Forgive me for such presumption, but I ask that you allow me five minutes of silence in honor of Mr. Bob Thomas, the vice-principal at my high school, who sadly passed away Thursday October 15th 2009. He was a big part of our school in many ways, and he will be sorely missed by staff and students alike. R.I.P Mr T. We miss you already. xxx

Hullo! My name's Lady Emzebel, nice to meet ya!

See my pic? That's Portgas D. Ace of the One Piece universe if you don't already know. He's also the cutest pyromaniac ever put down on paper. Pause for a second and say hi to Ace. It should be noted that he likes hugs and kisses too...and matches.

I am currently writing: either a cute Chopper fic or a piece of ZoSan smut. I've finished up to chapter four on D.O.T.P and I'll get working on the fifth at some point this weekend.

The secret to my youth? Ah, whaddaya mean, you didn't ask that?! Oh, my age? Hard to say; I never act the way I should. -_-'

My birthday is January 30th. This makes me an Aquarius, the Water Bearer, which is a fixed, universal, air sign.
The constellation Aquarius makes up the form of Ganymedes, a figure in Greek myth who was a Trojan prince until he caught the eye of the ever-horny King of the Gods, Zeus. So yeah, Zeus essentially kidnapped Prince Ganny and took him to Mount Olympus, home of the Gods, and bestowed upon him the gift of eternal life and youth...then made him his personal boy toy and cupbearer for the Gods. Basically, a cupbearer is like a waiter, but the only thing they serve is alcohol. Lucky for poor Ganny, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, took pity on him and made him the fourth (unofficial) Erote, and God of Homosexual Love.

Huzzah, this is just one of the reasons why I love Greek Mythology. Plenty of incest, gayness, and sexiness. Infidelity ain't so hot though.

On the subject of hot: Yaoi is hot. Yuri is hot. Het is hot. Those are my opinions. If you disagree then fair enough, each to his own. All I ask is that you please respect the fact that our opinions differ; don't get in my face. Because if you do, that will mean that you've just bent the laws of physics and science to enable yourself to stick your head through cyberspace and onto my screen...scary thought that.

Guys, I'm not easily offended and I do try and keep an open mind, but some things I simply can't tolerate. Things such as deliberate rudeness, hypocracy, constant whining, bad spelling, atrocious grammar errors, race bashing, gender bashing (unless you're just teasing), homo-bashing, and arrogance.

Ehem, sorry for getting all serious on you there. I don't mean to come across as a stuck-up byotch, but I have my beliefs and I stick by them. I expect the same goes for you too, so let's drink to that, eh? Whaddaya want? I got juice, milk, chocolate milk, water, tea, iced tea, coffee, iced coffee...pop? Grog?

Onward men!

...and...women... -_-'

Yosh, I'm sure we have a few things in common! Like...we both enjoy reading and writing. Would we really be here otherwise?

Things I like reading: Fanfiction (duh, XD), manga, thick novels, not-so-thick novels, text books, newspapers, children's books, road signs, cereal boxes, etc. Essentially, if it's got writing on it--and I don't care how juvenile it is--I have to read it. So long as it's not boring...

What do you like to read?

Things I like writing: Fiction Fiction Fiction! I like writing my own little stories with characters and plots I make up myself. I like writing poetry, especially haikus, but I enjoy experimenting with new kinds too. I love creative school projects that require writing. When it comes to Fanfiction, I love writing crack. Seriously, I'm the Crack-Whore Queen. Well ok, maybe not, but surely I can be the self-proclaimed one right?

So yeah, what do you like writing?

Hey, you like movies? What kind? What's your favourite (right now or all-time)?

I like watching movies; all kinds, especially romantic dramas like Pride and Prejudice. Horror movies are good when you're with friends. Anything from old-school disney is awesome too. I think my three favourite movies right now (I can't decide between them!) are The Full Monty, Emma, andBaron Omatsuri and the Secret Island (One Piece)

Do you watch T.V often? What's your favourite show?

I, personally, don't watch that much T.V (my younger sister commandeers the set most of the time) but when I do, it's usually marathons of Criminal Minds or Family Guy. I also watch One Piece, Ouran High School Host Club, and FMA Brotherhood on my lovely, lovely pootuh.

Besides reading and writing, do you have any other hobbies? What are they? How did you come to like them?

