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30/05/11: Writer's Block is gonesies, friendos! Don't allow your hopes past your chin, but expect me back on the writing scene in the next month or so, most probably with part 2 of The Great Pudding Downpour. Cheers!

21/07/11: Heh, did I say a month? My bad. TGPD2 is on its way (3000 words so far and just another couple thousand for the finale), but it looks like Happy Camp is actually next up (1000 words of what I hope will be 3000ish). Also, I'm partway through editing 46 000 words for someone, which is a little time-consuming, as you might imagine. Plus, I'm reading Hamlet and Les Mis, writing two essays, researching and starting an extended experiment, and working 9-10 hours a week. And I have the flu. *pitiable cough* So your patience regarding updates is appreciated. I swear I'm working on it, but I am the slowest writer in the world. I think I just wrote less than 200 words of Happy Camp in two hours. I need to stop agonising over every word. -_-

16/08/11: I made good on Happy Camp, eh? Savour it, 'cause I've got five assignments and an exam to do over the next couple of weeks. Or, instead of savouring it, just try to forget its existence. Ignorance, as they say, is bliss.

10/11/11: Fantastisch news, amigos. Exactly one week from this moment, I will be at my formal, having graduated a couple of hours prior. For me, this means I'm out ~$600. For you, it means very slightly more frequent updates. Probably. I wish us all luck.

27/12/11: How awkward to have still not updated. Pretty sure I promised at least one reader a chapter of Happy Camp by Christmas, too. Erm... Working on it? ^_^'

1/2/12: So now I have a Sherlock/Labyrinth crossover in the works and I am so terribly sorry and I blame my short attention span and inability to finish anything and please forgive me.

In a tragic moment of irony-drenched insight, I realised that my least popular stories are my favourites.

I'm seventeen, bespectacled, dark ash-blonde and five foot eight. I play guitar (amateurishly), piano (worse than amateurishly) and clarinet (previously half-heartedly, presently non-existently, which is not a word). I'm in my first year of university, studying to teach high school Maths and English. Favourite band is Coldplay, favourite film alternates between Sweeney Todd, The Dark Knight and V for Vendetta, and favourite novel is impossible to choose. Don't you just feel like you know me now?

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers copy and paste made-up facts into their profile. If you're part of the two percent that unwittingly fell into this trap while attempting to mock them, copy and paste this into your profile.

Some advice for writers: Consider the events which will take place in your story, then think how characters would react. Not the other way around. It took me a long time to figure out this was my problem, and it seems to be a common occurrence among FF writers. I realise it's tempting to force characters into embarrassing, cute, funny, awkward, etc, etc, situations, but it only leads to OOCness and poor attention to detail. Your story must flow and every scene must in some way develop the plot or the characters, otherwise it's just redundant. Self-indulgent writing is hardly writing at all (just look at Breaking Dawn). If you're not challenging yourself, you won't improve.

Also, if you're consistently making mistakes you aren't noticing, get a beta. I mean a decent one, who won't just tell you whether they like a certain scene, but will fix your spelling, grammar and punctuation errors, point it out when a character is acting strangely, and help you to improve with friendly criticism. You could have the best plot in the world and it would still be a terrible story if riddled with mistakes and poor characterisation.

Regarding reviews: A lot of people seem to be very sensitive when receiving constructive criticism. Here's an excellent rule of thumb: if they're criticising your grammar, punctuation, spelling, vocabulary, plot consistency, flow, research, etc., listen to them. They're probably right. If they're criticising your subject matter, expressed views or (depending on the manner of the criticisms) characterisation, tell them to go to hell. Those all fall under personal opinion and you're free to do as you please.

I POST ANTI-STEREOTYPING PROPAGANDA on my profile, so I MUST not be as judgmental as any other sanctimonious teenager.

Help fight wizard obesity - Petition for P.E. classes at Hogwarts.

Incomplete Stories

The Wished-Aways

Fandom: Sherlock/Labyrinth

Genre: Adventure

Summary: Coming soon.

Notes: Why do I do the things I do? This cannot end well. Anyway, expect this one soonish. As usual, I've written out a dozen scenes and am now faced with the arduous task of connecting them, but trust me, the gaps are closing.

The Pensioner of Azkaban

Fandom: Harry Potter

Genre: Humour/Parody.

Summary: AU, AM. Magic is purely fantasy - the stuff of children's stories. Not to Sirius, though, as he tries to escape the Dementor-run retirement home Azkaban in order to avenge his friends Lily and James, who aren't quite as deceased as he thinks.

Notes: Previously titled Harry Potter and the Pensioner of Azkaban. Changed because Harry's hardly gonna be in it. Then again, it's not like I've planned it out. Anyway, I am working on it, but Writer's Block is a terrible thing.

The Great Pudding Downpour of '98

Fandom: Harry Potter

Genre: Humour/Parody.

Summary: AU, AM. Two shot prequel to The Pensioner of Azkaban. The arrival of a new inmate - erm, retiree - at Azkaban is always cause for excitement among its residents, but when Sirius Black moves in, James Potter's world takes a bizarre turn.

Notes: This is new and exciting, isn't it? JulyPie's idea. I think it's brilliant so far, but it's slow going. 4000 words in over 8 months isn't particularly impressive. Oh, but how hilarious was that inmate/retiree joke in the summary? Sometimes I am just too much!

Savin' Me

Fandom: House, M.D./Twilight

Genre: Drama/Romance.

Summary: Prior to season four and New Moon. Bella Swan is just another patient for House. Inconsistent symptoms, strange medical history - a standard enough puzzle. Her boyfriend, however, is another matter entirely.

Notes: Don't know what I'm thinking, really. Another Twilight crossover? And a serious one, no less. But I'd like to try my hand at writing House, and I find crossovers easier in the way of plot points. Mostly bits and pieces at the moment. As with everything, no promises on updates.

Harry Potter and the Revised Laws of Drink Driving

Fandom: Harry Potter

Genre: Humour/Parody.

Summary: AU. 10-year-old orphan Harry Potter lives with his magical relatives, the Dursleys, having been left there after his parents were murdered by You-Know-Who. But on his 11th birthday, he is informed that his parents actually died in a car crash and he is a Muggle with a place at a prestigious school of technology.

Notes: Ah, now this one does have Harry in it. Please be advised, though, that the title (and summary) is subject to change. Also, it's probably never going to be written. See What Could Have Been for, well, what could have been.

Happy Camp

Fandom: Young Dracula

Genre: General/Humour.

Summary: Robin thought he'd never find a scarier place than the Dracula Castle.

Notes: Short summary? Yes, I know. It's because I have no idea where I'm going with it.

Help fight wizard illiteracy - Petition for English classes at Hogwarts.