Errm...what exactly do you put on a profile? Drabble? Claptrap? Baloney? Or just a simple self-introductory paragraph? Well, to be safe, I'll just put a little of each...

I don't write. Judging from the number of stories I've done, I think the message is pretty clear... So I'll just be one of the lazier ones, kick up my feet and leave all the writing to all you talented ones out there... I'll review though! Deal? Great.

Oh, and I thought I should specify here that I am female. That's just for you, darling, I'm sure you know who you are.

Hated happenings in FFN:

Cliches.

Unrealistic happenings, i.e. One day, Alex woke up in the Sahara. It was snowing.

Bad grammar. Bad Spelling. As so often quoted, 'Remember, kiddies, spellcheck is your friend!'

Plot holes. Minor slips are forgivable, especially in stories involving a complex plot line. Major ones are not.

Freaking-ass weak OCs suddenly getting an immense power-up.

Freaking-ass weak CANON characters suddenly getting a power-up. (I mean, I like her and all, but can you imagine KYOKO fighting BYAKURAN?)

And at last the grand finale: Mary-Sues. Oh, my God, pure evil.

Loved happenings in FFN:

Originality. The polar opposite of cliches~

Witty dialogue. A few cleverly placed jokes here and there wouldn't kill your mom.

Actual signs of PLOTS.

Well-developed OCs.

Review replies! Authors always tell you to 'R&R' but after R&R-ing, can't stop wondering if the author really read my review. Replies are a sure way to make the reviewer feel just as happy as the author who received the review.

I do believe this goes against the very first 'Love', but yeah well, High School AUs. Lol?

I'm bored. I'm bored.

I'm bored.

And seriously creeped out.

Name: Mike (Have you read the above properly? If you have, you'l know if this is true or not~)
Flowers: Dandelions. Don't ask.

Plagiarism is stupid and seriously uncool. Trust me.

Memorable Quotes from: Titanic

-While Jack sketches Rose naked-
Rose: I believe you are blushing, Mr. Big Artiste. I can't imagine Monsieur Monet blushing.
Jack: He does landscapes.

That one had me cracked.

Memorable Quotes from: Madagascar

Marty: Don't you think there might be more to life than steak, Alex?
Alex: (to steak) He didn't mean that, baby, No, no.

I spat out my coke when i heard that one.

Memorable Quotes from: Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings

Bilbo:I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Nice one when you want to confuse somebody.

Memorable Quotes from: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Wonka: Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!
Charlie: You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka: Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Good science jibe.

The ability to insult is needed very badly in this dog-eat-dog world.

Quirky Quotes

'Never use while sleeping' - Instruction on Conair hair dryer

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all." - Robert Owen

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." - Robin Williams

"Oh my God, it's raining!" - Rachel Seng as told by Salve

"You seriously spent three hundred on a stupid camera?! Oh my God we're gonna have to work in a sweatshop!" - Some idiot on the street

"You are //so// gay!"
"'Course I am." - Overheard at school.

I so adore humor.

Angst is acceptable.

So is random-ness (depends on what kind of random-ness it is...)

Tragedy is DA BOMB. So is torture, actually...

Romance, when sensible, ain't too bad.

Example of something I wouldn't want to read:

Cullen: "Ah, what a lovely day it is! The birds are singing, the bees are buzzing and I look like a supermodel today."

-OC walks in. She has beautiful golden hair which is also russet red, midnight blue, ebony black, cotton-candy pink, moonlight silver, grass green and tyrian purple. She has a curvy and sexy body and models for A/X against her parents' violent wishes. She sits down next to Cullen.-

OC: "Ah, what a lovely day!"

Cullen: "Hi! You look really pretty! What is this? I feel something! That something is love!"

OC: "Really? But... I don't! I'm fat, and ugly, and look at this horrid mark!"

-She shows Cullen a black mark on her perfectly rounded shoulder.-

Cullen: "Oh no! What happened? Who was the evil beast who did such a mean thing to such a lovely lady?"

-OC sniffs and starts to cry, each tear beautifully shaped, like a pure white pearl-

OC: "It's my parents! They don't want me to become a model, telling me that I would make more money being a prostitute! They hit me and abuse me, lock me up in a teeny little dark room with only stale bread and contaminated water for food! But, with each any every punch they land on my frail body, I seem to become more beautiful! My skin gives off a radiant glow and my complexion is really porcelain-like! But I must face up to them, to the world with my fragile heart and breakable soul!"