I enjoy acting and also drawing. Acting came about because performing onstage was manditory in my first four years of school, and drawing because my parents always encouraged my "artistic streak". They weren't too happy when I coloured the toilet seat blue and red though. I'm obsessed with DeviantArt (my name is Dragon-Grrrl) but the only thing I've uploaded so far is a photo and my stories. -_-' My favourites section is huge...you will get lost.

What are some random things you like? No order is necessary. XD

Personally, I like yaoi, yuri, het, rain, the cold side of the pillow, cats, chocolate, chocolate milk, milk, entertaining people, my family, my friends, swings, unexpected days off, watching anime, surfing the web, acting crazy, acting crazy with friends, reading fanfiction, Eddie Izzard, mystical creatures, especially dragons, imparting useless but interesting bits of information, browsing DeviantArt, making up pairings in my head, crackfics, reviews, constructive critizism, kind comments, random quizzes, climbing trees, acting out weird scenarios in my head, Rolo ice cream, spaghetti bolognaise, roast beef, treacle tart, big, old buildings, tea with lots of sugar, slurpees, daydreaming, history, drama, art, archaeology, sleeping, mythology, dream interpretation, saving the world, witchcraft and such...yeah none of these are in order.

Random things you don't like? Again, no order is necessary.

These things/concepts need to be drop-kicked off the face of the earth: mosquitoes, flies, retainers, mean people, waking up early, icy cold showers, yappy dogs that bark (All. The. Damn. Time.), poisonous spiders, jellyfish, people who patronize me, no free time, school projects that require no creativity whatsoever, gym class, the phrase "that's so gay"...I guess that's it.

Kinks you think are secret?

Mine are: Yaoi of any kind. Yuri of most kinds. Semi-consensual rape. Tentacles. Handcuff/blindfold bondage. Dr Kureha/Zeff hanky panky (mad blush). Twincest. Tongues and what can be done with them (tying cherry stems in knots, etc. Whaddaya think I meant!?). Seme Sanji and uke Zoro. Tattoos and nipple piercings.

Anything else you can think of? Character traits? Physical features? Amazing feats?

I'm brunette, about 5.7ft, and I have murky green eyes. Swamp-coloured, my friend tells me.
I originally come from Droitwich Spa, England, so I still retain a British accent, (yes I say TUH-MAR-TOE, not TOM-MEY-TOE) even though my little sister has gone all Canadian.
I do my best to be fair and unjudgemental but I'm pretty sure my stubborn, protective side gets in the way of that.
I have a dirty mind and do my best to corrupt my friends. Heck, some of them are worse than I am now. :O
I like to pretend I raise dragons in my closet. -_-'
I tend to swear quite a bit but if that offends you, do tell me and I will do my best to rein it in.
People say I suffer from delusions of grandeur but really, they're just jealous that I'm so sexy. X3
I attempted to read My Immortal (yes, that awful fic from the Harry Snotter...oops, Potter fandom) and only stopped at Chapter 41 when my sanity fled without protest and the entirety of my soul shriveled up and died. I am now a husk of what I once was. TAT
If I get reviews and faves for the stuff I write, I usually reply and thank you profusely. Please don't get irritated, it's just what I do.

It'd make me so happy if someone actually started answering my questions in a message to me. XD

My favourite quotes include:

"Women who strive to be considered equal to men lack ambition."

"I'm the ballman! It suits me best after all!"

"You look like a prince...the prince of Retardia."

"Nice 'booby' trap."

"My library is dukedom large enough."

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own laws."

"I love deadlines; the wooshing sound they make as they fly by."

"Then...I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive!"

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more."

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies."

"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."

(There are more, but I think you get the idea.)

PAIRINGS (Feel free to agree and disagree as you will; after all, I cannot say I have not done the same on others' profiles.)

My Ultimate Pairing:

Zoro/Sanji (One Piece) Basically, if they can't have each other there are only two other people I'd pair them with: Usopp for Zoro, and Ace for Sanji.

