FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination| James018 |
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, and Twilight. Hello and welcome to my profile. I hope I don't bore you too much, though you're probably already bored if you're reading this. In any case, don't make plans to be doing anything in the next few minutes, as I'm going for the record of longest profile on FF.net. If you don't have much time, I've put most of the important stuff at the top, so you can just read the first bit if you want :) Anyway, on with the profile. Real name: Go on, have a guess. Age: Sweet sixteen. Yay me. Sex: If you haven't worked this out from my name... Location: The Universe. Seriously, I live in Adelaide, Australia, and I’m not being any more specific than that. About Me: Well, I'm your typical... well, not really your typical anything. I'm smart, a little nerdy (not surprising seeing as I spend most of my time on a fan fiction site), reclusive and cynical. If I were a Hogwarts student, according to most reliable online quizzes, I'd probably end up in Hufflepuff, presumably since I'm rather conscientious and I also work very hard at something once I commit to it. (It's committing to it that's the hard part, though.) Ravenclaw would also be very possible - I get that a lot too, in the simpler quizzes where the only option that often really applies for me is the "smart" one - but I'm not brave or ambitious, so Gryffindor and Slytherin are out. Though there are those quizzes where every question has the "good" answer (Gryffindor), the "evil" answer (Slytherin), "run to the library" (Ravenclaw), or "scream and faint/run away" (Hufflepuff), so it's virtually impossible to get anything apart from Gryffindor. They REALLY annoy me. Back on topic, most of my cynical side comes from my friend Robert, or Rob as he's sometimes known, who's the ultimate sarcastic cynic. He's also on FF.net - his penname is the true elec - but he spends most of his time reading stories as opposed to writing them. But then, I do too. Thinking about it, my personality is really a mixture of three characters in my planned fan fictions - that sounds crazy, doesn't it? In Hogwarts House terms, Harry in Chaos Theory represents my Ravenclaw side (that's the house he'll be Sorted into), being intelligent and analytical. Nathan, the name I'm planning for my OC in I'm No Hero, represents my tactful, compassionate, "Hufflepuff" side. Finally, I have a third OC based partly on myself that I'm reserving for Exile - Zesh, who represents my darker, cynical, self-sufficient side - the part that would suit me for Slytherin. So yeah, maybe that explains things a bit clearer. Then again, maybe not, but oh well. I tried. My Fan Fictions: Completed: Harry Potter and the Origin of Voldemort's Name, a 300-word crackfic that makes use of the French translation for Voldemort's name, was my first foray into writing fan fiction, and got a far better reception than I could have hoped for. I also tried a songfic to the Savage Garden song I Don't Know You Anymore, which didn't come out very well, and I ended up deleting it. In Progress: My two in-progress stories are both Twilight stories, but I've put them on hold as I just don't have much of an inspiration for Twilight at the moment. My first committed novel-length fic was Polar Opposites, a Jacob/Bella imprint fic. Most of that which I've found have been very badly written and cliché, so my first goal is to do better than them. My other fic is Just A Few Questions In Need Of An Answer, which I basically only write when I have nothing else to do. I also was co-writing a Harry Potter fic, Harry Potter 7: The Movie?!, with Rob, which was eventually abandoned and deleted as it was very badly written and in hindsight a pretty immature idea in the first place. Future: My current project is a four-part series of Harry Potter fics that I'm currently titling Chaos Theory (it used to be a trilogy but I decided that that would make part three too long). Chaos Theory is, being brutally honest, an excuse for a self-insertion; Harry pretty much thinks what I would think, says what I would say and does what I would do. However, if things go to plan, things won't generally turn out for the better, the plotline will change a lot without becoming unrecognizable, and a number of characters who weren't really introduced or explained in the books will be made use of. I'm also planning an AU Twilight fic, I'm No Hero, based on a similar principle. I have a HP-Twilight crossover in the planning stages, which at this stage will be titled Witching Hour. Basically, I intend to have Jacob Black attend Hogwarts in the same year as Harry, and they become friends. All going well, the culmination will be a marathon HP series called Exile, where Lily and Harry escape from Voldemort on that Halloween night and flee to Australia. The bulk of the story will take place at the Australian school for magic, which means I'll have to create characters and quite a bit of the storyline from scratch - something I'd like to have some experience in fanfic writing before I try. There are a few other small ideas floating around in my head, most of them quite left-field. For instance, I'm considering writing a Matthew Reilly fanfic - I like his books (there's something to be said for full-on action) and there aren't enough Matthew Reilly fanfictions in my opinion. That will probably be a humour/parody fic as I don't think I could really write a full-on action book like Reilly. Finally, there are a few crossovers I've been thinking of - a couple more ideas for a HP-Twilight crossover, perhaps a HP-Belgariad one and even an Inheritance-Deltora Quest crossover - that'd be a first! Favourite Books: I'm starting to acquire a fair few. Deltora Quest, Harry Potter, Inheritance Cycle, Matthew Reilly and Twilight, as well as most of the books written by David and Leigh Eddings, are the ones that stick out. The Chronicles of Narnia are good too, but I don't think I'll be writing any fanfiction about them - CS Lewis lived too long ago for me to really capture his writing style. Favourite Movies: Not much to say here. My favourite movies are probably the Harry Potter movies, and that's exclusively as movies - comparing them to the books they are utter crap, and I don't say that lightly. (The sixth one was pretty good, however.) The same holds for Eragon, luckily they gave up on that. I know Twilight disappointed some, but I think it's pretty good, a couple of weak points but mostly it was great both as a movie and as an interpretation of the book. I can't wait to see if New Moon reaches the same standard. I've watched Stargate: Continuum and I have most of the series (both SG-1 and Atlantis) on DVD, so it's right up there. Finally, I like Monty Python, though I've only seen Holy Grail, Life of Brian and various sketches on YouTube. Favourite Music: Surprisingly for this day and age, I'm generally a fan of 80s and early 90s music (this ranges a bit, though). I've said before that I'm probably the last person on Earth whose favourite music was written before they were born. I have a wide range of favourite artists, though probably my all-time favourite is John Farnham. My playlist currently consists of 156 songs, with enough of his songs to fill up a compilation album and then some. I won’t bore you with the entire list, but apart from John Farnham, other favourites include Billy Joel, Chris de Burgh, Cliff Richard, the Corrs, Darren Hayes, James Reyne, Matchbox Twenty, Mel C, Mike and the Mechanics, Roxette, Shannon Noll and Tina Arena. Favourite TV: The Simpsons, Stargate (as previously mentioned), the AFL Footy Show and... does sport count? If so, I'll rarely turn down the opportunity to watch a good football (Australian Rules) or cricket match. Especially if a team I support is competing. For pay TV, Whose Line Is It Anyway is miles ahead of any competition. My Ships: I'm not an avid shipper like many people are. I believe that just about any ship can work in the right situation. That said, I do have opinions about a few. For instance, I don't like slash, though I can take it if the story’s decent. I also dislike harem fics - they're just not my thing, though again, it depends on the story. Note that this is where the important stuff ends, so if you don't have the time/attention span required to read through this whole thing, you don't need to read any further. Anyway, here are some of the ships I support: Harry Potter: Harry/Ginny (It's canon, so it goes. Besides, Ginny's character was practically made to fit Harry's.) Harry/Luna (This is my favourite, probably because Luna is my favourite character. After OOTP, I was sure they'd end up together, but then I guess they're a bit too different. Still my favourite, though.) Harry/Hermione (It was never going to happen from GOF onward, but it's nowhere near as inconceivable as many people think. I've read a few very good Harry/Hermione fics.) Ron/Hermione (It was always going to happen!) Neville/Luna (There was a time when I thought this was sure to happen, too. Oh well. Would have been interesting, that's for certain.) Dean/Luna (After their interactions in Deathly Hallows, I actually think that could have worked! But then, I suppose someone had to meet their true love later in life, as to have all of the characters do so in their teens is unrealistic.) Inheritance Cycle: Eragon/Arya (Really, I honestly don't see how it won't happen. I especially like their interactions in Brisingr.) Roran/Katrina (I'm not much of a romantic, but they are so good together.) Twilight: Edward/Bella (Apologies to Team Jacob. I actually like him better as a character, but Bella was only ever going to end up with Edward.) Jasper/Alice (I never really felt their relationship was done justice.) Jasper/Bella (It has to be well-written and believable, which is very hard to do, but I've seen it done very well.) Ben/Angela (Another one I felt wasn't done justice, the two characters in particular. The draft of Midnight Sun helped a bit, though.) Quotes - Book/Movie/TV: Will add them as I remember them. May be subject to change if I find out I've misquoted anything. So, on with the quotes: Belgariad/Malloreon: :Silk has pushed the bad guy off a cliff: Elenium/Tamuli: Vanion: No, Kalten. I don’t think so. I've seen your attempts at spelling before. Harry Potter: Cornelius Fudge: We believe the Dementors are currently taking direction from Lord - Thingy. :Ron and Hermione are having their first kiss... in the midst of battle: Fred Weasley: One simple test: check whether the thing that's glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do. Fred Weasley: Pathetic. Pathetic! With the whole wide world of ear-related humour before you, you go for holey? Ron Weasley: IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY! Inheritance Cycle: Eragon: I already have one Sheepbiter. Why would I need another? Monty Python: Black Knight: :is missing both arms and a leg: I'm invincible! Brian's mother: He's (Brian's) not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! Frenchman: I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time! Pirates of the Caribbean: Captain Jack Sparrow: Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never been to Brussels. It's pronounced ee-GREE-jus. No, I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies. And all of this pales into utter insignificance when compared with the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy? :gets slapped: Stargate: :Colonel Jack O'Neill is hitting golf balls into the Stargate: Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay: I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain! McKay: I wonder why we never hooked up. O'Neill: Did you know your ship's bigger than ours? (Never gets old. In his defence, he was suffering from anoxia.) O'Neill: Lose it. It means go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties. Three fries short of a Happy Meal. WACKO! O'Neill: Never in the history of boredom has anyone ever been as bored as I am right now. O'Neill: That sounds more like a Plan F, as in "we are totally..." :McKay is deaf. Sheppard tries to get his attention... in unconventional ways: Doctor Elizabeth Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony. Wraith: Hello again, Major Sheppard. Televised football: Shane Crawford: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! (That's become his catchphrase ever since he screamed it out at the presentation of his 2008 Premiership medal.) Umpire: It’s demonstrative. Your expression, it’s demonstrative. The AFL Footy Show: Announcer: Live from Studio Nine, now into our fifth week of tanking, it’s the Footy Show! Announcer: Live from Studio Nine, where Crawf’s role will be taken by some other idiot, it’s the Footy Show! Shane Crawford: Roses are red, eggs are white. Contractually I'm obliged to apologise to you tonight. Nick Dal Santo: The fact is, you’re covered in egg and we’re not, Sam. John "Sam" Newman: The motor wasn't motoring, the generator wasn't generating and the pistons... weren't working either. The Simpsons: Homer Simpson: :strangling Bart: I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny! Homer: Lisa, you and your stories. Bart's a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's all go back to that... building... thingy... where our beds and TV... is. Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something. Homer: This has purple stuff on it. Purple is a fruit. Homer: Well, son, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Marge: Bill... bill... bill... :sees letter with 'I KILL YOU' written on the front: ...bill... Twilight: Alice Cullen: How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto? Bella Swan: :narration: I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. (Hmm... foreshadowing, anyone?) Bella: Let's say, hypothetically of course, that... someone... could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know - with a few exceptions. Edward: I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak. Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb... Edward: Breakfast time. Edward: Marry me first. Jacob Black: We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we? Neither one of us can hold our shape together right. Whose Line Is It Anyway: Drew Carey: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the homework substitute! Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are as useless as the guy giving out the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like anything your girlfriend tells you while you're watching the game. Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Blair Witch Two. Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Shaquille O'Neal at the free throw line. Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like, uh, I don't know, something that doesn't matter. :The Whose Line contestants are playing Greatest Hits. Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles are television commercial men attempting to sell a compilation album about women. They mention specific songs and the artist and style, and Wayne Brady and Chip Esten then sing a snippet of the song on the spot: :The Whose Line contestants are playing Hollywood Director. Chip, Ryan and Wayne are actors acting out a scene from a film, while Colin is the director who gives the actors advice as to how to improve the scene.: :The Whose Line contestants are playing Party Quirks. Chip is hosting a party and Colin, Ryan and Wayne are the guests, each having some strange quirk: :The Whose Line contestants are playing Scenes From A Hat. Drew pulls pieces of paper submitted by the audience out of a hat, and the contestants have to act out the scenes written on them: :The Whose Line contestants are playing Scenes From A Hat: :The Whose Line contestants are playing Scenes From A Hat: And finally - hoedowns galore! CENSORS - one of three hoedowns in the same episode as the Melissa incident: COP SHOWS - another of the Melissa Trio: CRICKET: HALLOWE'EN: LOTTERY: MAGICIAN: SKYDIVING: TELEVISION: TRAFFIC - the last and best of the Melissa hoedowns! WORKING OUT - like it matters! Quotes - Fan Fictions: Don't do these often, but there are some that are just too good to let go. Chapter 33, Make A Wish, Rorschach’s Blot: Excerpt from a Wizarding World handbook: Australia is a lovely country that holds within its borders some of the loveliest beaches in the world. As many people know, many of the early settlers of Australia were convicts that had been arrested for crimes as petty as stealing a loaf of bread. What many people do not know is that this policy was instituted by an unknown and presumably overworked Ministry Employee, who was angered at having his holiday canceled. He drafted a law that roughly stated, 'any citizen that steals a loaf of bread shall be punished by being sent to Australia, where he shall be forced to surf and spend his time some of the greatest beaches in the world." The historical record is a bit unclear after that, because moments after the policy was adopted the aforementioned Ministry Employee was arrested for the crime of stealing bread and sent to Australia . . . as were several of his successors. This had the odd side effect of draining most of the Ministry's talented people into Australia and leaving the Ministry in the hands of corrupt and incompetent fools. It is interesting to note that the consequences of this unfortunate policy still haunt England's Ministry of Magic. (For further reading see the section of this book pertaining to the election of England's current Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.) Chapter 9, Oh! The Possibilities!, goldeneyedgirl247: A Marauder's Era scene in the Gryffindor boys' dormitories: Sirius: Did they shut down Zonkos? Did Honeydukes go out of business? Am I no longer a sex god? Did you just realize that I am a thousand times better looking than you? Did you find out how they got the cream in those cream-filled muggle donut things? IS THE SKY FALLING? Remus: No, no, you never were, probably not, it’s called a machine, and that’s impossible. Chapter 7, The Marauders' Papers, lupin-is-awsum: James Potter's version of "Jingle Bells": Dashing through the halls, Jingle bells, Running throughout Hogsmeade, Quotes - Myself, Family And Friends: First, a glossary of who's who: Bob is my younger brother - he's a fairly typical teenager, annoying, lots of girlfriends, and probably more intelligent than he acts, though that says more about his actions than his intelligence. His real name's Robert, but I call him Bob here so as not to confuse him with Rob. Erin's my younger sister, apart from being annoyingly immature she's not that bad. She and Bob always fight. Rob I've already talked about, he's sarcastic, cynical and, I'm pretty sure, clinically insane. Jason is a friend of Rob's, we don't get along much, but he says some pretty funny (in a stupid way) stuff. Chris is another friend, but he hates Harry Potter, as well as... most other things I like. It's quite funny, actually. Callum and Eliza are friends from my Christian youth group, while Grace is the baby (well, now toddler) daughter of another. Aidan is Bob's friend, and me and him get along okay as well. He's hyperactive, random and, like Bob, intelligent, though he doesn't act it. Caitlin is his younger sister and Erin's friend, while Ben is his eight-year-old younger brother. Mr Vanner is a former Maths teacher, who rarely taught much but he was fun - mostly because he's an avid English cricket team supporter. He also likes saying "alright" a lot. Me: Always blame the Victorians! They're out to destroy all South Australians, and then the world! Me: Dad's knee got boned and he had to be cartilaged off to hospital. Me: I just got... a love letter. In my Maths book. Me: It's not that complicated, it's just that you don't really get it until you really get it. Kind of like that sentence. Me: Robert (Bob) spends more time on his hair than most girls. Aidan: :scratches my arm: Sorry, you were itchy. Ben: Ahh! This is really spicy, it stings my tongue! What is it? Bob: :says something stupid, I can't remember what: Bob: :bad Indian accent: Oh yeah. I like potatoes. I love potatoes. Look, here potatoes. Mmm. Potatoes. I'm gonna pick up potato. I eat potato. :Picks up a potato with his fork and eats it: AAAGGGHHH! HOT! Hot potato! Hot potato! :Glares at me: You knew! You knew, you bastard! You knew! Bob: It's not whether you win or lose... it's how much you hurt the opposition. Bob: When I was pregnant with Mum... :Callum and Eliza are about to go into the pizza shop, while I wait in the car: Chris: I is the eighth letter in the alphabet, see? :counts on fingers: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, oh crap. Dad: I had to walk all the way as far as I could, so my left knee is killing me, and because I was favouring my right leg so far, now it’s killing me. Eliza: Thank God for... God. Erin: She (Caitlin) said "Avada Kedavra" and I screamed "AAAAAHHHHH!" Grace: :walks in my general direction: Jason: Stop fucking swearing! That's my fucking job! Jason: You're short... er than me. Mum: Just wait a minute, I'm trying to get a pretty good rough idea. Random Person #1: :sees "The world is round!" on my computer screen: No, that's wrong. It's really a sphere. Rob: If you have a problem, eat chocolate. It may not fix the problem, but at least you've eaten chocolate. Rob: I'm not weird. I'm normal - everyone else is weird. Rob: Knowing James, being drunk wouldn't affect him at all. In fact, it'd probably somehow make him smarter. Rob: My personality is a cross between two characters in a fan fiction of a story about a guy with a lightning scar on his head. What does that say about my sanity? Rob: :On the phone, we are discussing the quote about me being drunk: Oh, I'll find out. It may take twenty-five years, but someday you'll get drunk and I'll be right there to see the results. Mr Vanner: If England win the 2007 Cricket World Cup, you (me and Chris) will stand up in English Cricket Team attire during the whole school assembly and sing God Save The Queen. However, if Australia wins the Cup, I will stand up wearing Australian colours and sing Advance Australia Fair during assembly. (Australia won the World Cup. Mr Vanner continually denies ever making this statement.) Mr Vanner: It'll be all right if we all write "alright". Quotes - Other: President George W. Bush: A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. Bush: For NASA, space is still a high priority. Bush: I am confident in the abilities of the human and the goldfish to co-exist peacefully. Bush: If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. Bush: I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. Bush: I promise that I will listen very carefully to what was said here, although I wasn't here. Bush: I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. Bush: It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. Bush: It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. Bush: Not finding weapons of mass destruction was a significant disappointment. Bush: One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is "to be prepared". Bush: The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country. Bush: We have a firm commitment to NATO; we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe; we are a part of Europe. (Yay for Bushisms!) Church Noticeboard: What would you do if Jesus came to Hawthorn? Albert Einstein: There are two things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity... and I'm not completely sure about the first! Einstein: The only thing standing in the path of my learning is my education. Internet forum guy #1: I predicted Adam was gonna score with Eve! Murphy: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Anything that can't go wrong will go wrong. And anything that is going wrong will continue to go wrong until you stop doing whatever it is that's going wrong. Paris Hilton: Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there? Unknown: An apple a day keeps the doctor away, as long as you aim carefully. Unknown: Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes... that way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Unknown: Constipated people don't give a crap. Unknown: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. Unknown: God, huh? My imaginary friend's name is Bobo. (Hey, I'm Christian and I can take a joke!) Unknown: Gone crazy. Back soon. Unknown: I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it. Unknown: If a man says something in the woods and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Unknown: If "con" and "pro" are opposites, what is the opposite of "progress"? Unknown: Kids in the front seats cause accidents. Accidents in the back seats cause kids. Unknown: Music is like candy - you throw away the rappers. Unknown: Of course I'm out of my mind, it's dark and scary in there! Unknown: One by one, the penguins steal my sanity. Unknown: Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Unknown: People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it's so freaking hilarious to watch them fall down stairs. Unknown: "Pessimist" is an optimist's word for one who sees the world as it is. Unknown: The basic definitions of science are: if it's green or wiggles, it's biology; if it stinks, it's chemistry; if it doesn't work, it's physics. Unknown: The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Unknown: The evening news is where the newsreader says "Good evening" and then tells you why it isn't. Unknown: The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. Unknown: There are 3 types of people in this world - people who can count and people who can't. Unknown: There are 10 types of people in this world - people who can read binary and people who can't. Unknown: There are 2 types of people in this world - people who can follow a sentence to a logical conclusion and can I offer you a cup of tea? Unknown: Water is made up of two gins - two parts hydrogin and one part oxygin. Oxygin is pure gin, and hydrogin is gin and water. (Seriously somebody's answer to a chemistry exam question!) Unknown: We're born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Unknown: Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. Other Interesting Stuff: 50 things you never knew about me: 1. What colour is your toothbrush? I have a blue and green electric toothbrush and a blue normal one. 2. Name one person who made you smile today: The author from whose profile I got this and many other surveys, The Dawn Is Breaking. If you're reading this, I loved The Crappy Twilight Clichés Show. 3. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Sleeping. 4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Filling out another survey, probably. 5. What is your favourite candy bar? I don't really differentiate. 6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Most certainly not! 7. What is the last thing you said aloud? See above answer. 8. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? Vanilla. 9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke. 10. What is your lip gloss of choice? None. I'm a heterosexual guy, thanks. 11. What was the last thing you ate? Hungry Jacks. 12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No. Can't say the same about my mother with any degree of certainty, though. 13. The last sporting event you watched? I watched the Crows play Geelong on TV last night. Damn Geelong... 14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? I don't like popcorn much. 15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? It was a while back. I think I sent one to Dad, saying it was time for him to pick me up. 16. Ever go camping? Yes. 17. Do you take vitamins daily? Does orange juice count? 18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Every Sunday I can. 19. Do you have a tan? No. I'm an indoor person. 20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Nope, pizza for me! Yum. 21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Sometimes, but I don't really have a preference. 22. What did your last text message say? I don't remember. 23. What are you doing tomorrow? Going into the city. O-Week for uni is beginning. Nooooo... 25. Look to your left, what do you see? Myself in the mirror. 26. What colour is your watch? Silver. 27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Home. 28. What is your birthstone? What the hell is that? 29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? What's the difference? 