance: Short. Dark red hair, curly, couple inches past shoulder. Turquiose eyes. Slim figure. Generally wears tall boots to boost height, only wears skirts when forcibly made by either Toudai's dress code or Misa Amane.
Sketch
Emi Matsuda
Real Name: Emi Matsuda
Aliases: Mizuki Matsui
Age: At start of story, 17
DOB: May 19, 1986
Nationality: Japanese
Background Info: Grew up with father and brother after mother died in car wreck when she was five. Father turns against her after her older brother moves out, so she leaves at the age of seventeen and moves in with her brother.
Personality: Holds friends and family with high regard, easily manipulated by both. Talkative. Very short-tempered. Chain smoker. Dislikes those who do not allow her to smoke. Enjoys bothering arrogant superiors.
Appearance: Average height and body type. Long and straight black hair with reddish tint and dark brown eyes. Major spike/chain obsession. Often seen with cigarette in hand.
Friendly Rivalry
Christie Anderson
Real Name: Christina Newton
Aliases: Christie Anderson
Age: At start of story, 12
DOB: March 25, 1990
Nationality: British
Background Info: Grew up as an only child with parents who were also only children, grandparents died before she was born. Parents died when she was twelve, and she was taken in by The Wammy's House, where an annoying blond boy with an inferiority complex and a chocolate obsession immediately began pestering her for no apparent reason.
Personality: Kind to those who are kind to her. Vengeful. Witty. Easily amused. Prankster. Musically inclined. High IQ. Scary when pissed off. Drinks more caffeine than most people can ingest without going into cardiac arrest when either anxious/worried or pissed off about something.
Appearance: Petite in height and figure. Long and wavy bright red hair and green eyes. Often seen with guitar strap on and guitar attached to said strap. Boot fettish (anything from spiked heals to cowboy boots).
Mellow Out
Alpha Epsilon
Real Name: Cindy-Louise McConnell
Aliases: Alpha Epsilon
Age: At start of story, 14
DOB: November 12, 1979
Nationality: British
Background Info: Grew up with one rebellious older brother that she greatly looked up to and two parents striving to keep him in line. In an unfortunate chain of events, she is drafted into her brother's street gang at the age of eleven when she happens to discover he is in it and they happen to discover her knack for hacking and spying. Her parents find out after two years in the dark, and are killed by that gang for "knowing too much," as is her brother in an attempt to save them. Needless to say, she joins with a rival gang to take them out, and they are busted by the police two years later. An IQ test later and she is sent to The Wammy's House, much to her dismay. She is assigned a therapist for her "troubled childhood" who makes her keep a journal, which she refers to as her "psychodiary."
Personality: Defiant, dislikes those who play by the rules too much, vengeful, smart ass, chocoholic, loudmouthed, protective of those she actually manages to form bonds with. Enjoys target practicing with anything from guns to crossbows and hacking into random computer systems in spare time.
Appearance: Average height, slim build. Strawberry-blond hair with length to bottom of neck in front and slanting backwards to pixie-cut length at back of neck. Pale green eyes. Rosary necklace that used to belong to her brother. Jeans with various holes and generally sharpie marker writing all over them, tattered combat boots, and baggy band t-shirts with occasional leather jacket. Old fingerless, peeling leather gloves. Nose, ears, and lip piercings. Flaming skull tattoo on upper left arm with greek letters for "Alpha," "Omega," and "Epsilon" on forehead of skull.
BLARGHHHH. I'll do the other two later.
A note to my readers:
You guys are all seriously freaking awesome. Thank you for all the reviews and favoriting and whatnot.
Quote(s) of the Day. Or week. Possibly of the Month if I Get Lazy.
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking-stuffer."
"Do you think when some guy came up with the idea to invent a bong, a black light popped up over his head?"
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"At the end of my letters, I like to write 'P.S., This is what part of the alphabet would look like if "Q" and "R" were eliminated.'"
