|snake in a lion skin|
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
Age: old enough
hey as you've already guessed my names lydia, i've been reading fanfiction for about 4 years now and I absoloutley Love it , I read mostly harry potter but i also read some twilight and lots of crossovers I read mostly slash but will read some het if its not central to the story.
I Know I havent updated my story in a while and i apologise i've just been really busy with my studies and am finding it really hard to find the time to get any writing done. I will have the chapters out as soon as i can which will hopefully be pretty soon. I'm hopefully going to do some more stories either totally different stories or a few one shots branching off from my original story, but first i want to get well into my original story, so it maybe a while.
A bit about what i read... like isaid i read a lot of harry potter and my favourite ships are slash but i paticularly like harry/bill harry/charlie , harry/lucius, harry/tom and harry severus... In crossovers i paticularly like harry/edward harry/jasper harry/emmett for twilight but will read any good story
95 of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, Kikyouhater118, Midnight-angel-of-darkness, adngo714,cyber-porygon, the aku dragon of light, PirateCaptainBo; Ski Bo, SilverFlameoftheWindScar, Halimede,
snake in a lion skin
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.
92 of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Repost if your one if the 8 who would be laughing your ass off.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.
now for semoehtnig itnresitng...
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thgouht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that, copy and paste it into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
You know you live in 2007 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
92 of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore.(Really People!! It isn't that great-C.) put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 that would be laughing your carc-ass off.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. The irony...
I'm emo so I must cut my wrist.
Repost this if you think stereotyping is wrong. Write in Bold what you are or just put them down.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it copy this into your profile.
92 American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 laughing their asses off at the others.
98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought imposible to choke on), copy this in your profile.
If you have ever told a person your name and you never got their's, copy and past this into your profile.
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile (Every single one of them...)
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.
If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.
SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you think that life without computers is (totally) useless then copy this to your profile.
If you think that Mickey mouse and his friends seriously went to a bar then copy this onto your profile.
If you think that those god-for-saken kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix then copy this onto your profile.
If you think that i'm making you think too much then copy this onto your profile.
pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer. best fanfic quotes
"Oh, foo. Let's go Bill, it's time to lighten the knutts a little." She turns toward the rear of the pub.
"I'm shocked Miss Tonks, offering to handle my knutts like that." Bill sniggers as she blushes hair and all.
Sirius Black Killed by drapery. I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt -
Killed by drapery.
I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt -
~Tattooing is about personalizing the body, making it a true home and fit temple for the spirit that dwells inside it... Tattooing therefore is a way of keeping the spiritual and material needs of my body in balance. - Michelle Delio~
~A lighting flashes across the sky. A moment burning, then dims and dies...~
~There is no such thing as Darkness, only absence of Light.~
~My mother never saw the irony of calling me son of a bitch.~
~Life is like an abusive partner. It beats you again and again but you keep going back because you think things will change.~
~You can have control of your life...Take It...and hand the reins over to the Devil.~
~"Don't take life too seriously. It isn't permanent."~
~"Why is it that when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us we're thrown in the loony bin?"~
~"Homosexuality is just mankind's way of keeping the population in check..."~
~"I realized I was God when I prayed and was only talking to myself."~
~"Life is one fool thing after another, while love is two fool things after each other."~
~Few woman admit their age; fewer men act it.~
~Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.~
~People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.~
~"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. Woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved..."~
~The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.~ See Slytherins, learn something from the Gryffs.
~Inside every old person there's a young one-wondering what the heck happened.~
~Men, chocolate and coffee are all better rich.~
~"Roses are red, violets are blue, you are sweet, and I love you."
"Tomatoes are red, ashes are black, go to hell, and never come back"-- Another fanfic, which I don't remeber the title of~
~There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficent methods.~
~Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head. Pass it on.~
~Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards.~
~Our greatest glory consists not in never failing but in rising every time you fail.~
~Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.~ Doesn't this feel like sth Dumbles would say?
~Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away.~my sis luv this, but I always make fun of it.
~If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.~
~Just keep your eyes / Upon the skies / Ev'ry night a star is- / Right in sight a star is- / Burning bright a star is born.
~With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. - Max Ehrmann; Desiderata~
~Life is unfair, sometimes. Sometimes, the hero will find himself pinned under a thousand-pound gay Sumo wrestler with a hard-on and a bottle of Viagra, while the villain will be lounging on a beach chair a thousand miles away, sipping piña coladas in Fiji with a buxom blonde bimbo massaging the kinks out of his…feet. Yes, sometimes life is startlingly unfair, and it would do a person well to remember that. -- Some Fanfiction, yet I don't remember which...~
~"You may have created my past, and screwed up my present, but you have no control over my future." --David Klass~
~"The best advice I can give you is to ignore advice. Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others."~
~"If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, bribe them. If you can’t bribe them, blackmail them."~
~The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. --George S. Patton~
~Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. --Mel Brooks~ Annoyingly true.
~Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. --Oscar Wilde~
~"The reason there is so much evil... is because the good do nothing." --Robert Kennedy~
~Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? --Abraham Lincoln~
~People are very open-minded about new things - as long as they are exactly like the old ones. --Charles F. Kettering~
~"Luck is my middle name," Rincewind indisctincly. "Mind you my first name is Bad." --Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times~
~Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never danced in the pouring rain.~
~I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than of 100 lions led by a sheep. --Talleyrand~
~"Do not anger dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."~
~"Don't laugh in the face of death. It won't appreciate my sense of humor." --Between Dreams and Reality (Fanfiction); Roy Mustang~
~Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.~
~I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.~
~Once I had a handle on life; then it broke.~
~"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." --Mark Twain~
~Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. --Frieda Norris~
~Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.~
~"Thank you, Uncle! We’ll be back soon, I promise!" That’s what she said, but what he heard was, "I’m going to get into as much trouble as possible within that time span, thank you for your cooperation." -- some Fanfic with Tsubasa Chronicles, don't remember the title.sorry!~
~"Questions are a burden to others; answers a prison for oneself." --The Labor Exchange~
~Dark as night
~I left my concience pressed through the keyhole as I watched you dress.~
~Addiction is such a nasty word, why don't we call it . . . taking a fancy to!~
~Just once, I want to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien... -- Rodney Mckay~
~"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather." -- Michael Pritchard~
~"Good night, America. I'll see you in your dreams. I'll be the insane clown hovering over your bed with a knife."--Stephen Colbert~
~"The only people worthy of recognition are the unusual ones, because the usual ones are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed. " - Wizard of Oz~
~"If you had a chance right now, to go back in time and stop Hitler wouldn't you do it?...I mean I personally wouldn't stop him cause I think he was awesome, but you would right?" --Eric Cartman~
~You'll never see the stars if you're always looking down.~
~Love is a ring and a ring has no end.~
~I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution.-- George Carlin~
~I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.-- Elayne Boosler~
~Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.-- Jack Handy~
~If you wanna be a hipi, put a flower on your pipi. -- Egle~
~Honestly, don’t you two listen to the gossip?"
"It’s nine in the morning, Hermione. It’s too early to talk to girls."
"And what am I?"
"I feel so special."
"You should be!" -- some fanfic but yet again I don't remeber which! Sorry guys!~
~"Wizards have had their buttocks blown off because they kept their wands in their back pockets."
"Name them. No one comes to mind? Shows how much you know, huh?"
