I AM NOT DEAD! Updates are on the way! Also, I will be beginning to whittle away at my Coming Soons and hopefully I will get a chunk of them done or at least started by January. Wish me luck and thanks for your patience. Much love, CMW2

TO ALL HAMERON(HOUSE AND CAMERON) SHIPPERS:hameronforev has established a forum for us and I already love it. As soon as I saw the photo on it, I was hooked. Anyway, the URL is http://damagedmd.proboards.com. Check it Out!

OOPS: In my quest to edit, I accidentally deleted my Love and TIVA story, along with all of the kickass reviews I got. I apologize to all who R&R'd and I hope you guys will replace them soon. Fortunately, I've learned how not to do that with the rest of my stories so your opinions have been preserved. Again, I am so sorry.

~CMW2~

CHECK IT OUT: Normally, I'm not one for forums or chat rooms or anything like that but this...this is just too cool. Yoshino in the Moonlight2 set this forum up at www.fanbbs.com and it is awesome! It's not too complex and there are a variety of good topics to talk about. I love it. Seriously, go check it out. It's worth your time.

"For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me"~ Jack Dann

"For your born writer, nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon the right word."~Catherine Drinker Bowen

"Many suffer from the incurable disease of writing, and it becomes chronic in their sick minds." ~Juvenal

(3 of the best writing quotes EVER and three that I believe very strongly in)

Welcome to my little corner of FFN.

I've been reading on here for quite a little while now (since early 2005) and I am eager to post some of my own stuff.

I write constantly. I go through 5 subject notebooks like some people go through socks. My hands are always stained with ink and I'm known as " The girl that is always writing some damn thing" at school...and at home.

I focus on work from shows and movies I watch, mostly shows because I haven't seen many movies. I'm getting better, though.

Expect to see a lot of different chapter fics and maybe a couple of one shots.

My ideas are usually way too big to be expressed in one chapter and my dad always says I'm writing the next great American novel.

I'm not afraid to write about sex. I may be a little vanilla but I'll write it if it'll fit and since I have a dirty mind(I'm a band geek), I'll find a way to make it fit.

I've never done same sex pairings before and I don't think I ever will.

I don't really understand the concept because I love men.

Even if they can be annoying as all hell...

Any constructive criticism is welcomed. I'd prefer not to be flamed but if my work sucks, I need to know.

If I'm going to be on here, I might as well do it right.

I'm very private so the most you'll get about me personally is that I'm black(and proud!) and I'm in a big family in Southeastern Michigan.

Writing is my emotional Novocaine, my god given solace.

I need it like I need air and my faith in a better future.

I literally go into withdrawal if I don't write something every day, even if it's just in my head and not on paper.

The following is a list of the ships I'm into and 9 times out of 10, the main pairing of my stories will be from here.

Elliot/Olivia from Law and Order:SVU

Marshall/Mary, Stan/Eleanor and Brandi/Raf from In Plain Sight

Meredith/Derek, Sloan/Lexie, Hunt/Yang and George/ Izzie from Grey's Anatomy

Pete/Addison, Violet/Cooper, and Naomi/Dell from Private Practice

Anakin/Padme, Kyp/Jaina and Luke/Mara from Star Wars

Chakotay/Janeway, Torres/Paris, Doctor/Seven from Star Trek:Voyager

Ezri/Julian,Odo/Kira, Sisko/Kasidy, Garak/Ziyal, Jake/Korena, Shar/Prynn, and Asarem/Krim from Star Trek:DS9

Booth/Brennan, Hodgins/Angela, Zach/OC and Zach/Cam from BONES

House/Cameron and Wilson/Cuddy from HOUSE M.D.

Jack/Kate from LOST

Daniel/Betty from Ugly Betty

Harm/Mac from JAG

Tony/Ziva, McGee/Abby, Kate/Ari, Palmer/Lee and Gibbs/Jenny from NCIS

Grissom/Sara and Catherine/Warrick from CSI

Mac/Stella, Flack/Angell, Adam/Kendall and Danny/Lindsay from CSI: New York

Calleigh/Horatio and Ryan/Natalia from CSI: Miami

Michael/Fiona and Sam/Madeline from Burn Notice

Tenth Doctor/Rose from Doctor Who

Mulder/Scully and Doggett/Reyes from The X-Files

Hotch/JJ, Morgan/Garcia and Reid/Emily from Criminal Minds

Goren/Eames and Logan/Wheeler from Law and Order: CI

Charlie/Amita and Don/Nikki from Numb3rs

Teresa/Patrick and Rigsby/Van Pelt from The Mentalist

Spock/Uhura, McCoy/Chapel and Sarek/Amanda from Star Trek 2009

Jack/Nora and Arturo/Chloe from Mental

Tony/Pepper from Iron Man

Claire/Sylar from HEROES

Trip/T'Pol and Hoshi/Reed from Star Trek:Enterprise

Lilly/Scotty from Cold Case

Sam/Laura from The Day After Tomorrow

Shang/Mulan from Mulan

The more shows and movies I watch, the longer the list will become.

I'm much better about checking my email, now so feel free to drop me a line.

I'm up for reasonable challenges and suggestions on writing techniques.

Much love, CMW2

The following are my planned COMING SOONS (Sometimes, I may write something unplanned when the plot bunnies attack) and they'll be started as I finish my WIPs or when I can better mange my time. I'm getting better...

Ugly Betty- Incomplete (Detty fic)

LOST- Enchanted(Jate fic)

Mental- Yield (Jack/Nora fic)

HEROES- Inevitable (Claire/Sylar fic)

NCIS: College Makes You Dumber (Ensemble fic- Sequel to Detention Can Be A Very Good Thing)

CSI:New York: Love (SMacked fic- Sequel to Passion)

All are going to be rated M (because it's me) and any ideas you guys have for plots will be much appreciated.

I found this on Dr. Temperance Brennan's profile and I loved it. I always did like surveys...

~(Fanfiction) Writer’s Questionnaire~

Estimated number of stories written: A lot. I have a drawer full of drafted stories but I now have 20 up on FFN, 7 are in progress.

Longest story was (how long): My longest story is my HOUSE MD Hameron fic titled Truths and Revelations. It started as a mini fic but it has evolved into a 35 (and counting) chaptered beast with 63,576 words, 209 reviews, 49,848 hits, 2 C2s, 43 favs, and 77 alerts. Holy crap. LOL!

Shortest story was (how long): My shortest story is my The Mentalist Jibson fic titled Trust. It is a part of my series of (unrelated) Pretty Long Oneshots with 1,192 words, 7 reviews, 394 hits, no C2s, 4 favs, and 2 alerts.

Preferred genre: Tie between Romance and Humor

Weird habits when you’re writing: I put the key board on my lap and cross one legs over the other, resulting in cuts on my leg from my crappy computer stand.

Word processor or notebook?: Both. Notebook for drafting mainly but sometimes I just go on Word and let loose.

Open/Private about writing?: Semi open. My family and friends know I do it and I take my drafting notebook everywhere but I refuse to let them read the finished product.

Published?: Only on fanfiction.net: working on getting my CSI:NY and CSI fics up on Geekfiction.

Favorite fandom: My god, there's a lot. Any fandom that I have a ship in is fair game but if I had to choose my top 5, they would be: NCIS,HOUSE MD, STAR TREK 2009, BONES, and CSI:NY.

Favorite story: Oh, crap. I have over 3500 and you want me to choose like one? Uh, okay. My favorite one that I've written is my HOUSE fic because it's like my oldest baby. I can actually see an evolution in my writing style, which I like. As for my favorites elsewhere, I'd have to say that my current favs are Outtabreath's STAR TREK 2009 fics, mishy-mo's Primal, Housekeeter's Soundtrack from Secretary, McAddicted's Dark Passions, and just about anything from MariposaAngel18, jaed621, jfine, and blc. I'd list more but then I'd run out of room. Just look at my favorite authors and stories and you'll find them all.

Favorite line: You're killing me here! I'm been reading on here since late 2005 so I've read some epic lines! Okay, I'll put up 3 of my gems and 5 from other fics I've read.