(06-29-08)
“Ok, I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock beats Scissors, but there’s no way that Paper can beat Rock! Paper is supposed to magically ‘wrap around’ Rock leaving it immobile? Then, why the hell can’t Paper do this to Scissors? In fact, screw Scissors! Why can’t Paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why! It’s because Paper can’t beat anybody! A Rock would tear that shit up in about two seconds! When I play ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors,’ I always choose Rock. Then, when someone claims they’ve beaten me with their Paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say something like, ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry. I thought Paper would protect you.’”
(06-30-08)
(Death Note)
Misa: Hey... this doesn't feel like a date like this...
L: Don't mind me. Are you going to eat that cake?
Misa: I watch the sweets because they make you fat...
L: If you use your head, you won't get fat even if you eat sweets.
Misa: Oh! There you go making fun of me again... How about if I give you the cake, will you leave me and Light alone together?
L: Even if I leave you two alone together, I can watch from the cameras, so it's the same thing.
Misa: I told you that's perverted! Will you stop with that kind of fettish?!
L: Say what you want, but I will be taking the cake.
(http://www.onemanga.com/Death_Note/38/06/)
(Death Note)
Light: What's up?
L: Another of Matsuda's unimportant idiocies.
Light: Well Matsuda does have that natural ignorance.
Matsuda: ... Those two know we can hear them, right?
(http://www.onemanga.com/Death_Note/38/17/)
(07-01-08)
"When you sleep every night, you miss out on half of your life."
"Procrastinators of the world unite!... tomorrow."
"I put the _ in lazy."
(07-15-08)
"I tried counting sheep, but they were jumping over the fence too fast, and they were making 'doi-oi-oing' noises, like cartoons. Then I tried counting zombies, but they were going too slow, and after the first few they started tripping over the fence."- My brother, on the subject of sleep. I laughed my fucking ass off.
(07-17-08)
"Furbleburb biznotches!"
"Hey you. -points- Yeah, you. No, not you... that other guy. You right there! Yes, you. Do you like tacos?"
"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPERMAN!! No, wait... it's only a bird. My bad. I got confused because it was a bird wearing a cape."
(Death Note)
"But that makes Kira cheap and uncool... That's not groovy at all."
- Matsuda
(http://www.onemanga.com/Death_Note/39/08/)
(07-21-08)
"As they say in West Virginia, don't play grab-ass with a bull unless you're willing to get the horns."
- My step-dad, on the subject of me attempting to pour soda on his head =P . He's from West Virginia, in case ya couldn't infer that.
(07-26-08)
(Pirates of teh Caribbean)
Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack: You smell funny.
(Pirates of teh Caribbean)
"And that was without a single drop of rum." (Jack)
"But why is the rum gone??"(Jack)
"Why is the rum always gone? -stumbles- Oh. -regains composure- That's why." (Jack)
"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide." (Jack)
"It's a Key!" (Marty) "No! Much more better! It is a drawring of a key." (Jack)
"No! If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever it is we don't have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?" (Jack)
(07-28-08)
(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Launcelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Galahad: I don't think I was.
Launcelot: Yes you were. You were in terrible peril.
Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Launcelot: No, it's too perilous.
Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Launcelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!
Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Launcelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Launcelot: No I'm not.
(07-30-08)
There is no perfect place, yes I know this is true
I’m just learning how to smile, that’s not easy to do
I know there will come a day when we can leave and just go running away
Everclear, "Learning How To Smile"
(08-02-08)
You say you want a revolution
Well, you know, we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know, we all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
The Beatles, "Revolution"
You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
'Cause dreamers always chase but never get it
Aesop Rock, "No Regrets"
When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say live and let live
But if this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
The Beatles, "Live and Let Die"
Life is too short so love the one you got
'Cause you might get run over or you might get shot
Sublime!, "What I Got"
Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that all to the poor
Time will tell on their power minds
Making war just for fun
Treating people just like pawns in chess
Wait til their judgement day comes
Black Sabbath, "War Pigs"
In case your wondering, I'm listening to bunches a music right now.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: -looks- It's just a flesh wound.
Black Knight: You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager: She turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Villager: I've gotten better...
