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| LazySmurf247 |
Author has written 92 stories for Covenant, Four Brothers, Sons of Anarchy, Gossip Girl, Burn Notice, Fast and the Furious, General Hospital, Green Street Hooligans, Saving Grace, What I Like About You, One Life To Live, Harry Potter, and Avengers. Hello all!! My name is: Stephanie or call me Nicole or Nikki, but Nicole is actually my middle name and people that know me call me by that name, instead of my first name. It's weird, but I'm used to it. LOL. Anyways... I'm 30 years old, but I don't feel it. In my mind, I'm still stuck in my 20's, and it's awesome. Lol. I have a beautiful 7 year old little boy. He is my everything as well as my two beautiful goddaughters and my godson. They're my LIFE! I love my family and I have some awesome friends! Thanks to the best show ever, I met my bestie Megan, she rocks and is totally awesome. I miss her face and I love her to pieces! So... I have been writing stories since I was in the 7th grade because I love to write and letting my imagination go all over the place. Also, when I write... it keeps me calm and content, and blocks out everything that's bothering me. My Favorite actors are: Johnny Depp, Bruce Willis, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Kenny Johnson, Charlie Hunnam, Zachary Levi, Alan Rickman, Mark Wahlburg, Tom Hardy, Vince Vaughn, Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven, Theo Rossi, James Roday, Jet Li, Tommy Flanagan, Jason Statham, John Travolta, Karl Urban, Denzel Washington, Jason Isaacs, Mel Gibson, Sung Kang, Michael Weatherly, Nic Robuck, Jensen Ackles, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, Dwayne Johnson, Jeremy Renner, Sam Worthington, Gerard Butler, Steve Burton, Craig Parker, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Paul Rudd, Cam Gigandet, Seth Rogan, Maurice Benard, Cole Hauser, Paul Walker, James Franco, James Marsden, Will Smith, Terrence Howard, Colin Farrell, Sean Pertwee, David Wenham, Chace Crawford, Hugh Jackman, Val Kilmer, Tom Cruise, Josh Lucas, Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson, Steve Carell, Tyrese, Shia Labeouf, Taylor Kitsch, Toby Hemingway, Ed Westwick, Jackie Chan, Steven Strait, Josh Hartnett, and lots and lots of others. My Favorite Dude Hotties: Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnam, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth, Robert Downey Jr., Skylar Astin, Jason Statham, Kenny Johnson, Tom Hardy, Craig Parker, Nic Robuck, David Boreanaz, Michael Weatherly, Theo Rossi, David Labrava, Mark Wahlburg, Zachary Levi, Joshua Gates, Josh Duhamel, Ryan Reynolds, Nick Zano, Taylor Lautner, Kellan Lutz, Manu Bennett, Tom Felton, Jeremy Renner, Jay Hernandez, Donnie Wahlburg, Jordan Knight, Jorma Taccone, Taylor Kitsch, Johnny Depp, Jake Gyllenhaal, Toby Hemingway, Tyrese, Jensen Ackles, Dwayne Johnson, Steve Burton, Scott Porter, Chris Jericho, Columbus Short, Justin Timberlake, Bradley Cooper, Cam Gigandet, Paul Walker, Justin Chambers, Chace Crawford, Christian Kane, Jason Isaacs, Jeffrey Donovan, Timothy Olyphant, Shia Labeouf, Chad Michael Murray, James Roday, Karl Urban, Dustin Clare, Jeff Hardy, Colin Farrell, Eddie Cibrian, John Cena, Chris Pine, Matt Leinhart, Tom Brady, Mike Shinoda, and Chester Bennington. My Favorite actresses are: Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Rachel McAdams, Holly Hunter, Emma Stone, Angelina Jolie, Kate Hudson, Sandra Bullock, Famke Janssen, Zoe Saldana, Drew Barrymore, Julia Roberts, Kate Beckinsale, Katey Segal, Diane Lane, Liv Tyler, Salma Hayek, Sheri Moon Zombie, Helena Bonham Carter, Ali Larter, Jane Lynch, Kelly Hu, Rosalyn Sanchez, Michelle Rodriguez, Halle Berry, and Elisha Cuthburt. My Favorite Chick Hotties: Jessica Alba, Sheri Moon Zombie, Ashley Greene, Sydney - from BGC6, Kristen Renton, Cheyenne - from BGC7, Michelle Rodriguez, Gwen Stefani, Famke Janssen, Drita D'Avanzo - from Mob Wives, Megan Fox, Carrie Underwood, and Kate Beckinsale. I love movies. It is crazy, nutty, and ridiculous about how many movies I LOVE... and here they are: AVENGERS, Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Harry Potter 1 - 7, Armageddon, Thor, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, The Dark Knight, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn: Part 1, Avatar, Wedding Crashers, The Covenant, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Hobbit, Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Four Brothers, Avatar, The Fast and the Furious, Fight Club, Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Role Models, Smokin' Aces, Bad Boys II, The Happening, X-Men Trilogy, Green Street Hooligans, Knocked Up, Valkyrie, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Knight and Day, Gran Torino, Donnie Darko, Without a Paddle, Clerks II, Old School, Fast and Furious, Sex Drive, The Forbiddon Kingdom, Tropic Thunder, Snatch, Clash of the Titans, Nothing Like the Holidays, Eagle Eye, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Max Payne, Pearl Harbor, Tombstone, SuperBad, The Eye, Dane Cook: Vicious Circle, Planet Terror, Death Proof, Never Back Down, The Proposal, The Unborn, Race to Witch Mountain, The Losers, Halloween, The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Yes Man, Four Christmases, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, Pineapple Express, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, 100 Feet, Street Kings, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Mirrors, Disturbia, Honey, Underworld, 50 First Dates, The Rock, The Punisher, Blow, Juno, Halloween, Empire Records, Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, Next, Last Samurai, Black Hawk Down, The Air I Breathe, Broken Arrow, Swordfish, Made of Honor, Secret Window, Fool's Gold, Alpha Dog, Fear of Loathing in Las Vegas, Face/Off, Surf's Up, Into the Blue, 300, Ghost Rider, Braveheart, Con Air, Blue Streak, Repo Men, Constantine, The Siege, Sleepy Hollow, Tears of the Sun, A Time to Kill, Madagascar, The Faculty, Seredipity, Heat, Hollywood Homicide, Halloween: H20, National Treasure, Gone in 60 Seconds, Demolition Man, Taken, Jumper, Friday, Say Anything, PCU, Boyz in the Hood, Prom Night, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Napoleon Dynamite, Cloverfield, Independence Day, The Patriot, Be Cool, Basic, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Top Gun, S.W.A.T., Resident Evil 1 thru 3, Girlfight, The Players Club, Striptease, Remember the Titans, Cold Mountain, Over the Hedge, We Were Soldiers, Mean Girls, The Family Stone, Higher Learning, The Amityville Horror, Stealth, The In-Laws, Interview With the Vampire, Blue Crush, Mystic Pizza, A Few Good Men, Flatliners, All About the Benjamins, Minority Report, Vampires, We Own the Night, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Poseidon, Barbershop, Double Jeopardy, Glory Road, Torque, Two Weeks Notice, Love and Basketball, Saving Private Ryan, The Notebook, Good Luck Chuck, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, Flyboys, Batman, Batman Begins, Batman Forever, Batman Returns, Deja Vu, Hostage, Identity, Vacancy, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Saw 1 thru 5, Triple X, Courage Under Fire, Ransom, Dogma, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob: Strike Back, Chasing Amy, Mr. Brooks, The Guardian, The Wraith, What Women Want, The Day After Tomorrow, Menace II Society, Final Destination 1 thru 3, Liar Liar, Cars, Pretty Woman, 10 Things I Hate About You, Finding Nemo, The Lion King, Just Like Heaven, 13 Going On 30, Old School, Ace Ventura, The Matrix Trilogy, Cocktail, Idle Hands, The Hot Chick, Underworld: Evolution, Erin Brockovich, Bad Boys, Hostel, Hostel 2, Star Wars 1 thru 6, Deep Impact, My Best Friend's Wedding, Billy Madison, The Greatest Game Ever Played, Legally Blonde, Charlie's Angels, Big Daddy, American History X, Jackass, Jackass 2, Click, Never Been Kissed, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Van Wilder, Steel Magnolias, Waiting..., Doom, The Last Castle, Lethal Weapon 1 thru 4, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Thunderheart, Backdraft, Zodiac, Man on Fire, 50 First Dates, Gridiron Gang, Harry Potter 1 thru 5, Hitch, The Number 23, War of the Worlds, Pulp Fiction, Training Day, Indiana Jones Trilogy, There's Something About Mary, Paparazzi, Sin City, Cry Baby, Signs, Cradle to the Grave, The One, Monster Squad, Mission Impossible 1 thru 3, The Night at the Museum, Hero, Kiss of the Dragon, The Wedding Singer, Blade, 8MM, Wild Hogs, Sweet November, Austin Powers 2 and 3, Blade: Trinity, Blade 2, Jurassic Park 1 and 3, Harts War, Romeo Must Die, Se7en, The Shawshank Redemption, Hook, Windtalkers, Van Helsing, Behind Enemy Lines, Dumb and Dumber, The Recruit, Collateral, Shark Tale, Sweet Home Alabama, Red Planet, Point Break, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Ocean's Eleven, Red Eye, Speed, Mobsters, Kuffs, Anaconda, Total Recall, Willow, and lots and lots of others and many many many many more. My Favorite TV shows are: Sons of Anarchy (MY ABSOLUTE #1 FAVORITE!), Spartacus (MY SECOND FAVORITE!), Destination Truth, Friends, Psych, Burn Notice, One Tree Hill, Chuck, Fringe, Lie to Me, Kings, Ghost Hunters, C.S.I: Miami, SouthLAnd, Leverage, Dark Blue, Big Bang Theory, Gossip Girl, Friday Night Lights, Cold Case, The O.C., My Boys, JAG, Without a Trace, Greek, Criminal Minds, Parenthood, Law and Order: SVU, That 70's Show, Flashpoint, NCIS, C.S.I., ER, Rita Rocks, Family Guy, iCarly, Man and Wife, Tyler Perry's House of Payne, Reba, Drake and Josh, General Hospital, Run's House, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Robot Chicken, Rob N Big, Tom N Jerry, Ace of Cakes, The Flintstones, Pink Panther, The Jetsons, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, How I Met Your Mother, George Lopez Show, Beavis N Butthead, and other shows that tickle my fancy. I like watching the History channel and the Discovery Channel too. My Favorite Music is: I love all types of music, depending on my mood. But my favorite all time group is Bone thugs-n-harmony... since forever!! I also like: Linkin Park, KoRn, Justin Timberlake, Lifehouse, Lil' Jon, Boyz II Men, Jagged Edge, Aaliyah, Alot of 80's music, Gwen Stefani, Poison, Cinderella, Motley Crue, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Shai, Joe, and alot of other music. My Favorite Quotes from all over! Movies, TV Shows, People, or quotes from songs: "I know how to use a computer, Silly. It's just all kinds of eff'd up." - Me "You gotta be kidding me, Mommy." - My son, Jordan "Hey! You drank it all, Trick." - My goddaughter, Hailey @ 5yrs old "My birthday begins in December." - Hailey "It depends on the side platter and how it's presented!" - Jake Rhino "Oh dear goodness... give her the blanket!" - Jake-Rhino "I know, huh? October and shit. It pisses me right off." - Chudwick "He looks like a penis with a scarf." - Chudwick "Someone might fuck around and catch a beat down." - My brother, Rob "Yes... I appreciate your rude and crude comments." - Rob "Yeah, I shit hundreds." - Rob "Oh no! You're going to get screwed in the ass, twice." - Jeremy "It sounds like they're arguing outside." - Mom "Wow, we got a fight going on out here." - Mom "I can't eat a chicken sandwich, I'm a grown ass man." - Guy at McDonalds "You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel." - Loki "How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you...?" - Loki "I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose." - Loki "What's the matter? Scared of a little lightening?" - Steve Rogers. "You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?" - Tony Stark "Don't touch me again." - Thor "Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother." - Thor "You might have missed a couple things, y'know, doing time as a Capsicle." - Tony Stark "No hard feelings Point Break, you've got a mean swing." - Tony Stark "You people are so petty... and tiny." - Thor "Doc... I think now is the perfect time for you to get angry." - Steve Rogers "That man is playing Galaga... thought we wouldn't notice, but we did." - Tony Stark "This is just like Budapest all over again." - Natasha Romanoff "Mr. Stark, we need to talk." - Agent Coulson "Want to give me a lift?" - Clint Barton "This is the Tesseract. It has the potential energy to wipe out the planet." - Natasha Romanoff "Phil, how are you?" - Pepper Potts "I gotta say, it's an honour to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was, I was present while you were unconscious, from the ice. You know it's really just a, just a huge honour to have you on board." - Agent Coulson "And YOUR death came by the son of Odin!" - Loki "I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal!" - Loki "I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!" - Loki "I need a horse!" - Thor "Is that one of Stark's?" - Agent Cale "You better call it Coulson, cause I'm starting to root for this guy." - Clint Barton "Is there a Renaissance Fair in town?" - Agent Garrett "Donald? I don't think you've been completely honest with me." - Agent Coulson "And if I do, then what? I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know what he is. He's arrogant, he's reckless, he's dangerous! You saw how he was today. Is that what Asgard needs from its King?" - Loki "Shit. Two years. No riding, no vote. Don't worry, I'll let you ride bitch with me." - Kozik "Oh, you gotta be shitting me." - Kozik "You're a piece of shit." - Tig "Hey, we heard from the guys. They got to Belfast okay." - Kozik "I'm gonna start the healing." - Kozik "You son of a bitch." - Tig "You do realize one of us is gonna end up dead right?" - Kozik "It's been eight years, douchebag." - Kozik "Alvarez is a smart guy. He's got a family. He'll get it." - Kozik "Hey Dickhead, you the one that made pancakes?" - Happy "He's right. It had to be Leroy. He's gotta die. Like, a lot." - Happy "Bobby, you gettin anything for Ope?" - Tig "That one there, she makes Gemma look like Donna Reed." - Tig "You put hash in 'em?" - Jax "He's not going down by law. He's going to die by the hand of a son." - Gemma "I love the Jelly Bean." - Tig "Nobody speaks Spanish... nothing?" - Clay "You're missing a sweet Asian buffet inside... all you can eat." - Jax "Anarchism... stands for liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from shackles and restraint of government. It stands for social order based on the free grouping of individuals." - Jax "Who's that?" - Tara "I gotta go. I’m late for my 8 o’clock feeding." - Juice "Damn Hybrids... dangerous." - Juice "Beautiful thing... girls in love." - Chibs "I’m hungry, are there any snacks?" - Opie "Who's this?" - Russian "I'll take care of Opie. You get rid of those guns and clean up the blood." - Jax "What the hell are we gonna do?" - Juice "Is there anything you love so much, you'd protect it, no matter the cost; the damage it did to you?" - Jax "Half of ‘em have violent crimes on their rap sheets. Just following logic." - Hale "You ain't icing a cake, Prospect. It's a crime scene. Let's go." - Chibs "Do you need a bigger bowl?" - Jax "When's the last time you rode this thing?" - Juice "Maybe you go red head for a while." - Tig "My finger’s not jammed up your ass cause y’know... that would be gay, it’s kinda jammed in your ass, which I guess is still… kinda gay." - Juice "Redwood put SAMBEL on the map." - Gemma "Thought the Prospect was with you?" - Jax "Somebody named Deon called, said something about going to the prom?" - Opie "Where's my lawyer?" - Tig "Tara gave me the letters. Jax is reading 'em." - Gemma "Oh… Sweetheart." - Chibs "Tell 'em the truth. The club needs Georgie alive for a minute but it's a post dated check. As soon as we shut down Hale, we cut Georgie's heart out." - Jax "Every business needs shipping and selling. You can't separate the two." - Bobby "In case you're still thinking of slitting my throat, I wouldn't. I have contingencies in place." - Piney "He made it through the Iraqi mine fields only to get taken out in a God damn kitchen." - Clay "Oh, I know what that means. It's means you're gonna wack 'em." - Dondo "I should take your right eye for talking shite about a man of God." - Mo "She's still pulling the strings. Even dead, Rose is a control freak." - Gemma "Dude, your crazy mom is at it again." - Opie "Ya know, most civil people would knock before entering." - Tara "Stay with me little piggies. Come on, stay with me, P-I-G-G-I-E-S." - Tig "Yeah, and whats the plan? Roll up on him in broad daylight and cut off his head?" - Bobby "Drive by. Nearly deported. This is only day one." - Gemma "I leave you girls alone for ten minutes…" - Tig "Is he okay to drive?" - Tara "Anything happens to my grandson, anything, I promise you I'm gonna shove a gun barrell up that bony ass of yours and I'm gonna blow that black heart of yours out." - Clay "You're the best, Kimosabe." - Tig "Take him out means like, kill him?" - Juice "You want to be an old lady? Then act like one! Do what you’re told! Pack your shit and head back to Charming." - Jax "Hey, Clay." - Chibs "What happened to... 'oh, we can't tell Jax about anything'... You two are killin' me!" - Tig "It's a little bit painful when I ride. Sometimes I feel it when I walk. Other than that, back to normal." - Half Sack "I hope you wrapped your shit. That's a high traffic zone you were ripping through last night." - Opie "Good morning." - Jacob Hale "You piece of shit!" - Chibs "Really? Nothing to say?" - Jax "We don't know who we are until we're connected to someone else. We're just better human beings when with the person we're supposed to be with. I wasn't supposed to leave... I belong here." - Tara "What do they want?" - Clay "I hate it, when Mommy and Daddy fight." - Tig "License and registration, please." - Jax "How could you let those bitches take your cut, Ese. You're an embarrassment to Latinos everywhere." - Alverez "Think you guys can double up and let me take one of your bikes?" - Half Sack "You get a hint of a tale, you abort." - Jax "Two minutes later, I would've been dancing in Tig territory." - Jax "How's the old man?" - Piney "I am so proud of you." - Happy "Bitch... she will rip your little tits off." - Gemma "Keep that .38 close, Bitch." - Tara "Piney wasn't gonna proxy this vote." - Jax "Are you outta your God damn mind?" - Tig "He hasn't said a word." - Happy "Anything happens to this bird, Gemma will stuff you in this cage, make you wear a beak, and shit on newspapers." - Clay "What else?" - Jax "Handled? They dumped a bag of heads. I'm livin' in Goddamned Juarez." - Gemma "Hap?" - Jax "Grandma." - Jax "What? What do you want? You want to bond? You want to get closer? Fine." - Tig "Ya gonna pour me one?" - Unser "I'm waiting." - Happy "Say cheese." - Jax "Bottom line here...I found out I got a sister." - Jax "What a slut!" - Mo "You know what happens to my business if my competition thinks I'm dead?" - Alverez "My kid just showed up." - Tig "Lyin' bitch." - Happy "Jesus Christ! I think you cracked my rib." - Juice "This is some medieval shit." - Bobby "It'd be like murder." - Miles "Where you goin' with the baby oil?" - Gemma "I'll never let anyone take you from me again. I love you." - Jax "Buried one this morning, cheap seats, should still be fresh." - Skeeter "This is blackmail." - Jacob Hale "Hey! Where the hell you going?" - Happy "I have OCD, and the mess was like, freaking me out." - Juice "Distract 'em. I said distract 'em, not scar 'em for life!" - Jax "I'm done listening to dead men, but don't pretend you were trying to help us. Greater good or not, we were just a means to your own end. You don't give a shit about this family... and the John Teller you knew 20 years ago, he didn't give a shit either." - Jax "What kinda awful shit did your mother do to you?" - Clay "I step outside for five minutes, you can't watch him?" - Clay "Sit down. I’m gonna lend you my hand so you can jerk yourself off. Come on, go ahead. Come on." - Tig "You will lay it at my feet, cabrón." - Alverez "You hit that?" - Opie "There have been three women I'm afraid of: my mother, my third-grade math teacher, and that Irish bitch." - Gemma "Closing time." - Unser "Hey, you alright?" - Opie "There's not much more this bitch can do to me." - Gemma "That attitude is really not going to serve you." - Stahl "Damn. Only seen guns like this in my war games. Call of Duty shit." - Juice "Brains before bullets, asshole!" - Tig "I love a good fiesta." - Tig "Who you calling?" - Chibs "Why don't you just steal, like, a fire engine? And then we could have our own rescue center. We could have our own little uniforms and hats." - Tig "What did you do?!" - Clay "I'm protecting the innocent. If I step on a few toes in the meanwhile, so be it. - Gemma "Listen, I got to tell you… It’s been a lot of fun. Really got to go. This is my ride. I’d really like to thank you for everything, I hope we can do it again sometime." - Tig "Inside the club, there had to be truth. Our word was our honor. But outside, it was all about deception. Lies were our defense, our default. To survive, you had to master the art of perjury. The lie and the truth had to feel the same. But once you learned that skill, nobody knows the truth in or outside the club; especially you." - John Teller "The older I get, the more I realize that age doesn't bring wisdom. It only brings weary. I'm not any smarter than I was 30 years ago. I've just grown too tired to juggle the lies and hide the fears. Self-awareness doesn't reveal my indiscretions; exhaustion does." - John Teller "I found myself lost in my own club. I trusted few, feared most. Nomad offered escape and exile. I didn't know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created. I didn't know if it was an act of strength or cowardice. I didn't know, so I stayed. I stayed because, in the end, the only way I could hold this up was to suffer under the weight of it." - John Teller "Most of us were not violent by nature. We all had our problems with authority, but none of us were sociopaths. We came to realize that when you move your life off the social grid you give up the safety that society provides. On the fringe, blood and bullets are the rule of law and if you're a man with convictions violence is inevitable." - John Teller "Ah!" - Pooch "That's right bitches; I got a crossbow!" - Jensen "So, she wanted to meet in a cemetery? That's not, like, foreboding at all..." - Jensen "Am I the only one who sees this shirt?" - Roque "Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted." - Jensen "Come, on, Clay! Look around you. I mean, do you think we're in a position to actually take on some CIA super-spook?" - Roque "I'm saving the country, Wade - doing something for the benefit of the United States of America." - Max "Jensen, are we wired?" - Clay "Can you stand?" - Jensen "Pooch, can you stand?" - Clay "Yeah, I sure hope he doesn't see us in this bright yellow banana Pinto." - Roque "I thought you said small arms weren't a problem?" - Aisha "Legless Pooch and I are on it!" - Jensen "My favorite part was when we were completely on fire. But the shoot out, that was good times." - Jensen "Clay, were are the seat belts, Bro?" - Roque "Aah!" - Jensen "This is not a sweet car, Dog." - Roque "I'm warning you, I am a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me. Spooky stuff... Anal stuff. It turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan Philosophy states "Don't start none, won't be none!" - Jensen "Cause of death?" - Gibbs "Why didn't you take this fast to me, Abby?" - DiNozzo "You drew on my face, didn't you? You drew on my face!" - McGee "I've heard the saying "he got blown out of his shoes", but I never thought I'd see it." - DiNozzo "Where do you figure Mrs. Renosa is headed, Jethro?" - Ducky "I missed these orange walls." - McGee "That horse likes you." -DiNozzo "It is perfect for s'mores." - DiNozzo "Morgan, did you spike the punch?" - Chuck "A cloak of invisibility. Yes! You're a wizard, Harry." - Morgan "Chuck, I know what a third wheel is. I know it's me. Give, give me a chance here, man. Let, let me be a fourth wheel for once. Or maybe I can be any other even number." - Morgan "Skin as smooth as a baby's bottom." - Hodgins "I'm not having a boy. It's a girl." - Brennan "I want you to use your Jedi mind powers." - Booth "She ate 65 hotdogs in 12 minutes!" - Booth "OK! I'm sorry! I was an asshat. I am Thurston the Asshat." - Hodgins "Wait. Is this you apologizing to me? Or me apologizing to you for something I don't understand?" - Booth "Dr. Brennan, you sure you don't want a chair? The way you're squatting, I'm worried that little guy is just going to pop right out." - Hodgins "Gotta blot, move over." - Reid Garwin "Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?" - Tyler Durden "The people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us." - Tyler Durden "The things you own end up owning you." - Tyler Durden "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." Tyler Durden "What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?" - Randal Graves "All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi." - Randal Graves "This is starting to turn into a conversation I can't win." - Jason "Your father needs you." - Tracy "I don't like you." - Jason "Do you have any Ibuprofen?" - Robert Scorpio "I can't believe he walks in here with her and sits over there." - Carly "Oh, hi, Mom. No. I told you I'd call you when I got home. I'm not home yet. Alright, I'm home. The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success. I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I'm entirely certain. No, Mother, I could not feel your church praying for my safety. The fact that I'm home safe doesn't prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk." - Sheldon "Will you please take that stupid hat off?" - Leonard "Do you know what baffles me, Sheldon?" - Leonard "What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve?" - Sheldon "You know… I’m given to understand that there’s an entire city in Nevada… designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems… and replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases." - Sheldon "I've spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at greaseboards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college; and before that, I was in the fifth grade." - Sheldon "Why are you crying?" - Sheldon "What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?" - Sheldon "What are we supposed to do now?" - Leonard "I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal." - Sheldon "Sorry, Sheldon. Do you have a second?" - Penny "Alright, this game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures and you will name them in order of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter." - Sheldon "Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello." - Penny "Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?" - Leonard "Anything to declare?" - Customs Official "So, what you doin here?" - Policeman "I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats." - Tyrone "Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me." - Bricktop "Fuckface, who's speaking to you? He asked him, didn't he?" - Errol "Should I call you Bullet? Tooth?" - Cousin Avi "You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin'." - Lt. Aldo Raine "Well, I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most, so he'll be your Italian cameraman. Omar speaks third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant." - Lt. Aldo Raine "Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz?... Lt. Aldo Raine. These are the Basterds, ever heard of us?... We just wanted to say we're a big fan of your work. When it comes to killing Nazis... I think you show great talent. And I pride myself on having an eye for that kind of talent. But your status as a Nazi killer is still amateur. We all come here to see if you wanna go pro." - Lt. Aldo Raine "DONNY!" - Lt. Aldo Raine "Let me get this straight: our father was having gay sex with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?" - Aaron "He got in a fight with the table, and the table won." - Jeff "I've never been greener!" - Oscar "You're going to be a father." - Elaine "Give me a scotch. I'm starving." - Tony Stark "You've been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?" - Christine Everheart "What is going on here?" - Pepper Pots "I feel like you're driving me to court martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you're gonna pull over and snuff me. What, you're not allowed to talk? Hey, Forrest!" - Tony Stark "Day 11, Test 37, Configuration 2.0. For lack of a better option, Dummy is still on fire safety... If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college. Seriously, we're just gonna start off with 1% thrust capacity. And three... two... one... Please don't follow me around with it either because I feel like I'm going to catch on fire spontaneously. Just stand down. If something happens, then come in." - Tony Stark "I would like a Martini, dry, with lots of olives. Like, at least three olives." - Pepper Pots "Oh, my God, you crazy son of a bitch! You owe me a plane, you know that, right?" - Rhodey "Hey Tony." - Rhodey "Mr. Stark displays textbook... narcissism... AGREED." - Tony Stark "My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America." - Senator Stern "You! I swear to God, I'll dismantle you! I'll soak your motherboard, turn you into a wine rack!"