Hi, out there! I'm Miles333, also known as M3. But I guess you already know that, since it says so at the top of the screen. :D I'm a teen who hopes to be a professional writer someday. I love writing fan fiction, but I also work on original novels in what little spare time I actually have. So who knows, you might see some of my work on the bestseller shelf someday! lol Anyway, I have twelve stories (O.O) in progress right now: I Am Alone, DC Meets Marvel, Family Feud, Twilight Is When the Monsters Come Out, Transform and Roll Out, Attack of the Voyagers, Beneath the Surface of Midnight, Crystal Sky, Life In Ruins, The New Age, The Mystery of the Werewolf, and The Savages' Revenge. And more is likely to come shortly.

Also, don't hesitate to PM me if you just want to chat; I'll gladly take any new fan fic friends. :D

Now that all the official stuff is out of the way, sit back and relax if you're going to read my profile. Let's just say that it's getting to be REALLY long. O.O

-Miles333

"You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it."

-Neil Gaiman

I Am: female, just for your information.

Age: none of your business, sorry.

Location: inside the TARDIS. :D

Lucky Day: Friday the 13th. No, seriously. It is.

Twilight Team: Team Jacob! But Edward is okay, too...

Book(s) That I'm Currently Reading: 'Blood Promise', by Richelle Mead

Favorite Singers: Brandon Heath, Carrie Underwood, Blake Shelton, tobyMac, and Taylor Swift

Favorite Bands: 33Miles (hence, my name...get it?), Rascal Flatts, Lonestar, Lady Antebellum, Casting Crowns, Hawk Nelson, Steller Kart, and MercyMe

Current Fave Song: 'New Divide,' by Linkin Park

Current Second Favorite Song: 'Gone Forever', by Three Days Grace

Current Third Favorite Song: 'Hold On', by 33Miles

My Song To Live By: 'Stand Amazed', by 33Miles

I not so recently became obsessed with Doctor Who. :) Here are some cool videos for any other fans out there that happen to be checking out my profile.

Doctor Who Mastercard Commercial: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXYd4u1ig18

Doctor Who Gone Forever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhhzYsEy-V8&feature=related

Doctor Who - New Divide: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgpG0xd7rlk

David Tennant outside Radio 1: www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqgSv7kqJG4

David Tennant is phoned by Virgin Radio: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvCoodfLAKk

David Tennant pranks Freema Agyeman on Virgin Radio: www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLnSphQ88_w

David Tennant and cake: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSyg5J0J4eE

Exterminate Regenerate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP3kiG-Tulk

An Awful Lot of Running: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq_qitjV2qI

Journey's End: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPoicPQukLA

Fan fic friends of mine:

Nightwatcher'sunknowngirl

SupremeStarscream

Flightgirl

Sanru

TheDarkPrinceofSaiyans

patie

Churnok

Unleash The Shadow

Agent0Gecko

Kirsten Erin

bookwormer1986

Green Gallant

Cylon One

Here are some awesome books that I recommend you read, not really in any order:

1. 'The Summoning', by Kelley Armstrong

2. 'The Awakening', by Kelley Armstrong

3. 'The Mortal Instruments trilogy', by Cassandra Clare

4. 'The Host', by Stephenie Meyer

5. 'Call of the Highland Moon', by Kendra Leigh Castle

6. The '1-800-WHERE-R-YOU' series, by Meg Cabot

7. 'Twilight', by Stephenie Meyer

8. 'New Moon', by Stephenie Meyer

9. 'Eclipse', by Stephenie Meyer

10. 'Breaking Dawn', by Stephenie Meyer

11. 'Bloodline', by Kate Cary

12. 'Reckoning', by Kate Cary

13. 'Saving Juliet', by Suzanna Selfors

14. 'Zombie Blondes', by Brian James

15. 'Airhead', by Meg Cabot

16. 'Being Nikki', by Meg Cabot

17. 'Raising Dragons', by Bryan Davis

18. 'The Girl Who Could Fly', by Victoria Forester

19. 'Vampire Academy', Richelle Mead

20. 'Frostbite', by Richelle Mead

21. 'Shadow Kiss', by Richelle Mead

22. 'Animal Attraction', by Jamie Pointi

23. The 'Tomorrow, When the War Began' series, by John Marsden

24. 'Boys That Bite', by Marianne Mancusi

25. The 'Mediator' series, by Meg Cabot

26. 'All-American Girl', by Meg Cabot

27. 'The Compound', by S.A. Bodeen

28. The 'Night World' series, by LJ Smith

Now here are some of my fave movies, also in no particular order:

1. The Incredible Hulk

2. Iron Man

3. Transformers

4. Eagle Eye

5. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

6. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

7. Batman Begins

8. The Dark Knight

9. Twilight

10. Cursed

11. Bloodsuckers

12. I Am Legend

13. National Treasure

14. National Treasure 2

15. Superman Returns

16. Motocrossed

17. Flicka

18. Spiderman 2

19. Spiderman 3

20. Fantastic Four

21. Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer

22. TMNT

23. X-Men

24. X2 Planet of the Apes

25. X3: The Last Stand

26. The Lost World: Jurassic Park

27. The Love Comes Softly movies

Here are my favorite TV shows and cartoons (in order of preference):

1. Doctor Who

2. Torchwood

3. Merlin

4. The Vampire Diaries

5. Being Human

6. Iron Man: Armored Adventures

7. Justice League/Justice League Unlimited

8. Wolf Lake

9. Moonlight

Some of my favorite Doctor Who quotes:

Ninth Doctor-

Rose: Who are you, then? Who's that lot down there? (the Doctor ignores her) I said, who are they?

The Doctor: They're made of plastic. Living plastic creatures. They're being controlled by a relay device on the roof. Which would be a great big problem if- (he pulls a bleeping bomb out of his coat) -I didn't have this. So I'm gonna go upstairs and blow it up. And I might well die in the process. But don't worry about me, no. You go home, go on! Go and have your lovely beans on toast. (suddenly serious) Don't tell anyone about this, 'cause if you do, you'll get them killed. (closes the door, then opens it again) I'm the Doctor, by the way. What's your name?