Dennis: You can't expect to weild supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
French Guard: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so called Arthur King-a, you and all your silly English k-nnnnnnnigets!
Galahad: What a strange person.
Arthur: Now look here, my good man -
French Guard: I don' wanna talk-a to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Left Head of Three Headed Guy: Oh, all right, all right, all right! We'll kill him first, and then have tea and biscuits!
(08-03-08)
Death Note
L:-while examining evidence- Hair... crumbs from a cracker snack... Yagami-san, if I die in the coming days, your son is Kira... more hair...
Yagami:-snaps suddenly into focus- What?!
Death Note
(Practicing lines for Misa's Yotsuba meeting)
Aiber: Misa-san, you came to Tokyo hoping to meet Kira.
Misa: Eh?!
L: Okay, Misa-san, I know that line is a bunch of bull, but don't overdo it.
Misa: Whaat?? That's what people call first class acting!
L: Let's try this again.
Misa: -sarcasically- Yes, Directer-Ryuzaki sir...
L: Misa-san, please take this seriously or I may have to kick you.
Death Note
Misa: If you're going to be with him 24/7, how is Misa going to go on dates with Light?
L: On dates it will have to be the three of us...
Misa: What? Are you telling me that when I kiss him, it's going to be in front of you?!
L: I never said you had to kiss him. However, I will be observing.
Misa: Huuuh?? What's with that?! I knew it, you are a pervert!
L: Light, can you please make Misa be quiet?
(08-05-08)
Well, woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand
Whose wine? What wine? Where the hell did I dine?
Peter Frampton, "Do You Feel Like We Do"
That's my favorite line from any song ever.
Sail away where no ball and chain can keep us from the roarin waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free
Sail away aboard our rid, the moon is full and so are we
Seven drunken pirates, we're the seven deadly sins
Flogging Molly, "Seven Deadly Sins"
I bang on the door but she won't let me in
'Cause you're sick and tired of me reeking of gin
You lock all the doors from the front to the back
and left me a note telling me I should pack
I walk in the bar and the fella's all cheer
Order me up a whiskey and beer
If you're asking me why I'm writing this poem
Some call it a tavern but I call it home
Fuck you I'm drunk, fuck you I'm drunk
Pour my beer down the drain, I've got more in the trunk
Fuck you I'm drunk, fuck you I'm drunk
And I'm gonna be drunk 'til the next time I'm drunk
You've given me an option, you said I must choose
'tween you and the liquor, then I'll take the booze
I'm jumpin' on Western down to the south side
Where I'll sit down and exercise my Irish Pride
I don't know who it's by. If anyone does know for sure, tell me.
I have sources that say The Dropkick Murpheys and others that say Flogging Molly.
Then there's some other bands entirely.
So, someone, HELP!
Anywho, song's called "Fuck You, I'm Drunk"
(08-08-08)(too many eights!)
"I don't have a gambling problem. I'm winning. Winning is not a problem. That's like sayin' Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. Pour some sugar on that."
- Jason Lee as Earl Hickey in television series My Name is Earl
(08-11-08)
(From The Academy by Bently Little. I give credit where credit is due. Just like my one English teacher said that one year. My English teacher this year was a drunk bitch who didn't know how to teach. Anywhos.)
--
Ed whistled. “Fuck howdy with a dick water sandwich à la mode.”
Brad turned toward him. “You’ve been saying that same stupid phrase since grammar school and it makes no sense whatsoever. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Ed looked back levelly. “How would I know? I was in grammar school when I thought of it."
"Then don't say it."
"I like the way it sounds."
--
(I do not own any rights to this story, I just nearly died of laughter at this part. Please don't sue me. I am merely posting this because I appreciated the humor. If there are any objections from anyone who does own rights and ya want me to take it off, please feel free to tell me because getting sued scares the shit outa me.)
"It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet, either."
Uncredited, it was on some T-shirt I saw. But Pluto is my favorite planet. Or was. Until those bullying scientists said it was inept and started calling it a dwarf. They're just pissed because they used to be nerds in school, so now they're bullying intergallactic bodies to compensate for their troubled childhoods! It's injustice! -clears throat- Okay. Outburst finished.
