FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination| Epiphany of Lexicality |
Greeeeetings, earthlings. My name is Terri. Erm, well, actually, it's Theresa. But that's an eeeensie bit old fashioned, so I'd prefer to be called Terri. As for how I look, well, let's see: My hair is purple, my antenae are slightly bent to the right, and I have less than 17 eyes. Which is, frankly, a bit more humanoid than many I know. Coming from Saturn, and everything. No, really. My hair is brown. As in, dirt colored. Really, I wish it was red. And shorter. But you know, they say that people always want the hair that they don't have. It seems kind of weird, but it's true. It must be some sort of psychology thing. Other than that, I shall divulge nothing. Not even if you threaten me with sharpened teddy bears. Or Twilight fan girls. Or... (shudders)... Disney Pop Stars. Wellllll... Maybe the last one. Allright, I'll sum the rest up here, and you can bore yourself by reading the rest below if you want to. I love to read. I love to write. I love to draw. I love to sing. I love to play piano and viola. I'm bad at math and singing... I find poetry fun. On sunny days, my idea of getting good exercise is reading outside. I want to be a writer. I can't spell to save my life. I live on chocolate. I'm clumsy, but think that dancing would be fun if I could only do it without injuring everyone around me. I spend hours on the weekend catologuing my books, then rearranging them. I've done them by author's first name and last name, using forwards and backwards alphabetization, name of series, and number of books in series. Being social is not my strong point. I can say things better in writing than in words. (Wait, does that even make sense? pauses expectantly for self-narrator to pop up Nothing is happening Oh, what, so all the book charectors get to have fancy little self narrators, and I don't? stalks off in a huff) I have a small pet alien- er, I mean brother. I wish I had a dog. I hate braces, pollution, war, and allergies. Got that? Cool. That means I get to spout randomly now! maniacal laughter The reason I love being a writer is that I totally control whatever universe I write. I get to make it rain purple potatoes, cover the ground with grandfather clocks, make the school have a billion snowdays in a row, and put yellow stripes on the trees. If I want to. Or, I could just reverse gravity, and see how my charectors cope. Or, I could shrink the universe to the size of a pin. Plotting is fun. My favorite poem is number 1099 by Emily Dickenson: My cocoon tightens- Colors tease- I'm feeling for the air- A dim capacity for wings Degrade the dress I wear. The power of the butterfly must be Her aptitude to fly- Meadows of Majesty concede As easy sweeps of sky. GAAH! Is it not the MOST BEAUTIFUL POEM you have EVER HEARD?? Ok, so next to that, my poems seem lousy. I won't even bother posting them. Emily was just too perfect. sobs I think I've finished most of the important stuff, so I get to list my favorite books next! :) Hmmm, let me see... Well, to begin with, everything by Brian Jaques- Redwall Martin the Warrior Mariel The Pearls of Lutra High Rhulain Mossflower Mattimeo The Bellmaker Salamandastron The Outcast of Redwall Marlfox The Long Patrol The Legend of Luke Lord Brocktree Taggerung Triss Eulalia! Loamhedge Doomwhyte and Rackety Tam -I love this Series! Loved it since 2nd grade, will continue to love it forever more! I will never abandon these books!:) I've read the series 3 times, and some individual books up to 21 + I LOVE REDWALLLLLLLLLL! YAAAAY! Getting back to the book list. Anything by Tamora Pierce- The Immortals quartet: Wild Magic Wolf Speaker Emperor Mage In the Realms of the Gods The Song of the Lioness quartet: Alanna- the First Adventure In the Hand of the Goddess The Women Who Rides Like a Man Lioness Rampant The Circle of Magic quartet: Sandry's Book Briar's Book Daja's Book Tris's Book The Circle Opens Quartet: Magic Steps Street Magic Cold Fire Shatterglass The Protector of the Small quartet: First Test Page Squire Lady Knight and all her single books: Beka Cooper- Terriar The Trickster's Choice The Trickster's Queen The Will of the Emperess -LOVE THESE! (I hope I remembered them all...) I totally wish I could be Tris... Or Daine... Or Beka... :) Monica Furlong's books- Juniper Wise Child Colman -These are really thought provoking! So sad that she's dead... :( Madeleine L'engle's books- the Time quintet: A Wrinkle in Time A Wind in the Door A Swiftly Tilting Planet Many Waters An Acceptable Time The Austin Family: Troubling a Star A Ring of Endless Light - Oh. My. Goodness. I love her writing! Especially a Ring of Endless Light. Too perfect. :O Terry Pratchet- In Ankhmorpork- Going Postal Gaurds! Gaurds! Feet of Clay Thud Jingo The Color of Magic The Light Fantastic Eric Soul Music Interesting Times Hogfather The Fifth Elephant Night Watch On the Ramtops- Equal Rites Wyrd Sisters Lords and Ladies Carpe Jugulum Witches Abroad Maskerade On the Chalkdowns- Wee Free Men A Hat Full of Sky Wintersmith With Death Featuring prominently- Mort Reaper Man Other- Pyramids Good Omens Eric Small Gods Monsterous Regiment - THESE ARE SO INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS!! (Exclamation marks go on forever, but I've managed to squash "Forever" into one line, for your conveniance. Just imagine that there's a whole lot more of them.) Elizabeth Peters- Lord of the Silent He Shall Thunder in the Sky Children of the Storm The Snake, the Crocodile, and the Dog The Golden One The Hipopotomus Pool The Last Camel Died at Noon The Ape that Gaurds the Balance The Falcon at the Portal Seeing a Large Cat The Lion in the Valley Curse of the Pharoahs The Mummy Case The Crocodile on the Sandbank - I love these! They're really good (if you like mysteries). Kate Constable- The Singer Of All Songs The Waterless Sea The Tenth Power - These are pretty good... The last one is really, really sad though... J.R.Tolkien- The Hobbit The Fellowship of the Ring The Two Towers The Return of the King - These definately deserve a mention. Undoubtedly, they are some of the best literature ever written. It goes without saying. So why am I saying it? 