Rose: Rose.

The Doctor: Nice to meet you, Rose. (holds up the bomb, grinning) Run for your life!

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Jackie: I'm in my dressing gown.

The Doctor: Yes, you are.

Jackie: There's a strange man in my bedroom.

The Doctor: Yes, there is.

Jackie: Anything could happen.

The Doctor: No. (walks away)

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Rose: Who are you?

The Doctor: (turns around) Do you know like I was sayin' about the Earth revolving? (walks toward Rose) It's like when you're a kid. The first time they tell you that the Earth's turnin' and you just can't quite believe it cause everythin' looks like it's standin' still. I can feel it. (takes Rose's hand) The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinnin' at 1,000 miles an hour, and the entire planet is hurtlin' round the sun at 67,000 miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're fallin' through space, you and me, clingin' to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go... (let's go of Rose's hand) That's who I am.

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Rose: My mum's here.

The Doctor: Oh, that's just what I need! Don't you dare make this place domestic!

Mickey: You ruined my life, Doctor. (the Doctor turns and looks at him, irritated) They thought she was dead; I was a murder suspect because of you!

The Doctor: (looks at Rose) See what I mean? Domestic!

Mickey: I bet you don't even remember my name!

The Doctor: Ricky.

Mickey: It's Mickey!

The Doctor: No, it's Ricky.

Mickey: I think I know my own name!

The Doctor: You 'think' you know your own name? How stupid are you?

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The Doctor: Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in. smiles triumphantly

Rose: And how do we get out?

The Doctor: (still smiling, looks around, then nods) Ah. (still smiles)

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(Jack Harkness to Rose while she is caught in his tractor beam)

Capt. Jack Harkness: Could you switch off your cell phone? No, seriously, it interferes with my instruments.

Rose: (as she turns it off) You know, no one ever believes that.

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Mickey: I don't mind you hangin' around with big-ears up there.

The Doctor: Oi!

Mickey: Look in the mirror! But this guy, he's kinda...

Jack: Handsome?

Mickey: I was gonna say cheesy.

Jack: Early 21st century slang...is cheesy good or bad?

Mickey: It's bad.

Jack: But bad means good, isn't that right?

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(Mickey, the Doctor, Jack, and Rose have just exited the TARDIS)

Mickey: That old lady's staring.

Jack: (suggestively to the Doctor) Probably wondering what four people were doing in a small box.

Mickey: (disdainful look at Jack) What are you captain of? The Innuendo Squad?

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The Doctor: Hello, I've come to see the Lord Mayor.

Idris Hopper: Have you got an appointment?

The Doctor: No, just an old friend passing by, bit of a surprise. Can't wait to see her face!

Idris Hopper: Well, she's just having a cup of tea.

The Doctor: Just go in there and tell her 'the Doctor' would like to see her.

Idris Hopper: 'The doctor' who?

The Doctor: Just 'the Doctor'. tell her exactly that, 'the Doctor'.

Idris Hopper: Hang on a tic.

(Idris goes inside. There is the sound of a teacup smashing, then she returns)

Idris Hopper: The Lord Mayor says, 'thank you f-for popping by.' She'd love to have a chat, but, um, she's up to her eyes in paperwork. Perhaps you would like to make an appointment for next week...

The Doctor: (happily) She's climbing out the window, isn't she?

Idris Hopper: Yes, she is.

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Trin-E: Just stand still and let the Defabricator work its magic.

Jack: What's a Defabricator?

(Jack's clothes are disintegrated)

Jack: Okay, Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?

Zu-Zana: Absolutely.

Jack: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.

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Tenth Doctor-

The Doctor: Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast... No! Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother, (sotto voce) nutloaf would be more appropriate.

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Mr. Nuellan: You seem to be talking about aliens as a matter-of-fact.

Harriet Jones: There's an act of Parliament banning my autobiography.

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(Having intended to land in 1979, the Doctor and Rose find themselves in 1879, surrounded by armed soldiers)

The Doctor: 1879...same difference.

Captain Reynolds: You will explain your presence...and the nakedness of this girl.

The Doctor: (in Scottish accent) Are we in Scotland?

Captain Reynolds: How can you be ignorant of that?

The Doctor: Oh, I'm- I'm dazed and confused. I've been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale. Ain't that right, ya...tim'rous beastie?

Rose: Uh-uh... (adopting a terrible Scottish accent) Och aye, I've been oot and aboot-

The Doctor: (quietly to Rose) No, don't do that.

Rose: Hoots, mon!

The Doctor: (still quiet) No, really don't. Really.

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The Doctor: And, I'll tell you something else; we just met Queen Victoria!

Rose: Oh, I know! She was just sittin' there.

The Doctor: Like a stamp!

Rose: I wanted to say, (imitating Queen Victoria) 'we are not amused'. Bet you five quid I can make her say it.

The Doctor: Well if I gambled on that, it'd be an abuse of my privilege as a traveler in time.

Rose: Ten quid?

The Doctor: Done.

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The Doctor: (posing as a teacher, introducing himself to the class) So...physics! Physics, eh? Physics! Phyyyysics! (repeatedly says the word 'physics' before catching himself) I hope you're getting all this down!

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Sarah Jane Smith: I saw things you wouldn't believe!

Rose: Try me.

Sarah Jane: Mummies.

Rose: I've met ghosts.

Sarah Jane: Robots. Lots of robots.

Rose: Slitheen. In Downin' Street.

Sarah Jane: Daleks!

Rose: (smugly) Met the Emperor.

Sarah Jane: Anti-matter monsters!

Rose: Gas-mask zombies!

Sarah Jane: Real living dinosaurs!

Rose: Real living werewolf!

Sarah Jane: (emphasising each word) The Loch Ness monster!

Rose: (stunned) Seriously?

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Rose: Oh, here's trouble. What you been up to?

The Doctor: Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man... (a whinny is heard from off screen) Oh, and I met a horse.

Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?

The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!

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(The Doctor and Rose are recalling a humourous adventure they had been on; Mickey is gingerly holding down a button on the TARDIS console)

The Doctor: (smiling) Umm...what are you doing that for?

