Name:Hahahahahahah you so wish.

Age: Like I'm about to tell you.

Gender: FEMALE AND DAMN PROUD OF IT! Just because I don't have balls doesn't mean I can't rip yours off and feed them to ya.

Likes, horror, adventure, anything spooky, wolves, horses, magic.

Dislikes, Twilight(gag, choke, barf, I mean come on Dracula's nowhere's near as flashy as pretty-boy Eddykins[shudders]and yet he has three brides[who are totally WAAAAAAAY hotter than Bella and who could kick ass] and commanded his own wolves), mushy romances(CREEPY), Barbie wannabies(eeek), people who talk in really high voices(OW, my ears), little fancy dogs(really annoying for several reasons), people who are challenged in the humor and sarcasm departments, bullies(why can't they just get the point that they are not cool), guys who can't talk about anything but their abs and favorite sport(yawn), bad grammar(it gives me headaches so the story had better be good or I will kill whatever poor schmuck wrote it), and of-course people who enjoy insulting me just for the heck of it(grrrrr).

Favorite books, Kill Without Joy- The Complete How To Kill Book, Death Dealer's Manual, Dresden Files, the Nightside, Scarlet Pimpernel, Darkness Chosen, Hunter's League, Charlie Bone, Alex Rider, and anythign by Poe.

Favorite movies, Mighty Ducks, Elektra, Batman, Daredevil, the Mummy, 2002, A Man Called Hero, all the Fast and Furious movies, Phantom of the Opera(would like it even more if Raoul got snuffed but I guess we can't have everything we want grrrrrrrrrr), and Blade.

Favorite TV series, Supernatural, Angel, Relic Hunter, Gilligans Island, Inyuash, Naruto, One piece, and Bones(unfortunately our Northern neighbors[that's Canada for those who are not American] have yet to master the art of tv show making and that is why the Dresden Files show is a complete heresy and why I refuse to touch it with a mile-long pole)

Favorite pastime, putting my evil plot bunny to work or horse riding. (of course a good game of paintball with my brothers is always welcome)

Life's ambition; chain Michael and Lucifer together, hang 'em over the bottomless pit and sit back to watch Dean Winchester use them two universal class Dicks for target practice mwahahahhahah. Help Naruto arrange a family reunion for Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha(will let you all know how it goes though to be on the safe side I think I should confiscate their irons at the front desk heh heh) . Oh and to finish my books and get them published.

Things you might find helpful to know about me:

1: Yes I am certifiably screwed in the head and if you ask for an apology here it is- FUCK YOU!

2: No I am not a comment whore, if I don't or take forever updating a fic due to a lack of comments it's because I know people prefer my other fics more so will divide my time accordingly.

3: If you insist on sending me to a psychiatry then please have the good sense to get one that actually knows what the fuck they're talking about, not some textbook spouting goodie-two-shoes who's rich daddy agreed to pay your way because it makes the family look good.

4: Just because I talk to you it does not make us friends. Friends are those wonderful people who have fun picking apart my shit but still know how to make me laugh about it.

5: WWE is a mockery to all fighters and should be drawn, quartered and slow roasted at the stake(in a real fight you don't sit on the other guy, YOU RIP HIS ARM OFF AND FEED IT TO HIM BIT BY BIT BITCHES!).

6: Before you start whining about how awful your life is why don't you try taking a peek at someone else's because I can guarantee you will easily find plenty of others who have it ten times worse.

7: If you hate your life DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Whining like a little bitch is not gonna change anything.

8: No mom, I am straight thank you very much. Just because I have no interest in wasting my time chasing guys when I have a dozen better things to do does not make me a lesbian.

9: I entirely support executing convicted felons. Why do we have to pay to babysit a guy who threw a tantrum about his girlfriend leaving him and shot the new boyfriend? (yes I know it's a case by case situation but if you can't figure out the difference than you are an idiot)

10: Politicians and diapers need to be changed for the same reason.

11: EMO, punk, goth, rapper, fashionista, yeah I got your title pal- SPD- STUCK-UP PREJUDICIAL DICK!

12: Why do monster make so much better and much more imaginative playmates than humans?

13: Alucard from Hellsing would make a figgen AWESOME boyfriend.

14: Every girl should be required to watch Black Lagoon at least once in their life. (yes the global convention of female badassed-ness; weep Edward and Jacob, you're the next bounties)

15: Girls are not as fragile as they would like you to believe.

16: For being a so called 'genius' Itachi Uchiha is a fucking idiot.

17: I don't care what the Geneva Convention and human rightists say, you piss me off I will show you the color of your insides, laughing all the way. I might even be nice enough to add a soundtrack while I'm doing it.

18: Yes I am a manga nut, it's not my fault they make far more sense than my psychiatrist.

