Hey guys, Force 'Hog here. I am a writer of Sonic the Hedgehog, Naruto and possibly some other fanfics later on. (Ahh, who am I kidding, I'll never Update. Ever.)

Real Name: Pearce Warrillow (An author actually reveals their name on their profile! Repent, the apocolypse is Coming! We're all doomed!)

Gender: Male (I only found out this yesterday!)

Age: Fourteen

Favorite Food: five star spaggheti bolognase (Bolognase Rocks! Spaggheti completes the perfection!)

Favorite Music Genres: Metal, Rock, Epic (Epic songs aren't of a specific genre: They can be anything from techno to classic, just as long as it is Epic.)

Catch Phrases: "Woah... Wha?" and "Jeanie mother of Joseph!"

Y'know the latest Bleach filler? The Zanpakutou one? It is actually (and surprisingly, concidering the last ones) very good! I recommend watching IMMEDIATELY!

If I ever describe Naruto as 'Older and wearing an orange Trench Coat with Black Flames' You may rest assured he looks like this.

If I ever write a Female Gaara Fic, He/She will look like this.

Six Tailed Naruto. Spoilers.

Here.

and

Here.

Hey, you know what's wierd? Naruto crossovers. I mean in the last hour alone, I've found the following crossovers:

Naruto/Harry Potter

Naruto/Halo

Naruto/Star Wars

Naruto/Camelot

Naruto/Harry Potter(Again)

Naruto/Dragon Ball Z

Naruto/Sonic the Hedgehog

Naruto/Avatar the Legend of Aang

oh and Naruto/Harry Potter (Yes, I found three.)

My reaction to this is: I seriously need to finish my Naruto/Avatar cross-over before it becomes out-dated.

Oh Yeah, and Naruto/X-Men

(Okay, I've found Fifty of each of them now. Holy mother of Chicken.)

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW:

1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton. (Seriously?)

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper. (I was not aware of that.)

3. The dot over the letter 'I' is called a 'tittle'. (Okay, now you're scaring me.)

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. (Like a tennis match between Champagne and Glass.)

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. (... Who?)

6. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. (Yes... Yessss... This changes my plans... Igor! Fetch my Incinerator. We're going Happy Meal hunting! Muhahahahaha!Lightning)

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. (Wow. I was not previously aware of anything in that sentence.)

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino. (Cool.)

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. (Okay, NOW I'm disturbed.)

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister. (... Who?)

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small-sized dog (Chocolate as a weakness? This could be useful for when Dog-Aliens invade the world. You know that it's true.)

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. (There's gonna be a sequel to the latest Jaws film. Next Time: Jaws dies! Hit By a Killer Whale!)

13. Most lipstick contains whale sperm. (Mmmm... Whale Sperm.. Gurgle)

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (OHMYGODI'MONFIRE! BOOM!)

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine. (Heinz: Does exactly what it says on the Doctor.)

16. Upper- and lower-case letters are named 'upper'! and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the Upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters. (Holy Mother Of Middle Case Letters...)

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented. (I wish I could do that. With my ears.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. (No comment...)

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. (Kid with watch: 1. Las Vegas Casinos: Nil.)

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before! (Moultin' Mary, Mother Of Ducks!)

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver! (Ha! Take that, Dictionary!)

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. (Scissors! Muhahahahahaha!)

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Scorpion Boss Fights, Beware!)

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white. (FROGS!?)

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have 1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.) (Who the...)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.) (I dunno, the Happy Meal thing was... Useful. Muhahahahahahahahaha! Lightning)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. (Hair was pretty deadly back then..)

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. ( No, Wait. This list is completely useless.)

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples. (I've changed my mind. List is good.)

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying! (Aha! I was aware of that! Take that list! List: 29. Me: 1.)

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. (List beat me again!)

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries. (Sorry, could you repeat that? I was too busy thinking about Guinness. So sue me.)

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. (Seriously? I never want to be an Astronaut. Ever.)

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail.' (... Who?)

FINAL SCORE:

Me: 1 out of 34

List: 33 out of 34

LIST WINS!

GAME OVER

Me: I can't believe this list told me Thirty-Three things I didn't know! Aw, Peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches!

