This is my personal ranty space, click "hide bio" if you don't want to be bothered by my opinions. Unfortunately, for those of you wanting updates, update notices/predictions of when updates will come are ALSO in this space, and you can't have one without the other.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon™, nor do I own anything else I may choose to make the subject of my writings. At least, not for anything I would put on this website. This is fanfiction. I would, however, appreciate it very much if you wouldn't use my original characters or my writings without asking. I won't mind at all if you ask, and I'll probably grant you permission. Also, if you're reproducing my work...please credit me. Thanks.

REVIEWS:

I do most of my writing from 1:00 to 3:00 in the morning, meaning I tend to make stupid mistakes. I love it when people are nice enough to point it out, so I can fix it and not look like a fool. Please offer constructive criticism in your reviews, trolling and flaming will be disregarded. I realize that some people who say this can't actually take criticism, so I wrote this section to explain it in more detail.
Here's my handy helpful review-writing guide:

DON'T post reviews like this:

"OMG THT STORY SUXX0RS!!1!" That tells me nothing, other than the fact that you can't be bothered to type properly, and you have some kind of issue with my writing. That's nice to know, but doesn't help me improve. This falls under "flaming."

"OMG I LOVED YOUR STORY!! CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES?" That tells me two things: someone likes my writing, and that that someone is rather creepy. I'm not in the market for a relationship, especially not with someone I only know through a pseudonymous review offered on a website where I use an identity totally unconnected with what I do on the rest of the internet. All you know about me is this profile and my stories.

"I hated your story! How dare you pair Character_X with Character_Y?! That's so wrong! Everyone knows that Character_Y belongs with Character_Z!" or "Ewww, a TF story! I hate TF!" These reviews aren't exactly helpful, as the first one was probably intended for some other story (I don't do shipping), and the second one only tells me that you have no impulse control. I do try to label all my stories, so if you hate TF stories, why did you wander into my story that has "XXX TF" in the description? Also, if I did do shipping and that first review was left, either you read the story because you have no impulse control, or you saw it wasn't your One True Pairing for that character and decided to flame me for it. Not at all helpful.

"When is the next update?"/"Give me updates!" The first one: I can't tell you. I write as a hobby, and I fit it in when I have time. The second one: If the muse has left me, then the muse has left me. Thanks for liking my story enough to request an update, but I can't force my writing. There's also the distinct possibility that I just have no time.

PLEASE post reviews like this:

"I didn't like this story. I think the plot was stale/the characters were flat/some other complaint. Also, you should go over your grammar again, there were a number of glaring errors." That gives me useful information: I need to work on my plots, or develop my characters, or go re-edit my story and check more thoroughly for bad grammar.

"I really enjoyed your story. I particularly liked X." This offers both positive reinforcement for me (read: I'll work harder to fit writing time into my schedule), and also tells me what I'm doing fairly well with, which is nice. It isn't the most useful, but it is encouraging.

"I enjoyed your story, especially X, Y, and Z, but a few things struck me as slightly off. There's a bit of a plot hole in chapter 3: how was character X able to do that? Also, there was a lot of exposition in chapter 2, it interfered with the flow of the story. Finally, watch out for your comma splices!" Reviews like that are, in my opinion, the best of all. They offer positive reinforcement, but also give me concrete places to improve.
(Comma splices comment based on RL. I submitted a formal research paper, and one of the sentances had a full eight (yes, EIGHT!) clauses. I'm horrible about things like that. I think it comes from the way my brain works--I'm very fond of parenthetical statements (like this), and that sometimes gets translated into other terrifyingly long and confusing sentances. If you see me doing something like that, CALL ME ON IT!)

Books: Books are a great source of entertainment. I enjoy and heartily recommend the works of Niven, Pratchett, and Hamilton. Asimov is also a great writer, whose works still influence the sf genre today, but his writing can be bland at times. I, Robot (the book) is incredibly different from the movie that took its name (and nothing else, I might add!). If you haven't read anything from Pratchett's Discworld series, go to your local library and start reading those books. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

Things That Annoy Me: Messing up easy grammar. Your/You're. There/Their/They're. Capitalize the word "I." Use apostrophes correctly, please. And for the love of the FSM, use punctuation. Periods, commas, and line breaks are good. Using a line break between every single paragraph, not so good. Ellipsis...shouldn't be...overused...like this...it makes the baby Jesus cry.

Gratuitous Japanese, especially when it says nothing that could not be said in English. I'll let Ghastly explain for me (link is SFW (apart from some language + subtle things), many, many comics there aren't).

Oh, and for the love of God, "kami" is NOT directly equivalent to "God". Some kami are deities, others are more like forces of nature, or the spirits of an object. "The spirits" seems to be a good way to summarize it. Perhaps, "the gods". Regardless, I'm going to need a heavy-duty stress ball the next time I see a fic in which someone says "Oh my kami." Just NO!