Mickey: 'Cause you told me to.

The Doctor: (smile slowly fades) When was that?

Mickey: About half an hour ago.

The Doctor: (sheepish) Umm...you can let go now.

(Mickey lets go to an audible 'bleep' from the TARDIS, Rose quietly giggles)

Mickey: How long has it been since I could've stopped?

The Doctor: Ten minutes? Twenty? (beat) Twenty-nine?

Mickey: You just forgot me!

The Doctor: No, no, no, I was jus-- I was-- I was calibrating! I was jus-- No, I know exactly what I'm doing.

(An explosion emanates from the TARDIS console)

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(Inside the Preachers' van)

Pete: I thought it was the security services, what do I get? Scooby-Doo and his gang! They've even got the van!

Mickey: No, no, but the Preachers know what they're doing. Ricky said he's London's most wanted.

Ricky: Yeah, that's not exactly...

Mickey: Not exactly what?

Ricky: I'm London's most wanted for...parking tickets.

Pete: Great.

Ricky: Yeah, they were deliberate. I was fighting the system! Park anywhere, that's me.

The Doctor: Good policy. I do much the same.

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(Inside a launderette, Elton needs to befriend Jackie in in order to locate her daughter Rose)

Elton: (voice-over) I’d been trained for this. Victor Kennedy’s classes covered basic surveillance and espionage. Step one - engage your target. Find some excuse to start a conversation. But how was I gonna do this? How?

Jackie: Excuse me love, you couldn’t give us a quid for two fifties, could you?

Elton: Yeah…just a…ah, da-da!

Jackie: Oh, lovely! Cheers.

Elton: (voice-over) Step two - without provoking suspicion, get on first name terms with the target.

Jackie: My name’s Jackie, by the way.

Elton: I’m Elton.

Jackie: Ah, you don’t meet many Eltons, do you? Apart from the obvious!

(They both laugh)

Elton: (voice-over) Step three - ingratiate yourself with a joke or some humourous device.

Jackie: I tell you what, Elton. Here we are, complete strangers, and I’m flashing you me knickers!

Elton: (voice-over) Step four - find some subtle way to integrate yourself into the target’s household.

Jackie: Mind you, I’m only down here because my washing machine’s knackered. I don’t suppose you’re any good at fixing things, are you?

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The Doctor: (after viewing all the media attention on ghosts, including a clip of one of Eastenders) When did it start?

Jackie: Well, first of all, Peggy heard this noise in the cellar. So she goes down...

The Doctor: No, I mean world-wide.

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The Doctor: I like that, 'allons-y'. I should say allons-y more often. Look sharp, Rose Tyler, allons-y! And then it would be really brilliant if I met someone called Alonso, 'cause then I could say 'allons-y, Alonso' every time... (beat) You're staring at me.

Rose: (quietly) My mum's still on board.

(The Doctor looks up at the shelf on the wall, horrified)

Jackie: (sitting on shelf) If we end up on Mars, I'm gonna kill you!

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(After Donna's appearance in the TARDIS)

Donna: Who was it? Who's paying you? Was it Nerys? Oh my God, she's finally got me back! This has got Nerys written all over it!

The Doctor: Who the hell is Nerys?

Donna: Your best friend!

The Doctor: Hold on, what are you dressed like that for?

Donna: (sarcastically) I'm going tenpin bowling. Why do you think, dumbo?! I was halfway up the aisle! I've waited my whole life for this, it's seconds away, and then you, I don't know, drugged me or something!

The Doctor: (eyes wide with shock) I haven't done anything!

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The Doctor: Guess what I've got, Donna?

(holds up robot remote control)

The Doctor: Pockets!

Donna: How did that fit in there?

The Doctor: They're bigger on the inside.

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Martha: What's that?

The Doctor: Sonic screwdriver.

Martha: Well if you're not going to tell me...

The Doctor: No really, See? It's a screwdriver and it's...sonic.

Martha: What else have you got - laser spanner?

The Doctor: I did, but it was stolen by Emmeline Pankhurst. Cheeky woman.

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(After travelling to 1599)

Martha: But are we safe? Can we move around and stuff?

The Doctor: Of course we can. Why do you ask?

Martha: It's like in the films! You step on a butterfly, you change the future of the human race!

The Doctor: (bemused) I'll tell you what then, don't...step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?

Martha: What if...I dunno! What if I kill my grandfather?!

The Doctor: Are you planning to?

Martha: No.

The Doctor: Well, then.

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The Doctor: All the world's a stage...

William Shakespeare: I might use that.

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Shakespeare: To be or not to be... Ooh. That's quite good.

The Doctor: You should write that down.

Shakespeare: Maybe not. Bit pretentious?

The Doctor: Meh.

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The Doctor: Once more unto the breach!

Shakespeare: I like that! (realises) Wait a minute. That's one of mine!

The Doctor: Oh, just...shift!

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Martha: Magic and stuff, that's a surprise. It's all a bit Harry Potter.

The Doctor: Wait till you read book seven- oh, I cried!

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The Doctor: The shape of the Globe gives words power, but you're the wordsmith! The one true genius; the only one clever enough to do it.

Shakespeare: But what words? I have none ready!

The Doctor: You're William Shakespeare!

Shakespeare: But these Carrionite phrases, they need such precision!

The Doctor: Trust yourself. When you're locked away in your room, the words just come, don't they, like magic. Words, the right sound, the right shape, the right rhythm, words that last forever. That's what you do, Will. You choose perfect words. Do it. Improvise!

Shakespeare: Close up this din of hateful dire decay,
Decomposition of your witch's plot!
You feed my brains, consider me your toy:
My doting Doctor tells me I am not!

Lilith: No! Words of power-!

Shakespeare: Foul Carrionite spectres, cease your show;
Between the points-

(Shakespeare turns to the Doctor)

The Doctor: 761390!

William Shakespeare: 761390!
Vanish like a tinker's cuss!
I say to thee...

(Shakespeare turns to the Doctor again)

Doctor: Uh...

(The Doctor turns to Martha)

Martha: Expelliarmus!

Everyone: Expelliarmus!

