Hey

Name: you don't really need to know

Age: I'll never tell... ;)

Other: My hair is brown and really wavy. My eyes are blue.

Favorite color: Blue

I'd like to say a great big THANK YOU to everyone who has read, is reading, or might be planning to read my stories. You have made it possible for me to be a better writer, and for the stories to be such huge successes. I know people referred my story to friends, and it has really helped me. To those who have translated my story into your beautiful languages, another huge THANKS is for you.

I LOVE to read. i'll read almost anything, but my favorite is the Twilight saga, the Host, anything by Jane Austen, and Emily or Charlotte Bronte, also many of the books by Jayne Ann Krentz, Julie Garwood, Nora Roberts, Barbara Delinsky, and Jude Deveraux. If i could, i would read all the time. I also love movies and playing sports. I am very stange and crazy, and not planning on changing anytime soon. I'm deathly afraid of spiders, but otherwise fearless. I am a fast reader(800 pages in a day is my record), have a good memory. I live somewhere in western washington state, and yes it rains A LOT!! There are a lot of thunder and lightning storms in the summer. But i like the rain, thunder and lightning so i don't complain.

My other profile is bellatwins. We got a 2 stories , so if you like my stories, check that out PLEASE!!

http://www.fanfiction.net/~bellatwins

PICS: Click on link below. Then, go to photo gallery.

http://www.freewebs.com/counrtydoglover/

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy:

1. You know the state flower (Mildew)

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'Walk' Signal.

8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, is not a real mountain.

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle 's Best, and Veneto 's.

10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye Salmon.

11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Issaquah , Oregon , Yakima , and Willamette .

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

13.You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark-while only working eight-hour days.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and 'Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'

17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

26. You measure distance in hours.

27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.

28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still >Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall).

30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them.

Application for Permission to Date my Daughter.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

Name: _ Date of Birth_

Height_ Weight_ IQ_ GPA_

Social Security #_ Drivers License #_

Boy Scout Rank and Badges _

Home Address_ City/State_ Zip_

Do you have Parents? _ Yes _No

Is one male and the other female? _ Yes _No

If no, Explain, _

Number of years they have been married _

If less than your age, explain _

Accessories Section:

Do you own or have access to a van? _ Yes _No

A truck with over sized tires? _ Yes _ No

A waterbed? _ Yes _No

A pickup with a mattress in the back? _ Yes _No

A tattoo? _Yes _No

Do you have an earring, nose ring, ect... _ Yes _No

pierced tongue, pierced cheek or belly button ring?_Yes _NO

(If you answered yes to any of the above questions, discontinue application and leave the premises immediately. I SUGGEST RUNNING!)

Essay Section:

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you? _

In 50 Words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINCE’ mean to you? _

References Section:

Church you attend_

How often do you attend_

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _

Mother? _

Pastor? _

Short Answer Section:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

If I were shot, the last place I would like to be shot would be: _

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: _

A woman’s place is in the: _

The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is: _

What do you want to do IF you grow up?_

When I meet a girl, the first thing I always notice first is: _

What is the going rate of a hotel room: _

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXTION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT PEPPERS, AND HILARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

Pastor/Priest/ Rabbi Signature

State Representative/Congressman Signature

Thank you for your interest, and had better be genuine and non sexual.

Please allow 4 to 6 years to process.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might want to watch your back)

DADDY”S RULES FOR DATING

Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for if you’re a guy)

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you don’t peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about the issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with you underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the courses of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier Method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and only word I need you to say on this subject is ‘early'.

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The Following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough too induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, mid-driff t shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose-parka, zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided: movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shot gun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of our car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a nice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as a wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules '
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or

motor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh.

16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance to the Prophecy”.

7.Don’t use any punctuation.

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9. Specify that your drive thru order is “To Go”

10. Sing Along at the Opera

11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON I WON!!”

14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

15. Tell your children over diner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen down the stairs and laughed because it's something Bella would do, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I f you wish you could have a big brother like Emmett Cullen, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off

If you read New Moon and Eclipse and wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you actually like to read, just for fun, copy and past this on your profile.

If you are counting the days until Breaking Dawn comes out copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with one or all of the Cullens, but you don't really care because even though admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing, frankly, you don't wanna heal. Then post this on your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think TWILIGHT is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile

(star-y thing-ies!!) random!!

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

¸.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

Think you're having a Bad Day?

