About me:

Name: Leah

Age: YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'D GIVE OUT MY AGE ONLINE! SUCKERS! But I'll give you a hint: I'm in between the embryonic stage and death.

Hair color: Changes every day, and in different lights. Usually, a bronze-ish brown, this REALLY dark brown, or this chocolate brown dullish color on the outside and this really dark glossy brown on the inside. Also, since it's summer at the moment, I'm almost blond. Actually, I am blond. Thank you sunshine!

Eye color: A freakish brown color (not chocolate at all! totally different.) that's like, mahogony or something. It's deep, and dark, but it has this reddish tint that you don't notice unless you look closely. Some days, light brown. Some times, hazel. Sometimes, green tint, light brown, hazel, mahogony, and red mix. But most of the time, one eye is light brownish green, but still kinda brown. The other looks like I'm a vampire or something, cause sometimes it's amber/butterscotch, sometimes it's dark red. OMFG! MY FACIAL FEATURES ARE SO WEIRD!

Gender: I'm a feminine soul that is in touch with her manly side, and her romantic side, and her skater side, and her random side that goes "BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" at lunch, who's always in touch with her, "I don't give a shit about popularity" side, and her, "OMG SHAWN IS LIKE SO HAWT!" side.

Personality: Hmm... I have ADHD. Um... I'm kinda smart alec-y, sarcastic, but nice, spazzy, have awesome comebacks, ect. I guess I'm a little bit of everything EXCEPT being quiet. I'm a people person, I basically need some form of human physical contact every 5 mins or I go wACkY, or at least more that I actually am. (IF THAT'S EVEN FRIGGIN POSSIBLE!) Possible? Do you think rinning with scissors and living is possible? Well, you know what? I RAN WITH SCISSORS AND LIVED! I also ran with a butcher knife. One time my friend started running after me with a butcher knife and was like, "I VILL KILL YOU!" and I was like "WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANNA KILL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHAT DID I DO? OH! I KNOW! YOU'RE AN AXE MURDERER! OH, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT TIME WHERE THAT GUY-" and she's like, "YOUR LIKE NUDGE! YOU HAVE ADHD/ADD, AND YOU CAN TALK FOR HOURS WITHOUT BREATHING!" IT'S SO FUUUUUUNNNYYYYY when she does that. She's so funny. One time... (four hours later) AND THAAAATTSSS WHHHYYY BBBBIIIRRRDDDDSSSS CCCAAAANNNNN FFLLLLYYYY BBBBBEEEECAUSE THE WORLD IS ROUND, IT TURNS ME, OOOOOOOOONNNNN!! WORDS ARE FLOWING OUT LIKE ENDLESS RAIN INTO A PAPER CUP THEY..." This pretty much explains me when I'm drinking coffee... COOOFFFFEEEE!! CCCAAAAFFFIIIIEENNNNEEEEE!!

OMFGITSFANGILOVEYOUFANGHUGMENOKISSMEWAITYOURSUPPOSEDTOBEFICTIONALANDWITHMAXSOIGUESSTHATIWILLSHUTUPNOWMISTERDARKSILENTSEXYANDMYSTERIOUSLY
AWESOMEINEVERYSINGLEWAYANDNOOTHERGUYWILLEVERCOMPARETOYOURHOTTNESS!!

I'll just shutup now.

Things I despise with all my heart and soul: Hannah Montana/Miley Cirus (SHE HAS IDENTITY ISSUES), The Jo Bros, Brittany Spears, HSM 123, when people on fanfiction have TERRIBLE grammar and spelling (it's like they don't even proofread their work.), Peach cobbler ice cream from Ben & Jerry's, when people say that they wish they could be with Edward Cullen and Bella would die (see below for more details), the song "Love and Happiness" by Al Green, Beauty and the Beast haters (WHAT IS WITH THOSE PEOPLE!), Titanic haters, Twihards (I'm obsessed, but I'm not a fan girl! I'm like, a REAL fan that doesn't think that she's awesome just because she read "a long book". Really, it's not long. I'd like to see some of these people read "Gone with the Wind", ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS! I'm getting off topic...), I have ADD (this would explain the thing before that I said in the place about the stuff with the things in the place with those things.), I have a terrible case of nearsighted-ness in my left eye, but my right eye has "some of the best vision the eye doctor has ever seen", causing annoying-ness and straining my right eye like hell cause he wont give me contacts for my left eye, I can't go in a hospital or doctors office of any kind without fainting or getting light-headed, Harry Potter puppet pals (snape.. snape.. severous snape... snape... snape... severous snape... DUMBLEDORE... snape, severous snape.. DUMBLEDORE... snape severous snape... DUMBLEDORE! ron, ron ron weasly, DUMBLEDORE! snape, ron. sevrous, weasly. DUMBLEDORE! hermione. hermione. hermione, hermione, hermione, DUMBLEDORE! Harry potter, harry potter, oh! harry potter, harry potter, that's me! Harry potter, harry potter, oh! Harry potter, harry potter, that's right. OH! Harry, Snape, Harry, Snape, Harry Snape, DUMBLEDORE! i'm harry potter, harry harry... YOU GET IT ALREADY!),