-Cullen wipes off one of her tears sympatheticaly. However, once that drop of liquid touches his finger, he suddenly turns back into a normal, exceptionally beautiful human-

Cullen: Oh! The curse is broken! I am no longer a vampire! Come, 'Insert name here', come with me! I will keep you safe, and you will be able to continue modeling!

-They hug and kiss many times, and then have hot, passionate sex under the pale moonlight.-

OOC-ness, Mary-Sues and love-at-first-sight all in one. Eww...

Edward Cullen (c) Stephenie Meyer~

OC (c) Me~

I have got nothing against Cullen, and therefore, would like to apologise to him (even though he IS a fictional character) for using him in a Mary-Sue example. And we all know he's nothing like the above, don't we? But you have to admit, there really are many Mary-Sues in Twilight fanfiction...

Gawd, that was really badly written...

I'm kind of bored, so I guess I'll attempt to write another Mary-Sue parody. Let's place it in... not D.Gray-man, that's too good, Shugo Chara? Nah, the manga alone makes me puke (I think I've gained many more haters out there now that I've declared my hate for that stupid thing in public? Hah.) Uh... InuYasha? Okaaaay... here goes!

-Cue OC enter. She has long black, ebony, raven, aubergine, bistre hair that reaches to her waist. She is trying to blend in, but fails as she is so beautiful and has such long, shiny, pretty, glossy hair with chartreuse highlights. She keeps nibbling on her beautifully manicured fingernails, her eyes flitting about the place scaredly.-

OC: Oh em gee, I'm soooo nervous! I dunno who has signed me up to travel with InuYasha and his pack and I'm sooo scared! I heard that they are all Japanese! Oh dear, I'm a person who cannot speak that language at all!!(read: TAKE NOTE! TAKE NOTE!!)

-Inuyasha and his 'pack' arrive.-

InuYasha: Hmph. A newbie. But... oh my! I am struck by revelation! 'Tis the call of... of... of... LOVE...!! I'm in love with her! Oh no! I must not let this be spread! It would take away the 'cold-hearted bastard' image I've worked so hard to achieve!

OC: Ohhh... I'm sooo freaked out! But... oh em eff gee, KAWAII!! SUGOI, HONTO KAWAII!! (read: HINT: LOOK SLIGHTLY ABOVE)

InuYasha: Is... is she looking at me? Did I catch her precious, rare, super super super wanted attention?

OC: -points at Miroku- You! Let's elope to Vegas! I am frightened, but for the sake of the author's 'plot', I will have to volunteerily make you come to Vegas with me since the author has written too many fics with kidnapping, rape and whatever which star my fellow sisters!

Miroku: Okay!!

-Three years later-

-Miroku comes home drunk and smelling like girls at nine in the afternoon. He is carrying a beer bottle and screams for the OC-

Miroku: 'Insert name here'! Get out now, you filthy little dog!

OC: Yes, goshujin-sama (read: RE-READ THAT SENTENCE. WHAT DO YOU SEE?)

Miroku: Massage my feet now!

-OC starts to cry and angered, Miroku cracks the bottle upon her poor, sweet, small, gentle, beautiful head-

-OC goes into a coma. Everyday, unbeknownst to her, InuYasha comes and sits beside her bedside, often grasping her hand and telling her of his love for her-

-OC finally wakes up 4 years later-

OC: I-Inu-InuYasha...?

-InuYasha starts crying tears of joy-

InuYasha: Yes, darling, I'm here!

OC: Let... let's... elope... to Vegas... NOW.

InuYasha: Yes, my dear! Yes!!

-They hug and kiss many times, and then have hot, passionate sex under the pale moonlight.-

Oh my, did I just type that? shudder

InuYasha + Miroku (c) Rumiko Takahashi~

OC (c) Me~

I apologise so much to our darling hanyou and his fellow priest but I had no choice! (Okaaay! I did, but... never mind.) Here's to hoping all you InuYasha fans don't shoot me! Throwing garbage is fine though... T-T

Aaand... this was even worse than the above. Haiz. D: