Warning! Read anything from 2008 and early 2009 at your own risk. It's pretty much junk, but I keep it for archival purposes.

Note to readers: I don't really come on FF much anymore; I just don't have the time. Occasionally I may look through my stories and edit a bit, but that's about it. However, I love, love, love hearing from you guys! Please don't let my absence keep you from leaving me reviews. I do read them, I promise, and I'll reply whenever I can. :)

Name: Holly

Penname origin: "Field of paper flowers" is part of the lyrics of a song I like immensely.

Age: Old enough to be here. Hint: It's a number.

Description: Wouldn't you like to know. -evil giggle-

Weapon(s) of choice: Fist, Rainbow Bubbles of Doom (see Tokyo Mew Mew for example xD)

Country: US

Favorite word: I have many. Right now it is hyperpolysyllabicomania, which means a fondness for big words.

Favorite TV shows: The Mentalist, NCIS, Monk, Princess Tutu, Shugo Chara, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Favorite books (series): Artemis Fowl, Eragon, Dragon Slippers, A Wrinkle in Time, Avalon High, The Thief Lord, Inkheart, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Fullmetal Alchemist

MORE random stuff about me: You know those accursed personality quizzes? Yes, once upon a Saturday afternoon I was so bored as to occupy myself with them. Here's a number of results I got. Take from them what you will.

~1) Your doodles are very artistic. What you do doesn't technically qualify as doodling. You might be drawing absent-mindedly in your notebook, but you seem to be making REAL art. Your doodles say one thing, "I'm an artist!" You don't just draw random lines and squiggles -- you use shading, realism, and perspective. Save your notebooks, hon. Someday, they might end up in a museum display of your "early work."

~2) You're a caramel macchiato! You're the nice warm hug of coffee drinks. We're picturing you hanging out on an old velvet couch with your version of the Friends gang in a coffee place where the barista knows you by name. Your personality is sweet, friendly, and full of energy. You seem like a dependable person who'll stick by your friends no matter what, and who always knows just what they need -- whether it's good advice, a tissue... or a caramel macchiato.

~3) You're Vanilla. You're as popular and relaxing as vanilla ice cream. You go with the flow, and get along with all sorts of people. You appreciate peace and simplicity, so you sometimes find crowds and loud noises overwhelming. You are a chilled-out, calming influence on the people in your life, and your friends appreciate how supportive and flexible you are.

~4) You are a chocolate chip cookie! You're sweet (but not too sweet) and you fill other people's lives with tasty bits of awesomeness. You're no perfectionist -- in fact, you're a bit disorganized -- but your friends find your easygoing personality irresistible. You're so popular and loveable that even when you're having a bad day, people still like having you around.

~5) You're a Forehead Kiss. You are soothing, supple, and refined, like a kiss that presses gently against someone's forehead and feels as eternal as a promise. Memories of you will linger on long after you're gone. In a world of sloppy wet kisses, you're proof that a kiss doesn't need tongue to be good. A forehead kiss is an intentional, definitive choice, and that matches your personality well -- you know exactly what you want from life. You don't mess around. If you kiss someone, you mean it.

~6) You’re Mythos (Mute). Selfless and Compassionate, you give freely of yourself to save those who are weaker. Now, if only you'd stop throwing yourself out of windows in only your sleepshirt. (O.O)

~X~

About reviews/flames: "Great job"s are nice, but I greatly prefer critique or a constructive review on why you liked/didn't like my writing.

And, if you flame me, I don't mind in the least and will actually take it into serious consideration, as long as it's about something relating to my actual writing, not the pairing or something as silly as that. It just shows how stupid you are. And if it's about grammar, I will laugh quite a lot. Just a warning: copy and paste doesn't work on me, so if you want to "insult" me, personally is the best way to go. And PLEASE do it correctly, as in, with proper spelling and grammar. And HONESTLY. If I mention (i.e. on my profile, in an author's note) that I do/don't like a certain character, PLEASE don't freak out about it in a review. I KNOW that there are people out there who like characters I don't, and vice versa. Really, for both our sakes, just let it go.

Example of a good flame: "Your story honestly made me sick to the stomach. The characterization is the worst I've ever seen, the plot is confusing and contains a lot of holes, and your writing style really manages to convey how stupid you are. Please, for everyone's sake, just don't write anymore."

Example of a terrible flame: "yur story suxs u shuld dye 4 rittin dis arty wuld never luv holly he belongs to MINERVA so axept dat. yur spelin is so teribel omg pleez dont rite n e mor."

~X~

As anyone who knows me will tell you (passionately), I am an absolute freak about English. Grammar and spelling are my strongest areas.

I love reading, drawing, and writing as well as making people laugh.

I am a big fan of books in general. :)

I have YouTube, Tangle (previously GodTube), and DeviantArt accounts under the username HawkNelsonLuvrr.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Couples I adore (or just ship):

-Ed/Winry (Fullmetal Alchemist. They're cute.)

-Colonel Mustang/Lt. Riza (Also FMA, also awesome. Not cute, so much, because their background isn't really cutesy.)

-Artemis/Holly (Sitting in a gorilla cage eight years ago, K-I-S-S-I-N-G xD)

-Opal/Cudgeon (I think he's dead, but that's beside the point.)

-Root/Vinyaya (Aren't they BOTH dead now? D: )

-Foaly/Caballine (Good thing they're married.)

- Amu/Ikuto (Shugo Chara. It has a pwnsome.)

- Rima/Nagi (See above note.)

- Kukai/Yaya (So cute!)

- Yukari/Nikaidou (Way underrated couple.)

- Tadase/Nadeshiko (...That looks awkward. NADE NADE NADE. No yaoi. I choose to believe Nagi really does have a twin sister named Nadeshiko. No, seriously.)

- Fakir/Ahiru (-insert mindless shipping babble here- sobeautifulandwondrousandgorgeousand...and...CANON. :D lol. Princess Tutu OTP)

- Mytho/Rue (Aww. But only after the end. When Rue's all "GRR I'M KRAEHE AND YOU'RE MINE" I'm all "shaddup jerkwad". But I kind of like the ones where Mytho is in the Raven prince form and all like...psychologically abusing Kraehe. But then again. FLUFF = YAY so mostly just post finale.)

-Amelia/Doppler (That's the awesomeness couple from Treasure Planet. I rented it again after not seeing it for years, and I just fell in love with it all over again.)

-Percy/Annabeth (Would you believe I was actually determined never to read Percy Jackson and the Olympians? Yeah. I'm so a fangirl now. :3 )

-Caspian/Susan (in the movie ONLY) (I'm sorry, world! I'm sorry! But we were watching it in class, and I saw it three times a day... I just couldn't help myself! x3 )

-Kisshu/Ichigo (I'm convinced she's in denial. Aoyama's an idiot, anyway. -sticks out tongue- And, in all honesty, I really don't like Ichigo much either. I'd kill her off myself if not for the facts that, A: Kisshu loveses her, and B: she's fictional.)

-Pudding/Taruto (Aww! They're so sweet! How can you not ship them? :D)

-Lettuce/Ryou (They're just plain adorable. :D) (I don't hate Pai/Lettuce; I just prefer Ryou/Lettuce, as stated below.)

-Meg/Hercules (Aww. She's hilarious, by the way. And yes, that's from Disney's Hercules. As with Treasure Planet, it's just awesome.)

-Marta/Tobin (They're sweet! :3 That's Dragon Slippers, people, go read it.)

-Creel/Luka (They're adorable too! x3)

-Jane/Lisbon (The Mentalist is AH-MAY-ZING!)

-Rigsby/Van Pelt (They're so cuuuute! I LOVED Russet Potatoes. xD )

-McGee/Abby (Sooo cute)

-Tony/Ziva (NCIS is awesome)

-Gibbs/Jenny ('Kay, seriously, why'd she have to go and die and leave us stuck with Vance?!)

-Calvin/Meg (A Wrinkle in Time is SUCH a good book series.)

-Kitty/Nathaniel (Bartimaeus Trilogy. I am in denial of his death.)

-Bartimaeus/Queezle (What is it with all these characters in couplings dying?!)

If you believe that the reason the girls always kiss the guys first is that the guys are too scared that they'll be slapped, punched, hit, kicked, or mindwiped, then please copy this into your profile.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Couples I detest (or just don't ship):

-Anything slash/yaoi/yuri. (I'm not trying to be a jerk about it, but that's the way it is for me.)