I love...

Artists: Jim Sturgess, The Fray, Kanye West, Estelle, U2, The Beatles (I love the songs that were in Across The Universe and Yellow Submarine, but hate absolutely EVERYTHING else), Carrie Underwood, The Bella Cullen Project (THEY SUCK BUT THEY'RE A TWILIGHT BAND!), Nada Surf, Secret Machines, Paramore, Sara Barreilles, Dorian Childs, The Foundations, Professor Murder, Snow Patrol, The Fratellis, Claude Debussy (this one just got thrown in. Lolz.), Coldplay, Howie Day, Cute Is What We Aim For, Kardinal Offishall, The All-American Rejects, Rihanna, Eagles Of Death Metal, Train, Survivor, Blue Foundation, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, EOR DAVID ARCHULETA (or however you spell it) IS ON HERE YET! TAKE THAT, AMERICAN IDOL!), P!nk, Mutemath, OneRepublic, Muse, Gwen Stefani, Shontelle, (TAYLOR SWIFT ISN'T ON HERE EITHER!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHA!), The Citizens of Halloween (you know- from the nightmare before Christmas?), Fall Out Boy, SWJ, Sizzle C (WHAT THE F-ING HELL IS UP WITH THESE NAMES?), Boys Like Girls, The Raconteurs, Collective Soul, Drake Bell, Kack Johnson, Coldplay, The Hush Sound (IF U DON'T KNOW THEM, BUY THE SONG 'WE INTERTWINED'! IT FRICKIN ROCKS!) Lifehouse, Five for Fighting, Bowling for Soup, and literally hundreds more if I could bother to copy them from my ipod. THAT WAS ALL FROM MY MIND! BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Movies/TV shows: Twilight, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Game Plan, Pirates of The Caribean 1,2,3, Get Smart, No Reservations, 27 Dresses, Sweeney Todd, Juno, Edward Scissorhands, The Boogie Man, Stardust, Drillbit Taylor, Dodgeball, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Soup, America's Next Top Model, America's Got Talent, Scary Movie 1,2,3,4, Not Another Teen Movie, Harry Potter, anything on MTV, Sleepover, Family Guy, Home Improvement, Gossip Girl, Robot Chickem, Iron Man, The Ring, and anything on the food network.

Books: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, The Host, The Lighting Thief, The Sea Of Monsters, The Titans Curse, The Battle Of The Labyrinth, Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment, Maximum Ride: School's Out Forever, Maximum Ride: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports, Maximum Ride: The Final Warning, Princess Diaries, Princess In The Spotlight, Princess In Love, Princess In Waiting, Princess In Pink, Princess In Training, Party Princess, Princess On The Brink, A Great And Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, The Sweet Far Thing, The Hunger Games, A Curse Dark As Gold, Gone With The Wind, Bras & Broomsticks, Frogs & French Kissing, Spells & Sleeping Bags, Uglies, Pretties, Specials, Extras, The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, The Amber Spyglass, TTYL, TTFN, L8R G8R, Elsewhere, Memoirs of A Teenage Amnesiac, Wicked, Chicks With Sticks, The Green Glass Sea, Twelve, Thirteen, Warriors, The Circle Of Magic, East, The Giver, Gathering Blue, The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy, Inkheart, Inkspell, Inkdeath, The Fire Thief, Rangers apprentice, Wicked Lovely, Enthusiasm, Dreamland, Jars Of Glass, Bogus to Bubbly, Peeps, and hundreds more that I can't remember. I'll add on.

Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Listening to Music, Sleeping, Eating, Singing, Cooking (some!), Being a Total Goofball, Shopping, Spending, Watching TV and Movies, Running, Dreaming (During the Day and Night), computer stuff, more computer stuff, video games (kingdom hearts, soul calibur, DDR, Guitar Hero, Zelda: Twilight Princess, and Brawl. You know, all the... fun stuff.), organizing my friends' room, pulling pranks on my big sis, and other rAND0m things I can't remember 8-)

Extra Fun (Sort of) Facts: I will not eat Peach Cobbler, I'm very clumsy, I like Jasper just as much as Edward, I DESPISE when people say," I wish Bella would die so I could be with Edward!!" Those are just twihards talking. Bella and Edward love each other way too much. Not only would they give their hearts, their souls, and their lives for each other, but their love is so strong and pure that it's stronger that the bond between soulmates, or Imprints.) I LOOOOOVVVEEEEEEE RANTING!!, Alice and Jasper are my favorite characters, I space out alot during class. I've read twilight 64 times, New Moon 37 times (IT'S SO DANG SAD TO READ ABOUT EDWARD LEAVING!), Eclipse 46 times (this is my least favorite. Eclipse is bbbbbbbbbboooooorrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggg) and Breaking Dawn 68 times. If I could, I'd be a vampire. I saw "Twilight" on the midnight premiere . I wore a TEAM EDWARD T-shirt and wore it there. I'm anti Switzerland: JACOB SHOULD JUST JUMP OFF A CLIFF!. My current backround is Edward and Bella Dancing at the prom outside on the porch when they're gazing in each other's eyes. I saw my crush at the movie when I went to see it and after the movie let out and me and my friend were in the car, she told her dad to drive back around so she could yell out the window "LEAH LOVES SAM!" Ha-Ha. Ironic, no? My name's Leah. My crush's name is Sam. I'm very fun and a good person. I COULDN'T SAY A SENTINCE WITHOUT CUSSING TO SAVE MY LIFE! If you mess with my friends, I'll eat you. I'm very protective of my friends as well. I can't step in a hospital without getting dizzy or fainting (one time, I fell on a nurse when I was about to get my flu shot. And I fainted before I got "Gardasil", but they went ahead and gave me the shot anyway. this happened with all three injections. SOB.) Oh, and I'm a huge gay rights supporter.

1. How does the world see you? American Boy ft. Kanye West by Estelle: Er... I wanna see the world? and um... I'm gonna be a superstar and find a guy that's just my type thats 5'7??

2. Will I have a happy life? Just Dance by Lady Gaga: Umm... I will if I dance... (I NEED TO TAKE THIS SONG OFF MY PLAYLIST)

3. What do my friends really think of me? Because by Jim Sturgess: Err... I'm new, umm... I like love... And I meet new people? (you know, cause the world's round...)

4. Do people secretly lust after me? Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects: Yes? No? Um... Yes! WAIT.. WHAT?

5. How can I make myself happy? Feeling Good by Muse: Um.. When the day is nice outside...

6. What should I do with my life? The Boys Are Too Refined by The Hush Sound: Be lusted after and have lots of sex with guys, apparently. Urgh. Dissapointing life.

7. What is some good advice for me? Behind the Sea by Panic at the Disco: I should go "Behind the sea." And I should be happy if watermelons smile at me. Nice.

8. How will I be remembered?While My Guitar Gently Weeps by Martin Luther McCoy: I should play guitar and I'll fall in love with someone that loves me? WTF

9. What is my signature dancing song? Caramelldansen by Caramell: Funny. I chase my friends around when I hear this. But I don't dance to it.

10. What do I think my current theme song is? London Beckoned Songs about Money Written by Machines by Panic at the Disco: THIS BETTER NOT BE MY THEME SONG! IT'S WAAAAAYYY TOO MUCH OF A MOUTHFUL. Yet, it's still good. AHHH... I SAID YET!

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Alive for the First Time by Danger Radio: Urrr...

12. What song will play at my funeral? Weasle Stomping Day by Weird Al Yankovick: OH GOD! NO! I DON'T ENJOY STOMPING WEASLES!

13. What type of men/women do you like? What Went Wrong by Blink-182: HOLY SHIT! APPARENTLY I LIKE GUYS WHO WANNA FUCK DOGS IN THE ASS! LISTEN TO THIS SONG!

14. What is my day going to be like? I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred: First of all, I'd like to state that I don't listen to this song on a regular basis. Apparently, my day is going to be filled with sexy models taking off their shirts and killing cats because they're too sexy for their cats.

15. What will tomorrow bring? I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry: Apparently, I'm going lesbian tommorow... Not my thing... Not that I have anything against gay people!! At all!! I just still get those warm gushy feelings when I think of boys... And stuff.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

In case you need further proof that the human ace is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: Serving Suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well, duh, a bit late, huh?)

On Mark's & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after hot after heating." (And you thought??...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (And I'm taking this... because?)

On most brands of Christmas tree lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody help me out on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On packet on Nobby's Peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)

(I don't blame the company on this one; I blame the parents) On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

Place an X next to everything you've done. Remove it for things you haven't. Remember this is an account of your entire life!

() Smoked A Cigarette

() Drank so much you threw up

(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

(X) Been Arrested (Define “Arrested”...)

() Gone on a blind date

(X) Skipped School (No judging! I only go to school for friends! :P)

(X) Watched someone die

() Been to Canada (I wanna go :D)

(X) Been to Mexico (Mexico lindo y querido...)

(X) Been to Florida

(X) Been on a plane

(X) Been lost

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country

(X) Gone to Washington DC

(X) Swam in the Ocean (GO CURRENTS!)

(X) Felt like dying

(X) Played Cops and Robbers

(X) Sang karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal in only coins (the cashier stared at me like I was an alien or something. I was laughing for like, an hour o.O)

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't

(X) Made prank phone calls

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain (AND I'VE NEVER GOTTEN SICK!)

() Written a letter to Santa Claus

() Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(X) Watched the sunset with someone you care about

(X) Blown bubbles

(X) Made a bonfire on the beach

() Crashed a party none worth crashing

(X) Been skinny dipping

(X) Gone to the movies, paid for one ticket, and then snuck into a theater to see a different feature afterwards (Haha! I do this all the time! My criminal butt ain't paying yet :P)

(X) Ever float down a river (Beautiful, too.)

Vampires VS. Werewolves...it's kind of like Pirates VS. Ninjas, but better.

List twelve of your favorite characters from books, in no particular order.

1. Maximum Ride

2. Fang

3. Angel

4. Nudge

5. The Gasman

6. Percy Jackson

7. Annabeth Chase

8. Edward Cullen

9. Bella Swan

10. Carlisle Cullen

11. Mr. Darcy

12. Emmett Cullen

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

NOOOOOOOO!! Honestly. Mr. Darcy and Percy Jackson? EWWW!!

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

We're talking about NUDGE! I'm A GIRL! I mean, I'd totally be hitting on her if I was a boy. BUT I'M NOT! WHICH IS WHY I CAN'T!

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

So, for more recent news, Emmett Cullen has gotten Edward Cullen pregnant. Yes, they're both boys, but they're vampires so it doesn't matter.

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

I donno, just a couple THOUSAND! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BELLA SWAN HERE!

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Fang and Percy Jackson? I mean, I guess I've seen weirder things. But Fang showed his love for Max in the latest book, MAX.

6. Five/Nine or Nine/Ten? Why?

The first? The Gasman and Bella Swan... Gazzy is not that kinda guy. Anyways, Bella is married and has a kid, when Gazzy looks about the age of the kid that Bella had. The Second... Well, Carlisle and Bella? um... That actually scares me a little bit.

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?

So you mean Annabeth walking in on Emmett and Fang. Well, I think she'd just scowl and walk away. I meen, she wouldn't really be able to tell anyone because all three of those people are from different books. And universes.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

When Carlisle hears about some strange bird kids in Hawaii, he decides to check it out, and meets Angel, The Demonic overpowered child. What will happen?

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

That's Maximum Ride and Edward Cullen. I'm sure plenty of people have written it, but Max AND Edward are already in love with someone else.

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

A Half-blood seeks help from a mythical monster.

11. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

If het meens the book that Angel's in, then yes.

12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

I've gotten all of my friends obsessed with Pride and Predjudice. I'm sure that one of them has.

13. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

NO!!

14. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Um... Bring Me to Life by Evanescence. You know, in New Moon, during the zombie period.

15. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Maximum Ride, Percy Jackson, Emmett Cullen

M, for 1 mutant, 1 half-god, and one vampire attacking each other. LOTS OF BLOODY GORE!!

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Like a day ago.

17. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (2).

Maximum Ride and Annabeth Chase are in a happy relationship until Bella Swan runs off with Nudge. Max, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Mr. Darcy and a brief unhappy affair with Emmett Cullen, then follows the wise advice of The Gasman and finds true love with Fang.

Most of this is weird, but I like the ending 'finds true love with Percy Jackson' THAT IS HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE! PERCABETH FOREVER!

What title would you give this fic?

Messed Up Until the End

18. How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?

Yes, you have the right for your own opinion. And I have the right to think that your stupid.

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why is cardboard called cardboard? It isn't made of cards...

When people ask you the time, why do they always point to their wrists? That's usually where I wear my watch, I didn't need you to point it out for me...

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.

2. The future is not set in stone.

3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.

4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.

5. True love knows no boundaries.

6. Some people are just danger magnets.

7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.

8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!

9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.

10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.

11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.

12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.

13. Family is about more than just blood.

14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.

15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.

16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.

17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.

18. There are exceptions to every rule.

19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.

20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.

21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.

22. Cold hands = Warm heart.

23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.

24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.

25. Romeo was an idiot.

26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.

27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.

28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.

29. Space heaters can be very annoying.

30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

Randomness:

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

If darkness is bad, why does it hide you?
If light is good, why does it blind you?

He who laughs last didn't get it.

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown,
BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

So, you're a cannibal.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

When life throws you lemons, make grape juice and leave the world wondering how the heck you did it.

I'm an angel honest... the horns are just there to keep the halo straight!

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed

They laugh because we're losers...
We laugh because they just figured it out.

The trouble with life is there's no background music. I'm getting that fixed...

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I live there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

Lousy Stereo types. Bold the ones that apply to you.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I wear BLACK nailpolish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I am a BRUNETTE, so I MUST think all blondes are STUPID

I have RED HAIR, so I MUST have GREEN eyes and FRECKLES

I have BLACK HAIR, so I MUST not be WHITE

I am BLACK, so I MUST want you to try and avoid saying that WORD in my presence.

I believe in COMPLIMENTING people, so I MUST be a KISS-ASS

I EAT slowly, so I MUST believe that fast eaters are killing their DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS

I've read TWILIGHT, so I MUST be a crazily obsessed FANGIRL

I can eat FIVE SLICES of pizza in one sitting, so I MUST be FAT

I like SLEEPING IN, so I MUST be a lazy TEENAGER

I don't like POP, so I MUST not be NORMAL

I am careful about my NUT ALLERGY, so I MUST think all candy has NUTS in it.

I have ASTHMA, so I MUST not play sports

I am a girl and play SOCCER/FOOTBALL/HOCKEY, so I MUST be trying to get guys ATTENTION

I don't like ROLLERCOASTERS, so I MUST be OLD, WIMPY, or STUPID

I like SHOPPING, so I MUST be a GIGGLING GIRLY-GIRL

I am HONEST, so I MUST be MEAN

I am a MENNONITE, so I MUST never have heard of a TELEVISION

I don't have FACEBOOK, so I MUST have no LIFE

I say I like STAYCATIONS, so I MUST be trying to save GAS

I do WELL in school, so I MUST LOVE it.

I have clothes from WALMART, so I MUST not care about CHILD LABOUR

I don't like SILENCE, so I MUST fill every one with CHATTER

I like SINGING, so I MUST belong to a CHOIR

I don't like DANCING, so I MUST be ANTISOCIAL

I am an INUIT, so I MUST live in an IGLOO

I am CANADIAN, so I MUST say 'EH'

I listen to my IPOD, so I MUST not care about the people AROUND me

I am part of the POLICE FORCE, so I MUST break all SPEED LIMITS

I am FRENCH, so I MUST have a little MOUSTACHE and a BERET

I am INDIAN, so I MUST speak English with an incomprehensible ACCENT

I can’t just EXCERSISE without a purpose, so I MUST have no MOTIVATION

I am a man with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a HIPPY

I am a woman with SHORT HAIR, so I MUST be a CAREER WOMAN

I am a GIRL, so I MUST not like MATH

I am a BOY, so I MUST like GYM

I have ACNE problems, so I must not care about my personal HYGENE (in my defense, it's getting much much better. Thank you Cetaphil!!)

I own an SUV, so I MUST not care about the ENVIRONMENT

I write POETRY, so I MUST be CRAZY

Funny Quotes...

Don't piss me off, go find a bathroom

Friends are like buttcheeks, shit may come between them but they always stick together

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

Everyday is a gift, that’s why they call it the present

If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up!

Behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way

Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it...

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Guys should be like lattes-rich, strong, and hot

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Music is love in search of word.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much

He said I love you, I laughed and said sorry I'm allergic to bullshit

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh harder.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

Random Stuff

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."
Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade
Best Friends: Are FOREVER...

Find the guy...
who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.
Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,
who keeps your picture in his wallet,
who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,
who holds your hand in front of all his friends,
who thinks your beautiful without makeup,
one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,
the one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

And now an excerpt from Blood and Chocolate by Lady Lemon Drop, one of my fave stories on fanfiction"

“I have weird dreams… like a lot.” The image of Harry pushing me into the bed flashed across my mind. “I had this one ages ago - I’d been out clubbing -“ he snorted, and I threw my socks at him, which he caught, the twat. “And then on my way out, this... Huge purple frog was chasing me.” The corner of his mouth twitched. “And of course his evil ally, the giant white marshmallow.” Harry snorted with laughter, leaning back against the pillows again, forgetting about what he was writing. “Was hiding down this ally, ready to pounce-“

“How does a marshmallow pounce?”

“Shut up. So this giant frog was chasing me, then out of nowhere, Scarlet, in these like… 9 inch high heels - I don’t even know how she was walking in them, honestly, its not normal… or possible.”

“And a giant purple frog and his evil minion the equally giant white marshmallow chasing you after you’ve been clubbing isn’t?” he asked, smirking at me mockingly.

I ignored him. “Her heel gets caught in this grate, and she lets out this real loud theatrical scream, then Ste-“

“Ste?”

“Her boyfriend, Steven.”

“Oh.”

“Then Ste rides in on this unicorn-“ he burst out laughing. “And saves the sorry bitch from being eaten by the marshmallow. Then the giant frog tripped over this… speed bump thing in the road and splatters everywhere. But he tastes like Blueberry jam, so it’s okay…” I trailed off, realizing how ridiculous the entire thing sounded.

I don't really get the whole, "Gays are bad!" I meen honestly, it's dumb. I get how people are all religious and shit, but can't you keep those views to yourself? Please, I bet that there isn't a single person in the world who hasn't "sinned" or not done exactly what the bible/ torah/ whatever the fuck their religion book thingy says at least once. How would you like it if someone randomly walked up to you on the street and went, "Hey, you can't be with that person. You're not allowed to feel things for that person. You are a crime against God. You are a sinner, and will burn in hell forever. There is nothing legit about your marriage or relationship. No, I'm not trying to take out my really bad day on you, I'm trying to save you from the devil." Plus, the whole legit relationship is stupid. There's WAY TOO MANY children in the world already, we don't need more! How about improving the lives of the starving children living in poverty? And please, most of those bastards who offend people use condoms and birth control. That's the same thing as not having kids. The words gay, lesbo, and homo are often used as harsh insults or are made fun of in jokes. This is grammatically incorect. You are a dumbass who can't speak english if you call someone gay or retarded. Especially if they're not. By the way, by saying that a gay relationship is not legit because you can't have children, you jerks are offending all those people out there who are straight, but can't bear children. What if you had cancer, and you got some of your reproductive organs removed to stop yourself from DYING? It's like saying that all those people have no reason to live and should've just DIED. Which totally isn't true. If you look it up in the dictionary, the word gay meens HAPPY. You're telling people to go to hell for being HAPPY. So just fuck off, leave the gays alone!

For the record, I've noticed that when you look at the paragraph above, the phrases Gay and 'you are a crime against God' stand out. If you think I'm insulting the gay population in any way, PLEASE go up and read the paragraph above. RIGHT NOW.