'Cause I'm just weird like that. Speaking of the word 'definately' (even though we actually weren't...) Have you noticed how many people spell it 'Defiantly' in fanfics? Defiance is open disregard or resistance of authority. Definately means posatively, absolutely, and without a doubt. There is a difference. Note it. I BEG YOU! sobs Back to topic. LEGOLAS IS TOTALLY AWESOME! (But Frodo seriously bugs me!) Eoin Colfer- Artemis Fowl Artemis Fowl and the Arctic Incedent Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox -Holly and Artemis FOREVER! They totally balance each other! (I'm open to other ships to, though, if they're well written.) William Shakespear- The Tempest As You Like It Hamlet Now some quotes, to reward you for your apparently endless patience, if you've actually read this far. " I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it!" - By either Edgar Allen Poe, or Oscar Wilde "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." --Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation (There was a Dilbert Quotes contest in a magazine and this was one of the top ten. It was a real quote by a real person. As apposed to, say, a chocolate one.) "Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with." "Spit out the prisoner." "Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron." --Artemis Fowl, pae 64 “I don’t want anyone else getting hurt today, not even Artemis Fowl.” "Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn't there some law that says we get at least twenty-four?" 'Foaly rolled his eyes. "Excuse me while I get a tissue. Honestly, I thought you demons were warlike and stoic. This little guy sounds like one of those cheap romance novels." "You tell those spiders, Ron!" --Harry Potter (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie) "I think I'm speaking for the whole room here, Foaly, when I say that all I see is lines and squiggles. Doubtless it makes sense to a smart pony like yourself, but the rest of us are going to need some plain Gnommish." -Root "A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums." -Holly Short "There is a monster- one with big, sharp teeth and huge claws!"-Tim the Magician " What, behind the rabbit?"- Sir Robin "It is the rabbit!"- Tim the Magician "Wuv- twu wuv, is what bwings us togever today. Mawwiage is a sacwed twust. So tweasure your wuv-"- Priest in Princess Bride "You- are- a- fridge- with- wings! We're- freaking- ballet dancers!" - Nudge, Maximum Ride. "Ha ha ha HA! I'm a freaking genius! I can blow up the world!... Er... Not that I would want to, of course."- The Gasman, Maximum Ride End quotes. Next, some lists of amusing things. Really Dumb Store labels: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Wow, really? I wouldn’t’ve guessed!!) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Care to elaborate?) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: may contain nuts." (Hmmm. Ya think?) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (That's next to the 'fresh wax fruit' in the Organic Plastic section. Aisle four, you can't miss it.) On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." TOP Six Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work: 6. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 5. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.” 3. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 2. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 1. “The coffee machine is broken..." You know you live in 2008 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years. (Ok, I probably sound totally uncultured, but what's solitare? And to my defense, before anyone begins to think I'm an idiot, I have been a bookworm anti-social hermit for the past few years. Anyway, all that I've gathered is that it's some type of card game. I think.) 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace. (Hah. Like I'm tech-savvy enough to even manage a FanFiction account. I can't even figure out how to submit stories, even though my freinds tell me the directions are very clear. I have several waiting to be added, but I just don't get it. I guess it just goes to show- I'm hopeless with technology.) 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. ( Again, not tech-savvy. Catch me watching TV at all, and it's for the Discovery Channel.) 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job... (What job?) 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.. 6. Skipdown the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 9. Sing Along At The Opera. 10. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 11. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 12. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!' 14. Allways skip # 13 in lists. When people ask you why, say the number affects your karma. 15. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' How to annoy the walmart people! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 3. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!!" 1. Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. | |||||
