Since the real bio would be pretty boring, here's another.
LaCasta was born on a plane just as it was crossing the International Date Line, so she's never quite sure what day her birthday is. This confusion is typical of her life.
At the age of five, her parents discovered that she was a child prodigy, though admittedly in the entirely useless field of designing highly aerodynamic feather dusters.
At age seven, she acquired Most Favored Nation status though a bureaucratic snafu that was subsequently covered up by a special commission of wiener dog breeders.
At twenty, she finally admitted that gravity is more or less a constant and that water in its liquid state is uniformly wet. She was arrested the next day for impersonating herself and forging her signature, though the case was thrown out of court.
At thirty, she learned that bagels are not, in fact, sentient. This has caused her to look at life in a new and different way.
Upon reaching the age of forty, she gave up lampshades as nightware and reverted to the use of alchemical texts as dessert trays, despite much concern from the local pharmacy sign repair firm.
Her fiftieth birthday was somewhat marred by an out of body experience that resulted in several unexpected trips to Hungary in order to retrieve the magical amulet which her Uncle Prototype had carelessly left in a seedy pet shop in Amsterdam.
When she was sixty, she finally reduced her attempts to play with the Hoover Dam to the minimum required by law. When her diary asked her what had happened, she answered "No comment," but tickled the CD-ROM meaningfully.
Seventy brought about many changes in her life, since her habit of showing tulip bulbs to absolute strangers brought about a significant change in the price of twine, thus compromising her reputation as a firm advocate of asparagus rights. Nonetheless, she achieved stardom in the difficult field of toothpick guidance counseling.
During her eightieth decade, she put an end to youthful nonsense on the part of the neighbors through pragmatic readings of the more unusual translations of 12th century French drinking songs.
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