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Author has written 2 stories for Hannah Montana. Hello... My name and my age are none of your business. Really it's not. You could be a crazed stalker or something, and I'm not taking any chances. I am a 13 year old girl and I have short dark brown hair. It is layered and it sometimes looks kinda red in the sun. My eyes change color. But they are most frequently green, green-blue, hazel, or grey-gold. I am pretty short for my age...5 feet tall. Or 4 foot 11.9 inches...I haven't measured my height lately. I am still in school and get very good grades. I have tons of friends and I am very outgoing. I will say that my friends are all very weird though. And even though my friends are not exactly all friends with eachother, we all still hang out together anyways. I only really hang out with two of my really close best girl friends since my other best friend doesn't have any of my classes. I did make a lot of new friends this year, so that's cool. I guess you could say that I am a preppy punk. Like I said before, I get good grades. Besides that, I do not like getting in trouble. And I don't very often. But I don't like wearing bright clothes and I don't like bright colors. I also tend to stay away from any really bright things. I am not Gothic or Emo though. I don't curse out loud but I still don't have the best of languages. I tend to call my friends names and insult them a lot. Of course, they do the same back to me, but..well whatever. My friends have really immature nicknames for me, which I will not list on here. They aren't bad per say, they just aren't nice. I have a male Siberian Husky and a male black labrador/beagle. I also have two cats, male and female, and 4 kittens. I haven't named the kittens because I don't know their gender. In the future, when I graduate High School and go to college, I want to go to Dartmouth, MIT, Princeton, Ballstate, Tennesee University or a few other options. I want to be either an Author, Doctor, Architect, Marine Biologist, NCIS Agent, or FBI Agent. Another option of mine is to join the Marines or Air Force. Since we are talking about the Marines and such, I will demonstrate Military time below: 1:00 AM = 0100 hours 2:00 AM = 0200 hours 3:00 AM = 0300 hours 4:00 AM = 0400 hours 5:00 AM = 0500 hours 6:00 AM = 0600 hours 7:00 AM = 0700 hours 8:00 AM = 0800 hours 9:00 AM = 0900 hours 10:00 AM = 01000 hours 11:00 AM = 01100 hours 12:00 PM = 01200 hours 1:00 PM = 01300 hours 2:00 PM = 01400 hours 3:00 PM = 01500 hours 4:00 PM = 01600 hours 5:00 PM = 01700 hours 6:00 PM = 01800 hours 7:00 PM = 01900 hours 8:00 PM = 02000 hours 9:00 PM = 02100 hours 10:00 PM = 02200 hours 11:00 PM = 02300 hours 12:00 AM = 02400 hours Example of how they are pronounced: 12:00 AM = Zero Twenty-Four Hundred Hours or 1:00 PM = Zero One Hundred Hours xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx My hobbies are reading books and fanfiction, going to my favorite websites, watching my favorite shows, listening to music, being outside, doing sports, and playing with my pets. My favorite books are:Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Percy Jackson and the Olympians Books:1-5, Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy, I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have To Kill You, Call of the Wild, White Fang, On My Side of the Mountain, On the Far Side of the Mountain, If You're Reading This It's Too Late, The Name of This Book is Secret, The Good Dog, The Wolf Dog, Reef of Death, Doom Stone, The Deltora Series, The Other Side of Dark, The Name of The Game Was Murder, Gregor the Overlander Series, Chasing Vermeer, Two Little Girls In Blue, The Children's Ward, Sleeping Beauty(This is not the kid's version, it is a scary story.),Climbing Olympus, Hamlet, McBeth, King Lear, and 1984. My Favorite Bands And Music: Mr. Brightside (The Killers), The Hell Song (Sum 41), Fireflies (Owl City), I Hate Everything About You (Three Days Grace), Animal I Have Become (Three Days Grace), Bleed It Out (Linkin Park), Leave Out All The Rest (Linkin Park), In The End (Linkin Park), Let It Rock (Kevin Rudolph), Lollipop (Framing Hanley), Peacemaker (Green Day), Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day), Sweet Sacrifice (Evanescense), My Immortal (Evanescense), She Wolf (Shakira), Hips Don't Lie (Shakira) and many, many more that I can't remember the names of at this moment. My favorite websites are: www.webkinz.com(This is for you younger people. I don't get on this anymoe.) www.neopets.com (This is for you younger people. I don't get on this anymore.) www.alliefinkle.com (This is for you younger people. I don't get on here anymore. It is not really my favorite website. But it is sort of entertaining.) www.fictionpress.com(A website for your origional works.) www.polyvore.com (I just heard about this the other day, it is supposed to interesting.) www.facebook.com (I am on here.) www.youtube.com (This is one of my favorite websites.) www.aim.com(I don't even know what the crap this is other than a blogging thing.) My favorite shows are:House, NCIS, Law and Order:SVU, InPlainSight, Burn Notice, Inuyasha, Black Blood Brothers, Code Geass, Blood, Bleach, Full Metal Panic, Full Metal Alchemist, This Ugly Yet Beautiful World, and sometimes Ghost in the Shell. Darker Than Black is alright too. My favorite movies are:Twilight, the Inuyasha Movies 1-4, Wanted, It, Disturbia, Transformers, Don't Mess With the Zohan, Amazing Grace, Eragon, The X-men Movies, When A Stranger Calls, The Strangers, The Happening, 7 pounds, Armageddon, BraveHeart, Signs, All of the Lord of the Rings Movies, and All Live Free Die Hard Movies. My favorite sports are: Skiing, Tennis, Soccor, Swimming, volleyball, Football, Baseball, and Rugby. While we are at it, my favorite foods are:Ramen Noodles, London Broil, Bass, Walle, Talapia, Venicen, Broccili and Cheese Rice, Barbecue Ribbs, Barbecue Chicken, Beer-Butt Chicken, Shiskabobs, Any Kind of Potato Besides Sweet Potatoes, Apples, Grapes, Strawberries, Blackberries, Raspberries, and Mullberries. Butterscotch Werthers Origionals and Spearmint Peppermints are my favorite candies. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I get bored very easily. Sometimes, I take quizzes because I like to see what the human mind has come up with. These are a few quizzes I have taken recently. Let's see if they are true...shall we? I Smell Like The Ocean To Edward Cullen Your unique and adventurous spirit comes through in your scent.You smell wild and fresh, and Edward thinks you smell like the Ocean. Your scent surprises him. He's never smelled someone so lovely. (I don't remember anyone telling me that I smell like the ocean, but I guess I should take this as a compliment, seeing as how I enjoy the scent of the ocean.) I Am A Hybrid/Human Vampire I Am Seductively Sexy I Am Wine This is supposed to be my "Vampire" personality. I think: MAEVE = Intoxicating xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You Like - Pink xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Favorites Color: Silver and Black xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I have a motto. This motto is often said by Marines. It is "Simper Fidelis" or "Simper Fi" and is Latin for "Always Faithful." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "What's in a name? That which we call a rose "Cowards die many times before their deaths, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and "Captain of our fairy band, "When beggars die there are no comets seen; "Two households, both alike in dignity, Dromio: Antipholus: Dost thou not know? Dromio: Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. Antipholus: Shall I tell you why? Dromio: Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say, every why hath a Antipholus: Why, first, for flouting me, and then wherefore, for Dromio: Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? "One more, one more. "Sweet are the uses of adversity, "And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge, "Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose "He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, "And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays." -William Shakespeare A Midsummer Night's Dream Act III, Scene i "Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age The Child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies." -Edna St. Vincent Millay "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die." -Genesis 2:17 "Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment." -Orson Scott Card (Empire) "These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which, as they kiss, consume." -Romeo and Juliet, Act III, Scene VI "Life sucks, and then you die." -Unknown Author "A novel that does not uncover a hifherto unknown segment of existence is immoral. Knowledge is the novel's only mortality." -Milan Kundrea (Czech Writer) "To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe." -Anatole France "The test of courage come when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." -Ralf W. Sockman " I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." Shelley Winters "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen "The government cannot fix the problem, the government is the problem." -Ronald Reagan "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." -John F. Kennedy "If quitters never win and winners never quit, than who is the fool that said,"Quit while you're ahead."? -Unknown Author "In love, there is alway one who kisses and one who offers the cheek." -French Proverb "If that voice you created that is most alive in the poem isn't carried throughout the whole poem, then I destroy where it's not there, and I reconstruct it so that that voice is the dominant voice in the poem." -Philip Levine "Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow." -Ronald E. Osborn "The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it." -Daniel Webster "You cannot become what you resent." -Unknown Author xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Here are some cool sayings that I found. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I'm not suffering from insanity, I enjoy every second of it! Note to self: It is illegal to stab stupid people! I'm not good at giving advise, so can we just skip to the sarcastic comment? I not only can fall down stairs, I can trip up them too! Now that takes true talent!! Yah I'm a loser, but I'm the COOLEST looser you'll ever meet. Quick! Its the new moon, poke him while you have the chance!! I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally. You haven't read twilight?! Go shoot your self in the foot!! "Stupid shiny volvo owner..." I am not in denial, I'm just very selective about what I choose to believe... When all the little girls wanted tiarias, I wanted dog ears...(And a tail) Your mom looks like VOLDEMORT !!