Hey everyone!! Welcome to my profile page!. I hope you guys have fun...lol...Well right now I'm in school but I have a lot of free time so I will be typing up my story, adding a chapter as often as I can. If there's anything you want to ask or talk to me about just email me at emily_jane_grimes @ hotmail. com (take out the spaces) d(o_o)b

FORMERLY KNOWN AS : XxBellaxXxEdwardxX

My name: Emily, yes just like Sam's imprint...

Age: 20

Appearance: Medium length black hair (dyed), Blue-ish gray eyes, pale, and short-ish.

Books: I love to read. The House of Night is my number one favorite right now. I like the Twilight Saga. I also like The Host, also by Stephenie Meyer. I love all of the books by a writer called Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. I also really like a writer by the name of John Saul. A Russian writer, Sergei Lukyanenko, and his Night Watch series is also really good. Lately I've been really into The Clique series, by Lisi Harrison. It's very strange and the books are short (between 200 and 300 pages only, can be read in a day or 2) but they are very good and the author keeps you wanting more as soon as you are done reading the first one. I also suggest you read Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber.

MY OWN BOOK: if you have read the most recent chapter of The Cold Ones then you'll know that I am starting to write my own story. I have a few chapters, in a random order, none that follow each other, and I'd really like your support. So if it takes some time to update then it's because I am inspired for my book and I had to write it or I'd forget everything. If you would like some basic info on it email me or send me a message and I'd be happy to tell you about it. I think I may even post the first chapter here once I get it done and make sure it's what I want.

UPDATE: I am currently pregnant, and so I don't have any energy to do much. I will try and get the stories I have up finished.

Stories:

Music Can Bring Us Together:

Kagome is a street kid who gets a chance to be in a band when her friend cant do his duties anymore. What will happen to her? And what will Inu do with her? Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Language. Every chapter is based on a song.

Story of my Life: (Complete)

An Inuyasha story that is basically the gang in high school, with my twisting plot.

If the links don't work, you may need to press on ctrl and click the link to make it work or just copy them.

Kagome's shirts in the talent show (not exact but close enough): http://www.backwardglances.com/images/fishnet20shirt.jpg

Kagome's skirt for the talent show (hard to see but that's my inspiration): http://cache.gettyimages.com/xc/73282963.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF193CC300C081D9F470034321FE241AADCB1EA4E3504014046EBA55A1E4F32AD3138

Kagome's boots: http://www.starletsandharlets.com/PhotoGallery.asp?ProductCode=GOTHIKA2D200

Kagome's accessories:

Belt: http://www.shopbamboozled.com/STUDDED_BELT_2.jpg

Choker: http://www.victoriancrochet.com/chokers/BlackChoker.jpg

Arm bands (I own these): http://www.funwirks.com/TRiple20Studded20bracelet.jpg

Christmas Dress: http://www.laurenkiyomi.com/xcg/images/P/D02BlkPurple.jpg

Shoes: http://www.hattyandmoo.com/images/bourneblklace3.jpg

Shawl: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41JW10DMHTL._SL160_SS160_.jpg

The Cold Ones: (Complete)

The Cold Ones, The biggest band in the world, are coming to play in their hometown of Forks, WA. Bella, Alice, and Rosalie haven't seen their friends since their early teenage years. When they meet them back stage the boys look different, almost not human. What is making them like that?

Bella's shirt in chapter 8: http://www.crazydogtshirts.com/servlet/the-1291/roundhouse-kick-range2C-chuck/Detail

The PJ's Bella talks about in chap. 9 (hers are black instead of white): http://www.crazydogtshirts.com/servlet/the-1451/Naughty-Nice-Tank-and/Detail

And her crayon shirt: http://boyculture.typepad.com/boy_culture/images/2007/11/19/img_0013_2.jpg

Life Doesn't Always Have a Happy Ending: (Complete)

This is a story that my friend wrote. It's actually the story of her life, so please try not to be too critical. Unfortunately, she couldn't post it but she asked me to post it for her. It's her life, but with Twilight characters. ONE SHOT.

Just a Faze: (Complete)

A one shot to a song called Faze by Aselin Debison. I was listening to it in class while I had nothing to do and the story just came to me. I hope you like it.

My Immortal Edward: (Complete)

I had time in school and reading about peoples suggestions for the New Moon soundtrack I got to thinking and came up with this...

Addicted to Edward: (Complete)

Another songfic, this time it's to Kelly Clarkson’s Addicted. R&R!

Poem for ZIM: (Complete)

This is a poem my friend wrote from GiR's POV...it's funny and cute and so much like GiR...Hope y'all like it!

