Once upon a time there was a pretty cool person called Madeleine. She was so cool, she sometimes spoke in third person.

She also liked tucking her shirt into her armpit-high pants and wearing round glasses with her green eyes and black hair that was unneccisarily similar to that of a very well-known wizard.

One of her best friends, (apart from obligatory mentions of all those who've blackmailed to this position), was her calucator, whose name was Nigel. Nigel had a lot of buttons. Lots and lots and lots of them, and they were mostly grey, but there was a green one and white one and a blue one.

Madeleine knew she was cool. She loved her Dr Who and brussel sprouts, her correctly placed commas and anything written by Douglas Adams. She could play Tetris or Minesweeper for hours on end, even if she didn't really like Solitaire that much.

(Actual Quotes. These people actually exist)

"Yoda, man the gas!" (In a science lab)

"I'm a Bird-Whisperer!"

"Haggis? What's Haggis? Some kind of pastry?"

"Damned six-legged horse!"

"HE'S NOT NAKED!! He's just not wearing clothes yet!"

"Once upon a time there was some oozing green slime" (book) "So why is this green slime oozing?" (a very enthusiastic English teacher.) "Because that's what greeeen slime does!" (an English student)

"STICK IT DOWN!" "With WHAT?!" "Mind power!"

"You only have one voice in your head?! You poor, lonely soul..."

"I"m going to die as a FISH!?"

"The verbs are my friends!" (the enthusiastic German teacher)

"Imagine you have an avacado." (...a music teacher?)

"Off to the mushroom fields we go!"

"Is everyone in their happy positions?" (this time, it's the enthusiastic drama teacher)

"... tasting chocolate in your ear..."

"Who wants icecream with their pizza?"

"I can run like an emu and fight like a kangaroo!"

"... like a fish without a bicycle..."

"Let me draw my fish-berries!"

"Is that supposed to be Jesus?" "NO!! It's Peter Pettigrew!"

"You're supposed to be dying!! Get your dying face on!!"

"... as bright as a torch without batteries..."

"THERE'S A PIECE OF MUFFIN STUCK IN MY HEART!!"

"If I chuck my lifejacket in the water, d'ya reckon it'll float?"

"Yes! The Happy Rainbows can fly, too!"

Well, you see, there's actually a reason why you've just scrolled/read through all of afore mentioned crap. I might or might not have actually written some fanfiction! Whoa! Look amazed!

Hour of Darkness:

Once upon a time, Madeleine decided to join the deep, dark depths of Fanfiction. The first thing she wrote was a crappy 'lets-kill-all-of-the-Cullens-off-in-as-few-chapters-as-we-can!' fic, and now she tries to convince herself it doesn't actually exist, it's just hanging around on her fanfiction account as a leftover malfunction from when that evil, sadistic, revernge-driven pixie (it was blue and spoke in Cornish) hacked into her account out of spite. For no reason. None at all.

A Dark Night:

Have you seen the Potter Puppet Pals episode all about "ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!" punctuated by the odd headbang? Well, this is like that, only no puppets or funny voices. I thought it was good when I wrote it, but am now convinced the pixie did this one as well.

The Reunion:

The first few chapters are oooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllldddd. So therefore uber bad. But I'm in the process of rewriting the first few chapters. Once I sort out a prologue, I might be almost-sort-of-not-really happy with this one. Except I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, so unfortunately that will never happen. I'll look back on it in a years time and shudder, don't you worry. (About Edward, Bella, Jake, and The Lurrve Triangle of Dooooom)

Blindly In Love:

Well, I like the idea of this story, if not much else. I wrote it, realised it didn't make sense, rewrote it, forgot about it, remembered it, cringed, thouroughly edited it, ignored it for a while and now am currently debating over whether or not changing the title would be a good idea. Hey! It might be a good idea to tell you what this is about, yeah? So Ingrid is normal. Normal, normal, normal, ordinary, normal. And she's kind of sick of it. So she wishes for a change, anything that will break her life out of the rut of normality it's been bogged down into since the day she was born. But the change comes in a way she never could've predicted, in ways to terrible for her to comprehend, and she loses everything. And when this tall, warm, stranger called Seth is the only one who still says he cares, how can she trust anymore?

Never Look Back:

You ever heard of the book Rebecca? Well, neither had I until I was forced to read it for school. Like, forced, forced. Like, all but tie you to a chair with your eyelids propped open with matchsticks with a copy of the damned book a foot from your face forced. And it wasn't so bad. This was written for school. About the main character, a swotty rich guy called Maximillian. You don't think we're getting subtle messages there? Maxi (as in lots of, or a floor-length hippy-dress), millian (as in almost million)? Well, this little paragraph here did have a point, but I seem to have missed it and splattered on the carpark next door, so just go read the story if you care.

Romeo and Rosaline:

In fair Verona High School, were we lay our scene. By yours truly, Anonymous Author 1, Anonymous Author 2 and William Shakespeare. (I'd write some vaguely humourous comment here, but I'm in awe at my own witticisms of the first line, and I don't want to spoil it with my usual babble)

MYJ is...

Madeleine's beta
In Fanfiction-land.
She is awesome,
Slightly

Yellow
Even when the
Lights go out, and she might
gLow in the dark, but I'm not sure, because she's usually
Out of the room that I am in
When it is dark, and she is

Jess, and forgives me when I can't think of a cool
Enough word beginning with J and never lets mistakes
Slip by her, because she is
Ssej Wolley Ssim, only backwards.