(08-12-08)
I will be singing in the rain when it all goes wrong again.
Everclear, "It All Goes Wrong Again"
(08-18-08)
"My goal is to be one with the music."
- Jimi Hendrix
"I recognized my own creative voice filtered through those six strings."
- Slash
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
- Friedrich Nietsche
"Music is a discipline, a mistress of order and good manners; she makes the people milder and gentler, more moral and more reasonable."
- Martin Luther
(10-4-08)
I found this too funny not to put on my profile. I hijacked it from someone else, though.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Chuck Norris
Yes. There is a Chuck Norris section on meh profile.
And it'll roundhouse kick you in the face if you've got a problem with it.
1. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plan with his finger by yelling "BANG!"
2. In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records, it notes that all records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
3. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
5. Chuck Norris can murder the dead.
6. If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
7. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
8. Chuck Norris knows where the lost city of Atlantis is, because it sank when he roundhouse kicked it.
9. Jesus could walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
10. The devil only went down to Georgia because that's where he landed when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him out of hell.
11. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
13. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
14. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
15. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.
16. A Chuck Norris-delivered roundhouse kick is the prefered method of execution in sixteen states.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't have to write books; the words assemble themselves out of fear.
18. While taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
19. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
20. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
21. When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean, he doesn't get wet - the ocean gets Chuck Norris'd.
22. At the start of every summer, Chuck Norris begins practicing his roundhouse
kicks outside. We know this as hurricane season.
23. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
24. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder
County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does
not 'attempt' murder.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.
26. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
27. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
28. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
29. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a
mistake.
30. There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris ... Just kidding,
Chuck Norris is first.
31. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
32. Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
33. Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company, the
company field tested it and it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take
crap from nobody.
34. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
35. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today
as Giraffes.
36. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never
slap Chuck Norris.
37. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of
the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
38. Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to arm wrestle... that person is now
known as Captain Hook.
39. A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him what his favorite
Chuck Norris fact was. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such
force that the man spontaneously combusted.
40. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one
fools Chuck Norris.
41. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into
concrete.
42. When he is alone at night, Chuck Norris likes to wear slippers with bunnies
on them. Real bunnies.
43. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
44. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden
barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
45. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
46. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earheart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Thanks to Sparanda for numbers 21-46 :)
Aaand I'll add more whenever I get bored.
Well. Free credit report dot com is actually a pretty boring website.
But they're still musical geniuses.
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
Well I married my dream girl
I married my dream girl
But she didn't tell me that her credit was bad
So now instead of living in a pleasant suburb
We're living in the basement at her mom and dad's
No we can't get a loan for a respectable home
All because my girl defaulted on some old credit card
If we'd gone to free credit report dot com
I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
They say a man should always dress for the job he wants
So why am I dressed up like a pirate in the resturaunt?
It's all because some hacker stole my identity
Now I'm in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea
Shoulda gone to free credit report dot com (yee-hah!)
I coulda seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb
They monitor your credit and send you email alerts
So you don't end up sellin' fish to tourists in t-shirts
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
Well I was shoppin' for a new car, which one's me?
A cool convertable or an SUV?
Too bad I didn't know my credit was whack
Cuz now I'm drivin' off the lot in a used sub-compact
F-R-E-E that spells free
Credit report dot com, baby
Saw their ads on my TV
Thought about goin' but was too lazy
Now insteada lookin fly and rollin' phat
My legs are stickin' to the vinyll and my pose's gettin' laughed at
F-R-E-E that spells free
Credit report dot com, baby
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
Check it out, gas prices flyin' up sky high
Ditch my new sub compact for a two wheeled ride
Now I'm rollin' eco-friendly but I still look bad
When the bike store saw my credit they said this is all they had
I'm singing
F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E-D-I-T
Re- to the Port- to the dot to the com
Come on everybody grab your bike and sing along its easy
F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E-D-I-T
Re- to the Port- to the dot to the com
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
When you're a rock star
You get to party hard
Champagne and caviar
Tricked out exotic cars
It's just how I thought it'd be
'Cept the party's not for me
Cuz some punk opened a credit card with my ID
(Free what?)