"Shut up."-- Sorry... My memory fails me once again...~
~They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes...So make it woth watching.~
~You ever want something that you know you shouldn't have, But the more you know you shouldn't have it, the more you want it...~
~A peach is a peach a plum is a plum a KISS ain't a KISS without some tongue ... so open up your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise...~
~A vodka a day keeps the Dark Queen away!~
~Different faces for different people,
~"Do you ever wonder how long ‘always’ is?" Sirius asked, lying back down on the grass. "I mean, ‘always’ could be for hundreds of years yet. Or ‘always’ could be for the next ten minutes." -- Memory failed. Sorry!!~
~Death is gonna be easy coz life is hard. -- Our school's wall. So that means some student. Geniuses ain't they?~
~James loved Halloween. If only because it was a day when you were allowed to make little kids cry -- 'Prodigy' Harry Potter fanfic. Yessss! I remembered!!~
~Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
~"I would fuck that cup of coffee if I didn't think it would stain my cock some nasty brown color." -- Brandon Boyd~
~If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.~
~And if you look closely to your left, you can see my sanity zooming away. Wave goodbye!~
~Prejudices are what fools use for reason.~
~Once upon a time. . there was a fallen angel, Lucifer. . because God created Adam, to whom he bestowed his love, Lucifer therefore rebelled against the Heavens. . but in the end, the insurrection failed, so Lucifer was banished to Hell. . . . -- Black Cat , Creed~
~Love makes the world go round... But then again so does a blow to the head.~
~Could you just die some horrible painfull death? I would really appreciate it. At least then it would be quiet. -- Me to my oh so wonderful sis.~
~Such fancy words for such a small mind. -- My sis to me, in the same conversation.~
~Kisses blown are kisses wasted, kisses are not kisses unless they are tasted, kisses spread germs and germs are hated, so kiss me baby, I'm vaccinated!~
~If you act crazy all your life, they'll never be able to commit you. Mental Health is overrated.~
~Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.~
~Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity.~ This is soo Sirius
~A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.~
~The road to success is always under construction.~
~I'm looking forward to regretting this.~
~Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why.~
~If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?~
~"If you needed help in killing yourself, you could have asked. I'd be happy to oblige."~
~Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters.~
~"Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted."~
~I would tell ya to go to hell but then I'd be stuck with you for all eternity!~
~Who laughs last, thinks the slowest.~
~That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!~
~If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?~
~An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.~
~Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone.~
~If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten .~
~Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.~
~I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.~
~I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet.~
~You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.~
~Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise. -- Cyril Connolly~
~I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most, wouldnt hurt me again.~
~Goodbye means wanting to say so much and being able to say so little.~
~The loneliest place I have ever been was not when I was alone...it was in a room full of people that never even cared.~
~You dont die of a broken heart...u only wish u did. --Marilyn Peterson~
~It only takes one smile to hide a million tears.~
~Anyone can make you cry, anyone can make you smile, But it takes a really special person to make you smile with tears in your eyes. -- icon~
~Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. --Lamartine~
~In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966~
~It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. --Colette~ That is soo TRUE!
~Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars. --Violeta Parra~
~"No worries mates Tia Dalma and I go way back, thick as thieves we are. . .were. . .have been. . .was," Jack said.
"I'll watch you back," Gibbs said.
"It's me front I'm worried about." -- some fanfic...he he..It was really funny~
~"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything." -Bill Lyon~
I frowned and looked over my shoulder. Sitting on the counter was Mog, my fat ginger cat.
"Hello, Mog… how’s your diet going?" I hummed happily. That only seemed to result to Mog turning around grumpily and walking away with his tail held high in the air. Oh that’s right… show your love and devotion to me by gracing me with your butt hole. -- OMG! That is an awesome fic! Sadly, I don't remeber whitch..so you just have to read all of my favorites! though this one is an DNAngel one, that I remember~
~A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
~"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." --Mark Twain~
~There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. --Harry Crews~
~"If you expect the unexpected does that make the unexpected expcted."~
~"Shit happens. You just have to watch where you step."~
~"Never Meddle in the Affairs of Fangirls, for you are cute and go well with other men."~
~Something we can know for sure: All mushrooms are edible. Some of them just don't make you feel so good.~
~"My secret identity is GOD... You may have heard of me..." -- Yours truly~
~The bumper sticker read, "War doesn't solve anything." Yeah, well, neither does the bumper sticker. --Staryday~
~Writing is a reflection of reality...only less twisted.-Staryday~
~"There are two words I hate: Don’t and stop. Unless you use them together." — that is so TRUE!~
~"Rule #1: I'm never wrong. Ruler #2: When in doubt, refer to Rule #1."~
~I'm like time... I can't be stoped.~
~Tino: Want me to leave so you can say bad words?