- Tony Stark "*I* think it's weird. You look like two seals fighting over a grape." - Rhodey "Anything else, boss?" - Happy Hogan "May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir." - Jarvis "You have *a* big gun, you're not *the* big gun." - Ironman "Goldstein." - Tony Stark "My bond is with the people, and I will serve this great nation at the pleasure of myself. If there's one thing I've proven it's that you can count on me to pleasure myself." - Tony Stark "Because I'm your nuclear deterrent. It's working. We're safe. America is secure. You want my property? You can't have it. But I did you a big favor. I've successfully privatized world peace. What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these ass-clowns." - Tony Stark "Serena looked effin' hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be violated." - Chuck Bass "You know his name? I'd hunt him down and kill him." - Chuck "Don't 'f' with an 'f'-er... I know that look." - Chuck Bass "Damn that mother-chucker!" - Blair Waldorf "Do you like following us or something?" - Chuck "Oh my god, this is so good! Thank you!" - Serena "Ow!" - Chuck "Wait, don't you all hate each other?" - Dan "How glad are you to see our families merge, Sis?" - Chuck "Hi, Chuck." - Serena "You! What did you do with her?" - Blair "You should put a bell on." - Dan "Chuck, this letter represents your dad's final words." - Jack Bass "Hey I've been wondering where you were." - Dan "I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors." - Chuck "What ever happened to don't speak until spoken to?" - Chuck "Enough with the blackmail. Aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever." -Blair "Game over." - Blair "Nathaniel, your position in my esteem has been replaced by your voicemail. So Bart didn't go for Victrola but seems I've already bought the house out for tonight and it's not a par-tay without my people or any people I'll see you there." - Chuck "Don't leave your dirty package on the table." - Lily "Okay, I have a problem, I have a big probleeem. Starts with the capital X." - Blair "Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge." - Serena "Oh my effing God!" - Blair Waldorf "We woke up; I thought she'd leave. Then she made eggs; I thought she'd eat her eggs and leave. Then she took a bath; I thought she'd take a bath and leave. Then she took a nap; I thought she'd take a nap and leave. Then she decided to sunbathe." - Matthew "Ritchie, we have talked about this. You're eight years old. We live in Los Angeles. You have to learn how to swim." - Old Christine "What's intercourse?" - Ritchie "Shut up, queer." - Luke "Dude, what did you tell her?" - Seth "Changing urinal cakes. That's how committed Seth Cohen is to the new Seth Cohen." - Seth "I'm going 70 in a 65 zone." - Seth "Mom! Marissa went to Chino with Ryan!" - Seth "Come on, man. Her flight leaves soon." - Seth "Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland?" - Nun "I want to go with you." - Bethany "You were martyred?" - Bethany "So what's up? You got a friend for Silent Bob, or are you just gonna do us both? If so, I'm first. I hate sloppy seconds." - Jay "Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you." - Bartleby "It never ends." - Metatron "Good Lord, the little stoner's got a point." - Metatron "You people. If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it?" - Metatron "Honestly, you bottom feeders and your arrogance, you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers." - Metatron "At least I didn't use a spoon." - Sheriff of Nottingham "Where I come from, we talk to our women. We do not drug them with plants." - Azeem "Locksley, I'll cut your heart out with a spoon!" - Sheriff of Nottingham "Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?" - Guy of Gisborne "What a beautiful child. So young, so alive, so unaware of how precarious life can be. I had a very sad childhood, I'll tell you about it sometime. I never knew my parents; it's amazing I'm sane." - Sheriff of Nottingham "Wait a minute. Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public, and they love him for it? That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas." - Sheriff of Nottingham "Follow the spiders. Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies?" - Ron Weasley "RONALD WEASLEY!!! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR?!? I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED!!! YOUR FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!!! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME!!! Oh, and Ginny, dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud." - Molly Weasley "Master has given Dobby a sock." - Dobby "Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet." - Moaning Myrtle "How extraordinarily like your father, you are, Potter. He too was exceedingly arrogant, wandering the corridors at night, strutting about the castle." - Severus Snape "Severus, don't be a fool." - Remus Lupin "More than once, James suggested that I make the change permanent. The tail, I could live with, but the fleas, they're murder." - Sirius Black "Sp-sp-sp-spiders! I don't wanna, I don't want - They want me to tap dance! I don't wanna tap dance!" - Ron Weasley "Ron, where are we actually going?" - Harry Potter "This is cozy." - Rita Skeeter "OH! Just because you're allowed to use magic now does NOT mean you have to whip your wands out for EVERYTHING!!!!! Are you hungry, Harry?" - Molly Weasley "Please describe the attack. What did they look like?" - Amelia Bones "Harry? What happens if Umbridge does find out?" - Ginny Weasley "Don't you understand how she must be feeling? Well, obviously she's feeling sad about Cedric, and therefore confused about liking Harry and guilty about kissing him. Conflicted because Umbridge is threatening to sack her mother from her job at the Ministry and frightened of failing her O.W.L.'s because she's so busy worrying about everything else." - Hermione Granger "You just... know? Once again, you astonish me with your gifts Potter. Gifts mere mortals could only dream of possessing. How grand it must be, to be the chosen one." - Severus Snape "Put it down, Bella. We mustn't touch what isn't ours." - Severus Snape "You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes. I'm the Half Blood Prince." - Severus Snape "I've never been to this part of the castle. Well, not awake. I sleepwalk, you see. That's why I wear shoes to bed." - Luna Lovegood "Why is it, that whenever anything happens, it's always you three?" - Minerva McGonagall "Exactly how did you get out of the castle, Harry?" - Horace Slughorn "You must be wondering why I brought you here." - Albus Dumbledore "What a beautiful place... to be with friends." - Dobby "You stupid elf! You could have killed me!" Bellatrix Lestrange "Don't expect me to get excited over another damn thing we need to find." - Ron Weasley "How long do you think she'll stay mad at me?" Ron Weasley "I won't pretend to be your friend, Mr. Potter. But I'm not your enemy." - Rufus Scrimgeour "You're not still mad at him, are you?" - Harry Potter "I believe you're familiar with this particular brew." - Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody "Deserves that. Brilliant, he was. Wouldn't be standing here without him." - Nymphadora Tonks "Hey!" - Ron Weasley "Oh my God. What am I gonna do? My wife's all alone downstairs!" - Ron Weasley "We have to flush ourselves in! That's bloody disgusting." - Ron Weasley "Look at me... you have your mother's eyes." - Severus Snape "Lily? After all this time?" - Albus Dumbledore "What will you give me in return, Severus?" - Albus Dumbledore "If anyone here knows any knowledge of Mr. Potter's movements this evening, I invite them to step forward... now." - Severus Snape "Why are you here, all of you?" - Harry Potter "Dad, what if I'm in Slytherin?" - Albus Severus Potter "Harry!" - Ginny Weasley "You were right, never better. I feel like I can spit fire." - Neville Longbottom "We have to go there, now." - Harry Potter "AHHHHHH! Goyle has set the bloody place on fire!" - Ron Weasley "Does it hurt to die?" - Harry Potter "How dare you stand where he stood! Tell them how it happened that night. How you looked him in the eye, a man who trusted you, and killed him." - Harry Potter "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?" - Harry Potter "Remus, your son?" - Harry Potter "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living and above all, those who live without love." - Albus Dumbledore "You've never complained about my methods before." - Sherlock Holmes "In another life, Mr. Holmes, you would have made a excellent criminal." - Inspector Lestrade "Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal chords, stop scream. Three: got to be a heavy drinker, floating rib to the liver. Four: finally, drag in left leg, fist to patella. Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Full faculty recovery: unlikely." - Sherlock Holmes "Why are you always so suspicious?" - Irene Adler "Get that out of my face." - Watson "Is she dead?" - Harry "This is every shade of wrong." - Harry "So the whole... reconcilement... thing?" - Harry "I'd understand if you wanted to take a swing at me... You fuck!" - Perry "My $2000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they'll find my pistol. Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?" - Perry "You, stop multiplying." - Perry "I sent Harmony home believing A, we'd meet tomorrow to go over her case, and B, I'm not actually gay. Please do not ask me how I did B." - Harry "What did you just do?" - Perry "Your mouth is a recommended place to put a sock." - Harry "Okay... uh, any particular kind of gloves?" - Harry "Okay, you've got 30 of my fucking seconds. Thrill me." - Perry "Did your dad love you?" - Perry "Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times." - Harry "Don't blame yourself. Listen. sometimes these things just happen." - Perry "You know what? You'd better be her doctor. Walk away, don't think, just do it." - Harry "Talking money... " - Perry "Do you think I'm stupid?" - Harry "Well, for starters, she's been fucked more times than she's had a hot meal." - Harmony "Thanks for coming, please stay for the end credits, if you're wondering who the best boy is, it's somebody's nephew, um, don't forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said fuck so much." - Perry "I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, an ID from that?" - Harry "Hey, Harmony, it's me." - Perry "Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's." - Harry "Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call." - Perry "God, Harry. Shit, if I leave you the keys, can you take yourself to the hospital?" - Harmony "And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?" - Harry "Rule number one: this business, real life, it's boring. Do you have to smoke?" - Perry "I want you to picture a bullet in your head. Can you do that for me?" - Perry "Hey, hey, hey! It's Christmas, where's my present, Slick?" - Harry "Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over." - Perry "I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dreamgirls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a *fucking conniption*. And you? How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse." - Harry "Oh Wow. Woo. It's tiny. Is this real?" - Harry "You tell him the truth or I will." - Jane "I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich." - Jane "You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?" - Jane "Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open." - Jane "Hey, freeze bitch!" - Store Clerk "You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to APOLOGIZE for my family leaving me money? All I EVER wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck EVERYBODY that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey." - Mike Lowrey "Dan Marino should definitely buy this car. Well not this one, cause I'm gonna fuck this one up. But he should get one just like it." - Mike Lowrey "I can't believe you guys. Do you get up in the morning, call each other up, 'Good morning, Marcus. Good morning, Mike. How you doin'? Ai'ight. So how we going to fuck up the captain's life today? Gee, I don't know. I don't know. Ooh, look. Over there. Let's kill three fat people and leave them on the street?'" - Capt. Howard "What are you on? Look at your pupils." - Mike Lowrey "Oh, shit. These ain't normal rats." - Marcus Burnett "You see that?" - Marcus Burnett "Is this still plan B?" - Marcus Burnett "Blue power, motherfuckers! Miami PD!" - Mike Lowrey "You don't have a choice. Look. Now, neither of us know if either of those brothers are guilty or innocent, so on behalf of the Secretary of the Air Force, I'm going into that room." - Zoe Perez "If you're staring at me, it better be because I'm the suspect. If not, get back to work or I swear you're all demoted to something that involves touching shit with your hands!" - Agent Thomas Morgan "So you don't know anything about Sam?" - Rachel Holloman "What the fuck do you want?" - Chazz Reinhold "I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!" - Chazz Reinhold "Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That's got to be an interesting combination." - Jeremy Grey "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" - Mrs. Kroeger "I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?" - Jeremy Grey "Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!" - Jeremy Grey "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair." - Jeremy Grey "I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula." - John Beckwith "John, I was first team All-State. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I'll make it rain out here." - Jeremy Grey "That we're all one. That separateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone - with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from 'What's Happening,' the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote 'Catcher in the Rye,' Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one." - Jeremy Grey "You better lock it up." - John Beckwith "I can't hear! I can't hear! There's blood blisters on my hands! Oh, my God! How do you walk away in a movie without flinching when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that! When they flew the Millennium Falcon outside of the Death Star, and it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit!" - Allen Gamble "Captain, you really want to disarm this guy? Take out the batteries in the calculator." - Terry Hoitz "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can be used... um, what's the next part?" - Allen Gamble "This meal is terrible... it tastes like roasted dog asshole. I asked myself, "Who would slow roast a dog's asshole and feed it to me?" You would." - Allen Gamble "No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you!" - Terry Hoitz "Condoms?" - Chandler "It would be so cool to live across from you guys." - Ross "Wait a minute, why is Susan's name in it?" - Ross "Do you think I need a new walk?" - Joey "Oh... please hurry, I want to sign." - Chandler "Jump off the high dive, stare into the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!" - Joey "That is so-not-the-opposite of taking someone's UNDERWEAR!" - Chandler "It starts at eight. We can't be late." - Ross "You guys, do you know anything about chicks?" - Phoebe "I thank Phoebe, a truly worthy opponent, and may I say... your breasts are still showing." - Chandler "And, hey, just so you know — it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!" - Rachel "All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS." - Chandler " Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay?" - Ross "How cute is the on-call doctor?" - Monica " Not to be rude, but does anyone know how to get a chick out of a VCR?" - Chandler "What happened?" - Monica " Now, all jokes aside. Ross, where is this relationship going?" - Monica "I got her machine." - Chandler "I've got a Phoebe in my sandwich!" - Chandler "You know? 9 out of 10 wedding end in divorce." - Phoebe "Altogether, It's $12.75." - Joey "Hey. I came as soon as I heard." - Frank Jr. "Ross, just for my own peace of mind — you're not married to any more of us, are you?" - Chandler "How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?" - Rachel "I can't believe you two had sex in her dream." - Ross "Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man." - Chandler "This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us." - Phoebe "Just tell him Joey sent you. He'll know what it means." - Joey "Wow. I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me." - Cliff "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing." - Monica "I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody see him, but he'd be drunk, so he'd stumble, crash into something, and wake everybody up." - Chandler "You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?" - Chandler "Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?" - Joey "Oh, my, you know what, I think you're right! I think — you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!" - Ross "It tastes like feet!" - Ross "As of today, my name is Princess Consuela Bananahammock." - Phoebe "Some girl ate Monica!" - Joey "Well, if I were a guy... Wait. Did I just say "If I were a guy"?" - Chandler "Here it is, buddy boy. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own." - Joey "He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!" - Chandler "You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?" - Ross "Come on, man, you never wanna do anything since you and Janice broke up." - Joey "Ducks is "Heads", because ducks have heads." - Joey "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?" - Ross "You know Fun, Ev's? F...U..." - Cappie "It's just wrong, those two don't belong together. Men and nipples? Why? It's not like milk comes out of them, ya know?" - Cappie "You've been avoiding me." - Cappie "You're insane Chip." - Cappie "Nevermind. I've got to go talk to Dale. He's probably finishing his fruit-rollup." - Rusty "Hey, so what's the deal with this Max guy?" - Cappie "How do you know her?" - Rusty Cartwright "Easy, Biscuits." - Murtaugh "Listen, Bagels, it's been a long night. We'll catch you tomorrow, okay?" - Riggs "Who's the lucky soon-to-be son in law?" - Riggs "Uncle Benny. Howya doing? Hope this is a bad time." - Riggs "Flied lice?" - Riggs "Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanistan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours." - Lee Butters "What up, Ronnie?" - Wheeler "Can I get a large black coffee?" - Danny "You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine." - Gayle Sweeny "Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird fuck. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the clock." - Wheeler "Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-full-of-shit?" - Gayle Sweeny "Do you like coke?" - Danny "You're standing over there, and you're standing over there, and I don't know which way is up!" - Gayle Sweeny "No, no no, no. People say "Embrace life. Enjoy life. Just do it! Live it! Rock it!" Fuck it! Because life is horrible. You know, I may not be so happy go lucky, but I'm a realist. Get ready to have your dreams smashed, kids, 'cause nothing's going to work out the way you think it's going to. Gin gin! By the way, this stuff's poison." - Danny "Damn it, Ronnie!" - Danny "Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss." - Danny "No, I like to rock n' roll all night and 'part' of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3." - Danny "I hate your face." - Danny "Uh, whose car is that out front?" - Carolyn Burnham "How long did he touch you?" - Abe Sapien "You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there." - Prince Nuada "Look at her, Abe. She's my... she's my whole, wide w... I would... I would give my life for her. But she also expects me to do the dishes!" - Hellboy "You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay fockused at all times." - Johann Krauss "Never do what they did." - Pete "She looks really... smart." - Jason "Do you want to do it doggie style?" - Ben "Where do babies come from?" - Sadie "I'm going to be there to rear your child." - Jay "You're supposed to be dead!" - Pintel "Where's Elizabeth?" - Wil Turner "A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around!" - Captain Jack Sparrow "Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking." - Captain Jack Sparrow "No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum!" - Captain Jack Sparrow "Well, well, well Jack Sparrow, isn't it?" - Norrington "This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay." - Lt. Gillette "You want me to find this?" - Will Turner "Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea!" - Gibbs "Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt." - Captain Jack Sparrow "I wonder, Sparrow, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a lifetime of servitude in your name while you roam free?" - Davey Jones "Is this a dream?" - Captain Jack Sparrow "My compass is unique." - Captain Jack Sparrow "You have no reason and no authority to arrest this man!" - Governer Swann "Jack, Elizabeth is in danger!" - Will Turner "Shoot him!" - Captain Ammand "William, tell me somethin'. Have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressin' damsel? Or... rather, damsel in distress? Either one..." - Captain Jack Sparrow "I said to myself, think like Jack." - Will Turner "Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well, we shall have a magnificent garden party, and you're not invited!" - Captain Jack Sparrow "We've come to rescue you." - Elizabeth Swann "Captain, I wish to report a mutiny. I can name fingers and point names." - Jack Sparrow "I thought I should give you warning. We're taking the ship. It's nothing personal." - Jack Sparrow "Why is it we can never meet without you pointing something at me? " - Angelica "There should be a "Captain" in there somewhere." - Jack Sparrow "Did everyone see that? Because I will 'not' be doing it again." - Jack Sparrow "Have you been there?" - Jack Sparrow "You know that feeling you get when you're standing in a high place... sudden urge to jump?... I don't have it." - Jack Sparrow "Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!" - Harry "So you got fired again, eh?" - Harry "Check out the funbags on that hosehound." - Harry "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this." - Harry "One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu." - Harry "You're it." - Lloyd "What's her last name? I'll look it up." - Harry "Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, everything into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!" - Ari Gold "Emily! I want you to go to that party on Saturday, represent the agency, let Vince know that my Army's everywhere." - Ari Gold "That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something." - Ari Gold "You will bounce back from this Ari Gold." - Lloyd "This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow." - Ari Gold "You know I don't like to lie, Ari." - Lloyd "This lying is making me breakout. God I have a date tonight." - Lloyd "Amanda Daniels takes that job - Vince is fucked and I'm fucked, which means we're all fucked, and we're fucked in the way you like to get fucked. Not fucked in the way that normal people like to get... fucked." - Ari Gold "You need Joe-Joe, the dog faced, Bitch boy, call Josh Weinfuck - the light weight, pen stealing, fuck face." - Ari Gold "Why Ari? Why?" - Eric "Everybody stop! I didn't go to the Lakers game because they were playing the fucking Bobcats... And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer a question without a question, basic Humanity 101, which I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix, or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me? I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with, and just so we're clear, I don't care about ANY OF THEM. They're ALL just a number, like Wife #1 and Therapist #7... GOOD DAY!" - Ari Gold "Stainer, I know you don't like her very much." - Kirk "You look just like someone I went to high school with." - Patty "OK, OK, OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts." - Jack "I love Kirkey but let's face it, the guy's a 5. Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard 10." - Stainer "Kirk, that Molly girl is insanely hot." - Stainer "Okay now I know you've gone crazy. You are telling me the hottest chick I've ever met in my life wants you, and the hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself... FUCK YOU." - Stainer "Hey, Kirk, um, my shift doesn't start for another half-hour, but, I was so excited, so uh, I came early." - Stainer "Is there an artist exemption for talking out your ass?" - Jack "But he drives a shit box so you have to deduct a point." - Stainer "Fuller, you have a choice. You can step aside. Or you can fight me. If that is how you want to go, I warn you, I will go dark side. Okay? I will rip out your hair. I will bite your chin off. And I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors. Because I'm an insane mother fucker. You know that from the break room. What's it going to be?" - Stainer “If this tape is found in the future, this is how we humans celebrated birthdays.” - Phil "If you show enough houses you learn all the tricks. Every Realtor is just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me...I'm completely clueless." - Phil "Okay, I checked the rest of the computer in the house. I didn't find any more porn." - Claire "No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don't get hurt." - Jay "Um, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks... I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I'm sorry for the pay-channel language, but- oh! Yogurt maker! I can't not think of things I want." - Phil "Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I, and I'm sorry but I'm not a micro-manager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without smothering him." - Phil “Yeah. Our kids walked in on us. We were, as they say, having sex.” - Phil "Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He's a total flake. In fact, the only way he's like Superman... is that they both landed in this country illegally." - Jay "I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I'm hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laughing out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face? Um you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical so.." - Phil "What’s Jagermeister?" - Alex “Luke, I am your father.” - Phil "Why do I have to watch a French movie? I didn't do anything wrong!" - Phil "Get out of the water. There are sharks everywhere, look." - Bryce "Last time you made chili and cornbread, your ex-girlfriend was on the island. And then, the time before that, you brought home a pregnant, flea-infested, three-legged dog." - Sam "Come on, we have to find the cheese, the cheddar cheese, the old-gay-eddar-chay." - Bryce "Give me my mask and my fins real quick. - Jared "We found bodies. Don't you think we should tell someone?" - Sam "He found the Zephyr, huh? Maybe we'll meet up in Never-Never Land. 