1.Of all times to admit his feelings, he did it during an argument with her dick of an ex-Wombat while she was being cut open by idiot surgeons.Brilliant, Greg. Maybe you should make love to her for the first time in the Clinic., a bitter inner voice congratulated.Hey, that’s not a bad idea. At least the evil lady with the flesh balloons on her chest would never want me there again. (from T&R chapter 3 ~HOUSE MD)

2.“Oh...okay. I didn’t kill him but you guys can have my piss if you want. It’s good to know that it’ll be used for good, not evil!”, Phil called cheerfully before running smack dab into the hall wall, a smirking Flack on his heels. (from Passion ~CSI: NY)

3. It was supposed to be a murder mystery but the plot seemed to be a little too weak for the genre. With a shrug, Addison took another pull from her bottle…

…and promptly spat it back out as the scene cut to two people in bed, complete with tongues and bad 80s smooth jazz. Great! The one night she’s suffering from lust induced insomnia, the TV gods decide to put on Pistol Pussies 5. What was worse was that she could feel herself getting turned on as Bambi and Roy rutted like beasts.

Looking back at the oven, she checked the time and called it as she slid a tentative hand inside her panties.

Time of Hitting the Bottom of Rock Bottom: 3:32AM. (From Irresistible ~ Private Practice)

1.“Bones? What’s that bodies in motion thing?” you murmured into the darkness.
Her breath ghosted warm over your chest. “Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Bodies at rest tend to rest. Newton’s First Law of Motion.”
Another thing you’d been wrong about, you smiled to yourself in the darkness. It hadn’t been about breaking the laws of physics at all. It had been about following them. (From blc's The M-Rated Magpie's Nest- Chapter 18)

2. As soon as we get there, I’m heading straight for a vet clinic that euthanizes animals…
You come near me again and I’ll tear out your voice box!
They’d believe that... He’s injured; therefore, he’s suffering. Let’s put him out of his misery…
You come near her again and I’ll rip out a chunk of your other thigh muscle!
Mutt…
Cripple… (from Epic LoVer's Everyone out of the Water- Chapter 43)

3. “I’m thinking...stampede.” Said Flack.
“Of what?”
“Goats.”
“What?” Stella asked as Quinn stepped out into the garden.
“I said, let there be goats!” Flack said to the sky, holding his hand up dramatically. Oddly enough, someone must’ve been listening because Quinn was immediately trampled by a flood of at least two hundred goats running in from nowhere. They varied in color but were all the same size and running as fast as their little legs would carry them; which was surprisingly fast. They were gone as soon as they came and seemingly evaporated into thin air. (from LadyStellaSkye's Cinderella Bonasera- Chapter 3)

4. “You’re far too beautiful to be my mother.”

Angela was clearly thrown off guard by Zack’s comment.

“Was that a line I just heard you use, or were you just being…you.”

“A line?”

Angela smiled, although Zack hadn’t explained himself at all and had merely shown confusion over what Angela was referring to. Evidently, it meant something to her that he didn’t quite understand.

“Wow, Zack. That was actually really sweet of you to say.”

“I wasn’t trying to be sweet. It’s just a fact. You’re beautiful.” (from comedienne-quinn's Defying Logic- Chapter 12)

5. “Nahp nash-veh dom mahr-tor na't'ko-veh uzh Gaila. Mahr-tor na'nash-veh,” I said, thinking out loud. If had to buy a new dress for Gaila, I might as well buy one for myself.

He regarded me for a long moment, as if weighing out his response. When he spoke, it was in Vulcan. “Yon-kur.”

In red. (from outtabreath's What Would Doctor Flenderson Do?- Chapter 5)

Writing music?: I listen to heavy metal or a scrambled egg grab bag playlist on YouTube because I don't have an iPod or Zune (yet).

Hardest to write: One of those fics when everyone gets hurt all the time. I don't like putting the characters through hell.

Easiest to write: Romantic relationships/dialogue and dark/witty/perverted humor

Pet peeves in others’ writing: Bad spelling and/or grammar, weak endings, bad smut.

Prefer 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person?: It depends. Usually I stick with 3rd. I haven't had a reason to do the other 2 yet.

Ever created a Mary Sue?: NO. I stick with OCs.

Which is hardest to write—beginning, middle or end?: End. I don't want to leave it too open ended but at the same time I don't want to pull a JK Rowling and do a weak epilogue that pisses people off.