19: I seem to make more sense drunk, is this wrong?

20: No I do not have an alcohol problem, I have a shitty reality problem.

21: For those who are too afraid to stand up for what's right when it's poking you in the eyeball-SCREW YOU BUNCH OF PUSSIES!

22: I can think with my head and feel with my heart and have no problem balancing it all out, why is that such a shocker?

23: People who don't point out things to their friends because they're afraid of offending them YOU ARE AN IDIOT! If you're their friend then it's your job to smack'em upside the head with it till they see the light.

24: Laws are made by people who come from privileged backgrounds, get payed monthly more than the average family makes in a year, and have their campaigns supported by more rich influential people; am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?

25: I can drive, shoot a gun, vote, get married, go abroad and kill someone, but I can't drink for three more years?

26: When all else fails...punch them again.

27: I don't have to listen to you when you're unconscious.

28: Criminals are much more fun to talk to, why? because they don't need excuses to hide behind.

29: My dream pet? a blood soaked Flippy(from Happy Tree Friends) plushie. (tigers, wolves, and reptiles are nice too)

30: We humans are not as complicated as we would like to think once you get down to the basics.

31: I find beating people to a bloody pulp after all their boasting highly amusing, what's so wrong with that?

32: No dear parents, I do not have Asperger Syndrome no matter how much you wished it was simply the case. I fail to empathize with certain people because they are boring cardboard cut outs who are welcome to go mooch off some other annoying shmuck and leave me to finish my research on religious cannibalism.

33: I love you which is why I must punch you for being such an idiot. (mostly applied to siblings but very good friends who need it are no exception)

34: I may be tough but even I have my limits.

35: Pity is a shitty excuse to seem nice but not do anything about the problem.

36: I absolutely HATE people who try hiding from their problems. Alcohol, drugs, or whatever-you-may will wear off and you'll be left with a hangover and a still sadistically grinning problem.

37: If you decide to stick around after reading this list you might be surprised I can be much nicer than I sound.

38: If this list offends you then you are fully welcome to piss off.

39: City full of monsters or the walking dead? *happy squeals* PLAYTIME! Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, now how should we dispatch them so?

40: Sleep and alcohol are fucking GOD! Reverence must be paid.

Favorite quotes:

When in doubt, use hand-grenades.- my brother

Abashed the Devil stood, and felt how awful goodness is.- The Crow

He had a friend, who shouldn't have played with knives.- The Crow

I bow to no man.- Chronicles of Riddick

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.- The Crow

Fly with the eagle by day. Run with the wolf by night.- also from my brother

If it's not worth my time then don't bother me with it.- me heehee

The day you cross me WILL BE YOUR LAST.- also me

And I say I'm dead... and I move.- The Crow

Live free, die well.- Scorpion King

I want you to tell me a story... I'm sure you'll remember. You killed them.- The Crow

Dude, I'm Batman.-The all-round lovable Dean Winchester.

Then shoot, if you will.- The Crow

Dude, that's just gay.-Hmmm, also Dean.

Well, I see you have made your decision. Now let's see you enforce it.- The Crow.

Childhood 's over the moment you know you're gonna die. - The Crow.

You Lied to her... and now you're lying to me... The Crow.

It is who we are and not what we are that matters.- big brother

He was already dead. He died a year ago, the moment he touched me.- The Crow

Angel, Demon, something in-between?- er me

They're all dead. They just don't know it yet.- The Crow

When you reach the bottom & the end of life. The only way is up to the light & stars.- another brother quote

My code for life:

I've learned that-
you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that-
it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that- you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that-
you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that-
we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that-
either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that-
regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at fist, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that-
heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that-
money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that-
my best friend and me can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that-
sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that-
sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that-
true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that-
just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that-
maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that-
no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that-
it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that-
no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that-
our back ground and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that-
just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that-
we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that-
you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that-
two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that-
your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that-
even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that-
credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that-
the people you care about the most in life are taken from you to soon.

MORAL:
Live every day to the fullest, and when some one says that they love you, know the meaning of it, and mean it when you say it !

95 of people would panic if the Jonas brothers stood on the roof of a 3 story building and said they were about to jump. If you are one of the 5 who who get all of your friends, some popcorn, and a soda and scream "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" copy this and add to your profile.

If you think Justin Beiber is a creep, copy and add this to your profile.

Why best friends are-well- the best.

Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

Good friends will help you with your addictions, BEST FRIENDS are probably the ones who got you hooked.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell going "That was fun! Should do that again!"

Good friends don't let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid things ALONE

Good Friend: Knocks politely at your door BEST Friend: Walks right on in and shouts ‘I’M HOME’

Good Friend: Will bail you out of jail BEST Friend: Will be sitting on the bench next to you saying ‘Damn that was fun! Let’s do it again!’