The Doctor: Good old J.K.!

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Martha: (over the intercom) Doctor?

The Doctor: What is it now?

Martha: Who had the most number ones, Elvis or the Beatles? That's pre-downloads.

The Doctor: Elvis. No! The Beatles. No! Wait, um...um...awww, that remix...um...I don't know. I'm a bit busy.

Martha: Fine, I'll ask someone else.

The Doctor: Now where was I? ...Here comes the sun... No, resources.

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Baines/Son of Mine: He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing - the fury of the Time Lord - and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden...he was being kind. He wrapped my father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star. He tricked my mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there, forever. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's always her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Doctor put me to work standing over the fields of England, as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Doctor made sure we did.

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Cathy: Why did you come here anyway?

Sally: I love old things. They make me feel sad.

Cathy: What's good about sad?

Sally: It's happy for deep people.

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Video store employee: (watching a film) Go to the police, you stupid woman! Why does nobody ever just go to the police?

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(Larry starts the DVD)

Larry: And there he is.

Sally: The Doctor.

Larry: Who's the doctor?

Sally: He's the Doctor.

The Doctor: Yep, that's me.

Sally: Okay, that's scary.

Larry: No, it sounds like he's replying, but he always says that.

The Doctor: Yes I do.

Larry: And that.

The Doctor: Yep, and this.

Sally: He can hear us! Oh my God, you can really hear us!

Larry: Of course he can't hear us. Look, I've got a transcript, see? Everything he says: 'Yep, that's me,' 'Yes I do,' 'Yep, and this.' Next is...

The Doctor and Larry: (in unison) Are you going to read out the whole thing?

Larry: (sheepishly) Sorry.

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(about the nature of time)

The Doctor: People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is.

Sally: Then what is it?

The Doctor: Complicated.

Sally: Tell me.

The Doctor: Very complicated.

Sally: I'm clever, and I'm listening, and don't patronise me because people have died and I'm not happy. Tell me.

The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect...but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly...timey-wimey...stuff.

Sally: Started well, that sentance.

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The Doctor: This is my Timey-Wimey Detector. Goes 'ding' when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at 30 paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually, so I've learnt to stay away from hens - it's not pretty when they blow.

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The Doctor: (on video) The Angels have the phone box.

Larry: 'The Angels have the phone box'. That's my favourite; I've got that on a t-shirt!

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Jack: (to Martha) Captain Jack Harkness...and who are you?

Martha: Martha Jones.

Jack: Nice to meet you, Martha Jones.

The Doctor: (irritated) Oh, don't start!

Jack: I was only saying 'hello'!

Martha: (flattered) I don't mind.

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The Doctor: And Utopia is...?

Professor Yana: Oh, every human knows about Utopia! Where have you been?

The Doctor: Bit of a hermit.

Professor Yana: A hermit. With...friends?

The Doctor: Hermits United. We meet up every ten years. Swap stories about caves. It's good fun...for a hermit.

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Mr. Saxon: A glorious day! Downing Street rebuilt. The cabinet in session. Let the work of government begin.

(Saxon throws dossiers in the air. The cabinet appear unimpressed)

Mr. Saxon: Oh go on, crack a smile. It's funny, isn't it? Albert? Funny? No? A little bit?

Albert Dumfries, MP: Very funny, sir. But if we could get down to business, there is the matter of policy, of which we have very little.

Mr. Saxon: No no no no no. Before we start all that, I just wanted to say: thank you. Thank you, one and all, you ugly, fat-faced bunch of wet, snivelling traitors.

Albert: Yes, quite. Very funny, but I think--

Mr. Saxon: No. No. That wasn't funny. You see, I'm not making myself very clear. Funny is like this. (exaggerates a grin) Not funny is like this. (exaggerates a frown) And right now, I'm not like (grins again), I'm like (frowns again), because you are traitors. Yes, you are! As soon as you saw the votes swinging my way, you abandoned your parties and jumped on the Saxon bandwagon. So, this is your reward.

(Saxon dons gas mask)

Albert: Excuse me, Prime Minister, but do you mind my asking...what is that?

Mr. Saxon: (muffled) It's a gas mask.

Albert: I beg your pardon?

Mr. Saxon: (lifts gas mask up) It's a gas mask. (smiles pleasantly, chuckles, and replaces it on his face)

Albert: Yes, but why are you wearing it?

Mr. Saxon: (muffled) Well, because of the gas.

Albert: I'm sorry?

Mr. Saxon: (lifts mask again) Because of the gas. (replaces it again)

Albert: What gas?

Mr. Saxon: (leans back, speaking in muffled voice) This gas.

(Speakers pop up and release gas into the room)

Albert: (spluttering) You're insane!

(Saxon grins and gives a double thumbs-up)

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(The Master has just been shot by his wife)

The Master: Always the women.

The Doctor: I didn't see her.

The Master: Dying in your arms. Happy now?

The Doctor: You're not dying, don't be stupid. It's only a bullet, just regenerate.

The Master: No.

The Doctor: One little bullet, come on.

The Master: I guess you don't know me so well. I refuse.

The Doctor: Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate! Come on!

The Master: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?

The Doctor: (crying) But you've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done. (a tear runs down the Doctor's cheek) Axons, remember the Axons? And the Daleks? (beat) We're the only two left. I have no one else. (shouts desperately:) REGENERATE!

The Master: (weakly) How about that. I win. (gulps in pain) Will it stop, Doctor? (flashback to the young Master staring into the Time Vortex) The drumming. Will it stop?

(The Master stares at the Doctor in pain for a moment and closes his eyes. The Doctor holds him tighter and sways with the Master in his arms on the floor, crying, and lets out an scream)

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Mr. Copper: (on Christmas) I shall be taking you to Old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by Good King Wencheslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner, like savages.

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Rickston Slade: Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge? And who in the hell are you, anyway?

The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years old, and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?

Slade: No.

The Doctor: In that case: Allonsy!

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Mr. Copper: (on Christmas) It's a festival of violence! They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad! It's barbaric!

The Doctor: Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of- of peace, and thanksgiving, and... (trails off) What am I on about? My Christmases are always like that!

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(Running into the ship's kitchen, the Doctor is cornered by four Hosts)

The Doctor: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one, do you hear me, one! (The Host pause) Okay. That gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life, am I right?

A Host: Information: correct.

The Doctor: ...No! That wasn't one of them! I didn't mean it; can I start again?

A Host: Information: no.

The Doctor: No! no, no, no! That wasn't a question either! Blimey...one question left. So, you've been given orders to kill the survivors, but survivors, therefore, must be passengers or staff. But not me. I'm not a passenger. I'm not staff. Go ahead, scan me. You must have bio-records for every person onboard. I don't exist. Therefore, you can't kill me. Therefore, I'm a stowaway. And stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon, the nearest figure of authority, is on deck 31. Final question. Am I right?

A Host: Information: correct.

The Doctor: Brilliant. Take me to your leader. I've always wanted to say that!

333

The Doctor: What's your first name?

Midshipman: Alonso.

The Doctor: (pauses in disbelief) You are kidding me!

Midshipman: Uh...why?

The Doctor: There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y, Alonso!

333

The Doctor: (mouthing from behind soundproof glass) Donna?

Donna: (also mouthing) Doctor!

The Doctor: But...what? Wha...WHAT??

Donna: Oh! My! God!

The Doctor: But...how?

Donna: (pointing at self) It's me!

The Doctor: Well, I can see that!

Donna: Oh this is brilliant!

The Doctor: But...what the hell are you doing there?

(Donna's just so thrilled; she just waves! Big smile!)

The Doctor: But...but...but, why, what, where, when?

Donna: You! I was looking for you!

The Doctor: What for?!

Donna: (miming in a surreal sense while the Doctor looks more and more confused) I came here, trouble, read about it, Internet, I thought: trouble = you! And this place is weird! Pills! So I hid. Back there. Crept along. Heard this lot. Looked. You! Cause they--

(On 'they', gestures and looks toward Miss Foster, who is staring at her. As are the guards. Penny, too)

Donna: (freezes) Oops.

Miss Foster: (out loud) Are we interrupting you?

The Doctor: (mouthing) Run!

333

The Doctor: With Martha, like I said, it got...complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.

Donna: You just want to mate?!

The Doctor: I just want a mate!

Donna: You're not mating with me, sunshine!

The Doctor: A mate! I just want a mate!

Donna: Well, just as well, cause I'm not having any of that nonsense! You're just a long streak of nothing!

333

Lucius Caecilius Iucundus: Who are you?

The Doctor: I am...Spartacus.

Donna: And so am I.

Lucius Caecilius Iucundus: Mr. and Mrs. Spartacus?

The Doctor: Oh, no no no no no, we're not married...

Lucius Caecilius Iucundus: Oh, brother and sister? Yes, of course, you look very much alike.

The Doctor and Donna: (both look at each other. Together:) Really?

333

Colonel Mace: Latest firing stock. What do you think, Doctor?

Doctor: (wearing a gas mask) Are you my mummy?

Colonel Mace: (annoyed) If you could concentrate...

333

The Doctor: You need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up 'genocide'. You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read, 'Over my dead body!'

333

(The Doctor has been poisoned with cyanide)

Agatha Christie: There's no cure; it's fatal!

The Doctor: Not for me, I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal. Protein! I need protein!

Donna: Walnuts!

The Doctor: Brilliant...!

(With his mouth full, the Doctor resorts to charades to mime the food he needs)

Donna: I can't understand you... How many words? One! One word! Shake...milkshake...milk?! No, not milk. Shake, shake, shake?! Cocktail shaker! What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?

The Doctor: HARVEY WALLBANGER?!

Donna: Well, I don't know!

The Doctor: How is 'Harvey Wallbanger' one word?

Agatha Christie: Doctor, what do you need?

The Doctor: Salt! I was miming salt, I need salt, I need something salty!

(Donna grabs a brown bag)

Donna: What about this?

The Doctor: What is it?

Donna: Salt!

The Doctor: Oh, that's too salty!

Donna: (sarcastically) Oh, that's too salty!

Agatha Christie: What about this?

The Doctor: Mmm (eats)

Donna: What's that?

Agatha Christie: Anchovies.

Donna: What is it? What else?

(the Doctor mimes open palms, with arms outstretched)

Donna: It's a song - Mammy? I don't know, Campton Races?

The Doctor: CAMPTOWN RACES?!

Donna: All right then, Towering Inferno?

The Doctor: It's a shock, a shock, I need a shock!

Donna: All right then, big shock coming up... (kisses him on the lips)

(The Doctor exhales the toxins)

The Doctor: Ahh, detox. Oh, I must do that more often (beat) I mean, the detox...

333

The Doctor & Sky Silvestry (in unison): Roast beef. Bananas. The Medusa Cascade. (beat) BANG! (rapidfire) Rose Tyler Martha Jones Donna Noble TARDIS! (beat) Shamble-bobble-dibble-dooble. (beat) Oh, Doctor, you're so handsome. Yes, I am, thank you. A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-

333

The "Next" Doctor: It's strange, though. I talk of Cybermen...from the stars...and you don't blink, Mr. Smith.

The Doctor: Ah, don't blink, whatever you do, don't blink, remember that? The blinking and the statues and...Sally and the angels...no?

The "Next" Doctor: You're a very odd man.

333

The "Next" Doctor: There she is. My transport through time and space. (reveals a hot-air balloon) The TARDIS.

The Doctor: You've got a...balloon.

The "Next" Doctor: TARDIS. T-A-R-D-I-S. It stands for Tethered Aerial Release Developed In Style.

333

The Doctor: Come on, allons-y!

Lady Christina de Souza: Oui, mais pas si nous allons vers un cauchemar. (Yes, but not if we're going into a nightmare)

The Doctor: (impressed) Oh, we were made for each other!

333

Captain Erisa Magambo: (on the phone) Doctor, this is Captain Erisa Magambo. (salutes) Might I say, sir, it's an honour.

The Doctor: Did you just salute?

Capt. Magambo: (embarrassed) ... No.

333

Carmen: You take care now, Doctor.

