School is back in session, y'all! I'm a high school graduate and now officially a college freshman, and I'm proud to say I've seen Star Trek XI twice and it's abso-freakin'-lutely AWESOME! My dad and I got it on DVD, and it's still amazing!

I hope a lot of you guys are Trekkies, 'cause that's what most of my stories are about. I'm a HUGE fan of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," and my favorite character is Data (as you may have already guessed from my pen name). Okay, so I love him to death. Second favorite character is Bones McCoy from Star Trek: TOS - I love his dry sense of humor and the way he's always bickering with Spock. The fact that he has nice eyes is a plus, too :) Not to mention I'm a Harry Potter fan from way back - I think Professor Minerva McGonagall is the most awesome teacher at Hogwarts! And I love Starsky and Hutch too, but seriously, what's not to love about two sexy cops racing around town in a gorgeous, candy-apple red Gran Torino and kicking bad-guy butt?

My Hogwarts House is Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Just like Minerva McGonagall, I'm proud to be a Gryffindor Lioness. My position aboard the Enterprise is in Engineering - I get to work with Data, Geordi, and Reginald Barclay, YES!

I'm a future English teacher and extremely nitpicky about grammar - I'm constantly correcting mistakes I see in other people's work; I nearly drove my friends at school crazy. My English teacher, on the other hand, was tickled to pieces. :D That said, I also hope to publish a novel someday - I'm currently working on a mystery series about a team of detectives solving murder cases and the like in Rehoboth Beach, DE, and I'm constantly on the lookout for new ideas for the series (which explains my fascination with crime drama and true crime stories). Last, but certainly not least, I'm a Christian who loves her Lord and her country more than words can say.

So kick back, relax, and enjoy. And don't forget to - as I say Spock's famous phrase -

Live Long and Laugh Much!

Cheers, much love, and God Bless,

DataLady91

My Favorite Things:

Favorite Music: Plenty of oldies from the 40's to the early 90's, especially 80's (the cheesier the better!), but my all-time favorite music is that of the Carpenters. Karen had the most beautiful voice of all time! I'm also a country girl born and bred! I love Martina McBride, Reba McEntire, Brooks and Dunn, Rascal Flatts, and more!

Favorite Movies: Nearly all the Star Treks (except The Motion Picture, The Final Frontier, and Nemesis), Harry Potter (although the first two are the best!), Men In Black I and II, all the Disney musicals from The Little Mermaid through Tarzan, Sister Act (who doesn't love those nuns?!), all three of the High School Musicals, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and so many more!

Favorite Shows: Star Trek: The Next Generation (THE greatest Star Trek series of all time!!), Star Trek TOS, NCIS (I am also a Gibbs fangirl; Mark Harmon is HOT!), Starsky and Hutch, Laverne and Shirley, Designing Women, I Love Lucy, Dancing With The Stars (message me if you think Brent Spiner should be on this show!!), Looney Tunes cartoons (Bugs Bunny rocks my world!), Scooby Doo, Where Are You?, Charmed, MASH, H2O: Just Add Water, Threshold... again, too many to name!

Favorite Books: The Bible, Harry Potter, Twilight, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Last Sin Eater, Ella Enchanted, To Kill A Mockingbird, Star Trek novels, The Black Dagger Brotherhood series, the Women's Murder Club series and Daniel X series (both by James Patterson), and many, many more! I'm a major bookworm, can't you tell?

Favorite Food: CHOCOLATE!! YUM! In the words of Counselor Deanna Troi, "I never met a chocolate I didn't like." Second favorite would be ice cream (Classic Chocolate, Rocky Road, and Mint Chocolate Chip). Heck, I just love food, period. I love McDonald's fries, especially when they're piping hot and salty, YUM!

Favorite Colors: Purple (the color of royalty - and one of my school colors!), blue (the color of the sky on a perfect day, the ocean depths, and Brent Spiner's gorgeous eyes!), red (the color of love), silver (like the midnight stars, and another school color!), and gold (like my darling Data's eyes!).

Celebrity Crushes: Brent Spiner and Mark Harmon, the two hottest actors on TV today! Gotta love Lt. Commander Data and Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs!