Best thing about writing/being a writer: Other people telling you that reading your work made them happy and just the writing in general. It's freeing.

Worst thing about writing/being a writer: Time restraints when attempting to complete fics and I have a tendency to do that to myself. I'm masochistic like that.

Writing—hobby or addiction?: You know that Simple Plan song line? Well, I'm a dick- I'm addicted to writing.

Longest case of writer’s block: Maybe about a month...month and a half. Any longer than that and I force myself to write something, usually smut. LOL!

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', angel-death-dealer,CMW2

Dumb Labels (I always laugh when I see these)

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.(Well, gee but my hair only stays straight when I give myself 3rd degree burns...damn it!)

On a bag of Frito's!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Well, shit. I might as well just eat them in the store, then. Save some time.)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (Oh, darn. I was hoping to use it as a substitution for ketchup)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it tastes better when it's frozen...)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (Whoopsie. Oh,well...)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (Really? I mean, I can put something in the microwave or oven and it'll get hot? That's...cosmic.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (That's what she said.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: let digest Step 4: Find the nearest bathroom and...)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(Wow. Just...wow.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."(Damn, there's some freaky people in Sweden...I'll have to live there)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (I didn't know the military was human...I thought it was run by cyborgs... wait, that's Terminator. My bad!)

~Dumb Labels- Part Deux ~

I saw these and I was just like..."We're all going to die from the horrible disease of Fucking Stupid Syndrome or FSS....I better stock up on canned foods." Enjoy.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Aw, come on! That cuts my morning routine in half! 3rd degree burns is a small price to pay for the first rack of donuts at Kripsy Kreme!)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (No, you can't watch Dora! Why? Well, because you're not to operate heavy machinery and the remote's-no, wait, go ahead and don't forget to move the car after nap time. Your little sister's resurfacing the driveway)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Look, I haven't gotten any sleep in over a week! I want to be drowsy! I want to dream again! I miss playing grab ass with Sonic and Abe Lincoln on Bacon Island!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Okay, but I was planning to put some on the International Space Station so is that okay? I mean, space is outdoors...)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Hold up, what's the other use? Castration of woodland creatures? Homemade vibrator? Stunt double on Will It Blend? Help me, I'm confused!)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude (Am not. Just read my work)
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.(Ugly? No. Crazy? Yes. ROUND ONE...FIGHT!)
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.(Hey, that's good eating. Especially during summer)
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.(No. I'm reasonably attractive. I just have no real use for men right now)
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.(Some of the coolest people I know play the damn tuba, so that's bull.)
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA (wtf?!)
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. (Only a little and I DO have a weakness for Chinese food...)
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.(I'm bitter. Hell, the C in my penname stands for Cynic)
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon (Again, good eating.)
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.(No. I just hate doing laundry)
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.(I could actually do well in a fight, not that I'm looking to get into one)
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.(Just a few of them)
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
Ilove YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times(They're fun and they have good turkey)
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I like fire so I MUST be a crazy arsonist
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I found this list of PMS translations while browsing and I just had to post it here. The italicized ones are my favorites and you're welcome to post this on your profile if you wish.

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make Me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨) ~Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer~

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMT stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my 'kind.'
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"
--IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS--

FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES.

~If you guys fit them or you like them, then go for it!~

Found on Mrs. Marshall Mann's profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

You're intoxicated by my very presence

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl, drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!

I found this next little gem on Tiva4evaxxx's profile and I absolutely loved it. My addition is italicized. I found a couple more on boothandbones4ever's profile, too.

female come backs
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do Not Enter

Man: I want to give myself to you.

Woman: Sorry. I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

Woman: It's in the phone book.

Man: But I don't know your name.

Woman: That's in the phone book,too.

Man: The word of the day is legs so let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Woman: YOU SON OF A BITCH! (smashes a bottle over his head and storms off)

Man: How you doin'? (Think Joey from FRIENDS)

Woman: I suddenly feel quite nauseated. Go away and I'll feel better.

Messages to the world:

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
(Post this on your profile if you hate racism.)

~ MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES~

-Found on boothandbones4ever's profile-

If you're so obsessed by something that you're actually beginning to scare yourself. copy and paste this in your profile

If you believe that the reason the girls always kiss the guys first is that the guys are too scared that they'll be slapped, punched, hit, kicked or mid wiped, copy and paste this in your profile

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink. copy and paste this in your profile

IF YOU BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING AND/OR ARE A TREEHUGGER. copy and paste this in your profile

If you've heard the freecreditreport.com song, and have began to sing it randomly, sometimes when it's least appropriate, (F-R-E-E, that spells free, credit report dot com, baby!). copy and paste this in your profile

If you just started singing that song after reading above. copy and paste this in your profile!

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! yes! and what if we went around telling ppl that they're too short, and so are therefore disqualified from the human race? copy and paste this in your profile!

If you are obsessed with fan fiction. copy and paste this in your profile!

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't copy and paste this in your profile

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montana or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF

If you think it is strange Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN. copy and paste this in your profile!

16 THINGS I'M GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART (This will keep me from leaving my mom behind in the underwear section...)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.( And some cheez its!)

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.(or flip it off)

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"(or air freshener!)

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Re post this if you laughed...

~EVEN MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES (I think I'm addicted to them now!)~

Found on Vikorija's profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hug cute toys when no one's looking, paste this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted WAY too many things in to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you listen to classical music and enjoy it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read to the bottom of this list, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a chocoholic, shopaholic or talkaholic then copy and paste this!

If you are crazy, odd,not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies, copy and paste this to your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself . So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?"

If you love the rain, copy and past this onto your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil. Copy and paste this in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

QUOTES THAT ROCK_
~Found on zatl's profile~

Whoever said nothing is impossible, obviously never tried to slam a revolving door.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I hear your silence loud and clear

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can i miss you if you never left?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Help I've fallen and I can't...hey nice carpet!

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.

Life's Tough, get a helmet

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

Only in America, do banks have braille on the drive-thru ATMs.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The cops never find it as funny as you do

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

You can’t be late until you show up.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.

Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

Clever men are good, but they are not the best.

A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

I was browsing and I found this interesting and humorous list on SparkleInTheSun's profile. Of course, me being the cut and paste fanatic I am, I just had to put it on my profile. Enjoy.

How to Tell if You're a Writer

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship English 101.

EVEN MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES(Yeah, I am a cut-and-pasteaholic and I'm damn proud of it! Don't judge me!)

~Found on pirate-muffins-13's profile~

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself! It's rude!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

Okay, that rip in the time-space continuum was so not my fault...ish.

My voices tell me that your voices are dorks.

Oh! Look, a distraction!

Bring it...fool!

Sometimes, when I hear a song on the radio, I'm like red, green, red, blue, yellow.

Normal is a setting on a dryer.

In case of emergency, break dance.

For sale! My parents: buy one, get one free.

If love is stupid, then I stupid you.

School starts September 9. Resistance is futile.

I don't have a short attention span! I just...oh look, a kitten!

I hope you know that often times, we're the only ones who think each other's funny.

Homework kills trees. Save trees. Don't do homework.

Rawr! It means "I love you" in dinosaur.

Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

They don't know that we know that they know we know.

I shower naked.

Sometimes, when I say "I'm fine," I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the truth"

You'll always be my friend. You know too much.

The voices in my head are fighting again.

Music is my crack.

We are so hot, we make fire stop, drop, and roll.

I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.

"I'm a dinosaur, so, like, 'rawr,' and stuffs"

Let’s go shenaniganizing!

People think I’m crazy, but I’m actually just bored.

People are like slinkies. Basically useless, yet it’s so fun to watch them fall down the stairs…

I find ‘good morning’ a contradiction of terms.

I’m not short. I’m built low to the ground for speed and accuracy.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

You’re a great friend, but if zombies chase us, I’m tripping you.

The REAL Christmas miracle was finding three wise men.

Did you know that if you say “Gullible” slowly, it sounds like “green beans?”

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa--NO!

I’m not good at empathy. Will you accept sarcasm?

Bad things happen when my friends think…

Holy nonsensical exclamation, batman!

Friends are the ones who cry with you. Best friends are the ones who stand there with a shovel and ask who did it.

Friends are the ones who ask what happened. Best friends are the ones who shout, “SHE’S PISSED! MOVE!”

I’m not as random as you think I SALAD!