The Doctor: You, too! Chops and gravy, lovely!

Carmen: No, but you be careful, because your song is ending, sir.

The Doctor: (visibly unnerved) What do you mean?

Carmen: It is returning, it is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor...oh, but then...he will knock four times.

333

Adelaide: State your name, rank, and intention,

The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.

Some of my favorite Torchwood quotes

Jack: Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?

Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I’m a twat.

333

Jack: And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us, gets us everywhere on time.

Ianto: I try my best.

Jack: And he looks good in a suit.

Ianto: Careful, that's harassment, sir.

333

Gwen: But hold on, if no one can see it when the lift's coming up, there's a great big bloody hole in the floor. Don't people fall in?

Jack: That is so Welsh.

Gwen: What is?

Jack: I show you something fantastic; you find fault.

333

Jack: All right, usual formation.

Gwen: What's the usual formation?

Owen: Varies.

Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

333

Ianto: It's narrowed the numbers down; I could check through the rest. You know, the old fashioned way. With my eyes.

333

Bernie: (to Owen after a chase) Don't hurt me, I've got asthma!

Owen: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna bloody kill you!

333

Tosh: All I'm saying is that once in a while I'd like to drive.

Owen: Yeah, and all I'm saying is no.

Tosh: Why not?

Owen: Look I've shared cars with women before, I know what'll happen. There's an emergency, all raring to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, rear view mirror's out of line, steering wheel's in my crotch. By time I've sorted all that out, aliens will've taken Newport!

333

Gwen: What about a rota? Different people on different days?

Jack: We're a secret organization hunting alien technology from an underground base, and you want a rota for who drives.

Gwen: ...Just trying to help.

333

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?

Gwen: That would be grass.

Owen: It's disgusting.

333

Jack: Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?

Ianto: Two thousand and...eight.

Owen: Hey, what if they all become psychotic?

Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?

333

Owen: (talking about the Resurrection Gauntlet) You know, we never gave it a cool name.

Tosh: I thought we just called it "the Resurrection Gauntlet".

Owen: Cool name.

Ianto: What about...the Risen Mitten?

(Jack raises his eyebrows and Owen rolls his eyes)

Ianto: I think it's catchy.

333

Owen: (talking about alien knife) Ianto?

Ianto: (deadpan) Life knife.

333

Jack: (after stunning Max) That one's for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic...stun gun.

333

Jack: (talking to Weevil) Okay, Janet. Time for a trip out.

Tosh: You call it Janet?

Jack: Barbara just never seemed right.

333

Ianto: 'Just us. In this room. As long as it takes.' Terrifying.

Jack: Really?

Ianto: (nods) Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.

Jack: You don't look scared.

Ianto: Well, it passed.

333

Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.

Jack: It's just a mind probe.

Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?

Jack: That was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.

Ianto: Oh, right. Their heads must explode all the time.

(Gwen looks up in shock)

Gwen: Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.

Jack: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.

Toshiko: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.

Ianto: Or at the first sign of EXPLODINGGGG. (grimaces and mimes a seizure)

(Jack gives him a Look)

333

Tosh: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down!

Owen: What about a mobile connection?

Tosh: (annoyed) The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!

Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string - everything, absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. (mimics telephone) Hello? Anyone there? (normal voice) No, 'cause the phones aren't working!

333

Owen: How'd you know that?

Ianto: I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

333

(Owen has just given Tosh a toy mouse)

Tosh: Just what I need, a rodent watching me while I work. I think I'll call it Owen.

333

Ianto: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.

333

Jack: (looking through a dress catalogue) Nope, like that one. Good choice.

Ianto: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor; he could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold.

Jack: Ah, a family eye. Remind me to test it some time.

Ianto: Well, if later on-

Owen: Jack!

Ianto: Yep. Like that one.

333

Jack: What's it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you've done is agree with him!

Ianto: I was brought up not to speak ill of the dead. Even if they do still do most of their talking for themselves.

333

Jack: And you are?

Ianto: Jones. Ianto Jones.

Jack: Nice to meet you Jones Ianto Jones.

333

PC Andy: Rhys! What are you doing here? It's a crime scene!

Gwen: Oh come on, Andy, Rhys won't blab.

Rhys: Excuse me! I've kept loads of secrets!

PC Andy: Like what?

Rhys: Like a Time Agency based in Cardiff!

Gwen: It's not based in Cardiff.

PC Andy: Brilliant secret. I ask, you tell. Well done.

333

Jack: (after discovering that Gwen is pregnant) Ianto! We’re having a baby!

Ianto: Congratulations. Would now be a good time to tell you that I lost the car?

Jack: You did what?

333

Gwen: There's one thing I always wanted to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world...except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history where there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame.

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

I promise to remember Edward

Each time I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlie's sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Every time there is a big boom

I promise to remember Rosalie

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

Every time I'm at the mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

Whenever I see beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me that they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my true obsession

Because I know what Twilighters know

Copy this onto your profile if you're a true Twilight fan! :)

I cdnuol't blveiee taht I cluod aclaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzaning, huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thghout taht sepllnig was ipmorantt! Taht's so cool!

Copy this onto your profile if you could read it. :)

:D Copy and Paste :D

If you are obsessed with fan fiction, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall by mistake, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever tripped over thin air, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or TV show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever stayed up and read past two in the morning, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you have your own imaginary world, copy this onto your profile.

If you are totally obsessed with both Doctor Who and Torchwood, copy this onto your profile.

If you have friends on the other side of the world, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever made up your own language, just for fun, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever cried when your favorite character in a book, movie, or TV show died, copy this onto your profile.

If you like David Tennant more than Orlando Bloom, copy this into your profile.

If you're stalking at least one fictional character, copy this onto your profile.

If you're one of the few (lucky) Americans that are aware of David Tennant's existence and have been exposed to the joys and wonders of Doctor Who, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered what it was like in another dimension, copy this onto your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log onto fan fiction is slightly annoying sometimes, copy this onto your profile.

If you have read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste onto your own profile, then do so and copy this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of fictional characters in your head, copy this onto your profile.

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this onto your profile.

