- - I AM NOW A BETA-READER FOR MOVIES, BOOKS, AND TV SHOWS - PREFERABLY ONES THAT I KNOW OF! - -

MY PRIVATE MESSAGING IS NOW ENABLED! SO FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME!

VERY IMPORTANT: I HAVE A NEW CONTEST FOR ONE-SHOTS: FLUFF 'N' STUFF AND TRAGIC MAGIC! PLEASE LOOK INTO IT - I HAVE ZERO ENTRIES SO FAR AND HARDLY ANYONE HAS EVEN LOOKED AT IT! I WILL BE TAKEN IT DOWN SOON IF NO ONE ENTERS, SO PLEASE TRY AND SPREAD THE WORD! I WILL PUT ALL ENTRIES IN MY FAVORITES AND MAYBE EVEN ON MY PROFILE.

(I laughed really hard when I read this because I know some guys that are a lot like Bella when it comes to clumsiness/self-injuries! partially copied off of Cinderellaellabella's profile)

Boys are like slinkies. Useless, but fun to watch them fall down stairs.

(note: the following sarcasm was copied off of Volleyballgirl1112's profile, but I edited some places)

Some examples of why the human race has probably come so far (note the sarcasm). You know, not all people have IQ points of forty-five. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Dang it! My dream-self is going to miss fixing her hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(What the heck is THAT supposed to mean? And, besides...I use soap for sensitive skin!)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But...the box said that it was JUST a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Besides...whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(shakes head We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we could just stop 5 year olds from hijacking cars and using forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(No, really?!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(OK...? Something obviously went wrong in the translation...I hope!)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(In other words, don't use if floating in outer space)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Nuts are fine, but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid BIG bucks to write this one. Wow, two sentences! 'You're a big kid now!' applause)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise both hands if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, go ahead! Just destroy children's dreams left and right!)

DUMB BLONDE JOKES (no offense to blondes, but I find these hilarious)

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

(note to reader: the following joke isn't mine - I found it on the Internet)

Last Thanksgiving, my mom decided to play a trick on my sister (who's blonde). To get her out of the house, she convinced her that we needed more half and half for the coffee.

While my sister was out, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, then put it inside the turkey, packing stuffing all around it. She then put the turkey back in the oven.

When everything was ready, my sister took the turkey out of the oven and began to remove the stuffing. When she felt something, she reached in and pulled out the Cornish hen.

Pretending to be shocked, by mother exclaimed, "Patti, you've cooked a pregnant turkey!"

My sister began to cry and was inconsolable. It took us half an hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

I have a new idea for a Twilight FanFic. I want to know what you guys think of it. (and, yes, it is EdxB but they won't fall in love after one day)

Speechless

He was born deaf. She was orphaned at the age of eight. He tried to stay positive; she couldn't find anything to be happy for. What do they have in common, you may ask? Neither one speak, whether it be by choice or not. However, that could all change with a risky surgery and a rocky friendship...

Posted...who knows? Maybe not at all!

OK, it may sound bad, but I am trying to come up with a story that people will actually LIKE. I have some faithful readers, but not many. Thank you, though, for those who ARE loyal! People seem to like stories that are just romance...but I can't write those. They're too boring to me!

MY OWN PERSONAL BOOK OF SAYINGS, MADE-UP WORDS, AND OTHER WEIRD (BUT IN A GOOD WAY!) STUFF

Note: these are all original words/sayings/weird (but in a good way) everyday wisdom - hey...that rhymed!

Sensible Sayings: Bottom line...point blank...up front...I like it!!

cutieful (pronounced cue-tee-full) meaning: a cross between cute and beautiful

irregal (pronounced e-ree-gull) meaning: not nice; not good; not allowed

purplee (pronounced purr-plea) meaning: the most beautiful shade of purple (my fave color) in the world

What's that? A face! A super creepy face and now, that face, is in my happy place and it won't leave, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, YEAH!! parody of 'Funky Junky Hat Dance

Looks aren't important unless you're in Hollywood, which sucks because I wanted to be an actress. (haha, JK - what I mean to say that looks SHOULDN'T matter but, unfortunately, they do WAY too much!)