Other Pairings I Love:

One Piece:

Zoro/Usopp (Aww come on, it's cute!)
Vivi/Kohza (The Princess and the Pauper...ish. Whatever it's still awesome, ne?)
Franky/Robin (Dos fleur...grab. Enough said.)
Usopp/Kaya (I'd like it even more if Kaya wasn't so darn useless...and pale.)
Shanks/Ben ('gigglesnort' Much awesomness)
Shanks/Makino (So few fics with this one, but I still love it.)
Johnny/Yosaku (That kiss in the anime was so real. Don't deny it. XD)
Kureha/Zeff (Old people deserve love too!)
Kuro/Merry (Ahh, and so the lion fell in love with the lamb...or rather the cat mercilessly tortured the sheep before shagging him. 'evil grin')
Lucci/Kaku (Leopards and giraffes. 8D)
Jyabura/Kaku (Wolves and giraffes...even better.)
Chaka/Pell ('does noodly dance')
Koby/Helmeppo (Garp probably watches them...pervy old man. X3)
Smoker/Ace ("Where there's smoke there's fire"...that is so old. -_-')
Ace/Sanji (One sets things on fire and the other cooks. Perfect.)
Kidd/Law (I blame Squidbiscuit from DeviantArt. Go look up her stuff. Fricken' awesome.)
Drake/Hawkins (8D)
Bonnie/Capone (Oh yes, Capone...she's a very vulgar girl. XD)
Crocodile/Flamingo (Never would have thought of this one were it not for the "Let's hook up" line. Thank you Oda-Sama! 'worships')
Crocodile/Enel (I credit MerrowMerrow aka. applegenocide on DeviantArt for this one, what with her flippin' fantastic fan art.)
Garp/Tsuru (The Marine version of Zeff/Kureha. 'dies of the happiness bug')
Ace/Luffy (Oh yes, Citrus Sunscreen, you are SO responsible for this. XD)
Smut Only=Zoro/Sanji/Ace/Smoker (There's a story on MediaMiner called Recipe for Disaster-the author I forget-and it's flippin' hot. Go look!)
Smut+More=Zoro/Sanji/Usopp (Guilty Pleasure to the extreme.)

Ouran High School Host Club:

Haruhi/Tamaki (Predictable but so cute.)
Haruhi/Kyoya (Sexy as hell when Kyoya looked like he was going to do dirty things to her in the anime. Lucky byotch. 'drools')
Tamaki/Kyoya (Quiet kids, mommy and daddy are busy.)
Hikaru/Kaoru (Twincest!)
Mitsukuni(Hunny)/Takashi(Mori) (Cousin-cest...I think.)
Kasanoda/Tetsuya (That anime scene with them both in the rain where Kasanoda offers his umbrella...adorable as heck.)

Fullmetal Alchemist:

Roy/Riza (What? It's like, practically canon. Don't diiiie Riza!)
Edward/Winry (Ditto)
Al/Mei (When she's older, of course.)
Greed/Kimblee (Guilty pleasure pairing...my bad.)
Havoc/Breda (Nice exercise equipment you gave Havoc there, Breda. Hand flexes. Hmmm.)
Havoc/Rebecca (Hey, they're both looking for love.)
Fuery/Sheska (...I like pairing people with glasses together...don't judge me. ;p)
Maria/Broche (That's some intense fluffage right there.)
Lin/Lan Fan (How could he not love a woman that saves his ass time and time again?)

Harry Potter:

Harry/Ginny (Canon)
Ron/Hermione (Canon)
Neville/Luna (Should be bloody canon T-T)
Seamus/Dean (Guy friends or boyfriends, they're darling anyway.)
Hermione/Pansy (Another guilty pleasure pairing.)
Draco/Pansy (Canon...I think.)
Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood (Big boooooys...8D)
Tonks/Remus (Canon...hey, they died together, that's love right there for ya.)
(Young) Dumbledore/Grindlewald (...well...why not?)

Inheritance Cycle:

Eragon/Murtagh (...well...it's not total incest, right? -_-')
Nasuada/Orrin (Politcal smut, mmmmm.)
Durza/Arya (Bondage! Woot!)

InkheartTrilogy:

Meggie/Doria (Well Farid, it's your fault. Shouldn't have been so obsessed with the fire-eater should you?)
Firefox/the Piper (It's like a Sanji/Zoro relationship only they're evil and they both die. sigh)
Elinor/Darius (I can totally see Darius kicking the asses of Fenoglio and that Bastista guy for flirting with his woman. XD)
Violante/the Black Prince (Work yo magic Fenoglio.)

Class of the Titans:

Jay/Theresa (Canon. They need another season of CotT damn it!)
Archie/Atlanta (Read as above!)
Herry/Odie (Brawn and brains. Awesome combo.)
Odie/Neil (Brains and looks. Killer combo.)
Neil/Herry (Brawn and looks...perhaps not deadly but nice to look at.)
Hermes/Dionysus (Guuuilty pleeeeeasuuuuure!)
Optus/Phonus/Logus (Oh yeah baby, don't deny it, you know it's true. :p)

RENT:

Roger/Mimi (They got baggage but they don't give a bleep.)
Collins/Angel (Coolest pair of lovers ever.)
Maureen/Joanne (Lesbian lovers. Enough said.)
Marky/his scarfy (Heehee, I tease. He should have totally got a girl by the end of the show though.)

Merlin:

Arthur/Merlin (Wish it was canon, damn it. 'mumbles murderously')
Lancelot/Gwen (Come back Lancey! Gwen neeeds yoooou!)

Shakespeare:

Mercutio/Benvolio (I still think they fricken' eloped after Merc "died". Until I see a body, that is how it's gonna be.)
Mercutio/Tybalt (Dat's some crazy sexual tension right there folks.)
Romeo/Juliet (Live damn you!)
Horatio/Hamlet (Sometimes you just gotta let out a little manly frustration...and there's no wench around. Blast.)
Rosencrantz/Guildenstern ('nose bleeds')

Xiaolin Showdown:

Raimundo/Jack ('nose oozes blood' This pairing...soooo hoooot.)
Raimundo/Clay (Mmm, the cowboy and the smartass. I'm hard just thinking about it. :p)
Kimiko/Jack (It's so cute. And what's more, it could actually work in the canon too. :D)

Pairings Of Which I'm Not AS Fond:

One Piece:

Luffy/Usopp (I think it could work if Luffy was slightly OC, ie. not in love with each of his nakama equally.)
Luffy/Nami (Part of me believes this could be canon, but in truth: I see Luffy as nakama, not smut material. Sorry everybody else. -_-')
Franky/Iceburg (Only if Robin isn't available for some reason.)
Zoro/Chopper (Only for the giggles. Not to say Chopper doesn't deserve some lovin'; I just don't see this pairing seriously.)
Mihawk/Zoro (Smut is niiice. But yeah, Zoro belongs to Sanji...or so I say.)
Zoro/Tashigi (It's ok. Not the best but I like it.)
Mihawk/Shanks (Good for smut.)
Marco/Ace (It's good, just not AS good as SmoAce.)
Sanji/Gin (Sanji belongs to Zoro. 'nough said.)
Sanji/Usopp (It's cute, but I like them better as friends.)

Ouran High School Host Club:

Kyoya/Mori (Meh, makes for good smut.)
Kyoya/Kaoru (Ditto.)
Mori/Haruhi (Makes for good angst.)

Full Metal Alchemist:

Edward/Al (They're both too young.)
Roy/Havoc (Nice but not the nicest.)

Harry Potter:

Hermione/Blaise (Again, good smut.)
Remus/Sirius (Teenage curiousity. Hey, we all get it right?)

Inkheart Trilogy:

Mo/Dustfinger (Just the one fic, "Scorched, or the effects of Acid Rain" by Ani-Coolgirl.)

Xiaolin Showdown:

Kimiko/Raimundo (It's alright but not the best.)

Pairings I Hate (sorry, but it's the honest truth):

One Piece:

Zoro/Luffy (Gah, I try to be understanding! Hell, I even have doujinshi of this pairing! But I just dooon't liiiike iiiit!)
Zoro/Robin (She's a bit old for him...just a little.)
Sanji/Robin (Same thing.)
Robin/Nami ('massages temples' Sanji would just about die wouldn't he?)
Robin/Luffy (I'm sorry but no...just no.)
Hancock/Luffy (Sure, she loves him but he's too kiddish to actually get her affections.)
Perona/Usopp (Maybe as a gimmicky thing but otherwise...naaah.)
Franky/Usopp (They are way too much like mischievous brothers for me to ship. 'sigh')
Lucci/Paulie (Paulie's gonna get with Moza or Kiwi...maybe both. XD)

Ouran High School Host Club:

Hikaru/Haruhi (Nooooo, Hikaru! Kaoru loves yoooou!)