I really like the BBC drama Merlin, but I absolutely HATE Merlin/Arthur slash. If you agree, copy this onto your profile!!

If your profile is longer than most chapters of your stories, copy this onto your profile to make it even longer.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, copy this onto your own.

If you've made a friend into a Doctor Who fan, copy this into your profile. But if you've ever made a friend into a Doctor Who fan before they had watched even one episode, just by telling them every little detail about the show, copy this onto your profile! :D

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this onto your profile.

If you'll never think of certain historical figures (like Madame de Poupadour or Charles Dickens) the same way again because of certain Doctor Who episodes, copy this onto your profile.

If you cried after watching Journey's End and cry every single time you watch it, then copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever been around someone who put on a mask and goggles while decorating and asked, "Are you my mummy?", copy this onto your profile.

If you now get nervous around large plastic items, like manniquins and trashcans (especially because of what happened to Mickey), copy this onto your profile.

If any traffic hold-up where you're forced to alter your journey makes you wonder, just for a moment, if this was caused by some parallel version of yourself committing suicide in order to save the future of humanity, copy this onto your profile.

If when it snows you wonder if it's real or if the Doctor has caused it, copy this onto your profile.

Smiling is good for you. If you frown, copy this into your profile.

Even if you can't see him, God is there. If you believe in God, copy this onto your profile.

If you are guilty of sometimes using a British accent, even if you're not British, copy this onto your profile.

If the Tenth Doctor makes you laugh because he's so random and funny, copy this onto your profile. ("If there are pilot fish, that means...why's there an apple is my dressing gown?")

If you are one of the wise ones that knew Rose would return, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe that all hospitals should have little shops, copy this onto your profile.

If you absolutely refuse to have GPS or any computerised street directory in your car, especially if the letters A, T, M, O, or S are in the name, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe that Doctor Who is the Greatest Show in the Galaxy, copy this onto your profile.

If you understand the above reference, copy this onto your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy this onto your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...then copy this onto your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy this onto your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to slap yourself/someone else, copy this onto your profile.

If you really like to quote things, copy this onto your profile.

If you talk back to the TV (often quite loudly), copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile.

If there are times when you've felt like annoying people for just the heck of it, copy this onto your profile.

If you're quiet a lot but also REALLY loud at times, copy this onto your profile.

Do you know that the average American reads only three books a year? If you believe that it's not possible to read so little, copy this onto your profile.

If you own at least one Doctor Who DVD set, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered who made up all these copy and paste things, copy this onto your profile.

If you want to be a professional author someday, copy this onto your profile.

If you secretly hope that you will one day see the TARDIS parked somewhere, copy this onto your profile.

If you know it is a crime to write any of the following: Tardis, tardis, trds, tARDIS, then quickly copy this onto your profile.

If you have a Doctor Who related screensaver, desktop picture, avatar, cursor, username, or password, then copy this onto your profile.

If you get way too excited about certain books/movies/TV show episodes coming out, copy this onto your profile.

If you are considering buying a sonic screwdriver, but don't know why (you just really want one), copy this onto your profile.

If you think that life is useless without computers, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wished that you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy this onto your profile.

If every time that a political candidate shows an ad on TV, you absentmindedly start drumming the Master's theme on whatever surface you can find, copy this onto your profile.

If you refuse to use the bluetooth hands-free headsets because they will lead to your eventual 'upgrade' into a Cyberman, copy this onto your profile.

If you want a pair of converse trainers just like the Doctor, copy this onto your profile.

Yes, you know who Harriet Jones is. If you really do, then copy this onto your profile.

If you try not to face away from, or even blink, when passing cemetaries, art galleries, ornately decorated buildings, or any other place with angel statues...then copy this onto your profile.

If you can now answer historical questions thanks to Doctor Who, copy this onto your profile.

If you forget things easily and often get in trouble because of it, copy this onto your profile.

If you get very excited when you see actors from Doctor Who in other programs, copy this onto your profile.

If you find yourself absentmindedly drawing the TARDIS and Daleks on the corners of pages when bored, then be sure to copy this onto your profile.

If fan fiction is to you what MySpace is to other people, copy this onto your profile.

If your profile is a never-ending state of change, copy this onto your profile.

1F YOU C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463, COPY 4ND P4573 17 1N70 YOUR PROF1L3.

If you like to quote Doctor Who at unexpected times and grin to yourself when no one realizes, copy this onto your profile.

At Christmas, tell two of your friends to go outside. Then burst out of your front door, stumble into their arms, and say loudly, "I have to tell you something important, what was it...oh yes...Merry Christmas!" Then pretend to pass out. If you would actually do this, copy into onto your profile.

If you have an odd love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this onto your profile.

If most of your conversations lead to Doctor Who, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever considered bringing a banana to a party, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wanted a Tom Baker scarf and would happily wear it pretty much most of the time, copy this onto your profile.

If you constantly need a new bookshelf in your room, copy this onto your profile.

If you think apples should be banned for keeping the Doctor away, copy this onto your profile! ;)

If you're one of those people who get really excited when they get a new review, copy this onto your profile.

If your profile is really long, copy this onto your profile to make it even longer.

If your profile is WAAAYYY too long, copy this onto your profile then brag about how long it is.

40 Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in one corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to open the doors, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them all to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at every floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises whenever someone else presses a button.

10. Stare, grinning, at another person for a while, then say, "I have new socks on."

11.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square with chalk on the floor then say to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug with the other passengers. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone bends to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend that you're a flight attendant, and review emergency exits with the other passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Yell, "Group hug!", then enforce it.

23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift as you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shup UP!"

26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring--don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.

35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Start breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air.

38. If you are the only one in the lift, press all the buttons then stand and stare at the door, waiting for someone to come in.

39. If someone looks at you, laugh maniacally and tell them that you're there for the mental health convention.

40. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with your sunglasses on, aiming a hair drier at other cars. See if any of them slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom, but don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time that someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you aren't supposed to be sleeping, and are woken up, leap to your feet and shout, "Amen!"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field for all your checks, write, "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with, "in accordance to the prophecy".