'Cause I heard the tooth fairy was gonna be there. Santa Claus is comin' you know... with my coke." - Bates "I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book." - Seth "So, what's the deal with you two, you a couple of fags?" - Seth "God damn you, God damn you... what the hell you want?" - Old Timer "Are you okay?" - Kate "I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard." - Seth "So, what, were they psychos, or..." - Carlos "He's not your brother anymore." - Sex Machine "Seth, should I save the last bullets for us?" - Kate "And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because 'I' don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what 'I' saw is fucking vampires!" - Seth "Well I was a boyscout. Tom, you were a boyscout, weren't you?" - Jerry "This trip is officially over! This is finished! Let's just go home." - Dan "So you're saying you lost the map? You don't have it?" - Tom "Where are we?" - Dan "Maybe you should have somebody help with that, you know?" - Security Guard "This place is so retro, it might actually be cool, if it were on purpose." - Sam "Mom, you know money can't buy happiness..." - Shaun "SEAN! You're my same height, that is neat." - Don Durkett "If you do this I will eat your face!" - Bud Brumder "Joe, I think it's gonna be okay." - Lucas "What's with you? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What's with you today?" - AJ "Hey Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime?" - Debra "We mustn't dwell... no, not today. We CAN'T. Not on Rex Manning day!" - Mark "What are you doing later?" - Jane "Hey Lucas man, I hear you went to Vegas and you married a mobster's wife and now you've got a hit on you and stuff. Is that true?" - Eddie "I don't feel the need to explain my art to you, Warren..." - AJ "Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing..." - AJ "Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't FUCKING WARREN!" - Warren "Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?" - AJ "I'd shake your hand, but there's a venomous cobra in it." - Josh Gates "I'm like a ninja." - Dustin Pari "What is this?" - Josh Gates “Every time you’re going in search of a carnivorous dino-bird, for safety’s sake, you should always bring along at least one member of a reggae band.” - Josh Gates "You didn’t have a lot of faith in me." - Ryder “Well, I just burned through something! The car’s on fire, I can’t find second gear.. We had a fire in here. Like, evacuation-size fire. I burned a wire down here, don’t know what it’s connected to.. Probably the brakes.” - Josh Gates “That appears to be, and I’m not an expert, a handful of maggots.” - Josh Gates “Uhh.. Australia appears to be on fire.” - Josh Gates "It's not here anymore. Whatever it was was carrying a box of Lucky Charms." - Josh Gates "Oh, Japan, you never cease to weird me out." - Josh Gates "This is a cane! It’s got a flashlight and a compass. It’s like Season 19, when Ryder and I are just hobbling along." - Josh Gates "The camera lives to fight another day... I'll break that thing soon." - Josh Gates "First rule of fight club... do not fight that guy." - Josh Gates "Sir, do you have anything that is more dead?" - Josh Gates “So your battery is dead, my thing is not functioning, and I’m seeing people in the windows. Let’s keep moving.” - Josh Gates "You just went straight up bananas." - Josh Gates "They have some Last Supper place mats which… nothing says ‘classy’ like putting a bowl of spaghetti on top of Jesus." - Josh Gates "There is no smoking here...in the doyle van. These beauiful doyles were hand made in the 15th century specifically for this van." - Josh Gates "I know it's foggy and a little late in the day, but I'm pretty sure there's a unicorn behind me." - Josh Gates "I'm not even in the door and I'm breaking things." - Josh Gates "I need full coverage... because I'm gonna flip it." - Josh Gates "Hey Man, I finally got some last night. Got some pictures on my cell phone, Bro check it out." - Marcus "What is wrong with you? You're making danish cookies in America for a mexican holiday?" - Josh Gates from Short Film "Oh, Jesus! First you give me mouth and now you give me tears? Do me a favor, Susan. Have a period or something." - Frankie "Where's my TV, man?" - Rondell Robinson "Cops can't collect bounty, dude." - Lem "Looks like it's gonna be raining Jim-bee." - Ronnie "Well work harder. Our killer is running around out there and I don't want to be running around in here butt naked." - Vic "Looks like our new guy knows a thing or two about rim jobs." - Hustler "They took the skin from his ass!" - Lem "Ronnie reported the money missing." - Lem "What about the fact the guy's innocent?" - Lem "What the hell they talking about?" - Lem "I must've ate something this morning. Third time I gotta shit today." - Lem "I can't do this. I can't do this anymore! Stealing drugs, money, always hiding. I mean, I'm puking up blood, for Christ's sake!" - Lem "I got socks older than her." - Lem "Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?" - Sam "Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!" - Dean "Awesome. Another horseman. It must be Thursday." - Dean "That fabric softener teddy bear. Oooh! I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down." - Dean "All right, Dean, it's just we've been at Bobby's for over a week now and you haven't brought up Dad once." - Sam "You're girlfriend is past her expiration date, and we're crazy?" - Dean "Don't go into the light." - Castiel "You know this whole "I laugh in the face of death" thing is crap, I can see right through it." - Sam "Clowns? What the f-" - Ash "Hey. I think maybe you you're around, and if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but, um, there's one way we can talk." - Sam "So how'd you pay for that stuff? You and Dad still running credit card scams?" - Sam "All business up front... and party in the back!" - Ash "We're looking for iron, silver, salt, anything that can be used as a weapon." - Sam "Don't forget the extra onions this time!" - Dean "What?" - Dean "D. Hasselhoff?" - Andy "You got the faces of ten missing persons taped to your wall. Along with a whole lot of satanic mumbo jumbo. Boy, you are officially a suspect." - Policeman “Kids are the best”? You don't even like kids." - Sam "Don't leave the house." - Dean "So burning the body had no effect on that thing?" - Sam "I don't understand, Dean. We burned the damn thing." - Sam "Car trouble? Let me give you a lift. Take you back to my place." - Vamp "The Djinn, it attacked me." - Dean "Anything?" - Sam "I hate this plan, Dean." - Sam "So what do you think?" - Sam "What are you, some kind of New Agey guy?" - Tessa "Where's our father, Meg?" - Dean "Come on, you're the psychic. Give me some ghost whispering or something!" - Dean "Hey, what's happening, is there a fire?" - Dean "So what are we looking for?" - Sam "What the hell was that for?" - Dean "My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone." - Dean "Do you understand how serious these charges are?" - Krause "Are you okay?" - Sam "What's wrong?" - Dean "I like him, he says 'okey-dokey'." - Dean "Hey, Ash... We need your help." - Sam "An exorcism. Are you serious?" - Meg "I'll go wait in the car. See you, Sarah... I'm the one who burned the doll and destroyed the spirit, but don't thank me or anything." - Dean "Looks like the maid didn't come today." - Dean "Dude, dude, I'm not using this ID!" - Sam "We should get an early start tomorrow." - Sam "Tell me, any other cops gonna come lookin' for you?" - Pa Bender "You mean you dated someone? For more than one night?" - Sam "Ghosts are attracted to that whole ESP thing you got goin' on." - Dean "The question is, why bugs and why now?" - Sam "I don't understand. They're going to kill us?" - Emily "How'd you get here?" - Dean "Hey Sam, who do you think is a hotter psychic? Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?" - Dean "You two need to be more careful." - Castiel "Actually, I'm on my way to the local community college. I got an appointment with a professor... you know, since I don't have my trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research!" - Dean "Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful." - Dean "You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don't care what anybody thinks." - Dean "What Dad "wants" doesn't matter!" - Sam "You know, I love the guy, but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda." - Dean "I told you, I looked everywhere. I didn't find a hidden room." - Sam "Do you think Dad's sending us coordinates?" - Sam "You still crazy?" - Sam "It appeared before me and I just... this feeling washed over me. Like peace. Like grace." - Sam "Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach." - Sam "You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!" - Dean "Freaking cops." - Dean "This is gonna sound nuts, but we don't have the time for the whole the-truth-is-out-there speech, so..." -Dean "Your, uh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis." - Dean "So your brother seems very... spiritual." - Lori "Dean! Andy has the Impala!" - Sam "I think we're close to its lair." - Dean "Alright, so what are we doing here 5:30 in the morning?" - Dean "Why did you let me fall asleep?" - Sam "That’s ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we’re dealing with here. It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man." - Dean "Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam. You think you're funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up... okay, enough!" - Sam and Dean "So, fake U.S. Marshall. Fake credit cards. You got anything that's real?" - Officer "And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans?" - Haley "You disgust me. You make me sick to my face." - Shawn "Good morning detectives, collecting money for the Policeman's ball?" - Shawn "Hang on Doogie. Where'd you get that juice box and does it come in grapalicious?" - Shawn "Mindy, it's official: you've won bitchiest banana." - Shawn "No last names. One of us is Black and one of us is Tan." - Shawn "Gus, don't be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan." - Shawn "Gus, don't be the mystery mouske - tool." - Shawn "Scratch that, I'm gonna let you guys stick around and see what real detectives do." - Lassiter "Gus, don't be Pete Rose's hair cut." - Shawn "Oh, you mean my pilot's license? That's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked."- Shawn "Why don't you take your sunglasses off?" - Juliette "Are you kidding me? That is the best shake on the planet. One part ice cream. Two parts awesome!" - Shawn "Have you been drinking, sir?" - Gus "Kudos on the childrearing. Let me know how the therapy goes." - Shawn "The cat is not my new partner, Gus; don't be ridiculous." - Shawn "I don't know if it's this uniform, but I've never craved doughnuts before in my life." - Gus "Don't I get a phone call or something?" - Shawn "Is that Lassiter? What died on his face?" - Gus "I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now... You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a dilophosaurus, have you?" - Shawn "Well, at least that gives us the "how". Now we just gotta figure out the "why", which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who?" - Shawn "Admit it, you're a little turned on by the whole bounty hunter thing, aren't you? Come on, Shawn Spencer, Bounty Hunter. I mean, I know the psychic thing is sexy, I mean, that's a given; it's a sexy thing, but... Shawn Spencer, Bounty Hunter. It's hot. It's hot!" - Shawn "Now, Mr. Spencer." Chief Vick "I'm Officer Spencer and this is my partner Mission Figs." - Shawn "Is there something wrong with you, Mr. Spencer?" - Chief Vick "How do I look, Jules?" - Shawn "I can't believe you actually thought that text was from me. It lacked all nuance, my signature mocking tone, and was utterly devoid of emoticons." - Shawn "This could be our killer." - Lassiter "Hi, I'm Shawn Spencer. This is my friend, Hummingbird Saltalamacchia." - Shawn "I am not massaging those guys. I only use these hands to touch myself. ...Let me rephrase that." - Gus "Hello there, my name is Shawn Spencer, I'm a psychic detective. This is my partner, Control-Alt-Delete. The gentlemen on the flank are us, in thirty years." - Shawn "Boom, in your faccia." - Shawn "You're sure your father doesn't want to come inside?" - Derek Ford "Gus, don't be a principal and interest." - Shawn "I still smell like stinky nuts!" - Gus "Okay, here's what I'm going to do. First, I'm going to get me some of that maple candy that everyone seems to be raving about. Then, I'm going to purchase myself a walking stick. Preferably something with a ram's head carved into the handle. And finally, we're going to catch ourselves an international art thief. I'm not saying I'm sure it's going to be you, but right now, you're the top of the list." - Shawn "Gus, please, let's focus. Your pettiness ions are interfering with my psychic ions. Creating recepto non grata interfero bupkiss." - Shawn "Gus, don't be the only black lead on a major cable network." - Shawn "That owl is made entirely out of cinnamon!" - Gus "Wow, dad. Tell me you're wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space." - Shawn "Let me be frank." - Chief Vick "I'm Shawn. Those are things that my character, Chad, did. I play him on TV. It's Shawn. Shawnie. Look into your boy's eyes: it's me, Papa." - Shawn "You two are officially my least favorite tag team of all time!" - Shawn "I'm not looking around in a dead mans office." - Gus "How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming their pants aren't on fire." - Shawn "Hi, I'm Clive. I'm hilarious and I have no girlfriend." - Clive "Brazilian airport codes. How do you know that?" - Gus "Are we really waiting for Lassiter?" - Gus "I'm so sorry about this; my assistant makes all my reservations but she's been under heavy medication. She was recently diagnosed with parvo." - Shawn "Jules, don't be Canada, I'll handle this." - Shawn "Oh, my God! My dad turned into Nick Nolte." - Shawn "I'm the creme in a crying sandwich." - Shawn "Okay, here's what I'm going to do. First, I'm going to get me some of that maple candy that everyone seems to be raving about. Then, I'm going to purchase myself a walking stick. Preferably something with a ram's head carved into the handle. And finally, we're going to catch ourselves an international art thief. I'm not saying I'm sure it's going to be you, but right now, you're the top of the list." - Shawn "Mrs. Clayton, I'm receiving a psychic transmission from your husband. Really more of a voice mail. Status update. Perhaps a Twitter." - Shawn "Gus, don't be the last of the international playboys." - Shawn "You believe in karma, don't you?" - Nyna Clayton "Who wants pancakes? I want pancakes! Whipped butter, maple syrup—what?!" - Gus "Well, while you two were sitting here playing Cowboys and Indians..." - Lassiter "What does this mean?" - Gus "Shawn, I've been worried about you since you turned three and started eating your own toenails." - Henry "I'm out of here. I'm calling a cab." - Gus "Gus, don't be your jury summons, I accidently threw in the trash last month, along with something called a W-2." - Shawn "I thought I told you no." - Det. Lassiter "Do you think it could be PTSD?" - Gus "Gus, don't be a silly goose." - Shawn "But know this: one stupid move, and I've got more than enough plastic bags for your body parts." - Bad Guy "You're mad." - Shawn "Have at it. Who knows, maybe you'll solve the great ice cream crime caper of the century?" - Lassiter "Gus, don't be the third Thompson twin with the dreads." - Shawn "Jules." - Shawn "Gus, don't be the American adaptation of the British Gus." - Shawn "I don't lose things. I place things in locations which later elude me." - Shawn "I feel like I have been incarcerated in a blueberry. This car makes me want to weep and then die." - Nigel St. Nigel "I assume you realize this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated on my base!" - Major General Felts "Don't you watch the news?" - Gus "Gus, don't be the "iiiiiiiit" in "wait for iiiiiiiit"." - Shawn "Shawn, this is 2010." - Gus "You missed something. We found prints." - Lassiter "Spencer, who the hell are you supposed to be?" - Lassiter "I screwed up on my own, I'm going to face him on my own." Brandon "What do you two know about street racing anyway?" - Lassiter "What is wrong with you? You're driving like a maniac." - Gus "I'm not a palm reader, I'm a psychic." - Shawn "I've been leaving messages on your phone." - Henry "One more time. Chandler Bing style. Oh, My God!" - Shawn "Are you asking me on a date beside this dead body?" - Juliet "You don't smell that?" - Gus "Gus, don't be a handle racist." - Shawn "Wasn't Howie the victim at one point?" - Gus "I can't believe this. You lifted your look right off this mannequin!" - Shawn "Is it because of his shirt? Sorry, Dad, this is like a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow is weeping." - Shawn "Gus, guess where I am, right now? I'm in Despereaux's room, right now. No, I'm not kidding. I'm going to rifle through all of his stuff and I'm totally gonna pull a John Turturro from Miller's Crossing, then we get some sundaes. I'm just going to sit here quietly, wait for him to get back, then I'm gonna click on the lamp, scare the gingersnaps out of 'em. Whaaaaat! Shhh! No, I don't know remember how that movie ends, why? Whoa! It's a... that's a negitivo on the sundaes, Buddy. I repeat, negative on the sundaes." - Shawn "Are you crazy?" - Gus "You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why not just call it "Hey, We're Fooling You and the Police Department. Hope We Don't Make a Mistake and Someone Dies Because of It?" - Gus "What is the magnification of these things?" - Shawn "Don't touch that, it's blood." - Gus "Simba I am your father." - Shawn "This place is trashed." - Shawn "So now I have a cat?" - Gus "So what does that mean?" - Gus "Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm." - Shawn "Hello ladies and gentlemen. I will be your narrator. My name is Aurora...Borealis. There are over 400 stars in our galaxy, maybe more. No one knows for sure. Many have said that the universe is even larger than the Indian Ocean. And that is why it is called Infinitum Staroctapusim. Ah, yes, our glorious constellations... There they all are, take a look. Over here we have...one with a guy holding some sort of thing. Over here, our beloved Olympic rings, all seven of them. And here, here's one with a fish. Notice, straight, straight above you: the hammer of Jeff. And over there in the South-north, you'll see Monkey With Rash. The Egyptians used to set their clocks by it. Oh look! There goes an asteroid. Comet. It's what they named that cleaning solution after. I know it may stink when you leave it in the sink, but boy oh boy does it clean!" - Shawn "Gus, don't be the ribs, that flip over Fred Flinstone's car." - Shawn "I'm Shawn, this is my associate M.C. Clap Yo Handz." - Shawn "How do you just eat when there's a dead guy laying there?" - Gus "Gus, don't be an old sponge with hair hanging off it." - Shawn "There is something I've got to get off my chest." - Lassiter "Can I tell you a secret?" - Lassiter "Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!" - Shawn "Gus, don't be a giant snapping turtle." - Shawn "You really wanna know my process?" - Shawn "A little girl outside, just started crying when she saw this shirt." - Shawn "Well that's a stupid house to rob." - Henry "Oh, I'm sorry, Sir, didn't see you standing there, you know, being so stealth-like... the Jackal has arrived." - Shawn "What part of "stay put" is confusing to you?" - Gus "Are you in my apartment?" - Det. Lassiter "Get your socks ready, Gus, because I'm about to knock them off." - Shawn "There is a Lieutenant Crunch here to see you." - Receptionist | |||||||
1. This Charming Life » reviewsAU: Ava was driven away from home when she was 21, and now, seven or so years later, she's back to visit her dad in the hospital, and not everyone is thrilled that she's returned. Will she be driven away a second time? Or will she stay where she belongs?Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,563 - Reviews: 39 - Updated: 5-6-13 - Published: 10-20-112. Never Be The Same » reviewsAU: Out of the blue, Darcy calls Jane's sister Samantha, to come to town to help Jane, though Jane doesn't know it yet. Loki needs a way back to Asgard and Samantha is his ticket back home, though she's something more to him than he realizes.Avengers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 15 - Words: 25,751 - Reviews: 23 - Updated: 10-17-12 - Published: 3-19-123. Running Up That Hill » reviewsAU: Angelica Warren returns back home to Charming after getting a urgent message from her father. What happens when Angelica and her loved ones get caught in the crossfire over the letters she was given and was told to hide? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,526 - Reviews: 36 - Updated: 9-27-12 - Published: 6-29-124. Take My Breath Away » reviewsAU: Roxanne finally comes home from being in rehab, after Abel gets taken. Only Juice knows she's been in there, but when things get tough and she slips up, will Juice tell the club? Can he save her from herself and help with her addiction? Rated T!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,451 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 6-7-12 - Published: 3-9-11 - Juice5. Behind Green Eyes » reviewsAU: Agent Giselle Morgan was brought in by SHIELD to help with the upcoming war. She knows what has to be done, but what happens when she's completely drawn to the one causing it? Loki/OC. Rated T for language. R&R.Avengers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,144 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 5-16-12 - Published: 4-27-12 - Loki6. Keep Holding On » reviewsAU: Charlotte Trager aka Charlie - comes back to Charming, but her big brother is not happy, and with Kozik wanting to patch into SAMCRO, Tig isn't going to make this easy for either of them. Actually, he makes it a lot worse. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,654 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 2-28-12 - Published: 11-23-11 - Kozik7. Blood's Thicker Than Water » reviewsAU: Megan Meyers goes back home to Charming to reunite with her sister Nicole and they haven't seen each other in over 10 plus years, because of a huge fight between them that happened in the past. Is everything all forgiven? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,765 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 2-25-12 - Published: 1-1-12 - Juice & Happy8. A New Hope reviewsAU: Mackenzie suddenly loses the love of her life and Happy is there to pick up the pieces. When she just can't let go of what happened and why, will she let Happy help her in her time of need? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,804 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 11-29-11 - Happy9. Nothing Will Ever Be Simple » reviewsAU: Nicole comes back home to bury her Uncle and to find out what happened to him, but she's also keeping secrets from certain people she loves. Will the secrets be spilled before she leaves town? Or will it be too late? Kozik/OC Rated T for lang. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,713 - Reviews: 26 - Updated: 11-20-11 - Published: 7-24-10 - Kozik10. Better Than Me » reviewsAU: Ashlee Morrow is sent to live with her Uncle Clay in Charming after her mother is killed. With Abel kidnapped and Gemma on the lam, will she be safe? Will the man that's been around her most of her life, provide her with safety that she needs? R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,091 - Reviews: 23 - Updated: 10-9-11 - Published: 10-4-11 - Kozik11. Poor Little Rich Girl » reviewsAU: Kaitlin wanted to take a break from her hectic life and go somewhere low key to be normal for once. What happens when she finds her biological father and he finds out who she really is? Plus she also finds out the truth about her past. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,306 - Reviews: 51 - Updated: 10-3-11 - Published: 8-22-10 - Happy & Juice12. Get It Right » reviewsAU: Desirae comes home to her family in Charming after being in the Army for over 7 years. As she gets closer to Happy, her ex comes back into the picture. What will Hap do when he finds out? Will Desirae re-enlist? Rated T for language. R&R! Happy/OCSons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,390 - Reviews: 29 - Updated: 9-3-11 - Published: 8-21-11 - Happy13. The Half Blood Princess » reviewsAU: Hogwarts starts back up again, 5 months after the war, and the 7th years comes back to redo their missed year. Draco isn't pleased when he finds out that some strange girl has been visiting Severus' grave. But this girl will change his life forever.Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,128 - Reviews: 72 - Updated: 8-29-11 - Published: 7-26-11 - Draco M. & OC14. Jar of Hearts » reviewsAU: Amanda goes to her hometown for her Nana's birthday. What happens when everyone finds out that she needs a heart transplant, but somehow, it falls through. And how will everyone react once they find out another one of her life changing secrets? R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,129 - Reviews: 40 - Updated: 7-28-11 - Published: 6-3-11 - Jax15. Merry Go Round » reviewsAU: Two weeks before Holly comes back from Paris, Vince has been moping around, but will it all change after he meets a little girl and her mom? Will he finally get over Holly before she comes home? Vince/OC Rated T for language.What I Like About You - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,239 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 6-9-11 - Published: 4-24-1116. Love The Way You Lie » reviewsAU: Alyssa goes home to bury her baby sister, but she didn't expect to fall back in love with the one that hurt her years ago, even though he's trying so hard to push her away. Will he give in? Sucky summary! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 35,984 - Reviews: 128 - Updated: 6-1-11 - Published: 10-11-10 - Kozik17. Hungry Eyes » reviewsAU: I'm Carly Knowles, and being Tara's little sister certainly has it's perks, except for the never ending protectiveness with Jax, but I'd so much rather have a certain NOMAD guard me. Rated T for LANGUAGE!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 13 - Words: 27,422 - Reviews: 62 - Updated: 5-28-11 - Published: 4-3-11 - Happy18. Where Did I Go Right? » reviewsAU: Lilly McBain finds out that her father died, so she goes to Llanview and decides to stay, and of course, with the watchful eye of her Uncle John. Sucky summary! Re-written. Rated T for language. R&R peeps!One Life To Live - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,329 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 5-10-11 - Published: 2-19-11 - James19. It Must Have Been Love » reviewsAU: Jaylin Morrow is sick and tired of the way she's being treated by her step brother and the man she loves. It was the last straw and she leaves Charming to stay with her half brother. But what happens when she's around her ex? SOA/F&TF X-over! R&R!Crossover - Fast and the Furious & Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,712 - Reviews: 42 - Updated: 4-5-11 - Published: 1-6-11 - Dom & Happy20. Something More » reviewsAU: It's 3 weeks before Christmas, when a member of the SAMCRO family died. Stefani goes back home to bury her sister and ends up staying for the holidays. Will her staying, make her fall back in love with a certain SON? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,829 - Reviews: 68 - Updated: 3-28-11 - Published: 12-7-10 - Kozik21. Saving Ham » reviewsAU: It's been a few weeks since Grace's funeral and Ham is assigned a new partner, and being the newbie, it'll be a hard fitting into the tight-knit group. Ham tries to get rid of her, but will he end up falling for her instead?Saving Grace - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,323 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 3-23-11 - Published: 11-22-10 - Ham D.22. All I Ever Needed » reviewsAU: Ava finds out her father John is in the hospital in a coma, and he might need some blood. She leaves Dom and the crew to go find John's other family in Charming for help. What will happen when they find out that John is really alive? SOA/F&TF X-over!Crossover - Fast and the Furious & Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,394 - Reviews: 35 - Updated: 2-5-11 - Published: 12-19-10 - Juice23. One In A Million reviewsAU: Samantha moves to Charming to be around her old best friends after she finds out her boyfriend has died overseas. Will she be able to move on with her life? Will one of the Sons give her a distraction? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,205 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 1-10-11 - Kozik24. Wait For Me reviewsAU: It's been 5yrs since Val and Vic's wedding, and now it's Holly's and Vince's turn. What happens when he meets the sister of one of the fallen fire fighters? Will Vince be able to go on with his wedding? Or will he get cold feet? Rated T! R&R!What I Like About You - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,409 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 1-10-1125. Why Does Love Always Feel Like a Battlefield? » reviewsAU: Crystal's best friend has been missing for a few weeks and she wants to find her. Once they finally see her, they want to know what happened, and they will stop at nothing to find the truth. Sucky summary, I know! LOL! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 28,302 - Reviews: 100 - Updated: 12-30-10 - Published: 6-6-10 - Juice & Jax26. Fallen Angel » reviewsAU: This is my daily life of living in Charming with SAMCRO. There's a lot of ups and downs, but we all manage to work it all out and live our lives to the fullest. Rated T for language. R&R! Sucky summary :-/Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 33,413 - Reviews: 99 - Updated: 12-14-10 - Published: 2-11-10 - Jax27. I'll Stand By You » reviewsAU: Jamie goes down to Charming for the SAMCRO lockdown, to be safe. What happens when she finds out the true reason that Tig hates Kozik. Will she stand by her man? Or will she let it ruin everything they have? Kozik/OC Rated T for Language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,633 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 12-10-10 - Published: 9-11-10 - Kozik28. Home Sweet Home » reviewsAU: Alex is the granddaughter of one of the First 9 and he was like a father to her. She follows his wishes and heads over to Charming, where she finds out the truth about his old life. Can she accept what he's done in the past? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,216 - Reviews: 27 - Updated: 12-7-10 - Published: 11-17-1029. Shattered » reviewsAU: Serena has nowhere else to go, so she heads back home to get help from her family. What happens when she brings a surprise with her? What happens when the reason she had to leave, comes back to haunt her? Set a few years after season 2. Rated T - R&RSons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,317 - Reviews: 90 - Updated: 10-11-10 - Published: 9-7-10 - Juice30. Landing in Charming » reviewsAU: 17 year old Melanie is living with her Mom and abusive step dad, but Gemma and the guys come to rescue and takes her in. Does she fall for a Son? Which Son falls for her? Rated T for Lauguage. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,545 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 10-7-10 - Published: 9-13-1031. It's Always Been You » reviewsAU: He came to her rescue and she trusts him with her life. What happens when she finds out some life changing news, from her drunken mistake, that will tear her and the people in her life, apart? Sucky Summary! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,466 - Reviews: 28 - Updated: 9-20-10 - Published: 9-18-1032. When You're Gone » reviewsAU: 'Annie' finds out her mother was killed, from the Deputy Chief, but what happens when she find out who it was that caused it? Can she forgive him? Sucky summary, I know! LOL! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,550 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 9-11-10 - Jax33. Where Does Love Go From Here? » reviewsAU: He hurt her over and over, so she ended it with him. But when she was in trouble, he came to her rescue. Will that help her get past his mistakes? Will it push her further away into someone elses arms? Will she be torn between the two? Kozik/OC/JaxSons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,006 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 9-11-10 - Published: 8-14-10 - Jax & Kozik34. Too Late To Apologize » reviewsAU: She left home for three months, because he hurt her. Now that she's back and brought some trouble, will she ever forgive him? But when something happens to him, will it be too late for her to tell him how she really feels? Kozik/OC! R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,527 - Reviews: 23 - Updated: 9-2-10 - Published: 8-17-10 - Kozik35. Everyone Needs a Happy Ending » reviewsAU: She's been gone for over seven months and she came back with a surprise for everyone, including her ex, who has no idea. But will she ever wake up? Yeah, sucky summary, I know. LOL. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,548 - Reviews: 77 - Updated: 9-1-10 - Published: 6-10-10 - Happy36. A Small Measure of Peace » reviewsAU: Stephanie goes home to Charming from Tacoma to find out what's going on with her brother and she gets caught in the middle of the crossfire. Literally! Which makes Kozik hate Tig for one more reason. Rated T for language. R&R please!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,377 - Reviews: 25 - Updated: 8-26-10 - Published: 8-6-10 - Kozik37. One More Shot At Love » reviewsAU: Amanda Teller finds out that her ex is out of jail. What's going to happen when all those feelings bubble to the surface? Will she ever get one more shot at happiness, even though he's still with someone? Does he want her back? Opie/OC! Rated T! R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,717 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 8-25-10 - Published: 8-8-10 - Opie38. Down 4 You » reviewsAU: Angelica gets released from prison and goes to Charming to find her brother. What will she do when she sees her ex best friend? The one that got her sent to prison. Plus, will she find love with one of the Sons? Kozik/OC Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,557 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 8-8-1039. After All This Time » reviewsAU: Sam goes back home for some help from her brother, but she didn't expect to see the man she used to love, which tore them apart, six years ago. Will they work together and be civil to help with Sam's problem? Or will it be a big mess? R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,097 - Reviews: 38 - Updated: 8-3-10 - Published: 7-13-10 - Kozik40. All You Wanted » reviewsAU: Jamie goes home to Charming for some help from her Uncle, but she didn't expect to fall for her knight in shining armor, after all these years, and it gets complicated when she already has a boyfriend, because it's not just a crush anymore. Rated M!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,155 - Reviews: 44 - Updated: 7-24-10 - Published: 7-9-10 - Happy41. You Belong With Me » reviewsAU: Haley Brennan has a few secrets while she moves into Port Charles, but her plan is to foil Helena's plans with Liz's baby. Will she succeed this time or will Helena kill her and shut her up for good? Will Nik even rescue her? Rated T for lang. R&R!General Hospital - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,621 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-21-10 - Published: 7-20-10 - Nikolas C.42. One More Try » reviewsAU: Allison gets attacked on the middle of nowhere, then is saved by her ex, in more ways than one. Will big brother thank him or will it just cause more fighting between them? Will Allison give him another chance, even though he hurt her? Kozik/OC! R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,221 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 7-21-10 - Published: 7-19-1043. Numb » reviewsAU: It's 2011, Nicole gets released from prison and goes back home with her family. As she tries to get her life back together, everything starts to get extremely complicated. Kozik/OC! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,394 - Reviews: 25 - Updated: 7-18-10 - Published: 7-2-10 - Happy & Kozik44. Already Gone » reviewsAU: I done something I shouldn't have, after witnessing what I saw, but she wanted me to leave and start over with a new life, never looking back, before it ever happened. I hope going to Charming will keep me safe, from my enemies. Rated T for lang. R&R!Crossover - General Hospital & Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,385 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 7-7-10 - Published: 5-14-10 - Jason M. & Jax45. Better Than Me » reviewsAU: Nicole's daughter was taken by the same guy to took Jax's son. She goes back home to find out what's going on, and quickly falls for a different Son, one she didn't expect to fall for. Set after season 2 finale. Sucky summary! Rated T for lang. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,157 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 7-6-10 - Published: 6-16-10 - Happy & Jax46. Out From Under » reviewsAU: Valerie comes home to Charming to basically die and she wants to spend her last days with the people she loves, but does she have a guardian angel watching over her with a miracle? Yep, Sucky summary! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,745 - Reviews: 22 - Updated: 7-6-10 - Published: 6-19-10 - Jax47. The Ties That Bind » reviewsAU: Two sisters fled to Charming trying to find their big brother for some help, because they have people are after them, and they won't give up until they find the girls. Sucky summary, I know! LOL! Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,731 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 7-6-10 - Published: 6-23-10 - Kozik & Jax48. Two Brothers » reviewsAly has to fly to London to see her dying grandmother. What happens when she sees someone, she never knew existed? How will things go back home? Will she be torn between the two brothers? Pete-OC-Jax. Rated T for language. R&R! :-DCrossover - Green Street Hooligans & Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 16,098 - Reviews: 34 - Updated: 6-26-10 - Published: 4-20-10 - Jax49. I Can't Live Without You » reviewsJulie Morgan had to move to her new job in Miami, then she bumps into an old ex boyfriend she hasn't seen in years, and Julie's worst nightmares come true. She should have stayed back home, where she was safe. Rated T for language. R&R!Burn Notice - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,536 - Reviews: 21 - Updated: 6-22-10 - Published: 2-7-09 - Michael W.50. Listen To Your Heart » reviewsAU: Sammy travels to Charming to find the best friend that once saved her life. He helps her out with her dilemma, but will his feelings get in the way of everything? Especially, when she falls for a different Son? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,346 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 6-22-10 - Published: 6-19-10 - Juice & Jax51. I Hate That I Love You » reviewsAU: In the beginning, we had a hate/love relationship and he completely hates me because of what I did, which caused me to leave him almost 6 yrs ago. Now I'm back in Charming for a while and he's NOT happy that I'm home. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,334 - Reviews: 51 - Updated: 6-17-10 - Published: 6-4-10 - Jax52. Crazy For You » reviewsAU: 1 1/2 years or so had passed since Abel's kidnapping, but now, SAMCRO has new challenges ahead of them as Jax becomes President and falls for the Chief's baby sister while he's protecting her, keeping her safe from her ex. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,854 - Reviews: 26 - Updated: 6-8-10 - Published: 5-21-10 - Jax53. Torn » reviewsAU: Jasmine Cooper comes home to Charming for her father's funeral. She wasn't going to stay, but he's making it hard for her to leave and he has to protect her at all costs. R&R! Rated T for lang. Angel N Darkness has taken over this story! So ENJOY!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,335 - Reviews: 32 - Updated: 6-3-10 - Published: 5-14-09 - Jax54. Shattered Dreams » reviewsAU: Andy goes back home for help. What will happen when she sees her ex? Secrets will be exposed and will her heart be shattered, when he finds out the truth from someone he didn't expect that knew it the whole time? Rated T for language. R&R kiddies!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,066 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 5-18-10 - Published: 4-29-1055. Broken Wings » reviewsAU: My name is Alex. After getting out of juvie, I was sent away to Tokyo to start my life over. Getting away from trouble and havoc, but apparently it has followed me, and things are slowly falling apart. Fantastic! Rated T for language. R&R!Fast and the Furious - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 33 - Words: 48,591 - Reviews: 82 - Updated: 5-14-10 - Published: 5-21-09 - Brian & Han56. Guardian Angel » reviewsAU: Carly Spencer goes to Charming to find out why her brother Kip was killed. She gets a little help from a loved one, but it's more than she can handle. He might drive her nuts! Rated T for language. Set after Season 2 finale. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 38,575 - Reviews: 135 - Updated: 5-1-10 - Published: 12-15-09 - Complete57. The Only One for Me » reviewsImportant! Changing the summary to this story, because I'm going a different and darker direction with it, but... yes, it's a Juice/OC and it's a doozy! R&R! To all my *awesome* regular and new viewers: YOU ALL ROCK and THANKS for the love!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,435 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 4-13-10 - Published: 3-31-1058. All Around Me » reviewsAU: What am I gonna do? I've made a terrible mistake that I can't take back and everything is falling apart. I can't believe this is happening! Rated T for language. R&R! Sorry for the sucky summary. :-/Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,924 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 3-22-10 - Published: 3-18-10 - Juice & Jax59. Cry Little Sister » reviewsAndy's world falls apart after her mother dies. Her BFF's betray her and she finds out some life changing secrets... but she has a secret as well and only one other person knows about it. She better hope he keeps his mouth shut. Rated T for language. R&R!Crossover - Gossip Girl & Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,874 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 3-11-10 - Published: 2-28-10 - Chuck & Reid G.60. Never Say Never » reviewsAU: Ashlee Danvers comes back home from her vacation and some things aren't the same as she left them. When everything starts falling apart, who can she turn to? Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,819 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 3-2-10 - Published: 9-21-09 - Pogue P.61. Bless the Broken Road » reviewsAU: Donna's cousin Cassie, comes home to visit. After Abel's homecoming, Donna gets killed and Cassie leaves back to San Diego. Will she come back a few years later and find out that everything has changed? Set during 1x12. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,254 - Reviews: 26 - Updated: 2-26-10 - Published: 1-31-1062. Not Meant To Be » reviewsAU: Jaydin Teller comes home to Charming after learning that her BFF Donna was killed. While she's there visiting with her family, will she forgive her brother? Or her ex? Will both of them rescue her from what's to come? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,919 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 2-22-10 - Published: 1-20-1063. Behind Blue Eyes » reviewsAU: Isabelle has had a good life growing up in Charming. But when a tragedy happens, the secrets come out, and it turns her world upside down. Will the family she's always known, be there? Or will she go elsewhere for comfort? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,525 - Reviews: 61 - Updated: 2-22-10 - Published: 12-21-0964. It's Not Over » reviewsAlissa left home years ago and now she's back wanting some answers. With her best friend back into the picture, will she stay or leave once again? Is it just a trap? Will the person she truly loves save her and her loved ones? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,614 - Reviews: 39 - Updated: 2-8-10 - Published: 12-1-0965. Lips of an Angel reviewsAU: Torn between two lovers gives it a whole new meaning. Melissa Knowles comes home to Charming after graduating college. Seeing her ex brings back all those old feelings, even though she's with someone. What is she gonna do? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,330 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 1-20-1066. Don't Ever Let GoAU: Sydney Hudson comes back home with her daughter to Port Charles to start up her new business. She has lots of things to do before it's too late for her and falling in love with two guys is one of them. What will she do? Rated T for language and R&R!General Hospital - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,517 - Published: 1-20-1067. What About Now? » reviewsHaley Reid left home in Charming after her mother died. A few years later, she comes back with her son when she finds out her father was killed. Will her feelings come back, when she sees her ex? Will she stay home or leave again? Rated T for language R&RSons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,018 - Reviews: 22 - Updated: 1-19-10 - Published: 1-12-1068. Love isn't Supposed to Happen » reviewsAU: Riley comes to her hometown and finds out her family had died two years ago. When she's finding out what happened, she reunites with her childhood friend and things happen. What will she do when she finds out about SAMCRO? Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,599 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 10-7-09 - Published: 10-2-0969. What's Left of Me » reviewsCarly was sick of being treated like crap, so she left Ipswich to the UES. With her upcoming b-day and people trying to find out who she is, will she think it was a mistake to leave? Will she do whatever it takes to keep the Covenant safe? Rated T. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,233 - Reviews: 18 - Updated: 8-21-09 - Published: 7-12-0970. My Happy Ending » reviewsMelissa comes back home for Evelyn's funeral. She faces her demons and has a surprise. She gets caught in the mix, but when they find out what's up with her, can they keep her safe? Angel/OC Rated T for language. R&R!Four Brothers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 15,690 - Reviews: 25 - Updated: 8-11-09 - Published: 4-24-09 - Angel M.71. Life Goes On reviewsMarissa heads to Charming, California to look for her brother and to get his help in getting her daughter back. When she gets there she finds him and so much more. This story is AU! Rated T for Lang. ANGEL N DARKNESS is taking over story! ENJOY!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 817 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 8-10-0972. What Hurts the Most » reviewsAU: Christina Danvers was forced to move away to NY when she was 12. She comes back 5 years later with a few secrets and sees that nothing has changed or has it? Will she be able to save the ones she loves? Will she die trying? Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 10 - Words: 12,796 - Reviews: 52 - Updated: 8-9-09 - Published: 6-25-09 - Reid G.73. Leave out All the Rest » reviewsAU: Kaitlin Rosco gets her second chance. She has to start over at a new place and new school. Then her past that she left behind, comes back to haunt her and she finds out a few surprises along the way. Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 32,503 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 8-7-09 - Published: 6-22-09 - Reid G.74. Somewhere I belong » reviewsCharlie felt like everything was falling apart in her life. One thing after another. She loses her family, then she's been taken in by her aunt in Ipswich. Will things keep falling apart or will she get a better happy ending? Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,574 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 8-6-09 - Published: 8-5-09 - Pogue P.75. A Second Chance » reviewsSequel to Nothing is Ever Perfect. Samantha is given her second chance at life, but she's in a different body. When she see's her family and friends, will they accept her? Or will they turn her away? Who does she fall in love with this time around? R&R!Gossip Girl - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,691 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7-28-0976. Nothing is Ever Perfect » reviewsSamantha Dawson is forced to move away from the Upper East Side to Ipswich. She quickly finds out a life changing secret that was supposed to be hidden forever and turns her world upside down. Gossip Girl/Covenant crossover. Rated T for language and R&R!Crossover - Gossip Girl & Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 44 - Words: 65,699 - Reviews: 28 - Updated: 7-28-09 - Published: 1-8-09 - Chuck & Reid G. - Complete77. Wounds Will Heal in Time » reviewsAU: Valerie broke his heart, and took off. A few years later, her father brought her back home to Ipswich to keep her safe. She has to finish school and face her demons, getting in Sons good graces. But it's not going to be easy. Rated T for language. R&RCovenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,056 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 7-28-09 - Published: 7-23-09 - Tyler S.78. It's a Mad World reviewsHaley Reynolds gets her heart broken right before she has to move with her family to the UES. She makes new friends and some enemies, as everything in her life starts to fall apart. Rated T for language. R&R!Gossip Girl - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,552 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7-21-0979. Never Too Late » reviewsAU: Cassie Parry left Ipswich to live with her aunt in Cali. Five years later, she decided to come back home and face her demons. But when strange things start to happen, will she think it was a mistake to come home? Caleb/OC Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,195 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 7-16-09 - Published: 7-3-0980. I'm My Sister's Keeper » reviewsJulie left Charming years ago, but she's back to start a new job and to help her mom. Once everything goes they way she wants it, she hits a snag and she also has to take care of a little something extra, that was unexpected. Rated T for language. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,144 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 7-10-09 - Published: 7-9-0981. Too Little Too Late » reviewsAU: In the Upper East Side, there is drama, heartbreak, backstabbing, and tragedy. It's the usual, just take a look. Very sad. Chuck/OC - Nate/OC. Rated T for language and R&R!Gossip Girl - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,755 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-12-09 - Published: 5-6-09 - Chuck & Nate82. This is Where I Belong » reviewsShe left her home in Charming, California because her heart was broken. Eight years later, she is back to face her demons with a little surprise. Jax/OC Rated T for lauguage. R&R!Sons of Anarchy - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,235 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 4-10-09 - Published: 12-4-0883. Goodbye to You » reviewsValerie Carter moves to Ipswich with her family. She tries to move on from the past and tries to find love. But, what she does find is the past came back to haunt her. Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,761 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 2-28-09 - Published: 2-21-0984. Unexpected Feelings » reviewsRiley Andrews comes home to finish her senior year at Spencer Academy. She sees her old boyfriend, but starts having feelings for her best friend and at the same time he's falling for her too and things start falling apart. Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,252 - Reviews: 61 - Updated: 2-21-09 - Published: 12-11-08 - Reid G.85. So Far Away » reviewsAlyssa Meyers blames herself for her parents death and has to go live with an aunt in Massachusetts. She ends up going to Spencer Academy and has caught the eye of a certain blue-eyed Son of Ipswich. Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,527 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 2-12-09 - Published: 2-7-0986. Sammy » reviewsSam leaves her home for summer vacation to take a break from some madness. She comes back with a surprise as well as a few surprises waiting for her. Rated T for language. Please R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 30,945 - Reviews: 57 - Updated: 1-15-09 - Published: 9-13-0887. All or Nothing » reviewsRachel comes back home for Evelyn's funeral. She was like a mother to her and her feelings return for her old boyfriend, but she isn't sure what she should do, because she has her own life in Cali. Plus a few secrets. Bobby/OC Rated T for language. R&R!Four Brothers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 13 - Words: 21,997 - Reviews: 48 - Updated: 11-23-08 - Published: 11-13-08 - Bobby M.88. Lucy Bells » reviewsLucy comes home after she's been shipped away. Her mother and her brother is not happy about it. But will her brother finally love her and be the big brother he's supposed to be after things start happening to them? Rated T for language. R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,021 - Reviews: 34 - Updated: 11-9-08 - Published: 9-26-0889. Just Listen to Your Heart » reviewsAlyssa R. Danvers gets stuck in the middle with her feelings and she's confused. Not only that, bad things start to happen to her and her 'brothers'. Will she listen to what her mind is telling her or listen to her heart? Rated T for language and R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 26,016 - Reviews: 40 - Updated: 10-27-08 - Published: 9-4-0890. Pieces of Me » reviewsShe's been missing for seven years. Everyone thought she was dead. Carly Crawford finally finds a way to back home to her family and finds out some surprises she wasn't expecting. Sequel to Beautifully Broken. Rated T for language. Please R&R!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,449 - Reviews: 33 - Updated: 10-23-08 - Published: 9-16-0891. Going Home » reviewsHaley Danvers left her home after she turned thirteen. Now, four plus years later she decided it was time to go back and face her demons with a little surprise for her "Brothers." PoguexxOCxxReid. Rated T for language. Please R&R.Covenant - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 41,624 - Reviews: 58 - Updated: 9-26-08 - Published: 8-25-08 - Reid G. & Pogue P.92. Beautifully Broken » reviewsCarly Crawford leaves her home and everything she knew. She goes on the otherside of the country to live and her world gets turned upside down. Nothing is like it seems. Reid/OC Please R&R. You'll like it!Covenant - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 32 - Words: 41,832 - Reviews: 47 - Updated: 9-15-08 - Published: 8-20-08 - Complete
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