Let's keep this short, shall we?

My fandoms are many, my plots are strange. I usually get a lot of time on my hands when work isn't being a whore.

Here's some random crap to read if you're bored.

Female Come Backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"

GUYS REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
Until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
Right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
Stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the Fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those
Who got there first?

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
Will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty

Oh, I have a photographic memory... It just hasn't developed yet

I live in my own little world... But it's ok - they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Don't waste your time on a man / woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Heaven didn't want me and Hell thinks I'll take over.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

Death is life’s way of saying you’ve been fired

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality

Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.

Everyday I think people can't get any stupider, and everyday I'm proven horribly wrong.”

I had a box of crayons,
All shiny, straight and new.
I lent a friend one crayon,
And--oops--it broke in two!

My friend said she was sorry,
But I said "I don't care,
'cause now we both can color
with one crayon--we can share!"