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Damned Daybreaker
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email: Email
since: 10-13-08, id: 1715936, Profile Updated: 11-05-09
country: United States
web: Homepage
Author has written 7 stories for Twilight, and House of Night.

RIP, Stephenie, AKA Daddy's Little Cannibal. You will be missed.

Space of silence.


"I am so clever, sometimes I don't understand a word I'm saying."- Oscar Wilde

"Now you listen to me, you little psychopath; my love life is hanging by a thread, and that thread is Acafellas. It drives my girlfriend nuts in the pants! So if you screw this up for me, I swear I will shove my fist so far down your throat you'll taste my armpit hairs!"-Ken from GLee

"Hey, anklegrabber. I had sex with your mom. No, seriously. I cleaned your pool, and had sex with her in your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets." - Noah "Puck" Puckerman (lovelovelove!)

"YOU+ME=EMBRY THREESOME."- Whoaitslucy.


EMBRY CALL/NOAH PUCKERMAN/WILLIAM SHUESTER=LOVE!

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG ASS.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction

I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm IN A BAND so I MUST be a juvenile delinquent.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm MORMON so I MUST have seven wives.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I HANG OUT with teenage DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I don't go to a SPECIALIZED HIGH SCHOOL so I MUST be stupid.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be a controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE So I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I am a FANGIRL(Or boy) so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm a MIDDLE CHILD so I MUST be an attention seeker.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I'm AUSTRALIAN, so i MUST be a complete bogan.

I'm European, so i MUST be a wog.

I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I am a person, not a soup can. Paste this onto your profile and bold what fits.


Reviews=Love. Reviewers=Life. If you are absolutely devoted to every one of your reviewers, even the flamers, copy and paste this onto your profile.

AAAAAAALL BYYYYYYY MYYYYYYYYSEEEEEEEEEEEFLF! If you love Emma Pillsbury, paste this onto your profile.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Cullen AIM » reviews
It's been done a lot, but I wanted to give it a try. Flames welcome, I love a challenge. VERY OOC. Some bad language. Some other languages. It's just silly. :D
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 145 - Words: 78,035 - Reviews: 2404 - Updated: 11-1-09 - Published: 1-19-09
2. The Cullen Bunch reviews
A Brady Bunch remix; Twilight style.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 140 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9-26-09
3. Jacob Black, Matchmaker to the Vampires » reviews
When all of the Cullen couples get into huge fights, wishing they'd never met each other, they all disappear with a 'Pop'. But where'd Nessie go? Jacob vanished too, and finds himself working fast to get the Cullen's back together. Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,543 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 8-11-09 - Published: 7-22-09 - Jacob
4. Jacob's Camera Phone reviews
One-shot. Lemons and cursing. That's all I'm going to say. And no, this isn't a creepy Jacob-Edward fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 975 - Reviews: 25 - Published: 8-10-09 - Edward
5. Heaven is a Halfpipe » reviews
Local skater Emmett McCarthy is just that; a skater. It’s his whole life. What will happen when he meets preppy ice queen, Rosalie Hale? Something that no one expected. AH, lemons, a bit OOC for some, AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,768 - Reviews: 91 - Updated: 8-6-09 - Published: 4-5-09 - Emmett & Rosalie
6. HoN AIM » reviews
The Nerd Herd's most private and stupidly hilarious internet conversations are finally exposed! The first ever House of Night AIM story! Takes place during Untamed. Hiatus
House of Night - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,528 - Reviews: 35 - Updated: 7-17-09 - Published: 4-21-09
7. Breaking Boundaries » reviews
Alice and Jasper have been having relationship troubles. What happens when she becomes closer with Bella's friend, Jacob? What was that vision about? And what about Jasper? How will the families react? Based off of Whitedog1's fancomic, 'High Tide'.Hiatus
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,304 - Reviews: 56 - Updated: 7-17-09 - Published: 3-22-09 - Alice & Jacob
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