Author has written 23 stories for Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Twilight, and Inception.
UPDATE: (8/7/11) Oh my lord, this account is ancient.
Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed to have these stories still up, but I'm keeping everything here for the memories. Don't rip them apart, everybody. They were from my rosy old past. I have every intention on continuing to write fic, but hopefully...better.
Thanks for visiting!
Hello all, my name is BittersweetSummer.
is a list of my fanfiction recommendations that can be found OUTSIDE of this site.
I would like to take a moment to recognize some pretty awesome people. If you guys never read this, it's okay. If you do read it, then you're awesome. (But you knew that already, right?)
First up is UndeniablyMe, who's so awesome and nicer to me than I deserve. Seriously, you rock, UM. Everybody go and read Fallin' for You, the companion my fic, The Man Who Can't Be Moved. It's a lot better than my story. :)
To nikkiRA, my fellow Zelda lover and Bella/Nessie hater. Everybody, go and read her kick-ass Blackwater stories.
IMPORTANT NOTICE. DO NOT READ IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT (NOT THAT YOU'D BE HERE IF YOU DID):
I read Breaking Dawn.
I think that Stephenie Meyer just dug her own grave.
HAHAHA!! I KNEW it!! Stephenie Meyer, bow down to the sheer awesomeness of Harry Potter! Harry, I know that you know that you're better than Edward Cullen (Harry's just too modest to admit it) but this finally proves it! Congratulations, Meyer!
It was a good 700-page laugh. Seriously, I started laughing spontaneously in the middle of reading. Random bystanders looked at me strangely, but no worries. They already think I'm crazy.
Tut-tut Meyer, I seriously wonder how you got onto the bestseller's list.
Okay, spoilers coming (although you probably heard already):
Bella Swan, our tragic, Beautiful Swan of a hero, gets the "perfect" wedding with her vampire hubby Edward Cullen (with a few werewolf fights thrown in as casualties.)
He whisks her off to their private island (heh.) and they have wild animal sex and he bruises her and breaks the headboard, and our Beautiful Swan has no worries, who cares if he might have accidentally killed her? She's just in it for the wild-animal sex.
And then she finds out that she is (gasp) pregnant! They head back to their stupid little town and don't even question how it's possible for a hundred-year old man to impregnate a shallow, whiny girl. (Promoting pedophilia?)
Then it switches to Mr. Jacob Black Big-Bad-Wolf's POV, and he describes Bella and how wonderful she is and how she's so beautiful, and angst-ing liking there's no tomorrow. The rest of the werewolf pack is getting sick of his antics. (I wouldn't blame them. It's pathetic)
He goes to Bella's house in a rage, and sees her pregnant and unable to function properly due to the giant vampire baby in her uterus (I enjoyed her suffering,) while the I'm-so-hot blond vampy-chick Rosalie is protecting her because she wants the demon spawn for herself. Bella doesn't really notice (or care.)
Then Edward talks to Jacob asking him to have SEX with Bella if she decides to have an abortion so that she could have a normal-un-demon-spawned-child. Seriously, Edward, you're asking your rival to have sex with the woman you love so that she could get pregnant with another man's child?
Somebody give Stephenie Meyer a brochure for the nearest mental institution.
Bella has the baby, and it's really quite disturbing. Edward performs a C-section on her (with his TEETH, nevertheless) while she's vomiting fountains of blood with her eye vessels popping, and the baby BREAKS HER SPINE. All the while Jacob is pumping her heart, (making sloshy sounds!) but quits after a while and ditches his "one true love"
Isn't it BEAUTIFUL?
The demon-baby with the funky name pops out and Edward turns Bella into a vampire (her life's ambition.) Jacob, (who I remind you, was mooning over our main character just moments before) imprints with her BABY, for goodness sakes, and he lives happily ever after, protecting the no-good spawn.
Bella is back, as a beautifuller-swan/vampire, and is magically perfect in every way, and wants to see the demon baby for herself again. Here Stephenie Meyer goes into a horrid description of the baby's amazingness with her "auburn curls, brown-chestnut-colored eyes, and cutesy face."
Then there's this big hype where they're all stressing about a battle, and I'm like "FINALLY, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE! AWESOME! (PLEASE BE BELLA)"
...There's no fight.
Stephenie Meyer can write a gruesome birthing scene, but can't write a battle? C'mon. (See guys, this is why JK Rowling is a better writer. Death makes the reading experience so much more real, in my opinion. It broke my heart during the Battle of Hogwarts.)
Anyways, they all live happily ever after with their demon-spawn, and Bella gets her happy ending, full of cliched words like "forever" and "perfect" and all of that junk. Seriously, the last chapter is named "Happily-Every-After" or something like that.
Oh, I feel so mean. But typing out the hideousness-that-is-Breaking-Dawn is oddly relaxing.
Good Luck Meyer.
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