The soundtrack of my life:

"Born To Fly" by Sara Evans
So how do you wait for heaven?
And who has that much time?
And how do you keep your feet on the ground when you know
That you were born, you were born to fly

"Being Myself" by Martina McBride
Sometimes I'm an ordinary girl, wrapped in my ordinary world
I just wanna listen to the rain and stay in bed all day
Other times I'm extraverted, speak my mind and I don't worry who
Might disagree or what anyone might say

I don't listen to the critics
Believin' all their cynics
I don't need that kind of advice
Cause I'm doing alright

Just being myself
that's all that I can be
Happy being me
Don't really wanna be nobody else
I know who I am
and the one thing I do well
Is just being myself, yeah yeah

I can be the drama queen, wear my emotions on my sleeve sometimes
I know I’m a little hard to handle
Other days I'd rather stay at home and have the world leave me alone
I just need some space, just a little space

I've got my share of problems
And I may never solve them
But in the end I know I'll be fine
Cause I'm doin' alright

Just being myself
that's all that I can be
Happy being me
Don't really wanna be nobody else
I know who I am
and the one thing I do well
Is just being myself, yeah yeah

Don’t really wanna be nobody else
I know who I am and the one thing I do well,
Is just being myself

"Ride" by Martina McBride
Life is a roller coaster ride
Time turns a wheel and love collides
Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky
Shine while you have the chance to shine
Laugh even when you want to cry
Hold on tight to what you feel inside and ride...

"Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews
If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

"Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole (dedicated to Brent Spiner and his amazing character Data):
Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable, though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way
And forevermore, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

No, never before
Has someone been more
Unforgettable, in every way
And forevermore, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Random Craziness:

If you've ever woken up from a really crazy dream and rushed down stairs to tell everyone you live with how nuts it was, only to have forgotten what it was all about by the time you reach the kitchen table, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've never done drugs, copy and paste this into your profile.

Munchkins of all worlds unite! If you're short and proud, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read peoples profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile (doesn’t everyone?)

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D

If you hope to write a bestseller someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think life without computers is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read other people's profiles to copy and paste things, paste this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people that gets excited with just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe spelling and grammar are important, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. (Damn Star Trek: Nemesis...)

If you love Star Trek and are 100 percent proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Lt. Commander Data is THE best character on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy this into your profile.

If you hate really obnoxious snobby people, please copy this into your profile.

If you love chocolate as much as I do, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy this into your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

95 percent of the kids out thereare concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Celyna, ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat, Sanoon, Lord Cargyle, Silverlycan, FamilyRose, Kiraille, GrayMoonStar, JanetJadeDragons, Blood Shifter, Jazzgirl117, DataLady91.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you are part of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Put this into your profile if you are part of the 8 percent that would be laughing thier ass off.

If you haven't died, copy this into your profile.

If you read other peoples profile to copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you bites, copy this into your profile.

If you like to write, copy this into your profile.

If you think writing FF stories is fun, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile.

If your friends are weird, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane. If you have a best friend who is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile.

98 percent of the Internet population has a Myspace. If you are part of the 2 percent that can resist stupid fads, copy this into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery, etc.), copy this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of your characters in your head, please copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile. (I laughed my butt off when I read this one!)

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile. (This describes me so wonderfully!!)

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad' to the Animorphs' version of the Barney Song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family...), to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think rainbows are wonderful, post this in your profile.

If you find yourself making fanfictions of other fanfictions in your head, post this in your profile.

If you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001,HeartOfAgony, VampiressE12B, Blossom Uchiha, Lumiere Hikari, DataLady91

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

If you are willing to rebel against the flamers and anyone who is bad in the world and harms any animal or plant of any sort (except a few selected) copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Shorty and KG Inc., AVigoGirl, tiamat100, DataLady91

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and see if ohtres can raed it.

If you DON'T check under the bed for monsters, but you DO check behind the shower curtain for monsters/murderers/Michael Jackson, copy this into your profile. I do.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If someone has ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, put this in your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on the table and/or hit your head on a shelf for no reason, put this in your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to slap you/someone else, put this on your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this in your profile.

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'me, put this in your profile.

If you can smell trouble a mile away and still walk straight into it, put this in your profile.

If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is terrified of you cos of its effects, put this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, put this in your profile.

If for no reason, you've laughed during a part of a movie or show that wasn't during a normally funny part put this in your profile.

If you think flamers should get a life, put this in your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe that life is equal, no matter what sort of creature it is copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the character in your head...copy this into you profile.

If you have your own little world, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that there should be a 'Report flame' button thing to report flamers, copy and paste!

If you're a Christian and you walk the path the Lord has laid out for you, copy and paste this in your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are the best! If you agree C&P!!

Silver-haired foxes RULE!! If you are head-over-heels hopelessly in love with Brent Spiner, Mark Harmon, or both of them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you saw Star Trek XI and liked it, copy and past this into your profile.