Things Got Ya Down?
Well Then, Consider These . . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died
in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve
the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m
Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am.,
all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside
the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon
was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer
books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-
time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life
support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day??
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was 80,000.00.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild
amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day??

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen
shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy,
with some kind of wire running from his waist towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from
the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.

Are Ya O. K. Now? - No!
Two animal rights defenders were protesting
the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse
in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage
on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender"
stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better??

Telemarketer Repellant
If have, etc. Continue
asking them personal questions or questions about
their company for as long as necessary.

Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of
each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are
trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it
until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice
as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my
friend?"

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm
so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to
care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is
acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the
gout..."

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out
blood? Can you get out goat blood? Ho w about human
blood?"

Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and
ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone
number so you can call him/her back. When the
telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give
out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon,
playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously,
Leon, how's your momma?"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?"
say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say,
"Yes," hang up.

Say “Jones and Jones you stab them we slab them”

You'll see why at the end. Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #35.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10 Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14 The beach
15. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
16. Laughing at yourself.
17. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you .
18. Running through sprinklers.
19. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
20. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
21. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
22. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
23. Playing with a new puppy.
24. Sweet dreams.
25 Hot chocolate.
26. Road trips with friends.
27. Swinging on swings.
28 Holding hands with someone you care about.
29 Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
30. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much deserved present from you.

31. Watching the sunrise.
32. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
33. Knowing that somebody misses you.
34. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
35. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth

1. There are at least two people in this world

that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world

love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you

is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,

even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you

before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,

something good comes from it.

10 When you think the world has turned its back on you

take another look.

11 Always remember the compliments you received.

Forget about the rude remarks.

So...

If you are a loving friend,

send this to everyone,

including the one that sent it to you.

If you get it back, then they really do love you.

And always remember...

when life hands you Lemons,

ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over!

Good friends are like stars...

You don't always see them,

But you know they are always there.

I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here

than a whole truck load when I'm gone.

Forward to all your friends.

And don't tell me you're too busy for this..

Don't you know the phrase

"stop and smell the flowers"?

See how many "bouquets" you end up with!

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool LANE?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can' he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the "Alphabet song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your Ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,

He said...no.

She asked him if he would want to be with her forever...and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again

he replied with a no.

She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her

face the boy grabbed her arm and said...

You're not pretty you're beautiful.

I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.

And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die..

Remember:

'A good friend will come bail you out of jail...

But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying

WE screwed up, but we had fun! '

Proud to be your Friend!

Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip

ahead.

I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper.

The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything

we ask for.

I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.

I've learned...that it's those small daily

happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants

to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.

What makes me think I can?

I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done

To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.

It's National Friendship Week.

Show your friends how much you care.

Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!

YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored

Flying Blind

A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember

Things aren't always as they appear.

A day without laughter is a day wasted!!

Men stumble over pebbles, never over mountains.

To All My Democrat Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. To My Republican Friends: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! This is pretty good~

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@C ... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE : I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

What Starts with "F" and ends with "K"

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your Problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister Is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and te lls her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Fire truck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!!"

A cocky Texas Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked to an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."

The Highway employee said, "I have the authority of the State of Texas to go where I want. See this card? This card allows me to go where ever I wish on any farm land."

So, the old farmer went about his farm chores. A few minutes later, he hears loud screams from the direction of his field and sees the Department of Highways employee running full speed for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest of hornets and gaining on the employee at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!"

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Your Friends will support you...
And respect your creativity
for thinking outside the box...
They'll be there when you need a
shoulder to lean on...
Or a great big hug...
A true friend takes interest in
understanding what you're all about...
They see beyond the black and white
to discover your true colors...
And accept you just the way you are...
Even when you just wake up in the morning
So make your own kind of music...
Follow your heart wherever it takes you...
And when someone reaches out to you,
Don't be afraid to love them back...
They may just be a friend for life...
Practice patience and tolerance...
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave...
And impossible to forget!
Share this with all your unforgettable friends today

There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.

The last sentence is the best…

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes. /

He stays up for days on end.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.//

He goes days or weeks without running water

You complain of a 'headache', and call in sick.

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.

You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.

You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.

You talk trash about your 'buddies' that aren't with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again./

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn't get to eat today

Your maid makes your bed and/ washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight./

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He does exactly what he is told.

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gunfire.

