Hey there Twifandom. How are you?

You may have noticed a little lapse in the action here. As some of you already know, my soon-to-be wasband found my fic. As such, my fic URL is now listed in my divorce documents in the great State of New York. Y'all say hello to him. Apparently, he thinks this is a waste of time, not honing my writing.

As such, this account is pretty much dead. My Twitter and LiveJournal are also gone, but someday maybe I'll return. Just keep a watchful eye. Unfortunately, I won't be able to be as open as i was, for obvious reasons, but I have truly enjoyed getting to know all of you.

Another author has agreed to take over my fics, including those promised for the Support Stacie auction. I don't want to let Team Rich Wood down... y'all did a GREAT thing there, and you deserve your outtakes. And Wood.

Feel free to email me asking where they will go. I won't post it here since we all know how that will go. This is an amazing fandom. I have made some wonderful friends and watched you guys raise over 100,000 in the past year for various charities. If that's a waste of time, then I'm glad I wasted it. Thank you all so much for your support, your reviews, both kind and crunty, and for reading.

I hope you all have wonderful holidays. Here's looking at a much improved 2010.

XOXO,

Algie

Please note: I shut off PMs and turned on email. I may be nuts, but I'll never catch up with PMs on this kludgy interface.

Parkaward Contest Results: http://www.fanfiction.net/~parkawardcontest

God, I hate profiles. Frustrated English major too chicken to ever submit anything to an actual publisher, so I fall on my sword here hoping that my stuff doesn't completely suck. By day, I'm an actual freelance writer churning out stuff that bores me to tears that does, however, keep the wolves from the door. Or at least from kicking the door in and selling off my first-born.

I never imagined my profile would get this long, but every so often, I get ranty and have to add something:

FAQ: Everything you ever wanted to know about Mr. Horrible: Please look at this first. Before you PM me or ask in a review about any of the pop culture references. I wish I had time to answer everyone. Really. And I take the time to update the FAQ every single chapter.

Ships: I love reading just about anything, but Bella x Jacob is a horrible, horrible lie. And Carlisle should be venerated, so any BxC ships scare the bejeezus out of me. Also, if you are going to put Bella with Jasper please either write Edward out or give him something (someone?) else to do. Angsty Edward pining over his love while she's bedding Jasper every which way 'til Sunday just breaks my heart. Slash is okay in my book (since I'm not particularly fond of most Bella incarnations) but please, dear god, leave Carlisle and Esme out of it. I don't care if you are writing canon or not, those two should stay on their pedestals. Anything else feels like pedophilia. All-human, alternate universe is usually where I hang out and do most of my reading, but there are some awesome in-canon fics here as well. Check out my faves list for what I think is the best of the best. I'm super-picky with what I add there. :)

Pet peeves: It's would HAVE, could HAVE, not would of, could of. Bear is living through something, like childbirth. Bare means naked. And so help me, if you haven't figured out how to properly use an apostrophe, please get yourself a decent beta who can explain it, or at least take a fat red pen to your fic. I am a grammar nut, and also have come to hate some of the most overused phrases in fan fiction: bridal style, anything involving a core (which makes me picture that apple on the cover of Twilight, only dessicated), Alice "shrieking" and "Bella Barbie." I also detest caricatures. Alice has way more to her in canon than shopping. Emmett has way more to him than being a prankster and playing Truth or Dare.

Fic and tunes: I love music. I love virtually all music. I listen to some stuff I'm sure you've heard of, and some stuff you've probably never heard of. There's nothing I like more than finding new music, and a lot of the time, I find that via fics and associated playlists. That being said, however, I cannot discover new music, and neither will you, if the same songs get used over and over and over again. Nine Inch Nails has a huge catalog to choose from. I know, because I think I own most, if not all of it. Closer does not ever need to be used in a fic again. If you haven't read it, go read amercianxidiot's You Get Me Closer to God. Unless you can do it better than that? Pick a new song. Be original. And dear god, I don't need to read the lyrics for the entire song. Pick a snippet and if I'm interested, there's a Google toolbar right up at the top of my browser to help me find the rest.