List: FOOLISH MOTAL! I'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZAH! BWAHHHHHHHHH!

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

List of stuff copied and pasted from Fresh Prince Of Konoha

And now, a Quiz for all Narutards out there! (NOT MADE BY ME.)

(Choose Characters, and answer questions based on them. I filled this one in.)

1) Naruto Uzumaki

2) Hoshigaki Kisame

3) Tobi

4) Kyuubi

5) Minato Namikaze

6) TenTen

7) Ino Yamanaka

8) Sakura Haruno

9) Sasuke Uchiha

10) Orochimaru

11) Anko Mitarashi

12) Akamaru

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Yeah. Well, I saw one at any rate.

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? ... I have no Freakin' idea. He's a freakin' FOX for Kami's sake!

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? The puppies would grow up to have a violent fan girlish nature. Also, the universe would most likely collapse.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine? A Few.

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Possibly... TenTen would be attracted by Samehada (Spelling?)... I dunno. I'd like it.

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? WARNING! WARNING! UNIVERSE COLLAPSE IMMENENT! TAKE EVASIVE ACTION! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! WARNING! WARNING!

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? Ino would scream and collapse, allerting The Laws of Nature to what's going on, shortly before the universe collapsing.

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic. "Tobi was a good boy. A good boy indeed..." Orochimaru reminiced about their good times. OroTobi.

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? Yes. It is not as good as NaruFemKyuubi, but yes.

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. 'I was comforting a dog, when the universe ended' (NOT AN ACTUAL FAN FICTION.)

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One? Kyuubi escapes from the seal every night, and Naruto has to keep her preoccupied until sunrise... Naru/FemKyuubi

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? No.

13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? No. He does Gamatatsu.

14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five ? Holy Shit, no.

15) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? I ONLY WANT SASUKE KUN FOR HIS BODY! ... Wait, that came out wrong...

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? No idea. If it was Gaara, Boulevard of Broken Dreams by GreenDay, or for Sasuke, Best of Me, by Sum41.

17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Interspieces Sex, Mature Adult Themes, NaruTenAka

18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? My my, don't you have an interesting body...

100 Rules of Anime (Again, I did not make this. It is copied and pasted from Slayer End.

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good
chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33- Law of Dubbing- All anime will be dubbed, but they will almost never be as good
as the original.

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc.) Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1)Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
b) The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
b) A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, Carrot, and Naruto
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
b) Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c)The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2)Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4)Extreme cuteness
5)Irresponsible drunkenness
6)Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

Pairings I like (incomplete):

Naruto:

FemKyuubi x Naruto

FemNaruto x Kyuubi

Naruto x Hinata

Shikamaru x Temari

Gaara x FemShukakuu

Naruto x FemGaara

FemGaara x Naruto

Naruto x TenTen

Bleach:

Ichigo x Rukia (No.1!)

Ichigo x Tatsuki (Sort of)

Ichigo x Yoruichi

Urahara x Yoruichi

FemByakuya x Ichigo (See The Favor)

Avatar: Legend of Aang:

Aang x Kataara

Sonic the Hedgehog:

Sonic x Blaze

Shadow x Amy

Metal Sonic x either of the following:

Silver Sonic II (actually female)

Tails Doll (See "Metal Overdrive" by The Conflicted Writer)

X-overs:

Pikachu x Samus (Pokemon / Metroid)

Naruto x Ammy (Naruto / Okami)

Naruto x Yachiru (Naruto / Bleach)

Grimmjow x Yugito (Bleach / Naruto) It was right infront of me and I didn't see it until I read this!

pairings I REALLY F HATE!:

Sasuke x FemNaruto (Augh!)

Zukko x Kataara (AUUGHHHHH MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOP! HOLY F HELL IT BURNS WITH THE FIRS OF A THOUSAND EVILLLLLLLLLSSSESSSS! GOLLUM! IT BURNS! AUGHH HOLY FU- Intermission Doo doo doo doodly-doo doo doo doo doo dodly doo AUGH IT HURTS LIKE A B- Doo doo doo doo doodly-doooooooo- AND F@?!K YOU MATE! As you can tell this pairing goes beyond bottom ten (in my book) and out the other side to join a strange negaverse of evil things which stalk the night. No exaderation. I really HATE this pairing.)