Good Friend: Will help you cry when you are rejected by a boy BEST Friend: Will go up to the boy and say ‘Its because you’re gay, isn’t it?’

Good friends will help you through your addictions, BEST FRIENDS are the ones that sit on you with the stuff in sight and yell "not getting up till you can resist".

Good Friend: Asks nicely for your stuff BEST Friend: Shouts ‘GIMME!!’

Good Friend: Waits to call you until a reasonable hour BEST Friend: Calls you at 2 in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you

Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: tries to stop me making an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

check this out...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line, snicker snicker.

95 OF TEENS WOULD SCREAM AND CRY IF THEY SAW ZAC EFRON AND THE JONAS BROTHERS ABOUT TO JUMP OFF THE TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER. COPY AND PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU'RE PART OF THE 5 THAT WOULD SIT THERE WITH A BUCKET OF POPCORN AND SCREAM "DO A FLIP!"

What the Hell are they thinking. (FOR GIRLS ONLY, guys won't admit to this anyway but now we girls know better)

--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 6 guys..you're a HOE)

--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

--Guys get jealous easily.

--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

--Girls are guys' weaknesses.

--Guys can be very open about themselves.

--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

--Guys will brag about anything.

--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a WHOLE HELL of a lot.

--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then they're all confused.

--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

--Try to be as straightforward as possible.

--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

--Guys don't really have final decisions.

--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

--If a best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

--Guys like femininity not feebleness.

--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.(yahahahahaahah well basically it's the egomaniac dicks who whine about the idea of the girl being able to cream them in a fight. The nice guys just don't like it so much when their girl doesn't need them to protect her because, hey let's face it, guys like to feel needed ,makes them feel important)

--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.

--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MADLY confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

--Guys don't like girls who are too skinny.

--Guys love it when girls talk about their boobs.(OK maybe not all but quite a few)

--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wether it's a one time deal or not ...

--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unnoticeablely tell them about yours...

--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually

--Even if they deny it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..

--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it...it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...

--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

--Girls, if u don't repost this within 1 hr then you will lose the guy of your life.

--Guys(yes I know you read this heh heh) if you don't repost this in one hr then you will lose the girl of your life.

Just kidding, I have no idea why they put that bit at the end*shrugs*.

16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”.

7. Don’t use any punctuation.

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go”

10. Sing Along at the Opera

11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!”

14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

15. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.

Stupid Last Words:

What does this button do?

It's probably just a rash.

Are you sure the power is off?

The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

Which wire was I supposed to cut?

I wonder where the mother bear is.

I've seen this done on TV.

These are the good kind of mushrooms.

It's strong enough for both of us.

This doesn't taste right.

I can do that with my eyes closed.

I've done this before.

Well, we've made it this far.

That's odd.

I'll just put my head in it to make sure.

Don't be so superstitious.

Now watch this.

Look Ma! No Hands!

Don't worry, It's not contagious

Of course it's safe

It can't get any worse...

There's only one way to find out_

The Insanity Test ( I've x-ed the ones that apply to me)

X You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
X You have ran into a glass/screen door.
X You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. (it was going slow though...)
X You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
X You have run into a tree/bush.
You have been called a blond.

TOTAL: 5/6
X You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
X You just tried to lick your elbow.
X You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody. (OMG NO WAY!)
X You just sang them to make sure. (...)
X You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
X You have choked on your own spit.

TOTAL: 6/6
You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
You type with three fingers or less.
X You have accidentally caught something on fire.
X You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
X You have caught yourself drooling

TOTAL: 3/5

X You have fallen asleep in class.
X Sometimes you just stop thinking.
X Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
X People often shake their heads and walk away from you
XXXXXXYou are often told to use your 'inside voice.'

TOTAL: 10/5 (uh huh!)

You use your fingers to do simple math.
X You have eaten a bug accidentally...
X You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
X You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
X You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.

TOTAL: 4/5

You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.

X You break a lot of things.

X You tilt your head when you're confused.

X You have fallen out of your chair before.

X When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.

X The word "um" is used frequently.

X You don't know what "um" means. (it means something?)

X You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
X You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

TOTAL: 9/10

GRAND TOTAL: 39

Now divide it by thirty eight and times by 100

I'm 92% crazy!!

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, different is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people as much as I do, PLEASE put this on your profile!

If every time you here a High School Musical 1 and/or 2, Hannah Montana, or any other Disney channel song you want to bleed from the ears, put this on your profile.

If you think Twilight is overrated and becoming a cult addiction, WHAT ARE U WAITING FOR! REPOST THIS!

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you and your little lot.. horrible!"

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I wasBLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism