Author has written 3 stories for Naruto, La Corda D'Oro, and Vampire Knight.
Name: Psychotic Kitsune or you can just call me Kit
I don't write but I love to read. :D
===things Kit has found, liked and copy pasted XD===
7 Reasons Not to Mess with a Child
by: Francis J. Kong
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for whales to swallow humans because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2. A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother as inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well. every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer.' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it and I would turn red in the face." "Yes." The class answered. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet ain't empty."
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a religious elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Homophobia is wrong, spread the love! XD
I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. (I can't highlight this anymore...I GAINED 10 POUNDS OVER SUMMER! DX My tummy is bulging!! NOOOOOOOO!!)
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. (Quite the opposite actually...go people with no curves! XD)
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. (Well, I AM a bitch by nature...;))
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. (Religious, not fanatic...)
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. (I know what it means now! Though I'm libewaddah (read as: liberal), I'm still against abortion, :()
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...(Am not! We even wore pants...DX)
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. (-dances the chicken dance-)
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut. (They're comfy and make me look taller...:P)
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. (But if you do highlight this, doesn't that already make you conceited? O.o Contradictory!!)
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. (Fricking heck?)
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. (Oh, how I wish I could highlight this...I kid, I kid! :D)
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. (-looks at inner modesty- Can I highlight this, pleeeeaaaaase? -inner modesty: No.- Aww...)
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. (Not A's...but I'm satisfied with my scores, XD)
I WEAR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. (I wear it to blind random people...=3)
I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention. (See above remark...XD)
I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. (What's wrong with theatre and art..'tis fun! XP)
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. (Quite the contrary, I am their matchmaker! :D)
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay. (I think this one is aimed for guys...but I do have girl friends! XD)
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. (Sadly, I have no right to mark this one...-sob sob- HAIL THE FLAT CHESTED PEOPLE!)
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. (How many time has something come up related with clothing? -sweatdrop-)
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO. (I want a gay boyfriend...:))
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I must be ugly...or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I must love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. (I'm a girl who eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between! XD)
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. (Hmm..can't argue with this one..:))
I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7. (That's just wrong...who DOES that?)
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE (not white...just...light...brown...?) and have black (dark brown?...heh...) friends so I MUST think I'm black. (Eh...hello...Philippines...)
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I love SHOPPING, so I MUST be rich. (Really, really, super duper not true. I have to cut down on my shopping actually...XD)
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude. (Duuude, I respect my bodey! That's right, bod-ey! Not being a virgin is way funner anyway...)
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve. (I ain't naive! -random person: come with me, I have candy...- OKIIE! XD)
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress. (It just comes with my package...;))
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant. (I will truly and forever...oh! cake!...have a short attention span...)
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian. (Isn't it strange though, I'm an animal lover AND an omnivore...hmm...)
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie. (Treehugger? Yes. Drug-addcited? No. Hippie? ...err...)
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life. (-sniff- I wish I could highlight this...)
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS. (T'was an awesome musical! -thumbs up-)
I'm into ANIME, so I MUST be into HENTAI and masturbating to it. (-twitch twitch-)
I have NATURAL WHITE HAIR so I MUST be albino. (I want natural white hair! -mutters- and I want it now! Muahahaha-coughschokesdies-...)
5 Truths of Life
1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it.
3. The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (HOT DAMN! DX This thing is psychic!)
5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face. (Well..well...yeeaah...)
30 reasons why girls are the best:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. It took the vilest, most evil creature in the universe to convince Eve to eat the apple but it only took a woman to convince Adam.
Hail 'em ladies, betches!
Smart-ass Comebacks to those Corny Pick-up Lines:
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life: in your wildest dreams.
HE: Your place or mine?
SHE: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine.
HE: Does beauty run in your family?
SHE: Well it obviously doesn't run in yours.
HE: I can see forever in your eyes.
SHE: But all I can see is never in yours.
HE: I looked up beatiful today in the thesaurus and your name was included.
SHE: Thanks! I saw your name next to jerk.
HE: You're like a dream.
SHE: Go back to sleep.
HE: What do I have to give you for one little kiss?
HE: I want to give myself to you.
SHE: Sorry, but I don't accept cheap gifts.
HE: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
SHE: Yeah, but this time, don't stop.
HE: I think you're th best looking girl here.
SHE: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then.
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Sure, but only if you buy my girlfriend one too.
The Difference Between Friends and Best Friends:
FRIENDS: Lends you their umbrella.