If you are a Star Trek addict and have absolutely no desire to be cured, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of many who thought Dr. Katherine Pulaski was a bitch and rejoiced when Dr. Beverly Crusher returned to TNG, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a girl who, when she first saw Star Trek TNG, wasn't thinking about the action scenes and was instead thinking about how gorgeous Data was, copy and paste this into your profile.

Every girl has a Lt. Commander Data waiting for her somewhere. If you believe that, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into you profile and add your
name: Ga Nat Nat, Evil Older Sister, Frozenfan, slygirl16, eragonharrypotterfan, WWMTgirl, Purpleducki88, Minerva McGonagall Rox, DataLady91

If you think Minerva McGonagall is cool copy this in your profile.

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny, isn’t he cute?
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination, how sweet!

Favorite Quotes and Scriptures:

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. - John 3:16

The last enemy to be destroyed is death. - I Corinthians 15:26

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. - I Corinthians 13:13

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! - Philippians 4:4

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. - I Timothy 4:12

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

I admire a lot of people. That doesn't mean I want to meet them. - Brent Spiner

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice. - Dr. Sidney Freedman, "MASH"

I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me. - Harry Potter, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"

It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. - Albus Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. - Albus Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"

Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "Follow the butterflies?" - Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

The house of Godric Gryffindor has commanded the respect of the wizard world for nearly ten centuries. I will not have you in the course of a single evening besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons! - Professor Minerva McGonagall, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"

You ever get the feeling it's gonna be one of those days? - Dave Starsky, "Starsky and Hutch"

You don't have a mother. You were found in a garbage can behind Weight Watchers! - Dave Starsky to Fat Rolly, "Starsky and Hutch"

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!! (Every English teacher should keep this one handy.)

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Music is love in search of word.

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you."

"You don't die of a broken heart...you only wish you did."

"Don't judge a book by it's cover, nor a person by thier scars."

"It's not until you're broken that you know what you're made of."

"Jessie: When that happens, all intelligent life will be...gone!
James: And I'll be...
Meowth: YOU will be fine."

"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."

"I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'."

"Who is worse? The fool or the one who follows him?"

"The true meaning of a patriot is one who is willing to protect their country from their government."

Things that Professor Snape is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts:
By excessivelyperky

1. Not allowed to sing “Black Powder and Alcohol” to the students. Especially not allowed to substitute ingredients that will result in napalm and methamphetamine instead.

2. Crucifying toads. Bad idea.

3. Not allowed to collect blood and/or hair samples from students or staff for potion-making. This includes Mrs. Norris.

4. Not allowed to train Hagrid’s pets into attacking Gryffindors.

5. May not call any members of the Ministry of Magic untrustworthy, corrupt slime. Not even Fudge. Ok, especially not Fudge.

6. Even if I still have the receipt for the last bribe I gave him from Lucius.

7. Must never tease Trelawney about what she puts in her incense.

8. May not sell any Weasley into slavery.

9. Gozer does not live in my supply cabinet. You’d be surprised what does, though.

10. The Forbidden Forest is not full of yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first-years that it is.

11. I cannot trade McGonagall to the Death-Eaters for McNair, Avery, and a DE to be named later.

12. “Poppy” is Madam Pomfrey’s nickname, and not what she dispenses.

13. May not conduct psychological experiments on staff members or students.

14. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

15. While under Veritaserum.

16. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long-term goal to give Lord Voldemort. Or Dumbledore, for that matter.

17. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war". Not even Pettigrew.

18. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question Dumbledore asks me. Only Trelawney gets to do that.

19. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on school time.

20. Must wash my hair even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.

21. Must not taunt the Hufflepuffs.

22. Not allowed to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in Death-Eater recruiting posters. God only knows why.

23. Not allowed to put up Death-Eater recruiting posters on school property, not even in the Slytherin Common Room.

24. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain(s) of command. Neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort have any sense of humor that way.

25. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Professor Snape.

26. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

27. Except Peeves.

28. Nerve gas is not funny, not even at a Dark Revel.

29. Must not tell any Death-Eater that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

30. Visiting Irish wizards are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. Now Flitwick, on the other hand, has a right to be worried.