Also: Go look at Kayasuri-n's "Rants" section of her bio. I agree with almost every single word in it. UPDATE: that section was removed in an edit. I wish I had saved it, it had some good points.

I'm not actually religious, but fanfiction.net isn't the place to try to convert me. Try doing it door to door instead, I promise I'll invite you in for a round of debate and some tea or coffee, depending on your preference. I enjoy debate. I have also read much more of the Bible than most people who try to convert me to Christianity (Jesuit education, eheh), so that's always fun. I haven't had anyone try to convert me to any non-Christian religion, but again...online is not the place.

I don't really like writing canon characters that much, as the only series I know well enough to do so properly I have far too much respect for. My fics tend to be either heavily AU, using concepts from the show but no characters (works great with Mons), or with the main characters as something that happens elsewhere in the world. That's why I really don't expect to move out of writing mons fics (specifically, Pokémon and now some Digimon). Mons are interesting enough as a concept that I can ignore the main characters, especially when they seem to exist just as filler (Ash, I'm lookin' at you). I'm currently working on writing some fic with the main characters of a show, we'll see how it turns out.

Some of you may wonder why I tend to avoid writing about the main characters of the anime, and instead focus on pokémon. There's a few reasons for this: reason one is that the few series I know well enough to trust my ability to write the characters IC, I like too much to inflict my writing on. Reason two, and this is more specific, is that the nostalgia critic was freaking right in his review of the first movie. I can't recall the exact words, but I think it went something like this: "Misty has the personality of dirt, Brock has the personality of mud, and Ash has the personality of sandpaper. Wait, no, that's unfair: sandpaper can be interesting sometimes." I may have mixed up who got what, but the point stands: the characters of the anime are...flat. They have no real personality. And Ash could use some decent character development, he's only been the main character for...eleven years, now? Almost twelve in Japan? He's apparently gotten a bit better at battling, but looking at some old episodes and some recent ones...no real development at all. If I ever involve the main characters of the anime, they're almost guaranteed to be OOC just so that they can be interesting.

More to come when I'm less tired and have motivation again.

About Me:

Age: Old enough to drive, not old enough to receive social security checks...and paranoid.
Gender: Male
Favorite Webcomics: User Friendly, Questionable Content, Unshelved, LFG, Dark Legacy Comics, and XKCD. Especially XKCD.
Favorite TV Shows: Mythbusters, Future Weapons, Family Guy, and Trigun. And, when I'm feeling the desire for things that make no sense, either Giant Emo Robots with Christian Symbolism (er, Neon Genesis Evangelion), FLCL, or Paranoia Agent.
Favorite Music: Classical, particularly music of the Baroque period. And Tchaikovsky. If you haven't heard the authentic version of the 1812 Overture (with cannons instead of bass drums), you need to track it down and listen to it.
I play EVE-Online, and World of Warcraft. They're good time-wasters when I'm not writing.
I play Exalted (1e because I don't have the cash to shell out for 2e), D&D (rarely), and GURPS (even more rarely).
Want to know what I'm listening to?
A: Stop being a creepy stalker type
B: Go here and listen for yourself!

I'm a CS major. This is not a field known for brilliant writing, but...I try.

I have an odd sense of humor. Consider yourselves warned.

I will try reply to every review, when I see it.

Stuff That I Feel Like Including, For No Particular Reason:
Schindler: Good at saving Jews, makes crappy lifts.

Behold the world's smallest self-reproducing C program, and winner of the "Worst Abuse of the Rules" prize for the 1994 IOCC. It is rather small, isn't it? If you don't understand how it could possibly work, change the extension from ".c" to ".hint"

A Christian website that looks like a gay pride parade on crack.

Go, read this fic. I am in awe of this guy's ability to make an intense, drama-heavy fic out of Minesweeper, of all things.

Random Thought: Does anyone else think that the green liquid the shrine produces in Pokemon: The Movie 2000 looks a lot like the Ichor of Undeath in the Ziggurats in Strat deadside? Ironic coincidences, away!
Also, in the 10th movie, Darkrai looks like Alucard from the anime version of Hellsing. Specifically, right after Alucard regenerates (Last episode, and also after battle with the Regenerater, and so on). Crazy resemblance with the one eye and the flowing hair and such

Project Status Section

On the drawing board (not ready to be uploaded):

A collection of one-shots from Arceus' POV, tied together in a manner resembling I, Robot (the book, not the movie). I've got a few written out, expanding on the drabble that I wrote about why she would allow herself to be captured. I fullly expect at least some of these scenes to expand into full plots and get their own stories. Short list of completed/in progress scenes:
-(No title yet): Arceus reveals just exactly who she is to her trainer when he releases her
-Protection: Arceus' ex-trainer is attacked at knifepoint. Hilarity ensues.
-Dies Irae: Arceus tells some stories about her life in a coffee shop. Priests of a church dedicated to Arceus overhear and decide to punish her for her blasphemy. Hilarity Ensues.
-(No firm title yet): Arceus tries to explain global warming to Articuno.