'So much for my happy ending'? Come on, people - we know that only happens in horror movies. (that's what they WANT you to think! ;-)

Michael Jackson? looks at photo That's a weird name for a girl. (sorry MJ fans, but I need a bit of comic relief right now!)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Hi!

I am obsessed w/Twilight although I LOVE Harry Potter plus several other series and may write about them, too!

I am an aspiring author and fanfiction is just a side 'job' for me - something fun to do while I'm not busy. I write my own original works more than I write FanFiction, though I think about my FanFics a lot!

I am an artist, a singer, and, of course, a writer. I also love listening to music - a variety of songs from many different singers/bands. My favorite websites are YouTube, FanFiction.Net, FanPop.Com, Toontown, and Webkinz! (JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE WEBKINZ - I DON'T PLAY!)

P.S. I have now figured out my favorite movies! They are Titanic (simply beautiful!), Back to the Future trilogy (genius!), all five (and soon to be six) Harry Potter movies, and Twilight IF I EVER GET TO SEE IT! GRR!! I have about a million others I'm particularly fond of, but these are some I really like. Oh, and National Treasure 1 and 2 are awesome also.

Be forewarned: When writing Twilight stories, I am SO sick of Edward always being perfect while Bella is stuck as the damsel in distress, so I will probably some all human fanfics or something where Edward is the one that needs help and not Bella. It's not that I don't like Edward, which I really and truly do (though maybe not as much as some people - no offense to those who are in love with him), it's just that I think there needs to be a change every once in awhile. You don't know how many fanfics I've read where Bella is depressed, hiding some fatal illness, abused, or has about a thousand near-death experiences and Edward always has to come to the rescue! It's not that I'm a feminist (although I do stand up for girls' rights, of course), it's just danger-magnet-Bella is getting pretty old. If you haven't noticed, most of the books and movies makes the girl die. That becomes pretty annoying after a while!

I will NOT write lemons or stores with bad cussing or too much sexual content - I am not that kind of author - but I will , of course, let them kiss (DUH!), just no lemonade. Of course they can be fluffy and lovey and all that - if I didn't allow it, whichever couple wouldn't make sense.

Read my story. I will try to update my current story at LEAST every other night - more on weekends unless I'm super busy - because I hate waiting once I've found a really good fanfic. Don't you?

I will probably delete Renesmee's Turn and rewrite Darkening Dusk. Renesmee's Turn hasn't gotten very many reviews and really isn't that good. I don't know where to go with it. Darkening Dusk is moving too fast and isn't original enough to suit my taste. The new one, if I make it, will probably be titled Dusk, so look for it! PLEASE READ, REVIEW, AND SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU CAN NEVER FORGET!! I ONLY HAVE 1 REVIEW AND ABOUT 12 REVIEWS IN TOTAL FOR ALL 3 OF MY STORIES! That's SAD! I want some reviews please! :-( PLEASE spread the word about my account! My new FanFic, There Are Some Things You Can Never Forget, will have a few Twilight moments in it, but is an all human story. I know the basic outline and it will probably be pretty good, so take a look at it! Edward (human) loses his memory! WOW! That's a shocker! P.S. Nothing to Lose, So Much to Gain will probably have some Twilight moments such as...'I'm tired of staying away from you, Bella' even though it is all human also! PLEASE read it - it will be a touching, sad but sweet story! So take a look at it!

Note: my music choices have changed now that I have become more open to less-juvenile stuff. i am not a fan of Miley Cyrus, High School Musical, or, in truth, many Disney singers. I may like some of the music, but that doesn't mean that I like the person. (example: I like the song Just So You Know (listed below), but I don't like Jesse McCartney very much at all.) Here are some songs you MUST listen to, unless you haven't already. If so, listen again! THIS IS BASICALLY MY PERSONAL PLAYLIST - IT IS LONG, SO BE PREPARED!! listed randomly

Viva la Vida by Coldplay

Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park

Breathe by Taylor Swift

You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

Decode by Paramore

The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift (a must-hear, even if you don't like her songs)

All Around Me by Flyleaf

Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback

Citizen Soldier by Three Doors Down

Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls (the only punk band I like - so far)

Live Your Life by T.I. feat Rihanna (I don't like rap, but the song gets stuck in your head - so catchy!)