31. Potions Class should not end in tragedy.

32. I may not produce or perform in “Hogwarts: The Full Monty”. Nor may I encourage any student or staff to do so.

33. Not even Madam Hooch.

34. May not use Harry Potter as a body shield if Voldemort invades the school.

35. May no longer decorate the Great Hall for any function.

36. May not give Professor Sprout any plant named “Audrey”.

37. May not feed Longbottom to “Audrey”.

38. May not bring Moaning Myrtle as my date to the Yule Ball.

39. May not put banned substances on the Gryffindor Quidditch brooms just before a match (see attached list).

40. May not encourage Fred or George Weasley to boobytrap the Sorting Hat.

41. May not bring Longbottom to any Death-Eater function in the hopes he will ‘fix’ Voldemort’s latest potion.

42. Even if the resulting explosion will leave a smoking crater a quarter-mile in diameter, thus resolving at least two of my major problems.

43. May not send a charmed rubber rat across the floor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in hopes that Lupin will chase it.

44. Or send Sirius Black a flea collar in Extra Large. Though he could use it. “Dances with wolves, sleeps with fleas”.

45. When asked to give a few words at a ceremony or staff meeting, ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.

Besides, that’s Dumbledore’s job.

Best Friends

When you cry, I cry

When you laugh, I laugh

When you hurt, I hurt

When you jump off a bridge, I get a paddle and save your retarded self. Lol

25 THINGS I MUST NOT DO AT HOGWARTS:

1. I will NOT sing “We’re off to see The Wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.

2. Dobby is NOT Yoda is disguise.

3. He is NOT Gollum either.

4. I will NOT bring a magic-8-ball to Divination Class.

5. My homework was NOT eaten by a werewolf. Especially when my teacher is Professor Lupin.

6. I will NOT tell the first years to make a tree-house in the Whomping Willow.

7. I will NOT give Lupin a flea collar.

8. Nor will I leave dog-biscuits on his desk.

9. If a classmate falls asleep I will NOT take advantage of this and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

10. Starting a betting-pool on the fate of this year’s Defence against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky. It is NOT a clever money-making concept.

11. I do NOT have a Dalek Patronus.

12. I will NOT teach House-Elves to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks.

13. Shouting “To Infinity and Beyond!” was only funny the first time I took off on a broom.

14. I will NOT refer to the summoning charm (Accio) as “The Force”.

15. “Springtime for Voldemort” is NOT an appropriate title for the school production.

16. I will NOT greet Prof. McGonagall with “What’s new Pussy-cat?”.

17. I will NOT send shampoo to Snape’s office, no matter how badly he needs it.

18. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan.

19. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Death Eaters.

20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "My Little Pony."

21. No matter how funny it is I will NOT leave kitty litter in Prof. McGonagall’s office.

22. I will NOT dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.

23. I will NOT ask Harry Potter if his “Scar-Senses” are tingling.

24. I will NOT call Dumbledore Santa Claus. Even if it is Christmas.

25. I will NOT tell Voldemort to “Get a life”.

HERE'S A GOOD JOKE FOR STAR TREK FANS:

How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all lightbulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

How to Tell if You're a Writer (this is so me...)

-If you talk to yourself.

-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)

-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)

-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’

(If you live off of sugar and caffeine.

-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.

-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.

-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.

-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.

-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.

-If people think you might have A.D.D.

-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.

-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.

-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.

-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship English 101.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

Crap, I wish this was me!

Month one
Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school, he told his friends that it was cool , and when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack! Mummy I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another, and all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much, and please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now, and tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest, mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class, and never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this, mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, but mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest, mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress

Mummy I wanted to live, but mummy I must go now the time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date , I love you mummy I always have, I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you", In memory of the Columbian students that were lost

Please if you would, pass this around, I'd be happy if you could

Don't smash this on the ground, if you pass this on, maybe people will cry

Just keep this in heart, for the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices

1) repost and show you care for this poor girl

2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart

(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Friendship!

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

A black man walked into a bar and the white barman said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me coloured?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

This about a little girl who was abused, if you care copy and paste this in your profile

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

Feel free to visit my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/DataLady09 This is my new account; my old one got deleted.

Picard and Beverly - Merry Christmas, Darling: The accompaniment video to my story; I'll be reposting this one soon, just in time for Christmas!

Regeneration Fans: This is how I picture Laura Kelley's necklace: http://www.titanicbranson.com/store/images/titanic_necklace_premium_02.jpg

Calling all Starsky fangirls! I've made a little tribute vid in honor of our sexy Starsky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDQWGEXfUrs

If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation: http://www.seuss.org/seuss/seuss.sttng.html I didn't write this jewel among parodies; it was merely my inspiration for my Dr. Seuss/TOS parody. And it is funnier than all get-out, let me tell you!

Bay Dahlia fans: This is the link to an excellent site bout the Black Dahlia murder, including articles and photos: http://www.bethshort.com/