IF YOU GET A PM FROM ME, DO NOT SHARE MY EMAIL ADDRESS WITH ANYONE!! I WILL BLOCK YOU!!

Name: Yeah, right, like I'd ever tell you.

Age: Still not telling.

Gender: Male. This one I can tell you.

I plan on doing all five books eventually.

- A MR Parody Thign - The Angel Experiment

- A MR Parody Thign: Book II - School's Out Forever - Still in progress

My favorite MR quotes:

"Oh, thank God. Goddess. Whatever." -Max

"See, when you're an evil, endlessly funded insane scientist, you have both the means and the motive to, say, suddenly gas a whole room of hostage bird kids."
"Causing said bird kids to pass out without realizing it and then wake up in the middle of a field."
"At night."
"Some of you have probably jumped ahead and are already at the place where you realize this happened to us, and I'm not just rattling on hypothetically, so good on ya!" -Max

"Because we're probably not that useful dead."
"No. Well, maybe as doorstops."
"Or like those things in a parking lot that show where the cars should stop."
"Also an option."
"No. But China is interested in using you as weapons."
"Well, you tell China to bite us. Now, skedaddle on out of here, before we turn you into a doorstop." -Nudge/Max/Iggy/Max/Whitecoat/Max

"No, you idiot. I don't know how it works. I just know it has an unfailing ability to point me in the opposite direction of a bunch of boneheads." -Max

"I must have cookies." -Max

"The Texas stadium was, shock, Texas size..." -Max

"You were three years old. Four hot dogs!" -Jeb

"...You meant a toy plane, right?" -Nudge

"Max-HIH-mum Ride..." -Aribot

"The one main road...led uphill to an incredible medieval castle. You guessed it: Itex. Still lording it over the peasants, in their way." -Max

"It was like, oops, I blinked, there goes Belgium!" -Max

"If they're not the Crips or the Bloods, does that mean they're the Cruds?" -Gazzy

"On to Plan . . . H?" -3rd person

"Los Angeles, gangbangers, huh!" -3rd person

"The plan is hot dogs." -Fang

"Hydra, Hydra, I thought. Sounds like a . . . sprinkler?" -Max

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!" -Gazzy

Now, for some of those copy and paste stuffos (100 percent original!!) . . .

If you are paranoid about giving yourself away online, put this in your profile.

If you read Maximum Ride exclusively, put this in your profile.

If you have ever tried to re-enact 9/11 with building blocks, put this in your profile.

If you can't snap your fingers, put this in your profile.

If you are a member of Homo sapiens, put this in your profile.

If your profile is blank, put this in your profile.

If you use both Firefox and IE at the same time, put this in your profile.

If you know more than 3 programming languages, put this in your profile.

5 stupid things people do with computers:

-Reboot when a program hangs

- Assume it's a Web site because they've never seen it (even when it looks like a native executable)

- Use MS Word for every freaking thing

- Overuse MS Office clipart to the point where it's not funny anymore; we need ORIGINALITY people!

- Use 16-bit color (doesn't ANYBODY notice the ugly banding?)

This division is intentionally left blank.

Did you know . . .?

Microsoft, Google, Nationwide, and Hulu are working together to destroy the world.

Barney is actually the Grim Reaper.

If you're using a tube monitor, you can be spied on. (does "van Eck" ring a bell?)

Dihydrogen monoxide is real. (Think. Dihydrogen monoxide. Hmm... Sound like anything you've used? Perhaps drank?)

This sentence is false.

Failed Inventions!

Elevator that only goes up

Book that's bound at both ends

Car that only goes in reverse

Car with manual transmission... and no clutch

Satellite TV with 500+ channels... and every channel airs Sesame Street, Barney, and Teletubbies 24/7

Jokes!

A government plane, a stunt plane, and a commercial airliner are flying side by side. The pilot of the stunt plane jumps off with a parachute. Now, the commercial airline pilot mistakes this for a bomb. He argues with the government pilot. All of a sudden, a flying truck drops bombs on all three of 'em.

Three men with pregnant wives are waiting in the hospital outside the delivery room. The doctor comes out to the first man and tells him he has twins. He replies, "Weird. I used to do the morning news for channel 2." Five minutes later, the doctor announces that the second man has triplets. He replies, "Weird. I used to work for 3M." He then sees the third man banging his head against the wall. When asked why, the man says, "I used to work for Google".

Three hunters are walking in the woods when they come across some strange tracks. The first hunter says, "These are moose tracks". The second hunter says, "No, they're bear tracks." The third hunter never got to say anything because he was hit by a train.

Three men walk into a bar . . . Ouch.

A Martian looks up at the sky, sees a supernova, and exclaims, "What on Earth is that?"

Maximum Ride fan fictions that I like:

-Brainwashing, mindwiping, mind control, stuff like that.

-If it contains a certain word starting with "it" and ending with "ex", optionally followed by "icon", then it's for me.

-Stories in which they go to school with a lowercase "s" and no definite article.

-Stories in which they go to the School with a capital "S" and following the definite article.

-Stories in which a normal, unsuspecting person is uprooted from normal life to become an unwilling hostage, er, guest of said capitalized School with definite article.

-Parodies.

The ones that I hate:

-All human stories. IT IS NOT A MAXIMUM RIDE STORY WITHOUT WINGS!!

-Romance. I don't know about you (yes, you, sitting there scrolling down this Web page), but I do not read purely for character pairings. I do not like people whose idea of a good story is filled with kissing and crying and pet names.

-Drabbles. THEY'RE TOO FREAKING SHORT!

-Songfics.

-Flock band stories. Somewhat related to the above. The songs performed are always written by real-life groups because the authors are too lazy to make up their own.

-Twilight crossovers. First there are hundreds of MR-Twilight crossovers on FanFiction.net (a.k.a. "Right Here"), and now there's rumors that the Twilight crew will be in the MR movie? Unless the authors of the two series know each other or something, there is absolutely no way to explain this relationship. It's downright creepy. Bottom line: Maximum Ride-Twilight crossovers are like weeds: There's too many. I don't like it.