Research is important: ALSO, please, please, pretty please with sugar on top, if you are going to insist on placing your fic in a city you've never been, please wiki the place? Maybe look at some pictures? You cannot ride a motorcycle in upstate New York in January. The weather in Chicago and Forks is completely different. It SNOWS LIKE HELL and gets WICKED COLD in the northeast... far colder than it does in the Pacific Northwest. And Canada isn't a frigid tundra everywhere with its citizens sitting in igloos. There are parts of Canada that stay more temperate than places in the U.S. For instance, most of the winter, odds are its warmer in Toronto than in Minneapolis.

Write what you know: A lot of the research isn't necessary if you write what the hell you know, and use your own voice. Yes, I write about club kids and old people and drag queens, because that's what I know. You'll never find me writing a story that takes place in Europe because I've never been there, and if I wrote about it, you'd be able to tell. Sure, it probably limits me a lot, but when I tell you about a spinning display case of Jello-themed desserts, it's because I saw it and thought it was hilarious. I've heard the rip of duct tape when friends de-dragged for the night. I've seen queens fighting over accessories backstage at a show. I've had my own boobs felt up by guys who thought I was a queen. The more authentic it is, the more likely you are to get a reader reaction out of it.

Age: Jesus Amy Fisher Christ, the rule for age limit here on FF.net is 18 for M-rated fics. For those of you who don't understand that you agreed to the Terms of Service here when you signed up, please reread them. If you insist on reading M-rated fics, please don't list your age in your profile, because all I want to do is email your parents and ask them why you are allowed online without supervision. It makes me feel creepy and old, so please... I really love that you WANT to read my fics, but arg... just... don't. At some point, this blatant ignoring of the TOS is either going to get all M-rated fics tossed from the site, or get a bunch of accounts closed, and I woudn't like to see either happen. Do you?

Recs: Please don't ask me to rec your fic. I'm seriously honored any time someone recommends something I've written, but if you read my stuff, you'll note that my recs are few and far between and my favorites list is very small. There's a reason for that. I'm super, super picky. Something has to seriously blow me out of the water to even get me to review because I simply don't have time to be on FF all day. I have kids and and I work (or at least look for a job) and try to write. I'm shocked and awed by the number of notes I get asking me to look at fics, review fics, rec fics, give advice on fics, and I really wish I could. Shit, if someone would pay me to, I'd do it all day long. However, I'm busy, blunt, and way behind on life. So please accept this as my general apology.

MEDICAL STORIES: If your fic is going to involve a car accident or a coma or a pregnancy, or any of the usual suspects that involve doctors and/or hospitals, please, for the love of all that's holy, LOOK SHIT UP! If you are going to do a story involving blood at all, please look up the basics. O- is the universal donor. AB+ is the universal recipient. ALL HOSPITALS HAVE O- blood for instances where they don't have time to type before a transfusion and do NOT DO UNSCREENED DIRECT TRANSFERS. Trust me, if you are an O- donor? You get called by the Red Cross. A LOT. Also, any story that has Edward or Bella staying in the hospital for weeks at a time while the other is sick blowing off school, etc.? Where are the truant officers? Why is hospital policy ignored for these two? Please, I'm begging here. I know it's fiction but a tiny dose of reality would help tremendously. See also foster children without going through any kind of legal process. Ultrasounds will not diagnose pre-term labor, thank you very much. And if you haven't read AngstGoddess' Wide Awake over on Live Journal, go do so, because Darkward has a great lesson on Wiki-ing that shit. ;)

The disturbing trend of rape/abuse fic: Finally, if you are writing any sort of fic that involves rape, abuse, or involuntary sexual servitude as smut, I'm not reading it, and, quite honestly, I'm pretty disgusted. Considering the fact that women all over the world suffer rape and abuse on a daily basis, writing that into fic as some sort of smut is reprehensible. For the countless women who have lived through that, it is not arousing. Even if you have a physical reaction to the abuse, the emotional damage that results is something you never get over, and Luke and Laura and their countless descendants to the contrary, you do not fall in love with a rapist. You cannot have a healthy relationship with your rapist. And suggesting otherwise is demeaning to sexual abuse victims AND irresponsible.