The world according to FoG:

In my world there are no shopaholic pixies, no sparkly peens, and no babies. Everyone falls flat on their face if they trip over their own two feet. The f-word is used excessively, and canon is a word that refers to either a) Pachebel or b) weaponry. People will screw, sometimes (who am I kidding?) most times not with the person they do in the books. Emmett will never bellow. Bella will never cook. Carlisle will be hot--just on principle.

Can you handle it?

If you think so, feel free to read The Elite. It's non-canon, AU-H, and definitely rated M. Recently it won three Indie Awards (Thanks to Gustariana and Hmonster4): Best Storyline (non BxE), Best Secondary Storyline, and Best Original Character.