I have way too many plots and not nearly enough, well, I was going to say time, but I probably do have enough, so not good enough organisational skills and dedication to write them all. So I'll probably publish something Harry Potter related in the not-too-distant-future (which for me, could be anything between tomorrow and never), either NextGen or Marauders. I've been put off writing anything with Ginny in it after I saw the 6th movie. And I read a fanfic where it turns out Ginny had Harry under the love potion all along, and he discovers so, twenty-something years down the track. So my fragile beliefs were shattered, and I am now eternally slightly suspicious of Ginny Weasley. And the actor, who is a good three inches taller than Daniel Radcliffe whilst stooping and wearing flats. I'm not looking forwards to 'Nineteen Years Later'

I really would like to get around to writing a Dr Who fic. I really, really would. Unfortunately, I can't be stuffed.
For the time being, anyway. We'll see how things go.

There will be more Twilight abominations, I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I'm past the point of enjoying any of the books, but the ideas come so thick and fast!

I plan to devestate the serene realms of Death Note fanfiction one of these days... Eventually...

There was and Alex Rider one I was going to write, but didn't. I might write it. Then again, I might not.

List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in order. Then answer the questions about them.

1. the Doctor (Doctor Who)

1/2. Voldemort

(equal first. I mean, how could I choose? But for the sake of this exercise, I flipped a coin. So Voldy is 2, but is in no way, shape or form any less awesome that the doctor.)

3. Seth (Twilight)

4. Mello (Death Note)

5. Kreacher (Harry Potter)

6. Skulduggery Pleasant (From a series called Skulduggery Pleasant. You won't have heard of it, but it's pretty cool. He''s a talking, walking, bad-joke cracking skeleton)

7. Ryuk (Death Note. A shinigami, a god of death. He happens to like apples.)

8. Vladimir (Twilight. Just like Stefan, except he has a cooler name.)

9. Dobby (yes, I have a special soft-spot just for house-elves. Cos they're so cute and all. And I absolutely love that bit at the end of DH when... Nevermind. PM me if you really want to know.)

10. Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)

11. Davros (Doctor Who. The creator of the Daleks, y'know: Exterminate! Exterminate!)

12. Murtagh (From Eragon. Or the "Inheritance Cycle" if you prefer the fancy terms)

(This isn't exactly in order... I love them all so much I couldn't choose!)

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

A Skeleton driven into existance by the want of revenge... With this ancient old man who's half machine... No, I haven't. But hey, it could work!

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Mello? You bet! He's beyond the realms of Steven Strait, Robert Pattinson, Johnny Depp and every other drool-worthy actor you can think of PUT TOGETHER!! Including every single male species in Twilight (except maybe Billy and Charlie and co). ... even though he's only a drawing.

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Murtagh got Vladimir pregnant? I don't think that's even possible!! I mean, evil-dragon-rider-kid insemnating a really OLD vampire?! EW!

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Dobby! Oh, I wish I could! I'm gonna have to write one now!

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Voldemort and my little friend Skullduggery Pleasant? Dude, they're both magic! They'd fireball eachother to death before they even had time to exchange a few words!! Even though SP is already kind of dead...

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Kreacher/Dobby or Kreacher/Malfoy?! Well, I guess... option A. At least they're the same species, although seriously...

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

So Ryuk walks (or rather, flies) in, on VOLDEMORT and MURTAGH having sex?? OMG! Well, he doesn't know either of them because they're all from different fandoms... And they wouldn't even be able to see him cos he's invisible and all... Unless they've touched a Death Note.. Which Voldy might have...

So Ryuk would back away slowly, wishing he hadn't seen anything, Voldemort would try to Avada Kedavra him to death and Murtagh would pull out Za'roc and try any jab Ryuk so that Galbatorix wouldn't find out. I really hope you've read all of those books, otherwise this would make very little sense.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Draco is lonely. Seth is lonely. Seth falls in a hole in the space-time continum and falls through to England where he meets Draco who's also fallen into a hole in the space-time continum and wound up in muggle London where they meet and-

This is so implausible it's not even funny.

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Doctor/ Vladimir? Geez, I should've put some girls in my top 12.

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Ryuk/Murtagh? Erm... Murtagh is having a 'tanty cos no one loves him, and Ryuk tells him that he's just as cool as Eragon and they all live happily ever after.

11. Does anyone on your friends list read Three hot?

(Seth) cough MYJ cough Sorry, what was that?

12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

I wish! No one loves Davros!! Poor ol' Davros... Just cos he likes to try and take over the universe...

13. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Voldy/Mello/Kreacher? If that's not weird, I don't know what is. I dare somebody to go and write a fic for every random pairing in this segment.

14. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

"The Time Warp." Cos you could so imagine Vladimir doing the pelvic thrust.

15. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Doctor/SP/Murtagh? Well, blood would be spilt... So at least K+.

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Kreacher? I've NEVER read a Kreacher fic! Oh, woe is me!

17. (1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

The Doctor and Ryuk are in a happy relationship until Dobby runs off with Ryuk. The Doctor, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Davros and a brief unhappy affair with Murtagh, then follows the wise advice of Kreacher and finds true love with Seth.

18. What title would you give this fic?

Is That Gullible Written on Your Forehead?

And, that's all folks! Read my fanfic and you'll get... Virtual awesomeness!!