I may add a few one shots. I usually will make it a songfic because when I have nothing left to do at school but I have to stay. I'll listen to music and get ideas for stories

ATTENTION ALL! : I will be acquiring one or two stories that a friend of mine started writing but has no time to do so anymore. I don’t know how good you'll think they are but I want to help her. I will be finishing them after I finish The Cold Ones, but before I put up a new one.

Twilight Quotes: (the ones in bold go together)

-Twilight-

Bella: About three things I was absolutely positive: First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him–and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be–that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Bella: I’m not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do.

Bella: Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?

Bella: I doubted there were any etiquette books detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family.

Bella: Do you think that if I ran him over with my truck he would stop feeling guilty about the accident? That he might give up on making amends and call it even?

Bella: I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.

Bella: I considered taking out the rear of his shiny Volvo, but there were too many witnesses.

Bella: Stupid, unreliable vampire.

Bella: I think … and if you ever repeat what I’m saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death, but I think that would hurt Jessica’s feelings.

Bella: I tried to maintain what dignity I could as I got into his car. I wasn’t very successful – I looked like a half-drowned cat and my boots squeaked.

Edward: Someone has to spread the good news that we survived.

Edward: I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.

Edward: You scared me for a minute there. I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods.

Edward: Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…
Bella: What a stupid lamb.
Edward: What a sick, masochistic lion.

Edward: You’re as white as a ghost — no, you’re as white as me!

Edward: Bella, I’ve already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I’m not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can’t even walk straight. Besides, friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

Mike: So did you stab Cullen with a pencil or what?

-Movie-

Bella: You've gotta give me some answers
Edward: Yes, no, to get to the other side, 1.77245385--
Bella: I don't want to know the square root of pi!
Edward: You knew that?

Edward: Money, sex, money, sex, money, money...cat...

Bella: You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color. And sometimes you speak like, like you’re from a different time. You never eat or drink anything. You don't go into the sunlight. How old are you?
Edward: Seventeen.
Bella : How long have you been seventeen?
Edward: ...a while.
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: Say it, out loud say it.
Bella: Vampire...
Edward: Are you afraid?
Bella: ...no.

-New Moon-

Alice: Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find.

Alice: Try not to trip. We don’t have time for a concussion today.

Edward: You should probably know that I’m breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear.

Emmett: I have to step out for a second. Don’t do anything funny while I’m gone

-Movie-

Emmett: Dating an older women? Hot.
Edward: *scoffs*
Emmett: What?

Quil: So this is your girlfriend, huh?
Jacob: I said she was a girl who was a friend
Quil: Do you remember him making that distinction?
Embry: No I don't.

Bella: Woah, you're buff. What are you, like 16?
Jacob: Age is just a number baby. What are you now, 40?

Jared: These are trade secrets! She runs with vampires!
Bella: You can't really run with vampires. They're very fast.
Jared: Well, we're faster. Freaked out yet?
Bella: You're not the first monsters I've met.
Sam: Jake's right, you're good with weird

-Eclipse-

Alice: Speaking of sports cars, and ones I stole in Italy, you owe me a Porches!

Jacob: Next time you want to hurt me, use a crowbar or baseball bat.

Edward: If we could bottle your luck, we’d have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands.

Edward: I wasn’t about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.

Edward: I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.

Edward: How can someone so tiny by so annoying

Edward: I was just trying to figure out why you stabbed him. Not that I object.

Edward: Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into.

Edward: Do me a favour and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him

Edward: But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?

Edward: I don’t see you making yourself useful. Why don’t you go fetch a space heater or something?

Edward: I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn’t bother you?

Edward: You know that you nearly gave me a heart attack? Not the easiest thing to do, that.

Emmett: I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Every thing’s so much more fun with you around.

Emmett: Fall down again, Bella?
Bella: No, I punched a werewolf in the face

Bella: It’s a good thing you’re bulletproof. I’m going to need that ring. It’s time to tell Charlie.

Bella: I hate you Jacob Black.
Jacob: That's good. Hate is a passionate emotion.
Bella: “I’ll give you passionate,” I muttered under my breath. “Murder, the ultimate crime of passion.”

-Breaking Dawn-

Bella: Did you know that 'I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob? His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’

Bella: Rose’ll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can’t see them.

Bella: I guess my brain will never work right. At least I’m pretty

Bella: Emmett, how do you feel about a little bet? You. Me. Arm-wrestling. Dining room table. Now

Bella: I’d been so careful since the last time I woke up, trying so hard not to break things. It was a relief to use my muscles. To let the strength flow rather than struggling to restrain it.

