i love funny quotes, so here are some.

You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

It takes 34 muscles to frown about what someone says, but it only takes 4 to move your arm and beat the living crap out of them.

If we couldn't laugh we'd all go insane.

I didn't lose my mind, I just sold it on eBay.

I'm the type of girl to burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Boys are like slinkies. They're useless but fun to watch fall down stairs.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dude, that was freakin' awesome!"

A good friend will comfort you when your boyfriend dumps you, but a best friend will walk up to him at school the next day and say, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

Mental anxiety, mental breakdowns, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how many of our problems begin with MEN?

Always go to other peoples funerals, or else they won't go to yours.

God made mud, God made dirt. God made boys so girls can flirt.

Some mistakes are too fun to make only once.

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and others you're the statue.

Life was so much easier when clothes didn't match and boys had cooties.

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

East to the sky, west to the land, death to the idiot that touches my man.

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.

Yes, i do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear, thank you very much.

I'm not quiet, I'm plotting.

Fat kids are harder to kidnap.

Friends are forever, Boys are whatever.

I have a blackbelt in shopping.

Life needs a delete button.

Welcome to Loserville, population, you.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you're up to.

Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make!

Best friends are people who know all about you and still put up with you.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Don't regret doing things, regret getting caught.

I love him, oh yes I do, he's for me, not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breat away.

Whether the glass is half full or half empty you still get a drink.

My opinions may have changed, but that doesn't change the fact that I'M right.

It could be worse, it could be raining

Smile and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think you're on drugs.

42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Okay, so what's the speed of dark?

I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met.

I intend to live forever-so far so good.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

To steal ideas from one person is plagarism, but to steal ideas from many people is called research.

If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough.

I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

Life's tough. Get a helmet.

Loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, but wanted by plenty.

If we quit voting, will they go away?

Eat right, excersise, die anyway.

Normal people scare me.

You say psyco like it's a bad thing.

I have to tease him or his head gets too big, and then he floats away over the trees and scares all the birds.

Suicide is a way of telling God, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!"

LOOK MA, NO BRAIN!

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is free!

If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

It’s tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win.

Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much.

Evening news is where they tell you 'good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Join the army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious!

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three... or four

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.

The statistics on insanity are that 1of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends; if they’re okay, then it's you

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving isn’t for you.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends, is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

We’re best friends. You cry, I cry; you laugh, I laugh; you jump off a cliff, I laugh harder

My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

"When all else fails blow shit up."

A good friend picks you up when you fall. A best friend picks you up and then trips you again.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell saying “Damn that was fun!”

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Don't follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I believe, “Die bitch!” conveys my feelings properly.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Your village called, they're missing their idiot.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their ass off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. /Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it’s yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds’ ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this. REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it.

Add-Ons

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that annoying Trix rabbit some Trix, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy & paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vice versa, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when someone asks for it, copy & paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this into your profile!

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you’ve added “Volterra” to your computer’s dictionary. If you have done just that, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was un-cool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride),TwilightNatalia(I had a crush on Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for like 3 days then I got over it, if that counts) Queen Violet the Fairy (Hmm...More like who I haven’t crushed on!) Edward Cullen, Shane Collins & Michael Glass (Glass Houses), Fred & George Weasley, Hunter Nial (Sweep series) etc, etc, etc…

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, danceswithwings119, scarilyobsessed, TwilightNatalia, Queen Violet the Fairy

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, O.C., House, or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your pro

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, scarilyobsessed, TwilightNatalia, Queen Violet the Fairy

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you are addicted to werewolves and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY, REALLY HARD.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oh burn)

Why are the Force and duct-tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you sometimes think you are not human and are in fact a mythical creature (like a fairy or something), copy and paste this into your profile (I am not human, I don’t behave like one!)

If you ever dream of hot guys from books coming to your school and all the girls in your class go crazy, copy and paste this into your profile

If you wish your whole class liked the same books as you copy and paste this into your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever run into a mirror, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you've reread TWILIGHT over ten times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have a problem with counselors, copy and paste!

If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy this into your profile.

I am in Sirius denial! Sirius Black is not dead! If you are in denial, copy and paste this (if you can) into your profile!

I am in Fred denial! Fred Weasley is not dead! If you are in denial, copy and paste this (if you can) into your profile!

If you've ever lost your sunglasses, then found them on your head, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever lost a bet to yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know what a lemon fly is (for those who don’t, it is a mythical lemon with wings. ha! now you know!)

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If whenever you’re in pain, you take it out on your sister, only because you have nothing better to do, copy this profile.

If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this to your profile.

If you think that only losers don't own Twilight, copy this to your profile.

If you’re so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think its vampires playing ball, copy this to your profile.

If there are times when you just want to annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this to your profile.

If you love your family, but sometimes lay in bed at night thinking of ways to commit the perfect murder, copy this to your profile.

If you would trade your family for the perfect book, copy this to your profile

If you've ever had your bedroom door taken away as a punishment copy this into your profile.

If your brothers have actually busted down your bedroom door, copy this in your profile.

If you are writing a book, copy this into your profile.

If you constantly need a new bookshelf in your room, copy this into your profile.

If less than two days before this was posted, your profile was blank, copy this to your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever laughed so hard that you have fallen off your chair, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your first name wrong...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you swear you'll throw yourself off the nearest building if they cast a bad Edward and/or Bella for the Twilight Movie or mess it up beyond possible reasoning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT and NEW MOON over ten times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever choked on a pillow, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that people wear their pants too low nowadays, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you resent the fact that people may think you're old (which you're not) after reading the above comment, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you procrastinate, copy and paste this into your profile...eventually.

If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate Jacob Black above all others, copy this into your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If your friends have called you something that really, really doesn't describe you, copy and paste this into your profile. (They called me sane.)

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. (Many people do. The funny thing is: it’s true.)

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever tried to go into the backyard and ran into the glass door that you didn't see, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile!

If you are addicted to chocolate, cheese, and/or a TV show of some kind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Stephenie Meyer is the most brilliant person to walk the earth. Period. End of discussion.

All of my work is in dedication to every bitch and bastard that has ever messed with me. Yeah. Right.

~VampireLuverGurl~