-Untitled work, divergence from the second movie. Fairly dark.

-Untitled work, the first movie without Swiss Army Tears. Its kind of dark, and probably not getting lighter.

-Untitled work with Digimon(!): currently just an idea that won't leave me alone, but isn't giving me a plot just yet. It'll look at how the Tamers were treated after the incident with the rather Lovecraftian horror known as the D-reaper. It'll also look at them after they were reunited with their partners. May split into two fics.

-A sequal to Guardians, titled "Disconnection". There will be appearances by characters from a lot of other universes. Some very diverse universes.

Oh, you wanted the plot? Fine. There are portals linking all worlds. Humanity from Alastair's world has done bad things with those. These bad things need to be stopped. Either Earth needs to be cut off from other worlds, or there will be a war. Guardians from the other worlds (generally not Lugia...each world's Guardians are different) have volunteered to defend the portals until an agreement can be reached to stop these Bad Things, or, failing that, seal Alastair's world from the others. Featuring, as Guardians donating their time, Azulongmon (from Digimon), Caelestrasz (Warcraft), Aang (Avatar), Rayquaza and Ho-oh from the pokémon world, possibly a few members of shadowphantomness' Triple Guardianship if she approves that (sorry, her fanon 'verse is a rich playground of the mind), and more! Also, a special guest appearance by Jupiter, the Maiden of Secrets, who offers aid to our defenders. Wait, the all-knowing Incarna, the Maiden of Secrets, is offering aid unasked? That can't be a good thing.
The fine print: plot is subject to change without notice. Any or all of these characters may be taken out in a rewrite before the story is published. Noyerit Productions does not guarantee the quality of this work, the sanity of the author, or that it is a good idea to write this. Noyerit Productions hereby disclaims all liability for mental illnesses caused by reading "Disconnection". "Disconnection" is not a toy. Use "Disconnection" responsibly. Do not taunt "Disconnection". Do not expose "Disconnection" to direct sunlight. Do not leave children unattended near "Disconnection". Noyerit Productions would like to remind you that "Disconnection" is a story, and as such, cannot speak. Should "Disconnection" speak, disregard any advice it offers you.
...yeah, I think I'm done.

Works in progress:
-Guardians of the Sea (ON HOLD due to midterms and illness. Should resume updating around the end of this month (oh dear, I put that on hold notice up in October, and it isn't going to be updated until ...you know what? I'll get back to you on that. Sometime in 20XX.)

Completed:
-"Snippets", although I may update that should anything else swim into my mind
-"Escape", a strict drabble (really, its 100 words...the rest is from an author's note...).

Okay, so I'm not really that good at titles.

UPDATES:

2008/10/15: Its midterm time! Naturally, instead of, say, studying for my midterms, I wrote a drabble. Its my first time writing in such a confined style, so let me know how I did! Also, you can blame the XKCD fora, and specifically this post for the subject.

2008/10/24: The midterms are over, but I have too much writing to do to write. Wait, let me rephrase that: I have too many papers to write to spend time on my "fun" writing. I should be back around mid-November.
2008/11/6: Strike that, looking at my syllabi shows that I've got papers and projects to take up almost all of my time until November 25. I'll be back soon after that, hopefully!

2008/12/11: Soon after November 25. Hah, that was optimistic. I spent the time getting caught up with WoW and EVE, and also watching a certain Mons series. I heard it describd as "Neon Genesis Evangelion, but WITH MONS! (and on Prozac)", and, being a fan of both mons and Eva, resolved to watch it. I had avoided Digimon until now for some reason, but Tamers was quite well done. It left me with a few fic ideas, which are going to get in the way of Guardians. Ah well, such is life. I first put it on hold a few weeks before midterms, to study, and now I'm not even going to be able to pick it up again until after finals. For those of you who have been waiting: it isn't a dead fic, I swear! It'll get some love in a bit, I was just too optimistic about how much writing time I'd have after midterms. I'm not sure when, as real life has thrown me a great deal of crap recently, but I will update. Eventually. Sorry to anyone who enjoys my fics.

2009/1/31: I'm not dead. I'm working on Guardians, and I've got the ending written. It (should) end with Chapter 7 (There will be a sequal). I'm currently refining Chapter 5, and I need to work on Chapter 6. No promises on the update schedule, though, so sorry about that. I probably won't upload anything until I've got chapter 6 down, since I may have to jiggle things around from where they are in my current draft, so expect two chapters to be uploaded in rapid succession when I get around to it.