(BURN!!) Of course I'm outta my mind, its dark and creepy in there!! Edward Cullen: Vampire since the tri-wizard tournament "I don't care who's a vampire and who's a wearwolf, If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party too." LIKE YOU DON'T GASP EVERY TIME WE SEE A SILVER VOLVO! OMG! YOU'RE A TWILIGHT FREAK TOO!? I did not hit you!... I simply hi-fived your face!! Boys in books are just better... I'm not crazy, everyone else is just extra normal... Dear Diary, You're WRONG! Just stand there in your WRONGNESS and be WRONG!! I am fluent in SARCASM. It's a twilight thing...you wouldn't understand. Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant...or maybe I'll just say "um" alot and trip over things. I'm smiling...that alone should scare you... Friends stop you and see if you're ok. Best friends scream," SHE'S TICKED! MOVE!!" I'm probably the coolest dork you will ever meet. If you don't have anything nice to say...come sit with me in the corner and talk about people. We'll be friends till we're old and senile...then we'll be NEW friends. So I'm crazy, whats your point? =D What the hell is wrong with you? FOCUS!! You're a great friend, but if zombies chase us, I'm tripping you!! You know...I don't know what CAFFINE does for you, but I'm pretty sure that without it, your HEAD caves in. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names. BITE. ME. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx FRIENDS: never ask for anything to eat or drink when they're at your house BEST FRIENDS: are the reason why you have no food FRIENDS: call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and grandpa, by Grandpa BEST FRIENDS: call your parents by DAD and MOM and grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: would bail you out of jail BEST FRIENDS: would be sitting next to you saying, "MAN! We screwed up!" FRIENDS: have never seen you cry BEST FRIENDS: won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore FRIENDS: ask you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: has you on speed dial FRIENDS: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back BEST FRIENDS: loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: only knows a few things about you BEST FRIENDS: could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: will leave you behind if that's what the crowd's doing BEST FRIENDS: will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you FRIENDS: would knock on your front door BEST FRIENDS: walk right in and say, "I'M HOME!" FRIENDS: you have to tell them not to tell BEST FRIENDS: already know not to tell FRIENDS: are through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: are for life xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You know you live in 2009 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx EVER WONDER where we are heading... Why the sun lightens our hair, Why women can't put on mascara Why you don't ever see the headline: Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? Why Doctors call what they do "practice"? Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, Why the man who invests all your money is called a Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food? Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they don't make the whole plane out of the Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when If con is the opposite of pro, Why they call the airport "the terminal" AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is On a Myer hairdryer: On a bag of On a bar of Palmolive soap: On some frozen dinners: On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a K-Mart iron: On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: On Nytol Sleep Aid: On most brands of Christmas lights: On a Japanese food processor: On packet of Nobbys' On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a child's superman costume: On a Swedish chainsaw: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your ass off. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab seperators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/comfessions of love/any other Twilght related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you go to the most expensive store within fifty miles of your home, try on almost every peice of clothing, then walk out with nothing, saying none of it was your style. Crazy is when you break a bone and laugh. Crazy is when you start saying different names from random shows with your friend just to see who knows more names. Crazy is when you try to make a kimono at 3 o'clock in the morning without a pattern. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list! xxxxxxxxxxx If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters Why does a rose represent love...when a rose always dies? This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob. Life without friends is like the sky without the sun. Prep. Goth. Punk. WHATEVER. Real people don't need labels. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, you are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else. It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you are not. Come to the Darkside. We have Cookies. If you don't shutup, I am seriously going to EAT you. Awwww...Did I Bruise Your Ego? Good. It's not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to believe. Normal people scare me. I Bite. You Scream. It's All Good. For Me At Least. Don't be fooled. I just ACT like I care. I've got ADD and magic markers. Ohhhhh...the thrills I will have. I'm not quiet...I'm plotting... I'm not crazy...My reality is just different than yours. If I had to choose between loving you and BREATHING...then I would use my last breath to tell you I LOVE YOU. Everytime I look in your eyes...I fall in LOVE with you all over again. Meet BOB. BOB tried to steal my icon. HAHAHA BOB. HAHAHA. WATCH OUT! I'm dangerous... Good Girls...are just BAD GIRLS...that don't get caught... It takes 34 muscles to frown...It takes 4 muscles to stick up my middle finger and tell 'em to bite me... OOPS! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Get over it. I put the FUN in DISFUNCTIONAL. If my music is TOO loud then your TOO old! DON'T HIT KIDS! No seriously, they have guns now. Imma cool loser. Some people are like slinkies...they're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns "People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual." Unknown "When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE." Unknown "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." Unknown If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (I will need a lot of buses.) If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, or have actually slapped someone, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, and yet it happens to you, copy this and put it in your profile I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door. "It's always in the last place you look." Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO! I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Eclipse, but then I would have to kill you. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead...This may be true, but GUNS still ROCK! Barrack Obama is stupid if he wants to ban guns. Apparently he thinks if guns are illegal than crimminals won't have guns. Does he know what a crimminal even does!? They crimminize! They break the laws! Even if guns were illegal, those people would still get their hands on them. And then how would average people protect themselves!? Take a can of spray cheese and shout at the crimminal/robber/murderer while spraying them with the yellow substance," Back off you butt-ugly pooptirds! I've got spray cheese! Mwhahahaha!!" No they couldn't do that! I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. I also walk into tables. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! We're on a bridge CCHHAARRLLIIEE. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" -Unknown I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you." Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock! A good friend picks you up when you fall, a best friend picks you up and then trips you again. A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..." Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! "We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown "Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers "I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." --Unknown "Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" --Unknown "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." --Unknown "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein "Some people have a large circle of friends, while others have only friends that they like." -- Unknown "Education is the period during which you are being instructed by somebody you do not know, about something you do not want to know." --Gilbert Chesterton "Some books make me wanna go adventuring, others feel that they have saved me the trouble." --Ashleigh Brilliant "That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook "The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame." --Oscar Wilde "I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can not stop eating peanuts." --Orson Welles "Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education." --Bertrand Russell “You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” - Unknown “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” - Unknown “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” - Unknown “He who laughs last didn't get it.” - Unknown "Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!"-Calvin and Hobbes "Love your enemies! It really ticks them off." "Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again." "If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people." To put it nicely, I hope you choke "A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I used to be indicisive, now I'm not sure Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? My imaginary friend doesn't like you either I hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends Smile. It confuses people. If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? The world is cruel... get used to it! If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler. Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog Maggie, she got hit by a car. Would you like a cookie? So would I. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. Some Twilight Sayings xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should. To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. And so the lion fell in love with the lamb... I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know. Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner. Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. Go sit down and look pale. Honestly - I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window... But, still, the intent was clear. So eager for eternal damnation. If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands. I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history. Well... don't be offended, but you smell like a dog. I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often. You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable. You look... sexy. How can someone so tiny by so annoying? If I answer your question, will you then explain your question? Does it occur to anyone else that the only possible threat in the area that would call for the creation of an army is... us? It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting. But if you ever bring her back damaged again - and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head - if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel? I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember? I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn't bother you? You know that you nearly gave me a heart attack? Not the easiest thing to do, that. Oh, for the love of all that's holy! You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating. I'm nothing if not thorough. You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved. You look so guilty - like you've committed a crime. I don't know... I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair - maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday. I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again. That was quite graceful - even for a vampire. Maybe I'm hoping she'll get irritated and rip your head off. It's a little dense, don't you think, to antagonize the strongest vampire in the house? Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of scandal. Not an ounce of horror. I'm a little disappointed. I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in eighty years. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am the person who stands up in the mall and yells," Your Penis Is Near My Vagina!" before sitting back down and continuing to eat my cheesy fries like nothing ever happened. When a good song plays, I am the person who jumps up on the table and starts to sing and dance, pulling others up with me so they can stop for a second and live. I am the person that takes an hour and a half to walk into a hotel because the entrance doors rotate and I HAVE to spin in them because its so much fun. I am the person who doesn't care what others think. I am me. -By Sayo124 (respect her) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. If you hate stereotypes copy and paste this into your profile. (Put everything about you that could be considered a stereotype in bold.) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You know you're obsessed with Twilight when... 1) You have read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn at least 3 times. 2) You own the above mentioned books. 3) You know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and you want to see it anyway. 4) You have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyer's web site. 5) You have reread a lot of these pages. 6) You read fanfiction about Twilight. 7) You write fanfiction about Twilight. 8) At one point or another, you have had a screen name/username that says something about Twilight or its characters. 9) For a long while after you read Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, you acted as a missionary for the books, asking everyone you talked to if they had read them. 10) If said people have not read Twilight, you insist that they read it, because it is, and I quote, "The best book ever!" 11) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight is the best book on the planet, you immediately start to argue with them. 12) You stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic love story (and yes, believe it or not, I do know someone who has said this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off. 13) For months after you read it, Twilight was your favorite subject to talk about. 14) You argue with your friends over which member of the Cullen family you like best. (That would be Edward Cullen!) 15) You began reading fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something about Twilight, when you had already finished the books. 16) No matter how many times you read Twilight or Twilight-related stories, you never get tired of it. 17) As you read this list, you are smiling and nodding at almost every thing you read. 18) Even though you know it's impossible, you often wish that you were a vampire. 19) Vampires are officially your favorite mythical creature ever. 20) Your personal motto is, vampires are cool, not scary. 21) You know that you are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people who don't understand it just haven't read the book. 22) When you hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it or thought it was stupid, you just shake your head and sigh. 23) You literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information. 24) Your home page is Stephenie Meyer's website. 25) Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series. 26) You have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition. 27) You put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it. 28) You can't believe that most people haven't read the books. 29) You know all the characters so well that you feel as if you could write your own stories about them. 30) You spend most of your day making up "What if...?" questions about all the different plot lines. 31) You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so you could find out how Jacob would die. 32) You know you're addicted, but you don't care. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx If you swear that you will throw yourself off a building if they cast a bad Edward and/or Bella, copy this to your profile. If you compare people to Edward or Bella, copy this to your profile. If you are a proud stalker and obessed love struck girl of Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, copy this to your profile. If you are obessed with TWILIGHT and its not even funny anymore, copy this to your profile. If you are addicted to vampires and want to become one, copy this to your profile. If you think Edward Cullen is HOT, copy this to your profile. If you think Edward Cullen is sexy, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think TWILIGHT is the best book known to women (and men), copy this to your profile. If you have become obessed with something, and now people are scared of you, copy this to your profile. (Twilight books, vampires, werewolves for me!) If you cried when Edward left Bella in NEW MOON, copy this to your profile. If you have your own little world, copy this to your profile. (Mainly if that own little world has Edward Cullen in it...) If you think that people that either hate or don't get TWILIGHT are losers, copy this to your profile. If you have a child you are considering naming him Edward or Anthony, copy this to your profile. You know your addiction to TWILIGHT is getting dangerous when you have "Volterra" and/ or "Volturi" in your computer's dictionary. If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's character Edward, copy this to your profile. If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there for you (Doesn't mean that his name has to be Edward), copy this to your profile. If your skin is almost always cold, copy this to your profile. (I wonder why?) If you know what the Cullen Family Crest is and want it to be yours, copy and paste this into your profile. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 'Go Team Edward, Cause Werewolves Don't Sparkle!!' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Emmett Cullen: The Teddy Bear Edward Cullen: The Dazzling Musician Jasper Cullen: Mr. Sensitive Carlisle Cullen: The Good Doctor xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Edward Cullen is...Robert Pattinson Carlisle Cullen is...Peter Facinelli Emmett Cullen is...Kellan Lutz Jasper Cullen is...Jackson Rathbone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx JOKES: So there is this guy and he has 13 kids. One day another guy comes up to him and asks how he had so many kids. And the first guy, who is the father of 13 replies," Well my wife is an angel, but instead of spreading her wings, she spreads her legs." There is this guy who manages to get a hot blond as a date. He wants to look good for her so he goes to the beach and tans in the nude. He accidently falls asleep and when he wakes up he is sunburned all over. Its almost time for his date and he doesn't want to miss it, so he goes home and puts Aloe Lotion on, from head to toe. Then he picks up his hot blond date and takes her to a restaurant. During the middle of their dinner the guy's manly part (we'll call it his pickle for the young authors out there) starts to hurt because the Aloe Lotion is wearing off, so he goes into the kitchen. A few minutes later his hot blond date comes into the kitchen after him. When she walks in the first thing she sees is her date, with his pickle submerged in a full glass of milk. (he is trying to relieve himself of the pain caused by the sunburn) He is making relaxed and relieved noises, such as," Ohhhhhhh...". Upon seeing this, the guy's hot blond date suddenly exclaimes," That's how those things are loaded!" There are 3 male construction workers on the top of a very tall building. They are a brunette, a redhead and a blond. Each one takes out his lunch, which he always hates. The brunette takes out his turkey sandwhich and shouts," If I get another turkey sandwhich tomorrow then I am going to jump off this building and kill myself!" Then the redhead takes out his grilled cheese sandwhich and yells," If I get another grilled cheese sandwhich tomorrow then I am going to jump off this building and kill myself!" Finally the blond takes out his peanut-butter and jelly sandwhich and exclaimes,"If I get another peanut-butter and jelly sandwhich tomorrow then I am going to jump off this building and kill myself!" So the next day the brunette has a turkey sandwhich, the redhead has a grilled cheese sandwhich, and the blond has a peanut-butter and jelly sandwhich. They all jump off the building and kill themselves. At the funeral, the brunette and readhead's wives are bawling and saying they wouldn't have packed their lunch like that if they had known that their husbands hated the lunches that much. Everyone turned to look at the blond's wife because she wasn't crying. Feeling everyone's stares on her she yells," Don't look at me, I didn't fix his lunch, he did it himself!" One day Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom to see his dad sliding on a condom. His dad bends down so that Little Johnny won't see the condom and pretends to be looking under the bed. Little Johnny asks," What are you doing dad?" Little Johnny's dad then replies," I thought I saw a mouse go under the bed," while still bending down. Little Johnny has the strangest look upon his face when he asks his dad," What're you gonna do - screw him?" One day a teacher asked her class where Jesus was at. A little girl answered,"He's in our hearts." Another little girl replies,"He's in Heaven." When Little Johnny is called on, he exclaimes," He's in our bathroom!" The teacher has a confused look on her face when she asks him why he thinks that Jesus is in his bathroom. Little Johnny replies," Because every morning my dad knocks on our bathroom door and shouts,"Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"" One day a teacher asks her class to give her a f-word that rhymes with 'duck' because