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH, RUN!'
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you don't have any food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying 'THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME!'
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, 'My bad...here's a tissue.'
FRIENDS Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you come up with revenge for the whole crowd.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME.'
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (AKA: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'It's because your gay, isn't it?'
Mommy, I Love You!
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, but Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
Please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost
Everytime you pass this on, you give a chance to those who didn't say: 'Good bye'.
It's okay to cry. I did, so can you.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.
A black man was about to enter a restaurant, but was interrupted by one of the white waiters. He said: "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around to leave but said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go in the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then entered the restaurant and sat down, ignoring the white man as he walked away...
Be open-minded, say NO to racism, be fair to our brothers and sisters.
My name is Sarah
I am but three
My eyes are swollen
I cannot se
I must be stupid
I must be bad
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!" I scream,
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Be aware of the cruelness present in this world. Spread the word; stop child abuse.
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
Abortion is murder. Do your share to help stop it.
Warning: Reader Might Die of Laughter Overload
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(What!? But why?!)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
(But no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...The Cuppycakiie: -raises stubs for hands-)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Note: These are actual instruction labels on consumer good...what's wrong with the world?
Y BOIZ SHOULDN'T CHEAT
There was once a girl named Ashley who
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack
liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also.
Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to
everytime she had a chance to. One day,
go to the movies. Ashley heard
Ashley approached the movies that night
Ashley sat right behind them. she
kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it
on in the
told jack "Do you want to come to my
replied "hell yes."
Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
around and Ashley watched the whole
The next day at school Ashley wasn't
wasn't there. A week later her mother
found her in
commited suicide because she had loved
body was a note.
A note that read: My dearest Jack, I
Courtney's house and I will continue to
do something like this to me. I really
for you just
like Jesus died for us.
Always with you, Ashley
Please foward this or Ashley will
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of every line(HAH! Copy this into your profile if you find this funny))
If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile ( Sometimes i do some times i don't...)
If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile
If you love Naruto so much you wish the characters were real so you coud be one of them, copy and paste this on your profile
If you have ever had an arguent with yourself and LOST, copy and paste this on you profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking copy and paste this on your profile
If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes copy this on your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile (Hey! my world is not little!)
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it copy this on your profile
If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head against a desk for no reason copy this on your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation copy this on your profile
If you hate those mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this on your profile
If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile
If you have ever crashed into a wall while sugar high copy and paste this on your profile (I had this after I ate pop tarts)
If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination put this on your profile
If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer
If you have ever copy and pasted something copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever dreamed about being an Anime Character, copy and paste this into your profile
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear beating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc. then copy this into your profile!
If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, iluvdavidwright45, dianeandnumairareahotcouple,windsoftiti, Ilovethelittletacos...Ilovethemgood, i-have-issues-deal-with-it, Kiba Obsessed Demonic Angel, Digital98, Anime-Kunoichi,Chinbaldo,Naruto Ninja44,May and Dawn are the best, rst64tlc,NeonZangetsu,Sweet Midnight Kiss,Psychotic Kitsune.
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
If Orochimaru creeps the shit out of you,copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name. Lily, The Crazy Evil Akatsuki Neko, Mood-chan-SIRIUS IS UBER HOT, VampireArgonian92, NejiTenfanforever, Deidara-Kun-Fangirl, KillerLiger3000, moonlit fang, chibi kyuu-chan, Ragnorokrising, MangaFreak15, Psychotic Kitsune
A ninja waits until the dead of night, when the enemy sleeps and drops his guard, when his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night, that is the moment for a ninja to strike. Copy this into your profile if you're a Ninja! (I'm more than that! I'm a vampire XD no seriously I am!)
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who do know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. The irony...XD
YAOI is hawt and that is something you can't deny XD ('specially ItaNaru)
God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.
What Kisses Mean by kiki and darkalbino:
Forehead: You'll be mine forever
Hand: I adore you
Ear: I'm horny
Cheek: You mean so much to me
Shoulder: I want you
Neck: I want you now
Lips: I love you
Holding Hands: We can learn to love each other
Wink: Let's get it on
Holding On Tight: I love you too much to let go
Looking in the Eyes: I'm so in love with you
Arm Around Waist: I'll show off my love for you
Spank on the Ass: That's mine...bitch XD
Laughing While Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horiscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing.
(maybe by now you know what's my gender, ne?)
"Me? I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, its the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid" -Jack Sparrow