Ola ola, Jumby here ;D

(Got a question? ~ jumbified@hotmail.com)

I warn you, this profile is L - O - N - G...!

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SO

A little about the author:

Name: Ohoho, we shall never tell, shall we my delightfully silver computer mouse...?

Gender: It's debatable. Female, physically. Mentally...

Likes: Personifying inanimate objects, reading, writing, boosting her ego by referring to herself as 'author', a bizarre sense of humour shunned by all, watching anime, a hellova lotta tea, referring to herself in third person, ERR...

Reads: Too darn much, I tell ya. You know that book you really want from your nearest bookstore? The one you've been saving up for since...ever and ever? Well ;D

DON'T TOUCH IT.

IT'S MINE.

Listens to: The screams of chocolate bars as I devour them.

Describe yourself in three words: STUPID, BLACK, BIRO.

Oh, you didn't want me to describe my pen? Then be gone...! Unless you'd care to replace every black biro that DESERTS me in my time of need and ink-wanting. Oh the woe.

I HAVE PLOT ROOS

They are not bunnies. Hoooo no, they are scarier than those cute fluffy bunnies a-hopping about innocently in many a mind. They have LARGE FEET, which they use to KICK my cerebrum constantly with kangaroo-like agility, and FLUFFY NOSES used to sniff out anything important futilely trying to cling to my brain and DEVOUR IT.

And I declare, due to strong evil plot roos I am going to terrify you with updates pretty soon! Anyone who has me on author alert (lord knows WHY TTmTT), forgive me for the spanning of your inbox that'll undoubtedly occur. I can't even count the number of oneshots making babies in My Documents (They just keep MULTIPLYING! GAAH!! Fanfictions? Nono, they are AMEOBAS) and I did have even more on this site, but what did you do Mr Fanfiction.net?

YOU DELETED THEM, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID...!

60 days life my ass. I wept man, I had about five on there, and you MURDERED them! You -

Okay maybe I should've re-saved them.

I'M SORRY MY BABIES...! TTmTT

Point is, give it a week or two, and you will see just how sad and obsessed Jumby truly is with Naruto.

And you shall be frightened.

And I shall cackle evilly in the corner, with my mug of cheerios.

And I shall spill some on the floor.

But we shall ignore that.

FUN FACTS ABOUT JUMBY

(I say fun)

1) I LIKE UNDERLINING. And...and caps lock. Yup. But this will become painfully obvious throughout Le Profile of Fail. YAY.

2) I can sleep anywhere. Aaaanywhere. Sometimes I just go into a room, sit down, and wake up ten minutes later with no frigging idea where I am or what I was doing. Who needs more sleep? JUMBY DOES.

3) I like planning. Ideas swim around in my head for yonks, then my little box starts overflowing into areas of my brain that ARE NOT DESIGNATED for failed fictions, so I have to pack 'em up again and write them down, lest I forget...then I end up writing titbit paragraphs for every idea...save it in My Documents...re-organise the hundreds of started stories every week or so...weep on my keyboard...pray to great goddess Sedna for more free time...AHAHA. You think I'm joking, don't you? ;D

4) I like lists. Lists are good.

5) I like hot chocolate with cream.

6) Sometimes I find myself choking on my hair. Yes, it is that long. Yes, I am that brilliant.

7) ...ly stupid. You can't help me. No-one can.

8) I pull staplers apart and make them balance on their metal chingamajig when bored. YES, I GET THAT BORED. I say bored. It's usually when I'm procrastinating. Procrastinating revising for GCSEs. Which are important lil' things, guys and gals. You should revise. You see how educational I am? Behold, the meaning of HYPOCRISY.

FUN THINGS GALORE...! 8D

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1 : See the northern lights
2 : Make jell-o
3 : Learn how to swim

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1 : My earlobes
2 : My bellybutton
3 : The pendant around my neck that I haven't taken off for two years and DO NOT INTEND TO.