/You sit there and judge him, saying the world is probably a worse place because of men like him. /

If only there were more men like him!

If you support your troops, re-send this to everyone you know.

If it gets to another veteran who hasn't received it yet, it will bring back memories.

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,

Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom Support OUR troops; please forward to everyone on your email list. If you don't agree, delete...your right, your choice. Provided for by the men and women fighting for you!!/

You Know You're Obsessed With Twilight When...

1) You have read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse at least 3 times.

2) You own all above mentioned books.

3) You know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and
you want to see it anyway.

4) You have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyers web site.

5) You have reread a lot of these pages.

6) You read fanfiction about Twilight.

7) You write fanfiction about Twilight.

8) At one point or another, you have had a screenname/username that says
something about Twilight or its characters.

9) You constantly count the days until Breaking Dawn comes out.

10) For a long while after you read Twilight/New Moon, you acted as a
missionary for the books, asking everyone you talked to if the had read
them.

11) If said people have not read Twilight, you insist that they read it,
because it is, and I quote, "the best book ever".

12) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight
is the best book on the planet, you immediately start to argue with them.

13) You stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic love story(and yes, believe it or not, I do know someone who has said this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off.

14) For months after you read it, Twilight was your favorite subject to talk
about.

15) When you found out you would have to wait until August of 2007 for
Eclipse to come out, you almost cried.(AN: this one kinda depends on when
you read the first two books, I guess!)

16) You argue with your friends over which member of the Cullen family you
like best.

17) You began reading fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something
about Twilight, when you had already finished the books.

18) No matter how many times you read Twilight or Twilight-related stories,
you never get tired of it.

19) As you read this list, you are smiling and nodding at almost every thing
you read.

20) Even though you know it's impossible, you often wish that you were a
vampire.

21) Vampires are officially your favorite mythical creature ever.

22) Your personal motto is, vampires are cool, not scary.

23) You know that you are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people
who don't understand it just haven't read the book.

24) When you hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it or thought
it was stupid, you just shake your head and sigh.

26). You literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information

27). You're driving your parents mad with your crazy countdowns

28). You're keeping track of all the "Eclipse Quotes of the Day" and trying to figure out what they all mean

29). Your home page is Stephenie Meyer's website

30). Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series

31). Your screen saver reads "Breaking Dawn: August 2, 2008"

32). You have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition

33). You put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it

34). You can't believe that most people haven't read the books

35). You know all the characters so well that you feel as if you could write your own stories about them

36). You spend most of your day making up "What if...?" questions about all the different plot lines

37). You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so you could find out how Jacob would die

38). You know you're addicted, but you don't care

39). You can't help saying, "I can't wait for August 7th!" while everyone who isn't "in the know" stares at you like you're psyco

40). You're more excited about the release of Eclipse than anything to do with Harry Potter

41). When you found out that Breaking Dawn wasn't coming out until 2008, you have a mental breakdown

42). When you found out about Midnight Sun you had yet another mental breakdown

43.) You ACTUALLY noticed there was no 25.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this to your profile.

If you pray every night for your Edward to turn up in your life...copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have AACIB disorder (Addicted To All The Cullens Including Bella)...copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe in GOD, (which I totally do! :D), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you screamed over watching the Twilight trailers, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're absoPOSIlutely in love with Edward Cullen until no other guy can even come CLOSE to him, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your dad thinks you're mad for falling in love with a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you won't let ANYONE team Jacob touch your Twilight books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've told your parents you only want a 911 Porsche Turbo in YELLOW, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've screamed at someone who told you Edward was fictional, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you constantly search the roads for a silver Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you scream "EDWARD!" when you see that Volvo, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you daydream about Edward appearing in your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you try to see how much you look like Bella each day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

If you have ever had a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile. (Why would I?)

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want to fire and/or sue those bloody weather men for giving you false hope so often (for snow days or something)...Copy and paste this to your profile, so we know who to call when we lead an angry mob :)

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like chocolate chip cookies.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this into your profile

If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile

If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.

FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, a chair, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that has stayed loyal to either rock or metal, put this in your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, add this to your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you've ever fallen off a chair backwards.

If you're obsessed with Twilight, copy and paste this list into your profile

If you've ever had a random spazz out moment in the middle of class or a quiet room, put this in your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: At your funerel would be crying

BEST FRIENDS: Sorry I'll be in jail for killing the jerk who murdered you!