Name: Preferably J, JQ, or Max.
Sex: Purple mutant banana. Er.. I mean. Female!

A message to the world: It's okay to cry.

If you believe in yourself, you can do anything, as long as you put your heart to it.

5/16/09

It's been a long few (or not so few) weeks. A lot has happened since I last updated my profile, and.. Well, I've still got a lot on my mind - a lot to do - before I can finally sit back and relax for a bit. I'm in the process of healing, moving on from everything that has happened recently.

I've had my ups and downs. The ups were rare and short-lived, though extremely enjoyable while they lasted. As for the downs, they were absolutely terrible; if it weren't for a dear friend of mine, I probably would have fallen into a terrible depression again. But I'm here, and I'm alright - that's what matters most.

The past week especially was extremely hectic, and the next few will be as well. There's a lot going on, and barely enough time to take care of it all. On the plus side, last weekend, I got a much needed break from life. I got the chance to spend some quality time with two of my closest friends; a whole day to relax and forget about the rest of the world.. I finally got what I was yearning for ever since my entire life began falling apart.

I'm not exactly in a state of neutrality, but definitely not in a depression either. 'Happy' wouldn't be the right word, and saying I'm 'content' would be an understatement. I suppose I'm.. relieved and refreshed. I'm seeing more of the brighter side of things, taking life in a totally different perspective - one that will let me be more willing to live.

But most importantly.. I feel like everything I've gone through the past fifteen months is finally deciding to take a turn for the better. All of the fighting - the will to keep holding on - is finally paying off. I don't know if it's because I'm finally completely letting go of the past, or willing myself to move on.. but whatever it is, it's saving me.

I feel like.. my life is finally, after so long, falling back into place. It's as if I've found most, if not all, of the shattered pieces of my heart and soul. Putting the pieces back together will take time, with a few bumps along the road, but it'll be there; the mere thought of it finally being alright.

I feel like.. I'm finally whole again.

8/1/09

I currently feel empty once again; more numb than anything else. Oddly enough, at the same time, I feel lost, confused.. slightly depressed. Like there's nowhere I belong. And then that other part of me just doesn't give a crap about anything anymore.

I'm still yearning for a vacation, but with all that's going on right now, it seems so impossible. And yet, my savior has come into view, offering me a small getaway from the chaos. Despite the break being only a day, I'm looking forward to it very much, and I'm extremely touched by this person's thoughtfulness. So I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

I've been feeling lighter lately, almost as if I could fly if I were let out of my cramped cage. It's as if a huge burden was taken off my shoulders. It might be because of the haircut I got two days ago, but for whatever reason it is, I'm grateful for it.

Aside from vacations and haircuts, I've been on the verge of losing what little I have left in life. Everything seems to be slipping away, and the worst part of it is that I can't do anything about it. No matter how much I try to pull it all back, it just slides through my fingers as if it were sand.

Honestly? Aside from just staying strong and keeping a positive attitude, for myself and for my friends and family, I don't know what I can do anymore.

The Favorites:

'Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.'
-Confucius

'It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.'
-Francois De La Rochefoucauld

'The best way to prepare for life, is to begin to live.'
-Elbert Hubbard

'That which does not kill you makes you stronger.'
-Neitzsche

'Smile so the tears won't fall, laugh like you're not hurt at all.'
-Unknown

'Being a teenager is basically having all the responsibilities of an adult, but not having the power to do anything.'
-ManiazAzn

'Happy endings are what everyone expects. So be unexpected, in a twisted way.'
-ManiazAzn (She doesn't know I put this one in here. :P)

'Love doesn't discriminate. People do.'
-Unknown

'When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.'
-Unknown

The Quacker's Sayings:

'A little hope can bring you a long way.'

'The experiences earned from unsuccessful attempts are far more rewarding than success itself.'

'The mind of a person who is in love functions differently from the mind of a person who is not.'

'Sometimes, you have to stop searching for love, and just let love search for you.'

'Life is too hard at times, but it's the greater things that make it worthwhile.'

'The strongest are those who aren't afraid to show their tears.'

'Even the strongest of people have their moments of weakness.'

'Sometimes it'd be you getting in the way of your own life; not the rest of the world.'

'You can run away from life all you want, but sooner or later, it'll catch up to you. And when it does, it'll show no mercy.'

'Keep moving forward, whether you're running, walking, or crawling, it doesn't matter. Just never give up, and you'll be fine in the end.'

'Life has both its high and low points. In order to get to the high ones, you have to be strong enough to live through the low ones.'

'Don't ponder over the future, because you'll miss the present.. And then you'll be stuck in the past. So walk forward, head held high, with all your self-confidence in tow.'

'Life isn’t about getting rich and famous, or even accomplishing all your dreams. It’s more about being pleased with everything you are, and not being remorse over what you aren’t.'

These, plus the short pieces at the end of my profile.

Three Most Used Lines:
'Shush. The world doesn't need to know that.'
'You butthead.'
'Always a pleasure.'

Variations do tend to appear on that second one..

LIFE MOTTO: 'Forgive, but never forget. Move on.'

Be CARING.
Be CONFIDENT.
Be COURAGEOUS.
Be FORGIVING.
Be HONEST.
Be LOVING.
Be PROUD.
Be STRONG.
Be SUPPORTIVE.
Be UNDERSTANDING.
Be YOU, and no one else.

When the rest of the world walks out on you,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Holding a hand out..
Just in case you ever need it.

And when I walk out on you,
I'll be the angel
Hovering above your head,
Watching.. Waiting..
For the smile to creep up once again.

Love has no definition,
For it is indescribable.

I try to act strong on the outside
But the truth is, I'm dying on the inside..