~A horse walked into a bar and asked for a beer; the bartender came over, and he just had to ask, "Why the long face?"~
~Curiosity killed the cat; satisfaction brought him back.~
~"I try to do the right thing with money. Save a dollar here and there, clip some coupons. Buy ten gold chains instead of twenty. Four summer homes instead of eight." — L L Cool J~
~So anyway, the two lovebirds (that word makes me sick) are gravitating towards each other and I'm sitting there, watching. Nothing interrupts them, sadly, and they pretty much forget about the homework after a minute or so. Right there and then, I resolve to make Daisuke's life a living hell, even if it's just for the night. Hey; misery loves company. -- Some fanfic ;;~
~"Have you ever thought that as you slept your soul visited heaven?" -- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fanfic, a fan fic from IDOL-HANDS, don't remember more...~
~It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. -- Mark Twain~
~Don't laugh at people's dreams;
~Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow/ Don't walk behind me, I may not lead/ Just walk beside me and be my friend. --Live For The Moments~
~Everyone has problems, its how you deal with
~SEX ON TV. Is fine as long as you don't fall off.~ a sticker
“Albus was arrested for shop lifting socks!” Severus chuckled. karana magical school of the warrior
Did you know that... If you 'Kiss' a thousand times, you'll loose 0,5kg in weight?
Did you know that...
If you 'Kiss' a thousand times, you'll loose 0,5kg in weight?
The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!"-Mark Russell
1. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
2. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
4. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
5. Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree.
6. "I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit , I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."
7. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
8. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
9. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
10. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
11. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
12. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
13. Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
14. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
15. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together
16. The road to hell is ordered by the righteous, planned by the well-meaning, and paved with their good intentions.
17. Always be who you are. Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.
18. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
19. Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement.
20. Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
21. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Louis Hector Berlioz
22. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
23. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
24. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
25. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
26. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
27. It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
28. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
29. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
30. What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
31. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
32. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
33. The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
34. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
35. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
36. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
37. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
38. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
40. The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
41. That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.
42. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
43. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
44. I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!
45. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
46. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
47. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown
48. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin
49. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
50. He who laughs last didn't get it.
51. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. - Stephen Fry
52. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
53. Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
54. "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
55. What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
56. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? - Woody Allen
57. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
58. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - WoodY Allen
59. Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen
60. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
61. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen
62. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen
63. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
64. I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. - Woody Allen
65. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen
66. I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. - Woody Allen
67. I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. - Woody Allen
68. I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. - Woody Allen
69. I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen
70. Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. - George Burns
71. A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible. - George Burns
72. Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman— or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. George Burns
73. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns
74. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
75. Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. - G. K. Chesterton
76. Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
77. Don't be so humble - you are not that great. -- Golda Meir
78. When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
79. Work is the curse of the drinking class.
80. I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.
81. There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
82. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
83. It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
84. I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
85. I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
86. I worship the ground that awaits you.
87. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
88. The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
89. The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. - General George Patton
90. We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
91. I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
92. We are the people our parents warned us about.
93. Attention to health is life greatest hindrance. - Plato
94. Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.
95. The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, i'll never be as good as a wall. - Mitch Hedberg
96. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? - Steven Wright
97. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them! - Optemist
98. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. - Anonymous
99. The latest new dance craze is called, The Politician. It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep. - Government
100. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Anonymous
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.If If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, EmmettCullenFan, Bella Masen Cullen, Me Love Edward Cullyou, SilverMoonArcher,forbiddenkitsunegoddess13, Howl To The Moon, Nayeli, mochiusagi, L'uke-chan
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