Free credit
Report dot com
That's the site I'm gonna hit when I go home
They know how credit works
They send email alerts
Now I'm findin out how bad reality hurts
XxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXxXxVvVxXx
Interesting labels... (hijacked from nekosoulreaper. This amused the ever-loving f-ck out of me.)
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human)
Links!!
Click here to see the best thing in the history of the Earth and at least three other planets in the solar system.
Click here to see the best non-pancake related website in the world.
Click here to see the only thing better than a baby made out of America and ice cream.
Click here to see what happens when you click this.
Click here to see how gravel works!
Visit the site that has stolen the Atu Waa from the Annunaki Reptillians.
Click this so you can brag to your friends about clicking something!
(Copyright © 2007-2008 Torsopants - All Rights Reserved (by them, not by me. I just found their "Awesome Links" page amusing)).
Soundtrack to my life
I'm bored, so I randomly decided to do this.
Opening Credits: “No Boundaries” by Michael Angelo Batio
(woot for insanely awesome geetarsolosss!!)
Waking Up: “What I Got” by Sublime
Early in the morning, rising to the street
Light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet
Got to find a reason, a reason things went wrong
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone
Average Day: “Lithium” by Nirvana
I'm so happy because today I found my friends
They're in my head
First Date: “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin
You need coolin', ah, baby I'm not foolin'
I'm gonna send ya, back to school and
Way down inside, honey all you need
I'm gonna give ya my love, ahh gonna give you my love
Falling in Love: “Black Balloon” by Goo Goo Dolls
Falling down the world turns over
And angels fall without you there
Love Scene: “Times Like These” by Foo Fighters
It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these, time and time again
Fight Scene: “Cumbersome” by Seven Mary Three
I'd like to believe we can reconcile the past
Resurect those bridges with an ancient glance
But my old stone face can't seem to break her down
She remembers bridges, burns them to the ground
Breaking Up: “Goodbye to Romance” by Ozzy
Yesterday has been and gone
Tomorrow will I find the sun or will it rain?
Everybody's having fun
Except me, I'm the lonely one, I live in shame
Getting Back Together: “No One Like You” by The Scorpions
I don't want my feelings restrained
Ooh, babe, I just need you like never before
Just imagine you'd come through this door
You'd take all my sorrow away
Secret Love: “Next To You” by The Police
Can't stand it for another day
When you live so many miles away
Nothing here is gonna make me stay
You took me over, let me find a way
Life’s Okay: “Nightrain” by Guns N Roses
I'm on the night train, bottoms up
I'm on the night train, fill my cup
I'm on the night train, ready to crash and burn
Mental Breakdown: “The Game” by Disturbed
If you even try to look the other way
I think that I could kill this time
Driving: “Bad Habit” by The Offspring
Open the glovebox
Reach inside, gonna wreck this fucker's ride
Guess I got a bad habit, of blowing away
Guess I got a bad habit, and it ain't goin' away
Learning a Lesson: “The Freshmen” by Verve Pipe
For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were live when we never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen
Deep Thought: “What It’s Like” by Everlast
God forbid you ever have to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Flashback: “Father of Mine” by Everclear
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card with a five dollar bill
Yeah, I never understood you and, well I guess I never will
My dad he gave me a name (then he walked away)
Partying: “Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet
And the man in the back said everyone attack
And it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said 'boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!' A ballroom blitz
Happy Dance: “Blitzkrieg Bop” or “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones
Hey, ho, let's go, shoot 'em in the back now
What they want, I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to goooo
I wanna be sedated
Nothin to do, nowhere to gooo
I wanna be sedated
Regretting: “Angel’s Son” by Sevendust
One last song, given to an angel's son
As soon as you were gone
As soon as you were gone, hey
Long Night Alone: “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails
What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I love
Goes away in the end
Death Scene: “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen
Pretty self explanatory :p
Closing Credits: “No Regrets” by Aesop Rock
You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase but never get it
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
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