8. Skip down the hall rather than walk, and see how many weird looks you get.

9. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a straight face.

10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

13. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

14. When the money comes out the ATM, shout, "I won! I won!"

15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot screaming, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"

16. Over dinner, tell your children, "Because of the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go."

17. Avoid using punctuation

18. At a store, set all the clock radios to a polka station, turn the volume up, then set them to all go off at the same time.

19. Run around with a lamp shade over your head yelling, "The sun! It's dying!"

20. Claim that you always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your 'astronaut training'.

21. Do not add any inflection at the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

22. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

23. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

24. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

25. Lie about obvious things, like the time of day.

26. Change your name to John Aaaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Tell everyone to pronounce each 'a'.

27. Ask your coworkers mysterious questions, then scribble the answers down in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

28. Construct elaborate crop circles on your own front lawn.

29. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

30. Honk and wave to complete strangers.

31. Tell people that their accent isn't fooling anyone.

32. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

33. Learn Morse code and have conversations with your friends in public consisting of 'Beeeep bip bip beeep bip...'

34. Pay for your meals with pennies.

35. Tie jingle bells to all your clothing.

36. Stare at static on TV and claim that you can see a "magic picture".

37. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for the evening.

38. Phone random numbers and tell whoever answers that you are holding their daughter hostage.

39. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.

40. Walk into people's houses, head straight for the food, and help yourself without saying hello.

41. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence.

42. Bark like a dog whenever someone says the word "the".

43. Ride a unicycle to work.

44. Stare at people for about five minutes, and make sure that they know you are staring. Then, slowly sneak up on them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme song.

45. On a hot summer's day, ride up and down the sidewalk and fire at people with a squirt gun.

46. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages without them knowing.

47. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

48. When getting off an elevator, and seeing people getting on, quickly press a lot of random numbers.

49. Wash and scrub the trees in your front yard.

50. Go to poetry recitals and demand to know why none of the poems rhyme.

51. And the final way to maintain a healthy level of insanity...is to copy this onto your profile to make people smile. :)

Here's a list of all of my stories, and their current status:

1. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The New, Unlimited Justice League"--COMPLETE, 08/20/08

2. (JURASSIC PARK & JUSTICE LEAGUE X-OVER) "Stranded!"--COMPLETE, 9/20/08

3. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The Ring"--COMPLETE, 9/11/08

4. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "In the Cards"--COMPLETE, 10/17/08

5. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "If I Couldn't Stop Myself"--COMPLETE, 10/22/08

6. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "It's My Fault"--COMPLETE, 11/11/08

7. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The Savages' Revenge"--IN PROGRESS

8. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Oops, Wrong Room!"--COMPLETE, 11/20/08

9. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Turkey and Stuffing"--COMPLETE, 11/27/08

10. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The Black Friday Sales Event"--COMPLETE, 11/28/08

12. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The Dark Ones"--COMPLETE, 12/01/08

13. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The Immortal Protectors"--COMPLETE, 06/24/09

13. (TWILIGHT) "Snow Angels"--COMPLETE, 12/08/08

14. (BEN 10 & JUSTICE LEAGUE X-OVER) "Justice Meets 10"--COMPLETE, 01/30/09

15. (TWILIGHT) "Crystal Sky"--IN PROGRESS

16. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "A Christmas Miracle"--COMPLETE, 12/15/08

17. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Moonlight and Mistletoe"--COMPLETE, 12/15/08

18. (TWILIGHT) "Twilight Is When the Monsters Come Out"--IN PROGRESS

19. (TRANSFORMERS AND JUSTICE LEAGUE X-OVER) "Transform and Roll Out"--IN PROGRESS

20. (TWILIGHT) "This Is Just A Dream"--COMPLETE, 12/27/08

22. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Happy Birthday, J'onn!"--COMPLETE, 01/09/09

22. (TWILIGHT) "Sunrise"--COMPLETE, 01/17/09

23. (I AM LEGEND AND JUSTICE LEAGUE X-OVER) "I Am Alone"--IN PROGRESS

24. (BEN 10 AND JUSTICE LEAGUE X-OVER) "DC Meets Marvel"--IN PROGRESS

25. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Family Feud"--IN PROGRESS (Cowritten with SupremeStarscream)

26. (SMALLVILLE) "What Hurts the Most"--COMPLETE, 02/06/09

27. (TWILIGHT) "Epilogue: Jacob and Nessie"--COMPLETE, 02/13/09

28. (HARDY BOYS/NANCY DREW) "The Mystery of the Werewolf"--IN PROGRESS

29. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "Better Now"--COMPLETE, 04/10/09

30. (IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES) "The Missing Scene"--COMPLETE, 05/10/09

31. (HOST) "Saving Wanda"--COMPLETE, 05/11/09

32. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "She Goes All The Way"--COMPLETE, 05/25/09

33. (NINJA TURTLES) "What Lurks in the Depths of the Couch"--COMPLETE, 06/08/09

34. (IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES) "From the Shadows"--COMPLETE, 06/17/09

35. (IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES) "Kidnapped"--COMPLETE, 06/19/09

36. (TWILIGHT) "Happy Birthday"--COMPLETE, 06/20/09

37. (IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES) "No Matter What"--COMPLETE, 07/02/09

38. (DOCTOR WHO) "Attack of the Voyagers"--IN PROGRESS

39. (MORTAL INSTRUMENTS) "Return to Dumort"--COMPLETE, 07/08/09

40. (DOCTOR WHO) "It's Gone, It's Gone"--COMPLETE, 07/09/09

41. (DOCTOR WHO) "Twilight Who"--COMPLETE, 07/29/09

42. (DOCTOR WHO) "Beneath the Surface of Midnight"--IN PROGRESS

43. (IRON MAN: ARMORED ADVENTURES) "Life In Ruins"--IN PROGRESS

44. (JUSTICE LEAGUE) "The New Age"--IN PROGRESS

45. (DOCTOR WHO) "After the Journey's Ending"--COMPLETE, 10/31/09

46. (DOCTOR WHO AND TORCHWOOD X-OVER) "A Noble Encounter"--COMPLETE, 11/05/09