Jacob: You know how you drown a blond, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

Jacob: Hey, do you know what you call a blond with a brain? A golden retriever.

Jacob: S’not so hard to erase a blond’s memory. Just blow in her ear.

Emmett: You’re monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush.

Emmett: I’m sure you’ll ace your classes… apparently there’s nothing interesting for you to do at night besides study

Seth: Edward? Edward, you there? Okay, I feel kinda stupid.
Jacob: You sound stupid, too.

Dates/Things I can't wait for:

Fall 2010 ~ New Evanescence Album!
Oct. 26th, 2010 ~ Fledgling Handbook 101
Jan. 4th, 2010 ~ HON: Awakened

I love the band Evanescence. I will have many different songs in my fics because I love music & it influences my life and my writing.

Here are some quotes I found online on various sites, including this one!:

Normal is relative, and my relative's aren't normal.

FRIENDS: help you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: continue walking while saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: give you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: take yours and say, "RUN, Forest, RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipe your tears when you’re rejected.
BEST FRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will always be like, "Well you deserve better."
BEST FRIENDS: will be prank calling him to say, "You will die in seven days."

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN! we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Has had your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on you and include exact quotes

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: hates it when you call, after he has gone to bed.
BEST FRIENDS: asks you why you took so long to call.

FRIENDS: doesn’t have anything to talk to you on phone,
BEST FRIENDS: doesn’t know when all to finish.

FRIENDS: will let u dance with your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: will scream " NO! you can’t have her, she’s mine!"

FRIENDS: will ask you for a piece of your sandwich.
BEST FRIENDS: take it and eat it all without you realizing it.

FRIENDS: will help you up when you trip
BEST FRIENDS: trip you again a few minutes later

L=Love is an
O=Odd Feeling, and when you love a
V=Vampire the feeling is...wow...
E=Edward Cullen and Bella Swan

Never will I be able to look at feathers the same way. Thanks, Edward.

Edward Cullen: Sexier than you since 1901

Twilight made me realize... Real life is extremely boring.

Love is all you need... and Robert Pattinson

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

The difference between humour and tragedy is that humour is when it happens to someone else.

Whoever said that words don't hurt, never got hit by a dictionary.

Don't let your mind wander; it's too little to be let out alone.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

A repair shop: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if you throw it hard enough

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

Sometimes people run away just to see if anyone cares enough to follow.

Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

People say love is like magic, but isn't magic just an illusion?

If nothing lasts forever, can I be your nothing?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.

If he's dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I realized I'd never considered the possibility that my knight in shining armor might be away from the castle.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Love means telling you why you're sorry.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Death is hereditary.

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday, we'll look back on all this, and smash into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't need him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population (...do the math...there you go!)

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

We were so poor my dad unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

Television has made dictatorship impossible, but democracy unbearable.

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.

I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What you call a dog with no legs? You don't call him; you go over to him and pick him up.

What you call a deaf dog? Don't matter what you call him, he isn’t gonna come.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult.

Energizer Bunny arrested charged with battery.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said "No hablo ingles."

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet

Your mama is so fat, when she sings, it’s over.

You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can't understand.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.

90 of the game is half mental.

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Bart, with 10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

In a short 65 years, you completely lose the ability to tell when someone wants you to stop talking.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

If ants had nuclear weapons, they would end the world in a week…probably less.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Those who think never do. Those who do never think.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Don't do anything I wouldn't do

Female come backs
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and I together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: I would do anything, just to make you happy.
Woman: Would you leave me forever?

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
When she says she's OK don't believe it, talk with her - because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back.
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
Watch her favourite movie with her or her favourite show even if you think it’s stupid.
Give her the world.
Let her wear your clothes.
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
Let her know she's important.
Kiss her in the pouring rain.
When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"

Did you know...?
Kissing is healthy.
Bananas are good for period pain.
It's good to cry.
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
Lying is actually unhealthy.
You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
It's actually true; boys DO insult you when they like you.
89% of guys want you to make the first move.
It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
Chocolate will make you feel better.
Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide hickeys...not that you have any.
Boys aren't worth your tears.

REMEMBER WHEN...
Getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
The worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
MOM was your hero
and DAD was the boy you were gonna marry?
When your WORST ENEMIES were your siblings
And RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
When WAR was a card game
And life was simple and care free?
Remember when all you wanted to do was GROW UP?

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU.
If you want this kind of guy, copy and paste this into your profile.