Words of Wisdom. (Copyright me! Muhuhahahahahaha!)

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but pollution will kill us all. (Me)

Sticks in grass may break my ass, but words can kill my soul. (Me)

It is not the dark we fear, but the unknown. (Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter) )

Maybe things are set in stone. But if there's one thing I've learned in life, It's that stone breaks if you hit it hard enough. (Me)

If you follow your dreams, listent to your heart and try to be nice, you'll still be beaten by people who actually worked hard. (Miss Tick (Wee Free Men) )

Give me enough money to buy the universe, and then i'll get you a dog!! LOLZOR!!1111 (Me)

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll get a hook caught on his eyelid or something. (Homer Simpson)

Nicknames my friends/Enimies gave me:

Jimmy James Warrington the third. (Don't ask)

Hittler (defective shaver. Still look nothing like Hittler.)

Chocolate Milk Boy.(Again, don't ask)

Chocolate Milk Massiah (I like this one, actually.)

Brace Face ( Best insult ever. Not.)

Pearce Daniel Patrick Jimmy James Warrington John Jacob Jenkle Himer Schmit Warrillow III (Yeah... REALLY don't ask)

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave. (...Wha?)

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years (I don't even know how to play it As of Yesterday: Whew! I watched some one play Solataire! I know)

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space (No. Not Really)

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV (So sue me.)

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. (Yeah.)

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. (Don't have their E-Mail addresses. So Sue Me. )

9.) You were too busy nodding and smiling to notice number 5. (Yeah.)

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. (Yes I have done this thing of which you speak.)

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. (I do that a lot anyway.)

Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. (Well, shit I did.)

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. ( I'm afraid this isn't true anymore. Connor claimed my title of 'Wierdo' last week.)

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile. (Hell yeah!)

If you are really random put this on your profile. (Did you really have any doubt?)

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. (I call him Timetable, and I seriously think he's memorized it by now, and he calls me Demented Monkey Obsessed Freak. Which is true enough.)

Most people don't consider Sokka an important member of team Avatar since he doesn't have any bending abilities, only carries a boomerang as his main weapon (Up until Book Three, Chapter Four), whose only point on the team is to crack a joke and make all the plans and can't seem to get a girl. But if your one of the watchers who appreciates Sokka for being the comic relief, boomerang weilding, ideas guy and ladies man that we all love then copy and paste this to your profile. (It speaks the word of God!)

If you absolutely REFUSE to grow up copy this into your profile. (NO! I'll never go forward! NEVER!)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. ('Tis the reason I don't update, Falala-lalala!)

92 percent of teens have moved on to rap music. if you're part of the 8 percent that still rock out every day, copy this to your profile. (Rock'll never die.)

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. (I'm looking at you, Sasuke!)

If you think it's weird and sad that many girls get up ridiculously early to do their hair and make-up and pick out the perfect outfit EVERY DAY and yet somehow have no time to eat breakfast, copy this into your profile. (I'm looking at you, everyone!)

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile. (Unique being cooler than cool, kind of defeats the purpose. Because, then, cool is being unique, which means cool is cooler than cool. To save all this, I call it 'Better' than cool.)

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile. (I'm looking at you, random object!)

If you think rock/paper/scissors solves everything, then copy and paste this on your profile! (Sword! Fair Sized Boulder! A1 Paper! Gasp! You dare play to such extremes?)

Stop 4Kids!
When 4Kids dub anime, they get crappy voice actors, take out all signs of Japan, change a manga that's meant for teenagers to be okay for kids, take out all the Japanese music, replace great lines with crappy, cliched puns that are only funny for children ("sent to the stars"), and change great Japanese names to stupid American names (eg. Zoro=Zolo=WTF) (to further Americanize it). Copy and paste in your profile if you agree!

Die Voice Actors!

No longer shall we stand for crappy voice actors, such as using a woman with a squeeky voice for a 6-year-old (Or a twelve year old. coughNarutocough), getting different voice actors when a video game already has a cast and voice actors who are honestly painful to listen to and show no emotion. If you think this too, copy and paste in your profile!