Full Metal Alchemist:

Roy/Hughes (He's married you guyz! D8)

Harry Potter:

Harry/Draco (Really does not do anything for me.)
Ginny/Hermione (Just not my thing.)
Snape/Anyone ('cackles' Ah Snape, poor thing. Hogwart's own forty year old virgin. XD)

Inheritance Cycle:

Eragon/Arya (I remember when I used to ship this. 'smiles in nostalgia')
Eragon/Roran (Funny how I prefer incest over cousin-cest eh?)
Eragon/Saphira (Noooooo, do not compromise the bond!)
Murtagh/Nasuada (Ha, I used to ship this too. Happy dayz. XD)

Inkheart Trilogy:

Meggie/Dustfinger ('shudders')
Basta/Meggie (Like I'd let him at her!)
Farid/Meggie (You had your chance buddy, move along.)
Farid/Dustfinger (Wrong on so many levels, but okay if you like it.)

Fun Stuff! X3

Because I'm all for giving credit where it's due, this quizzy thing came from the profile on ColourPearl (check her out, she's got good stuff!). I don't know if she made it or what, but yeah, I thought is was fun and funny and cute, and I was bored so I decided to do it.

Name twelve of your favourite characters from a fandom of your choice. Fandom: ONE PIECE! Characters: 1) Brook 2) Usopp 3) Bon Kurei 4) Sanji 5) Emporio Ivankof 6) Kaku 7) Kumadori 8) Zoro 9) Kureha 10) Mihawk 11) Doflamingo 12) Crocodile

1) Have you read a five/ten fic before?
Ivankof/Mihawk...nope...but dude! That would be sweet! 8D

2) Do you think three is hot? How hot?
Well, I certainly wouldn't do him, but I'm sure he does have manly appeal under all that makeup.

3) What would happen if six got one pregnant?
I don't even want to know how Kaku would go about impregnating a skeleton.

4) Do you recall any good fics about nine?
Kureha? Erm...no. I think I'm like the only one who writes them, but I'm no where near big-headed enough to put that.

5) Would seven and two make a good couple?
Kumadori/Usopp? Yoi yoi! You neeeever knoooow. XD

6) Four/eight or four/nine?
Sanji/Zoro or Sanji/Kureha. Well...when you put them side by side...WHAT AM I SAYING?! SANJI/ZOROOO!

7) What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in a secret relationship?
If Kumadori discovered Bon Kurei and Zoro together there would be quite the dramatic rendition of secret homosexual love, kabuki style with added ballet.

8) Make a summary of at least twenty words for a two/six fic.
Usopp/Kaku. With the incidents of Enies Lobby far behind them, two young men discover they have far more in common than just an unfortunate facial discrepancy. It doesn't hurt that the sniper thinks giraffes are cute either... (And then when they discover they're actually related, I shall sit back and laugh.)

9). Is there such a thing as a four/ten romantic fluff story?
Sanji/Mihawk. I doubt it; if these guys were ever a pairing then it would only be Sanji making his one and only marimo jealous. SMUT!

10) Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic.
Brook/Ivankof. "The Lovely Bones" (There's a reference there...)

11. What kind of plot would you use if four wanted to seduce one?
Sanji/Brook. Seduction? Who has time for that. Sanji'd just jump his bones. YOHOHO! SKULL JOOOKE! XD

12. Does anyone on your friends list read number seven het? What about nine slash?
Het Kumadori. Slash Kureha. I have no doubt that Kumadori has never once been thought about with sexual connotations...as for Kureha...well, she did pin Nami to a bed with a knife...lucky Zeff...he can watch his girlfriend with another woman.

13. If you wrote a songfic about number ten, what song would you choose?
Mihawk. "Beware of the Dog" by Jamelia. Zoro's having a little trouble shaking off this insaitable bloodhound...

14. If you wrote a two/three/six fic, what would the warning be?
Usopp/Bon Kurei/Kaku. Double penetration and neither one of them had to drop their pants...

15. What pick-up line might twelve use on eleven?
Crocodile use on Doflamingo. "Enslave me...bitch." 'sexy pose'

16. Challenge: Write a drabblefic for ten/eight.
Mihawk/Zoro. Zoro regrets having to kill his opponent for the title of World's Greatest Swordsman, though not for the reason you think...why the fuck did Mihawk have to go and make Zoro responsibile for his goddamned cat!?

17) Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before?
Kaku/Doflamingo. Nope...not a bad pairing though...'scary grin'

18) Do you think four is hot? How hot?
Sanji. Oh-em-gee, yes! Just the sound of his theme song playing between two halves of a One Piece episode makes me shiver pleasurably. XD

19) What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant?
Crocodile got Zoro pregnant. Since Zoro can't give birth the...ah...usual way, the babies would chew their way out of his stomach. Well, having a father with a name like that, it should have been expected. (Oh my god...I'd laugh until I puke.)