You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just can’t resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
if you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
When everything was settled by rock paper scissors...or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...And even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendo’s and Sega Genesis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2, and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when everything was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the Internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lamb chop’s song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original Pokémon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the play place.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before SpongeBob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When game boy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
when you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
Or if you smiled at one of these things.

You know you live in 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have MSN or MySpace
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6. Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7. As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8. As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9. You were too busy to notice number 5.
10. You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11. Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. Now you are thinking, "I have to put this on my profile!"
13. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

98% of the world's population believes that they're bringing sexy back. Copy and paste this on your profile if you're part of the 2% that never lost theirs.

95%of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5% who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile.

93% of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7% who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?” copy this into your profile.

92% of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the 8% that would be laughing your ass off!

98% of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, put this on your profile.

95% of Twilight fans tore pages 73 - 381 out of New Moon to make it so Edward never left. If you are part of the 5% who knew that Bella would be with Edward anyways, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vice versa put this on your profile. (Who hasn't?)

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored? Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, paste this into your profile.

Weird is good,
Strange is bad,
And odd is when you don't know what to call someone.
Weird is the same as different,
Which is the same as unique,
Then weird is good!
If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy this onto your profile. (Sailor Pluto was awesome!)

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your head repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are time when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block stinks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions (or typing out a stupid fanfiction bio), copy this into your profile.

If you're stalking a fictional character, copy this to your profile.

If you're a die-hard Twilight lover for life copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a die-hard Sam lover (from Twilight) for life copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a die-hard Emmett lover (from Twilight) for life copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a die-hard House of Night lover for life copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a die-hard Aphrodite lover (from HON) for life copy and paste this into your profile

If you're a die-hard Darius lover (from HON) for life copy and paste this into your profile

Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile (lol Twilight)

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are really random copy this into your profile.

if you have ever chocked on air, copy this on to your profile.

if you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

if your friends are weird, copy this into your profile.

if you rather die than surrender your soul to the devil, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you truly believe there is an Edward Cullen (his name doesn't have to be Edward Cullen) out there for you, put this on your profile.

If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with any or all Cullen's, but you don't really care because even though admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing, frankly you don't wanna heal put this on your profile.

If you do a small, festive dance inside your head every time you read or hear the name Edward, Emmett, Jasper, or any of the Twilight boys, copy this into your profile.

If you believe real men sparkle, put this on you profile

If you have ever listened to a song/watched a movie or TV show/read a book ect. because there was a name of one of the Twilight characters/ Actor, post thins on your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

if you believe you will never find a good bf because of Stephenie Meyer's characters, post this in your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever run into a door copy this into your profile.

If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you love to copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

There are so many people who have never been to see a musical or play, and so many high and middle schools that focus more on sports than the Arts. If we didn't have arts then there would be no TV, because we wouldn't have actors, and no TV means no movies. Theatre, Dance, Band, Acting, Singing, and the rest of the Arts are an important part of our community too! Support the Arts! If you agree that the Arts should be supported and appreciated just as much as sports are then post it on your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over nothing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever busted a move or burst into song for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you hate it when people put pointless things like these on their profile, put this on your profile. (lol)

List twelve of your characters from your fandom, in no particular order.

1. Emmett

2. Rosalie

3. Edward

4. Bella

5. Jasper

6. Alice

7. Sam

8. Embry

9. Emily

10. Seth

11. Charlie

12. Leah

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Alice/Charlie? No...just no.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Meh...Bella is just normal like moi.

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Leah get Embry pregnant? That would be hilarious!

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Emily: Nope...

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Rosalie and Alice: no...

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

5/9 - Jasper/Emily: because I don't read boy/boy fics and vamp/wolf wouldn't happen...

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

If Sam walked in on Rosalie and Leah: I don't think it would happen (vamp and werewolf...) but I think Sam would just walk away...or join...

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Edward/Seth: I'd rather not...

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Emmett/Embry: I hope not...

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Sam/Leah: I'm Sorry For The Pain.

11. If you wrote a songfic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Embry: Who Let The Dogs Out! lol

12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Emmett/Alice/Leah: Warning: contains harsh language and a disturbing 3-way lemon.

13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Jasper: Never...

14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).”

"Emmett and Sam are in a happy relationship until Emily runs off with Bella. Emmett, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Charlie and a brief unhappy affair with Leah, then follows the wise advice of Jasper and finds true love with Edward.” (lol he's happy with boys but not with girls...I knew it!)

Why does everything I have here make it a boy/boy or girl/girl? Almost none of them are boy/girl, or make sense if it is boy/girl...some of these may be useful for one shots though...