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

Love Song Requiem by Trading Yesterday (so beautiful)

Trainwreck by Demi Lovato

I'm With You by Avril Lavigne (BEFORE her music style changed)

Everytime We Touch by Cascada

Stand by Rascal Flatts

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

My Wish by Rascal Flatts

Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood

Last Name by Carrie Underwood

Fearless by Taylor Swift

Love Story by Taylor Swift (RADIO EDITION)

Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings

The Reason by Hoobastank

Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton

A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

Disturbia by Rihanna

Please Don't Stop the Music by Rihanna

Home by Daughtry

Over You by Daughtry

Change by Taylor Swift

Can I Have This Dance by Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron (surprisingly good for a HSM movie!! - yeah, call me a dork if you want - get over it!)

Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson (I am not a fan of her, I just like this and the following song(s)

Invisible by Ashlee Simpson

Just So You Know by Jesse McCartney (before he turned perverted)

My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion (haunting; mysterious; sad; sweet all rolled into one - great singer)

Believe by Josh Groban (great singer - beautiful Christmas song!)

Thunder by Boys Like Girls

Up Against the Wall by Boys Like Girls

Learning to Fall by Boys Like Girls

One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks

That's What You Get by Paramore

Hot by Avril Lavigne

The Call by Regina Spektor

All You Wanted by Michelle Branch

Stay Beautiful by Taylor Swift (ah, I can't help it - I'm a big fan)

With Love by Hilary Duff (maybe a little old, but who cares?? I still like it)

Here are my PlayLists for my (currently) two FanFics! Listen to the songs - they're all great! (Listed in order as the events in the stories occur)

SOME OF THESE SONGS STINK, I KNOW! I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW, SO HOLD ON!

There Are Some Things You Can Never ForgetPlayList:

Just So You Know by Jesse McCartney - EPOV

Realize by Colbie Calliat - EPOV

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts - EPOV

Up Against the Wall by Boys Like Girls - EPOV

Should've Said No by Taylor Swift - BPOV (about her break-up with Jacob)

What Hurts the Most (candlelight version) by Cascada - BPOV

When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne - BPOV

Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift - BPOV

Nothing to Lose, So Much to GainPlayList:

Love Song Requiem by Trading Yesterday - EPOV

Under My Skin by Trading Yesterday - EPOV

Crush by David Archuleta - EPOV

Beautiful Eyes by Taylor Swift - BPOV
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis - BPOV

Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls - EPOV

Time of My Life by David Cook - EPOV

The Reason by Hoobastank - EPOV

All You Wanted by Michelle Branch - BPOV

Cry by Mandy Moore - BPOV

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne - BPOV

The Beauty and the Tragedy by Trading Yesterday - EPOV

- - WISE QUOTE - - (really random, but who cares - it rhymes!!):

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is a mystery

But today is a gift...

That's why it's called the present

OH YEAH - I WROTE...I MEAN WENT THERE!

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

- - RIDDLE - - (I like to challenge my readers - don't ask)

Imagine that you are inside a boat in the middle of an shark-infested ocean with no way to escape and only a paddle to fend them off. How will you survive?

ANSWER: Stop imagining!

What are secret admirers also known as?

ANSWER: stalkers with stationary

OH MY GOSH! YOU'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR - JUST KEEP HOLDING ON - ONLY ONE...TWO...THREE...FOUR...FIVE? MORE SENTENCES LEFT...KIND OF.

So give me reviews please and let me know what you think! Subscribe if you want! Remember - what's one step away from crazy? Passionate! JK.

- - Luv razzledazzle96 (where do you think I got the 'dazzle' part from?? LOL) - -