they are writing a spring poem together. Little Johnny waves his hand through the air with desperation, The teacher skips him hoping to find another student that wants to answer the question. But alas, no one else has their hand in the air. So reluctantly, the teacher finally decides and picks Little Johnny. Little Johnny take a deep breath and says," Ummmmmmmmmm...Fluctual." The teacher's face turns red with anger and she screams," I am sick and tired of your little frigging asshole!" A blond walks into a hair salon and wants to get her hair cut. The only problem is that she has headphones on and an ipod in her pocket. The hair dresser tells the blond that if she wants to get her hair cut she has to take off the headphones but the blond says that if she takes off the headphones , then she'll die. The hairdresser says ok and seats the blond. But when the blond isn't paying attention, the hair dresser taked the headphones off. 5 seconds later the blond falls over dead. More than a little freaked out the hair dresser calls 911 and they take the blonds body to the morgue. Afterwards the hair dresser picks up the headphones and ipod that belonged to the blond and put the headpones on her ears. She hears a recorded voice repeat," Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out." One day Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a shower with her. She said yes but then told him not to look up or down. Once they were in the shower Little Jimmy looked up and asked," What are those mommy?" His mother replied," Those are headlights." Then Little Jimmy looked down and asked," What's that mommy?" and his mother replied," That's a garage." The next day Little Jimmy asked his dad if he could take a shower with him. He said yes but told him not to look down. Once they got in the shower little Jimmy looked down and asked," What's that daddy?" and his father answered," That's a car." Then the next night Little Jimmy asked his parents if he could sleep with them because he was having nightmares. They said yes but told him not to look under the covers. Once they were in the bed Little Jimmy looked under the covers and said," Mommy you should turn on your headlights 'cause daddy is parking his car in your garage." One day there were these three people standing next to a cliff. A big gale of wind came and knocked them off the cliff. As they were falling a wizard came to the first one and said," I will give you one wish, what do you want?" and the person replied," I want to be a bird." So the wizard turned the person into a bird and they flew away to safety. Then the wizard went to the second person and said," I will give you one wish, what do you want?" and the person replied," I want to be a plane." So the wizard turned the person into a plane and they flew over the cliff's canyon to safety. Finally, the wizard went to the last person and said," I will grant you one wish, what do you want?" and the person yelled," Oh Crap!" So the wizard turned the last person into a pile of crap and they hit the canyon floor with a big squishy SPLAT! One day a boy came to school and his teacher asked him what his name was. The boy replied," My Booty Itches." The teacher asked him again what his name was and he again replied," My Booty Itches." Then the teacher said if he did not tell him what his name was he was going to be sent to the principal's office. The boy still replied," My Booty Itches." So he was sent to the principal's office. There the principal asked him what his name was and the boy replied," My Booty Itches." The principal asked again what the boy's name was and again the boy replied," My Booty Itches." Then the principal told the boy if he didn't tell him his name he was going to be sent home. The boy still replied," My Booty Itches." So the principal sent him home. He was walking down the sidewalk at the end of his driveway when a car that belonged to a drunk driver swerved and hit him. The mother of the boy, who was on the porch and saw this happen screamed," No! My Booty Itches!" and the neighbor that was on the porch next door yelled to the mother," Well then scratch it!" 6 days later there was a funeral held for the boy because he died from a fatal injury placed upon him by the car when it jammed his leg into his spine, making his spine jerk up and stab him in the brain. The mother and the rest of the boy's family were weeping terribly. After the preacher said all of the words that a preacher says at a funeral they got ready to lower the casket into the ground. Before they did the mother sorrowfully said," For you...My Booty Itches." and layed a boquet of red roses on her son's casket. The man right next to her who was going to help lower the casket and didn't know the boy's name turned around quite suddenly and asked," Why would your booty itch for me?" Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is." Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your needs, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?" Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is." Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?" Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit." A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that. The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents." So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is. The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girls garage." The girl goes home and says: "What's that?" The mother says: "That's your garage. Dont let any boy park his car in it." The next day they are again the tub. The boy says its a car and remembers what his dad said. So he begins to put it in the girls "garage". But then the girl remembers what her mom said. 5 minutes later, the girl comes to the mom with blood all over her. The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I popped his two back tires." A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and takes a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman. "That's true," replied the woman, "But you have all the equipment." On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference: Killing for peace is like fucking for virginity. (Although I do believe in war.) They've got a new birth control pill for men now. I think that's fair. It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest. Kentuckian Revenge ... A Kentucky farmer of advanced years took a lovely young bride. At first the marriage was very passionate and the couple made love frequently. After a few months, however, the wife suddenly became disinterested in sex and the farmer began to worry. After another few months had passed, the farmer started suspecting foul play, that maybe his wife was fooling around. So one day, he left the tractor running out in the field and crept back to the house where he caught his wife and her young lover in the act. While his wife and the young man were scrambling for their clothes, the farmer fetched his shotgun and burst into the room. The understandably hysterical young man pleaded for his life. The farmer lowered the barrel and pointed toward the barn. The farmer led the man at gunpoint out to the barn where he proceeded to secure the man's "unit" in a bench vise. The farmer then welded the vise screw so it could not be Loosened. He then pulled out a gleaming sharp brownie knife. The man was screaming by now and begging the farmer not to cut off his manhood. The farmer just smiled, handed the man the knife and said, "Oh, I'm not gonna cut it off. I'm just gonna set the barn on fire." You know a blond is having a bad day when her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. How do you embarrass an archeologist? You give him a used tampon and ask him what period it's from. What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!" How is CALIFORNIA like granola bars? They are both full of nuts, fruits, and flakes. It's a sad day when a midget can milk a cow while standing up. A horse walks into a bar&grill and goes over to the bar to get a drink. But before he can order the waiter asks,"Why the long face?" Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a black dress the whole city thinks they are having a blackout. Yo mama is so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming. Yo mama is so ugly that a little kid will run away screaming and crying when they come face to face with her. And the kid is blind. Yo mama is so hairy that the only language she speaks is Wooky. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 'Go Team Edward, Cause Werewolves Don't Sparkle!!' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Vampire= Major Eye Candy! Cullen Boys: They don't make them like that anymore! Real Men SPARKLE!! When other little girls wanted to be BALLET DANCERS, I kind of wanted to be a VAMPIRE! Baseball has never looked so good! Twilight: It isn't everything, but its right up there with breathing! Having a pulse? Totally over-rated! I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. Thanks Stephenie Meyer, now I'll never find a man. I have OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder Jasper Hale: Screwing with your emotions since 1863 Cullenism: We're more than just fans! Warning! Having a vampire boyfriend may be hazardous to your health. (Not that you care) Thanks to Twilight, now if that certain boy seems to ignore me, it's only because he's a vampire and he's polite enough to try to resist my blood. Screw being a princess, I want to be a Cullen! Vampires! Simply Dazzling! Bear Hug! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx New Sensation Sending Shivers High-speed Internet Elation Voice-mail E-mail All Connected More HD Awesome Edition Films Fantastic, Shows Outstanding Happy High-Tech Automatic C-O-M-C-A-S-T xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Important! Read: I am striving to reach my goal. That goal is to succeed in Supreme Conquest. Also known as World Domination. As of right now, I don't think that I anywhere near old enough to succeed in Supreme Conquest, but when I am old enough...well, just you wait! I shall rule the world! Mwhahahahahahahahahahahaha! No, seriously. I strive for Supreme Conquest. I'm not joking. (Or am I?) Mwhahahahahahahaha! Beware! Mwhahaha!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx | |||||||
1. The Horrors of Hannah Montana reviewsDo you hate Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus? Did you ever really want to know how aweful she is? What horrible things she has done? Then read this. But beware...the horrors of Hannah.....are...evil....Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Drama/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,048 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9-24-09 - Hannah M./Miley S.2. I Was Killed By Barntanna! reviewsRead my story if you HATE Hannah Montanna like I do. This is funny but kinda scary too. But you'll enjoy it. After you read this....BEWARE! Hahaha! Read and Review!Hannah Montana - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 942 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-4-09 - Hannah M./Miley S. - Complete
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