Three Things That Scare You:
1 : Not being able to breathe fresh air (behold, the curse of the country bumpkin)
2 : Spiders and scuttly winged things
3 : Guys who call out crude thinking-with-mah-penis comments

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1 : Food
2 : Air
3 : TREE LOVE

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1 : Boxers
2 : The pendant of awesome
3 : Long-sleeved white shirt

Three Things You Are Doing Right Now:
(Betcha someone's going to say 'your mum'. And I win the bet. 'CAUSE I SAID IT)
1 : This test
2 : Breathing? D;
3 : L...listening to Ice Ice Baby... (what! IT'S A GOOD SONG!! TTmTT!!)

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1 : Placebo
2 : Regina Spektor
3 : The Lonely Island (LIKE WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT, WHAT, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT, WHAT)

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1 : Hard Times - Patrick Wolf
2 : 19-2000 (the sexy remix) - Gorillaz
3 : Folding Chair - Regina Spektor

Three Things You Want In A Relationship :
1 : A non-existent relationship
2 : A tree
3 : Chocolate

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1 : I like parties
2 : I like rings
3 : I like party rings

GUESS WHICH ONE'S THE LIE.

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1 : Strength
2 : Confidence
3 : Branches, leaves, and other tree-like appendages

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1 : Sleeping
2 : Eating
3 : Skipping

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1 : Freelance artist
2 : Author
3 : Hobo (serious consideration)

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1 : Canada
2 : Italy
3 : Norway

Three Names You Like:
1 : Nina
2 : Ben
3 : Michaelangelothesecondthethird

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1 : I GOT DA BOXERS YO
2 : I'm violent. For serious. I beat dudes at mercy.
3 : I prefer T-shirts to boob tubes?

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1 : I squeal when excited.
2 : I'm scared of spiders and scuttly winged things.
3 : I like pulling the smarties off gingerbread men and hearing them cry for their mummas - oh wait that's irrelevant.

I WOULDN'T READ THIS IF I WERE YOU

Betty The Cow's Drunken Ramble

Y'know what? Teletubbies screwed me over. They think they're all that, stupid personifications of the rainbow, but ya wanna know the truth? They're just Power Rangers who got FAT. That's why there's only four of them, and they're all stupid colours. I mean, red, yellow, green and purple? What happened to orange, blue and indigo? I'll tell you what happened. They got fed up of Po's binge drinking and Laa-Laa's crap singing. Ohh-ho, do NOT get me started on Laa-Laa. Y'know why she's called that? 'Cos her name's Lavender Lama.

Lavender Almerico Angsty Lama Apple Potato-Jane Arse. We used to call her PJ, or Potato Jane, for if we're all really honest, she does look like a fluorescent yellow potato. Sang like one too, the idiot. But did she stick with that affectionate name when she entered show-biz? (I say show-biz. It was just a field really, wasn't it?) Oh no she did not. Thought she'd group all the letters together and call herself Laa-Laa. MINUS our beautiful nick-name. That hurt, man. That wounded us bad.

Orange started to notice changes in Dipsy after a while. He'd be staying out later, coming home with lipstick on his hat, and then there was that night, that fateful Wednesday night, when he came back wearing trousers...

I know, man. He was wearing trousers. That changed everything. Indigo just broke down into tears, right then, and blue was bed-ridden for weeks. It was never the same after that.

Damn that Tinky Winky. Y'know he used to be called Frank, right?

Yeah. He was a dick.

Po looks all innocent and red on telly, but she started getting real bad when the director left his booze in the trailer. She kept fishing things like a candle, jar of peanut butter or octopus out of the lake. Which was just not on. I mean, how did that octopus even survive in that lake? Tinky Winky kept pulling the plug when no-one was looking. And ya know what? It wasn't even a lake, was it? It was just a big bath with green mould growing around it.

And the baby? The baby in the sun in the sky? Holy Cow. Don't even think about getting me started on that one.

Moo, dammit.

Moo.

If a red house is made from red bricks
and a blue house is made from blue bricks
and a pink house is made from pink bricks
and a black house is made from black bricks
What is a green house made from?

Answer THAT, Betty.

A Noteworthy Note

I...am a very annoying person. People have hurled themselves from cars trying to escape the wrath of my annoying qualities. Let that be a warning to you, and barge poles are available for sale from my website.

Which doesn't exist.

Behold: I am also very helpful.

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