30. What is your favourite number? If I had to pick, 18. 31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? Stupid contact lens people... 32. Any plans today? It's 10:17pm. Any plans that I had are already completed. 33. How many states have you lived in? Two. My first six weeks I lived in Victoria. The horror... 34. Biggest annoyance right now? I'm trying to catch up on reading fan fiction, I still have about another 70 to read, and I'm getting sidetracked doing these surveys. 35. Last song listened to? Hear Me (AOL Live) by Kelly Clarkson. After that I had to turn my music off, it was too late. 36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes. 37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? No. 38. Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time? No. I generally wear sneakers, more out of necessity than anything. 39. Are you jealous of anyone? My brother and sister are still in school... I have to go to uni... stupid uni... 40. Is anyone jealous of you? Maybe. I wouldn’t know, nor would I particularly care. 41. Do you love anyone? Only family and friends. 42. Do any of your friends have children? None my age, no. I know a few adults who I might consider friends, though. 43. What do you usually do during the day? Wake up between 10am and 1pm, go on my computer most of the day bar eating (mostly FF.net) and then go to sleep as soon as I've finished my last fanfiction and it seems like a seemly hour to go to bed, which can be anytime between 10pm and... never... 44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? No. 45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? "Hello", "hi", "hey", etc., I don't usually notice the difference. 46. What colour is your car? My family has two cars, both navy blue. I don't drive yet. 47. Do you like cats? As long as they're not pissing underneath my bed, then yes. 48. Are you thinking about someone right now? No. Is that a trick question meant to get me to think about someone? 49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Given I haven't heard of it, I’d guess not. 50. How did you get your worst scar? I have one across one of my left ribs from surgery a month ago, it'll probably fade with time though. 100 truths: Last beverage: Coke. Last phone call: The last one I took was from the eye doctor, saying my contacts were delayed (again). Last song you listened to: Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Last time you cried: I've probably cried in laughter at a recent fanfic, I don't remember though. Last text message: Too long ago for me to remember (or care). HAVE YOU EVER: Dated someone twice: I haven't dated anyone once. Been cheated on: See above. Kissed someone and regretted it: No. Lost someone special: Unless you count my favourite dolphin toy, no. Where are you, Vanchie? :cries: LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS: Blue, red and yellow (Adelaide Crows colours, yay!) IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU: Made a new friend: Not really... Fallen out of love: No. Laughed until you cried: Yes. Met someone who changed your life: No. Found out who your true friends were: Not really. RANDOM: Have you kissed anyone on your friends list: No. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Rob's my only friend on FF.net, and I do know him from real life. How many kids do you want to have: No current plans to have any. Do you have any pets: Two cats, unfortunately. Do you want to change your name: No, though my last name can be frustrating at times. What did you do for your last birthday: I don't remember, actually. I think I just went out for dinner with my family and a couple of friends. What time did you wake up today: 11:30. What were you doing at midnight last night: Reading a fanfiction on this site - that's why I woke up so late. Name something you cannot wait for: At this point, nothing. Last time you saw your father: About an hour ago. What's one thing you wish you could change: Many things, none of them important enough to mention. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes. What's getting on your nerves right now: Well, university starts in a week. Most visited web page: This site. Zodiac sign: Virgo, I think. Elementary, middle or high school: Refer to three lines above. Hair colour: Dark brown. Long or short: Short. Are you a freak: Yes. Height: 164cm or 5'4" What do you like about yourself: I'm not sure. Just about everything about me has both pros and cons. Piercings: None. Tattoos: None. Righty or lefty: Righty. FIRSTS: First surgery: Age six months, I had a cleft palate. First piercing: Never had one. First best friend: I met my first friend, Elliott, in kindergarten. First sport you joined: I played teeball for a few years. First pet: My parents bought a puppy, Mitch, only a few months before I was born. He was the pet of the family for many years before he finally died two years ago :sob: First vacation: Does moving halfway across the country at six weeks count? First concert: I haven't been to a serious concert, or at least I don’t remember doing so. Switchfoot was a guest at Youth Alive two years ago, does that count? First crush: A girl in my Year 1 class called Kate. Dad still teases me about it, since her mum is his chiropractor. CURRENTLY: Eating: No. Drinking: No. I'm about to: Answer the next question. Waiting: Until these stupid questions end. YOUR FUTURE: Want kids: See below - to be honest, is there really any difference? Want to get married: I'm probably the first to say it, but at the moment, not really. If I meet someone who changes my mind, so be it. Careers in mind: Probably something involving research. WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX: (Oh boy, this'll be uncomfortable...) Lips or eyes: Never really differentiated. Probably eyes, since I can't see myself as much of a kisser. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. Shorter or taller: No idea. Older or Younger: I'd prefer close to my age. Romantic or spontaneous: Probably toward the romantic end, but not overly so. It’d make me feel like an idiot, then again I probably would anyway. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. Trouble-maker or hesitant: Hesitant. HAVE YOU EVER: Kissed a stranger: What do you take me for?! Lost glasses/contacts: No... not permanently, anyway. Ran away from home: No. Broken someone's heart: I don't think so. According to Chris (and hence the evidence is pretty unreliable), a girl had a crush on me last year, but even if she did I doubt she was that serious about it. Been arrested: No. Turned someone down: Not per se (see two lines above). Cried when someone died: ...Do fictional characters count? Liked a guy/girl friend: No. DO YOU BELIEVE IN: Yourself: To a degree. Love at first sight: It's possible, but it doesn't happen all the time. My own parents were initially just friends. Heaven: Definitely. Santa Claus: Spiritually. Kiss on the first date: Really depends on the preferences of the two involved. Angels: Yes. ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: Is there one person you want to be with right now: No. Have you had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: NO! Do you believe in God: Yes. Will you post this as 100 Truths: Obviously. A basic quiz about me: BASICS: Name: James. Nickname(s): Haven't had one that's stuck, but people have called me Jim (and other variants), Buster, Nerdatron, Ross (though I think she actually thought that was my name) and many others that I can't recall. Birthday: September 21. Birthplace: Melbourne, Australia. Current Location: Adelaide, Australia. Eye Colour: Blue. Hair Colour: Brown. Height: 164cm/5'4". Weight: Not sure. I'd guess around 50kg/110 pounds. Lefty or Righty: Righty. Zodiac Sign: Virgo, I think. What Do You Drive: Not old enough. Screenname: It varies from site to site, but usually James018 or the_wind. FAVOURITES: Colour: Dark blue. Number: 18, although I’m not superstitious. Band: Probably Mike and the Mechanics, though I tend to prefer solo artists. Music Genre: 80s/90s rock. TV Show: On free-to-air, the AFL Footy Show; on satellite, Whose Line Is It Anyway. Movie: Probably Twilight. Actor: Don't know that many. Probably Alan Rickman. Actress: Again, not much of a choice, but I've seen Keira Knightley in a few movies and she's pretty good. Kind of Movie: Usually book adaptations, there are very few stand-alone movies I'll watch. Cartoon: The Simpsons. I used to like Yu-Gi-Oh, not really anymore though. Sport: Australian rules football and cricket. Fast Food Restaurant: Hungry Jacks (called Burger King in most countries, but I think the name's copyrighted or something in Australia, so...) Food: See above. Ice Cream: Vanilla. Cereal: Don't really discriminate. Candy: Usually the sweet, sugar-based lollies e.g. jelly babies and snakes. Drink: Lift, Solo and other lemon crushes. Alcoholic Beverage: Can't drink yet, and probably won't be much of one when I can. Quote: Varies, at the moment it's "Delicious", by Bruce McAveney. Don't ask why. DO YOU: Have any siblings: Yes, a brother and a sister. Have any pets: Two cats (Annabelle and Natasha). Used to have a dog (Mitchell), two fish (John and Lisa) and a rabbit (Honey Bunny, my sister's choice), all of whom died. Have a job: No, I'm a university student though. Have a cellphone: Yes, not a frequent user though. Have any special talents or skills: I'm smart, as many people have told me. Have any fears: Nothing in particular, though I tend to be uncomfortable and shy around people I don't know. Have a bedtime: According to my parents, 9:30. According to me, when I feel like it :) Sing in the shower: Sometimes. Want to go to college: Am going currently. Get along with your parents: Pretty well. Have any piercings: No. Have any tattoos: No. Swear: Often to myself, sometimes among friends, rarely if ever among family. Smoke: Can't and don't want to. Drink: Can't. Do Drugs: Most definitely not. LOVE (and all that crap): Ever been in love: No. Ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend: No. Ever been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend: No. Are you single: Yes. Are you in a relationship: Given my previous answer… Do you have a crush on someone: No. Ever been dumped: No. Ever dumped someone: No. Ever had your heart broken: No. THIS OR THAT: Fruit or Vegetable: Fruit. Black or White: Well, white's the colour I use when playing chess... Lights On or Lights Off: If you mean how do I sleep, then lights off. TV or Movie: TV, not a huge fan of either though. Car or Truck: Car. Cash or Check: Cash. Rock or Rap: Rock. Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla. French Toast or French Fries: French fries. Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries. Cookies or Muffins: Cookies. Winter Break or Spring Break: Don't live in America. Would probably prefer spring break if I did. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs. HAVE YOU EVER: Danced in a public place: If you count the gym during year eight dancing lessons. Smiled for no reason: Constantly. Laughed so hard you cried: Yes. Talked to someone you don't know: Yes. Drank alcohol: No. Done drugs: No. Partied 'til the sun came up: No. Gotten a ticket: No. Been arrested: No. Been convicted of a crime: No. Been in a wreck: If you mean a car crash, the other car was wrecked... Been out of the country: No. RANDOM AND SILLY JUNK: Are you a virgin: Yes. Ever TP'd someone's house: ?! No idea what that is, but I doubt it... Ever egged someone's house: No. How many languages do you speak: I speak English, but from school I learned basic Italian and Indonesian. Who do you compare yourself to: Me. Ever regret anything: Many times. Do you like being tickled: I'm ticklish, if that's what you mean. What are your goals: To be happy in life and to contribute something. I'm a Christian, however, so my main goal is to live the way God wants me to. Are your fingers tired: They're aching a bit, but it might be the cold. Are you tired of this survey: No, I like these. Are you happy: Generally, yes. A few annoying stereotypes: Bold the ones that apply to you. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. (I'm one of the lucky ones who can eat lots of junk food and stay thin.) I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO, so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz. I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. (Disturbing, seeing as I'm a guy.) I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. (God's place to judge, not mine.) I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. (That's a really annoying one.) I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world. I DON’T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I take (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a terrorist. I get STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. (Well, I guess it is true. Of me at least.) I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy. I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas. I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I MUST be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL WHO ACTUALLY EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly. (Again, surprisingly - or not - accurate in my case.) I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be a nerd that does homework 24/7. I'm MIXED, so I MUST be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM, so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK, so I MUST believe "Jesus wuz a brotha" I'm MORMON, so I MUST be perfect. I'm WHITE AND HAVE BLACK FRIENDS, so I MUST think I'm black. I'm GOTH, so I MUST worship the devil. I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. (Well, it depends on the word "loser", but being the "not like everyone else" person in that I don't care what I'm called, I'll say, yes, I am.) I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. (Well... in some ways. In others, no way.) I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I DON’T LIKE THE SUN, so I MUST be an albino. I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I'm a GUY WHO WEARS TIGHT PANTS, so I MUST be emo. I HANG OUT WITH TEENAGE DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I DON’T LIKE TO BE IN A BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. (I think of it as no one being civilised enough for me to actually enjoy their company.) I have a DIFFERENT SENSE OF HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (Now that is true, no holds barred.) I TELL PEOPLE OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. I have GREASY HAIR, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. (In terms, of hair, I guess so.) I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser. I'm TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse. I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak. I’m a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I'm an ONLY CHILD, so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak. (Maybe I should revise my opinion of these stereotypes...) I’m AMERICAN, so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH, so I MUST love sheep. I'm SCOTTISH, so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirt (it's actually called a kilt). I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. (...I take that back.) I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. (What's Welfare?) I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a stereotype. (Everyone has a stereotype. Most of them, however, aren't suited to them.) I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I MUST be a vampire. I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. (Well, I wasn't around for the World Wars, though my great-grandfather did serve in WWI, and I'd like to think I didn't cause global warming... much.) I’m NOT POPULAR, so I MUST be a loser. (Well... that's already been covered, I guess.) I CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy. (Now that is taking things way over the top.) I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-Sue. I'm PAGAN, so I MUST worship Satan. I'm LIBERAL, so I MUST encourage abortion. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be irresponsible. I like READING, so I MUST be a loner. (Definitely true in my case.) I have MY OWN SPIRITUAL IDEOLOGY, so I MUST be wrong or misguided. I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a Satanist. I DISAGREE WITH MY GOVERNMENT, so I MUST be a terrorist. (Anyone who's reasonably intelligent disagrees with politicians on principle.) I’m a WITCH, so I MUST be on old hag and fly on a broomstick (out of curiosity, who's going to bold this one?) I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be labelled. (Takes us back to that "everyone has a stereotype" thing, doesn't it?) I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast. I like GAMES, ANIME AND COMICS, so I MUST be childish. I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be white. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. (Not true. I was conceived perfectly legitimately, thank you very much.) I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG, so I MUST be stupid. I'm AUSTRALIAN, so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos. (Until you've been to Australia, you can't possibly comprehend how ridiculous that stereotype is. Crocodiles don't generally like being hunted very much, and I wouldn't imagine they even taste very good. As for the kangaroos, the only time I've ever seen one outside a zoo is when we almost ran one over, and that happened once in outback Victoria, where I've been on many occasions.) I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN, so I MUST just need converting. I love MARCHING BANDS, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I CRY easily, so I MUST be a wimp. I CAN’T HELP POINTING OUT MISTAKES, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. (Perfectionist, yes. I wouldn't say over-controlling, though.) I'm a PERFECTIONIST, so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake. (Close, but a bit over the top.) I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE, so I MUST be having problems. (No. I just don't have one.) I like FIRE, so I must be an arsonist. I play VIDEO GAMES, so I MUST be a loser. I'm HOMESCHOOLED, so I MUST have no life or friends. I'm on a TEAM, so I MUST hate everyone that's not. Copy and paste: 1F 90U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463, C0P9 4ND P4573 7H15 1N70 90UR PR0F1L3. 30 percent of kids go to college. The other 70 percent either drop out or don't have the skills to. If you are going to or have been to college, copy and paste this into your profile. 65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then reading. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you are part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe. If you are part of the 8 percent who would be laughing their asses off, copy and paste this into your profile. 95 percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature's Daughter, Schmerg_The_Impaler, HPisgreat72, James018 98 percent of teenagers have either smoked pot or tried to smoke it. If you are part of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of the Internet population has a myspace. If you are part of the 2 percent who can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy and paste this into your profile. A large percent of authors do not know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you do know the difference, copy and paste this into your profile. Child abuse should be stopped, FULL STOP. Copy and paste this into your profile to show your support of the NSPCC. Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy and paste this into your profile. .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you laugh about how you laugh. Crazy is when you read books of essays a book you like. Crazy is when you chase a random person all over the place and then say "Tag, you're it!" when you finally catch them, Crazy is when you break your foot at your church's camp. Crazy is when you've got a pressing homework assignment due the next day and you get up in the middle of the night to write a fan fiction instead. If you're crazy, copy and paste this into your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list. Here's a llama, there's a llama I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs, cpoy and psate it itno yuor pofrile. (It is fun to raed suftf lkie tihs.) If, at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name, copy and paste this into your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this into your profile. If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile. If several inanimate objects hate you, copy and paste this into your profile. If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, copy and paste this into your profile. If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are against animal abuse, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: RogueWarrior869, BlackWolfHowling, Bubble Blower, roughdiamond5, Green.Winged.Mistress, MoonStarWithWings, Yourcool79, Someone aka Me, Angelauthor14, James018 If you are against plagiarism, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are against racism, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a slow runner, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are extremely lazy, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are extremely shy, quiet, and are very content with being alone, on your computer constantly reading and/or listening to music, copy and paste this into your profile. (Describes me scarily well.) If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this into your profile. ("In love" is a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm probably as much in love as I'm ever likely to be with anyone with... No, of course I'm not telling you!) If you are obsessed with fan fiction, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are one of those people who get excited when they see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are really out there sometimes with your friends, but without them, you can be extremely shy, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are such a loser that you actually read all these "If you blah blah blah, copy and paste this into your profile" things, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe, serve, and love Jesus Christ and God, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe that every child deserves a chance to grow up and go to school, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe that teenagers are stereotyped, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can never type fast enough, copy and paste this into your profile. If you consider paper a safety hazard, copy and paste this into your profile. If you consider yourself a hypocrite for first thinking copy and pastes were ridiculous, and then copying and pasting things right and left, copy and paste this into your profile. If you consider yourself a nerd, copy and paste this into your profile. NERDS RULE! If you didn't know that the Alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune and were both composed by Mozart, copy and paste this into your profile. (I didn't know Mozart composed them. Mind you, I'm not sure whether to believe it anyway.) If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't have or want a myspace, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't want to be popular or cool, just unique, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you easily finish one novel a day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you enjoy laughing at the pain or misfortune of others, copy and paste this into your profile. If you get excited over books, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those FanFiction.net ads that pop up right when you're about to click something important, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you don't get it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a friend who thinks Twilight is stupid, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a pet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself or someone else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Archangel's Requiem, Lady Sakura of the Fated, Emy Em Em, Kiska King, ButWhyIsAllTheRumAlwaysGone?, goody goody gumdrop 06,poniescheerleader1993 (when i'm extremely bored), ghilliekitten, Wildimagination (When I have time), Pepipanda, Saphire Moon Maiden, Hyperactive Lioness, James018 If you have ever been so obsessed with a song you actually A) dream about it, B) sing it in school no matter who's listening or C) know the lyrics by heart and sing it no matter how off key you are, copy and paste this into your profile. (C is true of so many songs I can't count, and A has happened too.) If you have ever been told to go somewhere and you forgot why and had to go back to find out, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever begged your parents for something so much they get frustrated and buy you the thing you were begging for, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever broke out in tears for no reason, and then laughed while still crying, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster or on the stove, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever choked on your own spit, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever cried when your favourite character in a movie, TV show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever felt like killing someone because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever felt the irresistible urge to slam your head into something, whether or not it is another person, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a conversation or argument with yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever invented your own "copy and paste" thingy, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever just wanted to slap someone, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever laughed maniacally until you choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this into your profile. Cats, dogs and goldfish count. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said "pull", or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever ran up a down escalator or vice-versa, copy and paste this into your profile. (Yay, I can finally put this in!) If you have ever read a 250+ page book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you have read more than one in a day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever read an M-rated fic at the age of thirteen, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you have ever run into a door and apologised, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you have ever run into a tree and apologised, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever said something and two seconds later completely forgot what you said, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever spent a long amount of time looking for something that you were holding/wearing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stared at someone for a really long time for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stared at your computer for a complete hour copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stared at your computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it have written, and if you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you could, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever thought about something while you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tried to hi-five somebody and end up hitting them in the head, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tried to lick your elbow, knowing that it was physically impossible, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you tried it just then, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over a person, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped where there is a "watch your step" sign, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever walked into a wall before, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever walked under something that was at least two feet above your head and ducked anyway, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy and paste this into your profile. (It's called sleeping.) If you have inside jokes with yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you know that they are real, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hug cute toys when no one's looking, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know at least five words to the song 'I Love Rock 'N' Roll', copy and paste this into your profile. (There's a story behind this. I've seen this line plenty of times before but didn't copy and paste it because I couldn't be completely sure that "I Love Rock 'N' Roll" was a part of the song's lyrics! Luckily, I heard it on the radio once.) If you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer, copy and paste this into your profile. (Surprisingly, I didn't until early this year, when my old church pastor died of it.) If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know what a lemon fly is, copy and paste this into your profile. (For those who don't, it is a mythical lemon with wings. Ha! Now you know!) If you like blue, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like copying and pasting things into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like smiley faces, copy and paste this into your profile. :) If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like "copy and paste" stuff, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love FanFiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to this list: Rainstorm007, Littlewhisker, Patronus Charm, The Dawn Is Breaking, James018 If you love reading really long books just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love someone more than they know, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love to sing even though you may or may not suck, copy and paste this into your profile. (Only in private - I'm considerate of the good health of others.) If you make up your own "copy and pastes", hoping that they may become popular but knowing that they probably won't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you or your best friend is completely insane, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read books or listen to music that no one even knows about, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you realized long ago that there was no point to copy and pastes, but do them anyway, copy and paste this into your profile. If your friends are weird (but not as weird as you), copy and paste this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this into it to make it even longer. If your profile just keeps getting longer and longer because of all your "copy and paste" thingies, copy and paste this into your profile. If you run into inanimate objects and then blame them for it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you talk back to the TV, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Bellatrix is creepy and should have been killed by Neville (not that there's anything wrong with Molly Weasley kicking her butt), copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that fan fiction absolutely rocks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that global warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that human identification thing when you log in to FF.net is annoying, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that it would be hilarious to watch Bella beat Emmett in an arm wrestling match, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Jessica is annoying, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Mike and Jessica belong together because they're both annoying and stupid, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Mike should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile... ...if you think that said bus should also take out Eric and Tyler while it's at it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that people on commercials talk funny and/or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that so-called "morning people" should be driven off the face of the planet so they can spread their 6am cheer to Martians, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that writer's block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that writing or reading fan fiction is fun, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that you have too many of these "copy and paste" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two mooses meese, and if two foots are feet, then why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you are random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. LOL is overused and outdated. Copy and paste this into your profile and join the COL (chuckle out loud) revolution. COL! Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. If you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" copy and paste this into your profile. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, copy and paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that it's weird. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. This is the song that never ends (Please kill me!) Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. AND FINALLY... if you actually took the time to read all these, copy and paste this into your profile! Guy or girl? YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. You love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. x It's hilarious when people get hurt. x You've played with/against boys on a team. x Shopping is torture. Sad movies suck. You own/ed an X-Box. You played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. x You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega. (In all honesty, who doesn't? I'm probably less game-console-obsessed than many, only have a PS2 and a Wii that I hardly play.) You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. x You watch sports on TV. Gory movies are cool. x You go to your dad for advice. x You own like a trillion baseball caps. You like going to high school football games. You used to/do collect football/baseball cards. Baggy pants are cool to wear. x It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favourite colours. x You love to go crazy and not care what people think. (It's the way I am constantly, in a different manner to what the question intended though.) x Sports are fun. x You talk with food in your mouth. (Sometimes, wouldn't call it a habit though.) You sleep with your socks on at night - sometimes. TOTAL: 12 YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the colour pink. x You go to your mom for advice. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the colour black. You like hanging out at the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewellery. Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies. You don't like the movie Star Wars. You were in gymnastics/dance It takes you around/more than one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. x You smile a lot more than you should. (A bit subjective.) You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. You love the movies. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. You like being the star of every thing. TOTAL: 2 So I'm not much of a guy - which I knew anyway - but I'm even less of a girl... Agh! Am I even human?! Have you ever: ( ) smoked a cigarette (Nope, not for me.) ( ) smoked a cigar (If I've never smoked a cigarette, it stands to reason that I wouldn't have smoked a cigar.) ( ) crashed a friend's car (No, I'm not old enough to drive yet.) ( ) stolen a car (...) ( ) been in love (Still innocent at 15.) ( ) been dumped (See above.) ( ) dumped someone (What is it with the love questions?) ( ) shoplifted (Not that stupid.) ( ) been fired (No one's gotten the opportunity yet.) ( ) been in a fist fight (I don't think Bob counts.) ( ) snuck out of your parent's house (I've never considered it... seriously, anyway.) ( ) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back (AAARRGGHH!) ( ) been arrested (No, I am not a criminal, thank you very much!) ( ) lied to a friend (Not that I remember.) ( ) had a crush on a teacher (My friend Chris thinks otherwise, but that's him.) ( ) skipped school (Not me.) ( ) seen someone die (I know of a few people who've died, but I've never seen it.) ( ) been to Canada (I probably will one day.) ( ) been to Mexico (Ditto.) (x) been on a plane (A few times, but then who hasn't?) ( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire (Now, who in their right mind would do that?!) ( ) eaten Sushi (Foreign food... ugh. Not for me.) ( ) been snowboarding (It doesn't snow in Australia.) ( ) been moshing at a concert (Um, sorry?) ( ) taken painkillers (Well... not that I remember, anyway.) ( ) love someone or miss someone right now (Again, I don't think my family counts.) ( ) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (I've watched clouds go by, but the place never seems to be very convenient for lying on my back.) ( ) made a snow angel (What did I say about snow and Australia?) ( ) had a tea party (Uhh... I'm a heterosexual male. Do you want to ask that question again?) (x) flown a kite (When I was younger. I didn't really enjoy it - what's the point, really?) ( ) gone puddle jumping (?) ( ) played dress up (Are these questions for girls only? Disturbing...) ( ) jumped into a pile of leaves (I don't doubt it'd be moderately exhilarating for some, but not for me.) ( ) cheated while playing a game (What's the point of playing if only to cheat?) (x) been lonely (Who hasn't? I rather enjoy it, actually.) (x) fallen asleep at work/school (Yes. I actually fell asleep during Year 12 Physics and Chemistry. Several times.) ( ) used a fake ID (ARGH! What is it with these criminal questions?!) (x) watched the sun set (Better. I used it to prove the mass of the Earth in a Physics assignment... Man, that sounded geeky.) ( ) felt an earthquake (Haven't had that particular misfortune yet.) ( ) touched a snake (:winces:) (x) slept beneath the stars (We all sleep beneath the stars. True, there may be stuff between us and them, like roofs and the like...) (x) been tickled (Not nearly as disturbing as it sounds.) (x) read an entire authors profile (Some of them are actually pretty good. Of course, this isn't one of them.) ( ) been robbed (Not as of yet.) ( ) petted a reindeer/goat (Not an animal person. OI! NATASHA! GET OUT OF HERE!) (x) won a contest (Plenty of them. At the moment I'm winning a contest with my head not to fall asleep at this computer.) ( ) run a red light (OBJECTION! The prosecution is making far-fetched and unwarranted claims!) ( ) been suspended from school (Nah, worst I ever got was a few Time Outs in primary school.) ( ) caught a butterfly (No... my sister caught a moth, though, and I've killed a fair few flies by slamming books on them. I once had one sturdy little fly actually survive being slammed. It was hilarious, but I digress.) (x) laughed so hard you cried (A few times. Most are brought on by funny fanfictions, oddly.) ( ) had someone moon/flash you (Bad... mental... images...) ( ) cheated on a test (Nope, all free!) (x) had a Britney Spears CD (My family has a CD collection that's fairly extensive. Unfortunately, this includes not one but :gasp: TWO Britney Spears CDs.) (x) forgotten someone's name (Never been great with names.) ( ) French braided someone’s hair (One more question like that and I am going to type random keys on this keyboard in inarticulate rage, I swear it...) ( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool (f04gtvefjshe9gjmj00kodjkhgtrd90o0jgbtbmi9khjybu0rt9e0dovfsjbrtj45g0vdfsvflaadslregbjo95u079inutimniointyyervdsvstv35tv46yh57h790erdewacscgry) ( ) put a hamster down someone else's top (Remind me to do that sometime.) ( ) given up on religion as other people's problem (Sorry, devout lifelong Christian here.) Wow, only 12 out of 59. I really need to get out more. But then I already knew that. Oh, by the way, Natasha's the resident pe(s)t cat. Now excuse me while I fish her out from under the bed. She seems to like it under there for some reason. Now what's that smell? Instructions: On American Airlines packet of nuts: "Open packet, eat nuts." (Now why would we possibly want to do that?) On bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special!) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: "Do not drive car or operate machinery." (I'd be more concerned that children are driving cars in the first place.) On child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Thanks, now you've made me cry!) On Dial soap: "Use like regular soap." (Which is...?) On food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (What other use?) On Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: Keep out of children." (I think something got lost in the translation...) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (No, really?) On Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (As above.) On package of artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (Yeah, I'm really comforted by the knowledge that I'm eating real fake bacon.) On package of pasta, after cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (Yeah, as if!) On Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But getting burnt is fun!) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (But where are the peas? I wanted PEAnuts, dammit!) On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (I'd hope you wouldn't use your hairdryer while sleeping!) On string of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (I totally agree, using them in outer space just wouldn't work.) On Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion!) On Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Could anyone who's tried this please raise your hands?) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert, printed on bottom of box: "Do not turn upside down." (Uh oh, too late!) Interesting and insane laws: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Yeah, I'm sure a fine would be a great punishment for those suicide bombers.) It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.) It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.) It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. It is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle. It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...) It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.) It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.) It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...) It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Just a few questions in need of an answer: Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food? Why do doctors call what they do "practice"? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Why do doctors leave the room when you strip? They're going to see you naked anyway. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Do cannibals refuse to eat clowns because they taste funny? If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If the speed of light is 300,000 metres per second, what's the speed of dark? Why do dogs get mad when you blow in their face and then they stick their head out the window in a car? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why does round pizza come in a square box? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Why is it that to turn off Windows, you have to click on "Start"? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why does the word "lisp" have an "s" in it? If vegetable oil made from veggies and oil, what is baby oil made of? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Mousetraps are operated by people, right? Now, isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Why does the sun make our hair lighter and our skin darker? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do psychics have to ask your name? If a fat chicken laid eggs, would it sit on them? How is it possible to have a civil war? How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the morning? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, why do people say, "Quit while you're ahead"? Why do our noses run and our feet smell? Why do people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up and cry every two hours? Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, then what happens at a workstation? If sheep coats are made of wool, why don't they shrink when it rains? Light travels faster than sound - is that why some people appear bright before you hear them speak? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor since you can't drink and drive? Can you cry underwater? If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? Why are marbles so called when they’re made out of glass? How can something be both new and improved? If the sign says "Keep Off The Grass", how did it get there in the first place? Layers of me: Put a question mark for questions you can't or don't want to answer. LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW: LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK: LAYER FIVE: DO YOU? LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD LAYER NINE: IN A BOY/GIRL LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING? LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE Mathematical proof at last of the Grand Theory of the Evilness of Girls: Girls = time x money (Girls are time and money) BUT time = money (Time is money) THEREFORE girls = money squared BUT money = square root of evil (Money is the root of all evil) THEREFORE girls = square root of evil squared THEREFORE girls = evil Obituary for the late Mr. Common Sense: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. He lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. He lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. He took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember Common Sense, copy and paste this into your profile. If not, join the majority and do nothing. Only in America: I'd advise that all Americans skip this section. Trust me. 1. A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. (That's not true, actually. We do the same thing in Australia.) 5. Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. We use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Random survey: 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4. 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? 3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? 4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? 8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? 9. What are you wearing? 10. Did you dream last night? 11. When did you last laugh? 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? 13. Seen anything weird lately? 14. What do you think of this survey? 15. What is the last film you saw? 16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? 17. Tell me something about you that I don't know. 18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? 19. George Bush: 20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? 21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? 22. Would you ever consider living abroad? Random Survey 2.0: 1. Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say? 2. Where are you? 3. Look up, now look back. What did you see? 4. What's the last thing you ate? 5. What's your personality like? 6. Who do you have a crush on? 7. What was the last thing you thought? 8. You have a million dollars. What do you do? 9. What are you eating/drinking right now? 10. What are you thinking right now? 11. What's it like being you? 12. What are your thoughts on writing? 13. How tall are you? 14. What book are you currently reading? 15. What music are you listening to? 16. What was the last website you visited before fan fiction? 17. What was the last thing you cooked? 18. What colour are the walls of the room you are in? 19. Do you know who the governor of your state is? 20. How many different programs are open on your computer right now? 21. Have you ever been water-skiing? 22. What is the weather like? 23. Are you going on vacation this summer and where? 24. Anything else? Random Survey - again! Favourites: Random: Random Survey - how many of these are out there?! 1. Find a globe. Spin it. What does it say? 2. Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, word 6. What does it say? 3. What can you hear right now? 4. Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself. 5. Turn on the TV. What show is on? 6. Type your name with your elbow. 7. Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see? 8. If you could be anybody from Twilight, who would you be? 9. What happened last time you were typing on this computer? 10. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? Random Survey - oh no, not another one! 1. Where's #1 on your top 8? 2. What is your favourite possession? 3. Do you own a gun? 4. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say? 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? 6. What's your favourite Christmas song? 7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? 8. Can you do a push up? 9. Is your bathroom clean? 10. What's your favourite piece of jewellery? 11. Do you take painkillers? 12. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? 13. Do you have A.D.D.? (Attention Deficit Disorder) 14. What's your name? 15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. 16. Name the last 3 things you have bought. 17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. 18. Current worry? 19. Current hate? 20. Favourite place(s) to be? 21. How did you bring in the New Year? 22. Where would you like to go? 23. Do you own slippers? 24. What shirt are you wearing? 25. Favourite colour(s)? 26. Are you gay? 27. Do you sing in the shower? 28. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? 29. Best bed sheets as a child? 30. Worst injury you've ever had? 31. Who is your loudest friend? 32. Who is your most silent friend? 33. Does someone have a crush on you? 34. Do you wish on shooting stars? 35. What is your favourite candy? 36. What song(s) do/did you want played at your wedding? 37. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? 38. What were you doing at 12am last night? 39. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Random Survey - how many of these are out there?! 1. FIRST NAME: 2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? 3. SIBLING NAMES: 4. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? 5. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDS? 6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? 7. KIDS? 8. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? 9. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? 10. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? 11. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? 12. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? 14. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU REMOVE THEM? 15. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? 16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? 17. SHOE SIZE? 18. RED OR PINK? 19. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? 20. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? 21. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO PUT THIS IN THERE PROFILE? 22. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? 23. LAST THING YOU ATE? 24. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? 25. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? 26. FAVORITE SMELL? 27. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? 28. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? 29. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? 30. FAVORITE DRINK? 31. FAVORITE SPORT? 32. EYE COLOR? 33. HAT SIZE? 34. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? 35. FAVORITE FOOD? 36. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? 37. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATRE? 38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? 39. SUMMER OR WINTER? 40. HUGS OR KISSES? 41. FAVORITE DESSERT? Random Survey - I really need to get a life: If you could trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? What have you found to be the best way to relieve tension? If you could choose only two movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Name three things you wanted as a child but never got. If someone told you had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes? Describe your dream house. Do you believe people are basically good? What is the most expensive article of clothing you’ve ever purchased? What are your worst habits? Who is the person you know with the purest soul? Describe the happiest day of your life. Describe the saddest day of your life. What is the oldest age you would like to be alive? What was the best year of your life? Who is the most successful person personally known to you? Who is the most outrageous person personally known to you? What is your biggest regret? If you could choose only one music CD to ever listen to again, what would it be? You can go back in time and prevent a great catastrophe. Which one would you prevent? If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go swimming? Would you swim nude? If you were at a friend’s house for dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If you were elected to be leader of a foreign country tomorrow, what country would you want it to be and what would be your first official act? If money were no object, how many children would you want to have? Read all of these sentences: This is minute cat. This is a cat. This is for cat. This is busy cat. This is retard cat. This is a cat. This is keep cat. This is to cat. This is how cat. This is is cat. This is this cat. Now read the third word of every line, from the bottom up. Signs of madness: 1st Sign: Talking to yourself. 2nd Sign: Answering yourself. 3rd Sign: Getting the answer wrong. 4th Sign: Fighting with yourself about it. 5th Sign: Hitting yourself in the fight. 6th Sign: Hitting yourself back. 7th Sign: Attempting to strangle yourself. 8th Sign: Falling unconscious from strangling yourself. N.B.: There are currently no known people insane enough to continue to strangle themselves after falling unconscious, and thus it is proven that you cannot currently die from insanity. (I'm working on it, though.) The abused child: My name is Jennifer. Now I roam the underworld to help those in need. I may seem evil, but I'm not. And if you read this and don’t pass it on, I pray for your forgiveness, Because you would have to be one heartless person to not be affected by this poem. If you are affected, do something about it! So all I ask you to do is pass this on if you are against child abuse! The character quiz: List twelve of your favourite Harry Potter characters in no particular order. 1. Remus Lupin 1.) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? I've seen a few Hermione/Sirius fics, but I haven't read any yet. 2.) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Tonks is OK. That's all I'm saying. 3.) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? If Fred got Neville pregnant, I would voluntarily admit myself into the nearest mental hospital. 4.) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Can you recommend any? Not really. There aren't many fics that centre around Luna, perhaps because she's so difficult to write. 5.) Would Two and Six make a good couple? NO! But femslashers might appreciate Hermione/Ginny. 6.) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Ron/Luna, not Ron/Neville. I prefer het. 7.) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? "WEASLEY AND WEASLEY! TWO HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" 8.) Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fanfic. When Harry is sent twenty-one years into the past, his only concern is getting back to his own time without changing anything. But a certain redhead with unacceptable links to Harry is making it difficult to do that... WARNING: INCEST! 9.) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff fanfic? Remus/Neville? Ugh, no way! 10.) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. There's no such thing as a Severus/Fred Hurt/Comfort fic! 11.) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? A canon-compliant one, probably. 12.) Do any of your friends read Seven slash? I have exactly one friend on FF.net, and I don't think Rob reads slash at all, let alone Snape slash. 13.) Do any of your friends read Three het? Of course! Who doesn't read Harry het? 14.) Do any of your friends write or draw Eleven? Sirius? Not that I know of. 15.) Would anyone you know write Two/Four/Five? Ginny/Tonks/Ron? No. Bloody. Way. 16.) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? Probably something about James - her husband, you silly person, not me. 17.) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? Hmm, it'd depend who I was putting Neville with. I can't think of one offhand. 18.) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? I wouldn't write a Remus/Hermione/Fred fic, so I can't really say. 19.) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Putting aside the fact that a Lily/Ginny pairing is literally impossible, I don’t want to have to think about it. 20.) When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Hmm... about Ron specifically, or just involving him? 21.) What is Six's super-secret kink? How would I know? Ask Five. 22.) Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober? Sirius would shag anyone, if fanon opinion of him is accurate. Luna might have to be drunk, though. 23.) If Three and Seven got together, who would top? I have no idea as I'd be looking pointedly in the opposite direction. Harry/Snape, really... 24.) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it. Translation: Remus and Luna are in a happy relationship until Luna suddenly runs off with Tonks. Remus, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Sirius and a brief unhappy affair with Fred, then follows the wise advice of Ron and finds true love with Harry. Umm... a title... "Confessions of a Werewolf"? I certainly wouldn't read it, I don't think Rob should and I can't think of any sane person who'd write it. 25.) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? If Severus/Neville was canon, I'd shoot myself. I really would. The character quiz, round 2: Now let's do it for Twilight! 1. Angela Weber 1.) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? No. Kate/Ben is a relationship I have never even heard of before. 2.) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? If I was a girl, I'd certainly say so. 3.) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? I think it's physically impossible for Renee to get Jacob pregnant. If the reverse happened, though, it'd make an interesting story... 4.) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Can you recommend any? Many of the fics about Emmett are humour fics. I recommend the 51 Things series by twilightnite. 5.) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Alice/Kate is conceivable if you're a femslasher, I guess, but not for me. 6.) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Neither! But at least Jasper/James and Emmett/James are both vampire/vampire... they just need to get around the fact that they're mortal enemies and they all have (female) mates. 7.) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? I have no idea how Edward would react if he walked in on Alice and Renee. He'd probably be agonizing over whether to tell Jasper, plus trying to come to terms with the fact that Alice was having sex with a woman, let alone a human woman. 8.) Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fanfic. Edward and the Cullens have moved away, in a desperate hope to keep Bella safe. But one of the Cullens cannot bear the thought of what he has caused, and he returns despite himself. He's only trying to make amends, only making sure Bella doesn't get hurt. Or so he tells himself... 9.) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff fanfic? Not that I know of, but it's not inconceivable. Jacob and Angela are both human (kind of, in Jacob's case) and of similar ages... it could happen. 10.) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. "The Mother-In-Law"? 11.) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? Well... Esme would have to die... and Angela would have to become a vampire at some point... 12.) Do any of your friends read Seven slash? Again, I don't think Rob reads slash. 13.) Do any of your friends read Three het? Bella het is what the series is about. In other words, YES! 14.) Do any of your friends write or draw Eleven? I don't think so. Ben's not that popular a character anyway. 15.) Would anyone you know write Two/Four/Five? Alice/Carlisle/James? No. Bloody. Way. (Wow, déjà vu.) 16.) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? Something about Alice, I'd imagine. 17.) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? There's such a wide variety of possible Jacob plotlines, I honestly don't know. 18.) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Angela/Kate/Renee... femslash for starters... 19.) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Is there really any need? They're together anyway. 20.) When was the last time you read a fic about Five? I've read a few humour fics that mentioned James - the last one only a few hours ago - and one last night that had a teenaged James as one of the villains. 21.) What is Six's super-secret kink? ...electricity? On second thought, that's not exactly secret. 22.) Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober? Ben might shag Emmett drunk... if Angela died... and Emmett was drunk, too... but vampires can't get drunk, can they? No, I think that theory's shot down. Interesting idea, though. 23.) If Three and Seven got together, who would top? Bella and Edward are already together. Who writes this stuff?! 24.) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it. Translation: Angela and Emmett are in a happy relationship until Emmett suddenly runs off with Carlisle. Angela, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Ben and a brief unhappy affair with Renee, then follows the wise advice of James and finds true love with Bella. Might even work if it wasn't for the human/vampires stuff, and the fact that James is a bloodsucking fiend and all that. As it is, I can't really picture it, sorry. 25.) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? Edward/Jacob... now that would be interesting... The stupid test: (If you get 18 or less, you're not stupid!) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. x You have run into a glass/screen door. You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. x You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. x You have run into a tree. It IS possible to lick your elbow. x You just tried to lick your elbow. (Just for the fun of it... and I almost got there, too!) You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm. You just tried to sing them. x You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. x You have choked on your own spit. You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. x You didn’t notice that in the last question "the" was spelled twice. x You just looked at it. Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde. x People have called you slow. (Though that was in terms of running speed... I think.) You have accidentally caught something on fire. You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek. x You have caught yourself drooling. x You’ve fallen asleep in class. If someone says "fart" you laugh. You just laughed. x Sometimes you just stop thinking (Yes... like when I'm asleep...) You tell a story and forget what you were talking about. People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you. You are often told to use your "inside voice". x You use your fingers to do simple math. (Only sarcastically.) You have eaten a bug. x You are taking this test when you should be doing something important. x You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it. x You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket. You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you. You break a lot of things. Your friends know not to use big words around you. You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused. x You have fallen out of your chair before. When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling. Well... I got 17! Not stupid, but pretty close to it... though a few of the options I only checked on technicalities. The Ten Commandments... for teenagers! 1) Thou shalt not sneak out when parents are sleeping... why wait that long? 2) Thou shalt not do drugs... alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper. 3) Thou shalt not steal from K-Mart... Wal-Mart has a bigger selection. 4) Thou shalt not be arrested for vandalism... destruction has a bigger effect. 5) Thou shalt not steal from your parents... everyone knows Grandma has more money. 6) Thou shalt not get into fights... just start them. 7) Thou shalt not skip class... just take the whole day off. 8) Thou shalt not strip in class... hooters pay more. 9) Thou shalt not think about having sex... like Nike says, "just do it!" 10) Thou shalt not refuse to help old ladies across the street... just leave them in the middle. Things I am no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1) I am not allowed to ask the Giant Squid on a date to the Yule Ball. 2) I am not allowed to sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office. 3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar. 6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination. 7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnigan is "after me lucky charms". 8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. 9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus Lupin's "time of the month". 10) I am not allowed to make lightsabre sounds with my wand. 11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals. 12) I am not allowed to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force". 13) I am not allowed to grow marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms for extra credit in Herbology. 14) I am not allowed to use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot. 15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I must assume that I am not allowed to use it. 16) I am not allowed to lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive. 17) I am not allowed to charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast. 18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day". 19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways. 20) I am not allowed to yell "BURN!" whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor. 21) I am not allowed to say "Get a life!" to Voldemort. 22) I am not allowed to feed first years to Fluffy. 23) I am not allowed to ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling. 24) I am not allowed to refer to showering as "giving Moaning-Myrtle an eyeful". 25) I am not allowed to make a spell "OMGWTF". 26) I am not allowed to yell "BAM" every time I Apparate. 27) I am not allowed to steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways. 28) I am not allowed to poke Hufflepuff's with spoons and insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees". 29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 30) I am not allowed to go to class skyclad. 31) I am not allowed to use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore". 32) I am not allowed to draw a Dark Mark on a sleeping classmate's arm. 33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 34) I am not allowed to start every potions class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as a body lotion. 35) I am not allowed to call the Weasley twins "bookends". 36) ...or the Patils. 37) I am not allowed to call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine. 39) I am not allowed to give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts. 40) Tricking a school House Elf into stripping off its clothing does not make it mine, even if I yell out "PWNED!" 41) I do not weigh the same as a duck. 42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus. 43) I am not allowed to lick Trevor. 44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled "Firewhiskey". 45) I am not allowed to dress up as Voldemort on Halloween. 46) I am not allowed to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 47) ...or Professor McGonagall. 48) I am not allowed to tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and have all the students say "Ni!" from various directions. 49) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 50) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice. 51) I am not allowed to tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. 52) I am not allowed to ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss. 53) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda. 54) I am not allowed to sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 55) I am not allowed to point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!" when Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade. 56) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is completely coincidental. 57) I am not allowed to dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want. 58) I am not allowed to scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 59) I am not allowed to hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting "I got the power!" 60) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom. 61) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". 62) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 63) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. 64) "Draco Malfoy, take it up the arse!" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. 65) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. 66) "Y’all check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell. 67) I am not allowed to offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey. 68) I am not allowed to mention the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. 69) I am not allowed to start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera if I see a Death Eater wearing a white mask. 70) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time". Things to do in an elevator: Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut up!" Whistle the first seven notes of "It's A Small World" incessantly. Sell Girl Scout cookies. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Shave. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. One word: Flatulence! On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Do Tai Chi exercises. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, dang motion sickness!" Give religious tracts to each passenger. Meow occasionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" Then sigh and say "Oops!" Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. Burp, and then say "Mmm... tasty!" Leave a box between the doors. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers with it. Start a sing-along. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" Play the harmonica. Say "Ding!" at each floor. Lean against the button panel. Say "I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space". Bring a chair. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" Blow spit bubbles. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger". If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaargh! Get them off!" Challenge your neighbour to a tic-tac-toe tournament. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part. Make chalk drawings on the walls. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dang it!" Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on. Try to get a game of Twister going. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbour suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away. Things to do in Wal-Mart - a fair few of these are girls-only, but still funny: 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!" 6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. 7. Try on bras over top of your clothes. 8. Make a trail of tomato juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms. 9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible 'Sex and candy'. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone "I think we've got a Code Red in Housewares" and see what happens. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max. 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear "Who buys this shit, anyway?" 15. Repeat #14 in the jewellery department. 16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually. 17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say "Wow. Magic!" 20. Put M&M's on layaway. 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying "I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!" 26. TP as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighbouring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down. 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling "Red Rover!" 31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 33. Take bets on the battle described above. 34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!) 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible". 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them. 42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 43. Two words: "Marco Polo". 44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. 45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. 46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels. 47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them. 48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Example: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying, "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. 49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "No, no! It's those voices again!" 50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie." 53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way: "Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)" When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way: "Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)" 59. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 65. Say things like "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" 66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, e.g. "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive". 68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 69. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they don't realize it. 70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign. 71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag. 72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "The British are coming!" 73. Have a team race with your friends - one person sits in the cart, the other pushes. 74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices. 75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane. 76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle). 77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!" 78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight. 79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over. 80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a girl, put in a jock strap. 81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section. 82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls. 83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner. 84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (don't try it on a chick, it won't work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens. 85. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smiley face!" 86. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund. 87. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught. 88. Take a leak in the dressing rooms. 89. Repeatedly say "The clowns are not eating me." 90. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbour’s name. 91. Rearrange items as you see fit. 92. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of girl's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere. 93. Put Pokémon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs. 94. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex). 95. Do #94 but with the same sex (not recommended). 96. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items. 97. Follow someone until they notice. 98. Pull out pins, like that guy from the 7up commercial. 99. Sing 'Girlfriend' very loudly, particularly in front of old people. Emphasise all swear words and watch the looks on their faces. 100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here. 101. Throw Skittles at people and say "Taste the freaking rainbow!" 102. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 103. Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here!" 104. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!" 105. When you are at the cash paying, ask "Can I have fries with that?" 106. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one. 107. Buy three hundred and fifty cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!" when the cashier tells you the price. 108. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs. 109. Start a fish-stick fight. 110. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruff shampoo you recommended. 111. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!" 112. Attempt to fly off a high shelf. 113. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there (point to a random person) was just about to ask you to dinner." 114. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store. 115. Whisper "I know your little secret," to people in the checkout lines. 116. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section. 117. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people... they want me to take you away... to aisle eight..." 118. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk." (This works best if you love Twilight, and don't try with Maximum Ride.) 119. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught. 120. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket. 121. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs. 122. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts. 123. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back. 124. Bow to the display of TVs in the electronics section. 125. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid. 126. Go up to a salesperson, ask them very detailed questions about the bikes and pretend you are going to buy them. Then, stop mid sentence, yell "Chimichanga!" and run away to the parking lot without buying anything. (Okay... I don't understand this one, either.) Try not to cry: Mommy, Johnny brought a gun to school. In memory of the Columbine and Virginia Tech students who were lost. Please, if you would, don't smash this on the ground. If you pass this on, maybe people will cry. Just keep this in your heart for the people who didn't get to say goodbye. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try not to cry". 2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are. Ways to annoy people at the cinema: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Wear a cape and when it’s your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. If someone tries to sit next to you, say that they cannot because your invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned, do the Richmeister (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theatre late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahh, whiplash!" Ask what the theatre’s return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing, "Let's all go to the Lobby..." Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!" jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "Cat in the Hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theatre room. Bring a portable air popper. Pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie and cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shh!" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream about what happens in the end. What type of stereotyped teen are you? PREP x You own a cell phone. You own something from Abercrombie. You own something from Pacsun. You own something from Hollister. You own something from American Eagle. You love/like going to the mall. x You own an iPod/MP3 player. You love Starbucks. You have been called a brat. You hate buying things that are on sale. x You have more than one house. GOTHIC Black is one of your favourite colours. x You have thought about death. You wear chains. You like heavy metal. You've shopped at Hot Topic. You have worn black lipstick. x Your hair was/is dark. x You dislike preps. You're an atheist/Satanist/agnostic. PUNK You can skateboard. You've worn plaid. You like Converse. You hate MTV. You have/had blue, pink, red, purple or green hair (streaks count). You dislike pink. x You hate/dislike preps. You wear/wore skateboarding shoes. GEEK x You love the computer. x You like Harry Potter. x You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts. x You get straight A's. x You love/like reading. You were/are in a band. x You don't care what you look like. You have a curfew. x You always do your homework. x You never miss school unless you're sick. (And even then...) ATHLETIC x You watch/watched the Superbowl. (Actually, I didn't. However, I don't live in America, and I watched the AFL Grand Final, which is pretty much the Australian equivalent of the Superbowl.) You own track shoes or other sports related shoes. You collect your jerseys. You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies/awards. x You have posters or plaques of famous athletes. x Your garage consists of sports equipment. x You belong/belonged to a school team. You are going/did go to a sports summer camp. You have a specific number. HARDCORE x You like loud music. You love/loved the Ninja Turtles. You never walk anywhere. You wear slip-on shoes. You wear/wore Vans. You like the band Panic! At The Disco. You wear band t-shirts. x People have called you a freak and meant it. (Do I count as people?) You love to "hardcore" dance. Your hair has been dyed more than 1 colour: dark red, orange red, black, blue, and purple. Total: PREP - 3/11 (I'm a teenager, so I was bound to have a couple.) GOTHIC - 3/9 (And I'm a deep thinker, so I was going to have some here as well.) PUNK - 1/8 (No surprises there.) GEEK - 8/10 (That's me. Yay for geeks!) ATHLETIC - 4/9 (I like sport, but I'm no good at it, so fair enough.) HARDCORE - 2/10 (Not for me.) You know you live in 2008 when: 1) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. (Haven't done that yet.) 2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years. (I do, but very rarely, when there are no computers around.) 3) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screenname or myspace. (No, it's that I don't have a screenname or myspace.) 4) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. (Yup, mostly because I don't know what most of the buttons do.) 6) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. (I'm sure teachers are quite capable of learning, actually.) 7) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. (Yup.) 8) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. (Most of my friends have seen this someplace or another.) 9) And you were too busy to notice number 5. (I did, actually.) 10) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. (I did anyway.) 11) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. (No, I'm laughing at the expense of those who did fall for it.) 12) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. (I didn't fall for it, but I'm putting it in anyway.) Well, I guess that's it. :sigh: Finally... | |||||||
1. Polar Opposites reviewsAll it takes is one small alteration... what if Jacob had imprinted on Bella rather than her daughter? What if the fight between Jacob and Edward for Bella's attention had been that much more even? What would have happened then? Full summary inside.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 805 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 3-27-09 - Bella & Jacob2. Just A Few Questions In Need Of An Answer reviewsYou saw how Bella Swan's adventure panned out in the Twilight saga. Now, read what was happening in the gaps between, as Bella, notebook in hand, looks for the answers to some of the most mystifying questions known to Bellakind.Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 984 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 3-1-09 - Bella & Charlie3. Harry Potter and the Origin of Voldemort's Name reviewsOneshot. What happens when Harry discovers the French origin of Voldemort’s name and uses it against him? NOT SERIOUS.Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 383 - Reviews: 28 - Published: 6-17-08 - Harry P. & Voldemort - Complete
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