Hello chickens.

I am updating my profile to clear up a few things. I posted an authors note (the mysterious Chapter 13) on Saturday, which I have since deleted. I did not realize that ff.net does not allow authors notes as chapters, as I have seen many authors do it in the past. I received so many pms and emails and reviews based solely on this authors note, I was overwhelmed by the support and the understanding of you bangbang lovers.

However, I was also made aware of a few not so happy peeps that were threatening to "report" me to the authorities...and I say this thinking of Eric Cartman screaming Respect Mah Authoritah! To avoid being dragged off to the fanfiction pokey, I removed the chapter. Here is the authors note that was originally played by Chapter 13:)

Hello my beautiful beautiful banger chickens.

I hate doing this, I mean I really hate doing this, but there is no new chapter. This is just an authors note.

Until further notice, Edward Wallbanger is on temporary hiatus. It might only be a few weeks, it might be another month or two. But I am getting so many emails and PM's about when the next chapter is coming, I felt it only right to speak directly to you all.

I have some personal shit going on right now that I need to take care of, and rather than tell you constantly that the next chapter is coming (heh heh , I said coming) I would rather let you all know now so you aren't pissed when I can't deliver.

I adore this story, and I am def planning on finishing it. I know exactly where these crazy kids are all headed, and I promise we will all get there together. I just need some time for now to work some shit out, and then when we all get together to play again, we will be in mother fucking Tahoe.

I will probably not be on twitter as much, but I will still check in and play when I can. Last night I spent almost 30 minutes having conversations with myself and several inanimate objects such as my Vamp, a carrot who smoked cigs, Rob's peen, and finally a stalk of Rhubarb that took on the voice of Andrew Dice Clay. Who knows when that will happen again, sorry to everyone that had to read that shit...

I love you all so much, and please believe me when I say that I have cherished each and every one of your reviews. It makes me so happy that you all enjoy this ridiculous little story with me, I love that you are willing to go along with my brand of crazy.

Now, few things before I sign off. Nina, Christina, and Lola have spearheaded this amazing project that I know for a fact everyone here knows about, but I want to make sure that I get one last plug in for my girls. The Fandom Gives Back is doing some amazing work, and I could not be more proud of the efforts that these perverts have put in for a cause so worthy. I myself am on the auction block for the first time, if you bid and win me (boy does that sound suggestive) I am basically your personal scribe. You want a followup to Vestibule Style? Done. You want to know what happens at the next Girls Night Out in The Jack Officers? OK. Or maybe you just want a Clive POV?? Its yours. Or, you can give me 10 words, any fucking words you want, and I will weave them into some kind of crazy Edward Bella cluster fuck world of my choosing in some kind of crazy town one shot. I don't care. You buy me? You got me...

Of course I would never go on bangbang hiatus without giving you some recs!!

The Girl With The Red Umbrella by justaskalice and spanklemaker09. This story is so beautiful, and it is written very visually, I can actually see this playing out. Edward/Bella in post war 1950's Paris. Are you kidding me?? Wonderfully magical, run over there and leave them some love.

The Emperors of Washington by gallantcorkscrews. This is one mother fucker of a fic. Twisted, sick, weird, constantly crazy...it is simply bizarre and I want to eat it with a fucking spoon. I love to find something different, and this story is def that. Very different, very strange, fucked in the head and fantastic. This is by far the most removed from canon Edward I have ever read, and yet I still find myself cheering for him. I am one sick fuck. Check it out, rated W for Weird, also for Wonderful.

The Cocky and The Cougar by ikss. You know I am a sucker for good banter and this one has that in spades. Witty, funny, quick, and full of great references. A hot Edward, a charming smart Bella, whats not to like? Oh, and lemons...heh heh heh. Just read this one last night while taking care of Mr Alice and his flu, and I am so glad I decided to read it. Can not wait to see where it goes next.

So there my lovlies, please do not hate the Alice. I swear I will come back to you, rested, rejuvenated, random and freshly fucked. I mean, freshly, ah screw it...freshly fucked.

MWAH to the all the chickens, and be glad that we have turkey on Thanksgiving!!

Alice

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hopefully that clears up the mystery. I also was made aware that a few people were upset that I did not post the teaser from the next chapter, altho I DID post it on my thread on twilighted, as well as on twitter. Here is the teaser:

I rubbed my eyes a little, and inspected my bed mate. He was still lying on his back, arms curled as though I was still in them and I thought of how good it felt to finally nook with Wallbanger.

But I shouldn't be nooking with Wallbanger, that was definitely a very very slippery slope. One that I was reluctant to climb. And though the images that climbing a slippery Wallbanger that immediately came to mind were far from innocent, I pushed them aside.

I glanced further down his exquisite form and noticed the terribly wonderful afghan that was tangled in between his legs, and mine for that matter.

It was his mom's. My heart broke a little more each time I thought of his sweet timid voice sharing that little nugget with me. He didn't know that I had talked to Esme about his past, he didn't know that I knew his parents were no longer alive. The idea that he still clung to his mothers afghan was inexorably sweet, and once again my little heart broke open.

A question one posed was "How can she post a teaser but not the entire chapter? If she has a teaser, doesn't that mean the entire chapter is written?" No my dear, the entire chapter is NOT written, otherwise the finished chapter would be posted...weird I know right?

So there, everyone is up to speed...I love you guys and will be back soon, I promise. I ain't flouncin'...

Alice

xoxo