20) Do you recall any fics about seven? Can you rec any?
Kumadori? Oh god yes. There's one about him making the other members of CP9 perform in a play. Pretty damn funny.

21) Would two and four make a good couple?
Usopp/Sanji. Yes. I love this pairing. Not as much as Usopp/Zoro or Ace/Sanji, but it's sitting on a pretty high shelf.

22) Five/nine or five/eleven?
Ivankof/Kureha or Ivankof/Doflamingo. The latter is most likely...'eyes bleed at the thought'

23) What would happen if six walked in on one and twelve having sex?
If Kaku walked in on Brook and Crocodile having sex? Probably depart for the Tower of Justice and throw himself from the very top.

24) Make up a summary for a three/ten Fanfic.
Bon Kurei/Mihawk. Bon will do anything for his pal Sanji-kun. Disguising himself as Zoro so Mihawk will leave the real one alone? No sweat, right?

9) Is there any such thing as a one/eight fluff?
Brook/Zoro? Er, probably not. But I bet some cute nakamaship would come from these two.

10) Suggest a title for a two/eleven tragedy fic.
Usopp/Doflamingo. "Whipping Boy"

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted twelve to de-flower eleven?
You can hardly deflower what was never a plant. But if you insist: a very satisfying business deal.

12) Does anyone on your friends list read eight slash?
Zoro slash? Most certainly. We have that in common. XD

13) Does anyone on your friends list read three het?
Bon Kurei? Well, I'm sure he does het very well, but none of my friends read it.

14) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw eleven?
Doflamingo? Not on my friends list.

15) Would anyone you know write two/four/five?
Usopp/Sanji/Ivankof is a pairing only I would write in my most twisted of imaginings.

16) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Mihawk. Ah...probably something about sword polish. It's ok, his partner will probably find it dirty.

17) If you wrote a song-fic about eight, what song would you choose?
Zoro. "All Over Me" by Default. The swordsman has been feeling very strange around the cook lately...

18) If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be?
Brook/Kaku/Crocodile. Crack. Pure crack. Dealers have nothing on this.

19) What might be a good pick-up line for ten to use on two?
Mihawk on Usopp. "Young man...how adept are you at handling a sword?"

20) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Ivankof. Hmmm, quite a while ago actually. I do know that I liked it though.

21) What is six's super-secret kink?
Kaku. Necking. If only that Devil Fruit had come with a "side effect" tag, eh?

22) Would eleven shag nine? Drunk or sober?
Would Doflamingo shag Kureha? Yes. Drunk or Sober? Forget drunk. The guy would be so wasted the hangover would last a week.

23) If three and seven get together, who tops?
Bon Kurei/Kumadori. 'dies laughing' Bon Kurei. Bon-chan all the way.

24) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with eleven and a brief unhappy affair with twelve, then follows the wise advice of five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic?
Brook and Kureha are in a happy relationship until Kureha suddenly runs off with Sanji. Brook, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Doflamingo and a brief unhappy affair with Crocodile, then follows the wise advice of Ivankof and finds true love with Bon Kurei. "Dance of the Dead."

25) "After drinking too much, four and six get together and four winds up pregnant with twelve. Six runs off with nine, who was previously in a threesome relationship with eight and eleven. Eight and four turn to each other, but eleven, feeling betrayed, tries to kill them." What would the outcome of this fic be?
After drinking too much, Sanji and Kaku get together and Sanji winds up pregnant with Crocodile. Kaku runs off with Kureha, who was previously in a threesome relationship with Zoro and Usopp. Zoro and Sanji turn to each other, but Usopp, feeling betrayed, tries to kill them." Sanji gives Doflamingo his first born son (Crocodile) and all is right in the world when the little mite grows up enough for Doflamingo to properly molest. Oh joy! XD

26) How would you feel if two/one was canon?
Usopp/Brook. There would probably be some epic facefloors the world over. I, however, would sit back and ponder at Oda's idea of fanservice.

The Laws of Anime

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary(Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First CorollaryUnfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

Dear to whom it may concern,

I have not abandoned the fic "Valentines Day from Hades". Instead, I shall be providing a shorter revised (and hopefully just as amusing) version in the near future...just as soon as I get off my lazy ass and finish writing it.

Muchos love,

L.E

Kule Beenz Y'all.