-Percy/Rachel (They're okay as friends, but coupledom doesn't work for me.)

-Annabeth/Luke (The whole sadistic-titan-inside-his-body thing aside, I just don't care for this pairing. Period. Although, Percy being jealous = WIN. Ha ha)

-Holly/Trouble (Noooo!)

-Holly/Butler (Eeww, wrong on so many different levels)

-Holly/Foaly (Um . . . What would Caballine say?)

-Artemis/Minerva (Ick. He deserves so much better than that Mary Sue, and by "so much better" I mean Holly.)

-Artemis/Juliet (Not for me)

-Artemis/Butler (Are you guys kidding me?!)

-Artemis/Foaly (Once again, where do you GET these things?!)

-Opal/Artemis (Just...no.)

-Opal/Foaly (Where are you people coming up with this?!)

-Kukai/Utau (I just prefer Kukaya. If it makes the rabid fangirls feel any better, I like Kutau as friends.)

-Amu/Tadase (Tadase-kun's a sweetheart, but when he gets in the way of Amuto, my fangs come out.)

-Rima/Kirishima (Gaahh! Rima + anyone besides Nagi = DEATH. DO NOT TEST ME, MORTAL.)

-Nagihiko/Amu (See above note.)

-Fakir/Rue (NonononononoNO. Fakir is AHIRU'S! BACK OFF JERKWAD.)

-Mytho/Ahiru (NOOOOOOO. AHIRU! YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH FAKIR. JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY.)

-Fakir/Mytho (Umm...no thanks. xP)

-Ichigo/Aoyama (I DESPISE HIM! He's a mindless idiot AND a Gary Stu. He needs to disappear off the face of the earth. :P)

-Pai/Mint (...She's, like, twenty years younger than him! Ew!)

-Pai/Zakuro (They both have the emotional capacity of a doughnut. How can they be romantically inclined?!)

-Pai/Lettuce (I don't despise this pairing, I just don't care for it...I've read some really cute fanfics shipping them, and I'm basically fine with it, but I've never seen anything to indicate them romantically...)

-Ryou/Akasaka (They're really good friends...but...not like THAT! Dx)

-Ryou/Ichigo (Not for me, thanks. Again, to be frank, I really don't like Ichigo. I'd kill her off myself if I could, but then Kisshu would be sad, and I couldn't have that.)

-Jane/Van Pelt (What in the world? Only friendship for me, thanks.)

-Rigsby/Lisbon (...I...have no comment...-shrieks of horror in background-)

-Tony/Jeanne (Noo! Jeanne is a JERK. Is it wrong to hate a fictional character?)

-McGee/Ziva (Noo!)

-Gibbs/Abby (That's...so...wrong. -shudder-)

-Gibbs/Hollis Mann (I don't like her much. I prefer Jenny, hands down.)

-Tony/Gibbs (Eww...)

-Tony/McGee (Wrong. Funny, but wrong.)

-Nathaniel/Bartimaeus (Ack. No words to describe my agony.)

-Bartimaeus/Ptolemy (Um...well...NO.)

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Does Evil Exist?

The University professor challenged his students with this question: "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" the professor asked.

"Yes sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact, sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir; darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton 's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of Darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down totally deflated.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Please select from the following options menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

"I'm Irrrrrish. We overrrrprrronounce ourrr Rrrrr's."
--my best friend Allie attempting an Irish accent. (I quickly corrected her, of course.)

Allie: "Let's imagine in our hearts that Holly is 12 when Artemis is 12. So then they're the same age."
Me: "But Holly's already working with the LEP...she can't be 12."
Allie: "Oh. Well, fairies start going to work when they're 10."
Me: "But still..."
Allie: "Okay, okay, okay. Let's imagine in our hearts that Holly is 12 and Artemis is 13. No, wait. That Holly is 13 and Artemis is 14. No, wait! Holly is 14 and Artemis is 15!..."
-- a (pretty much nonsensical) conversation between Allie and myself. We were trying to solve the age problem with the Arty/Holly coupling. :)

" (in a little-kid voice) 'Hey, mister, you wanna buy some cookies?' (in a deep voice) 'You're hot!' "
-- Allie and I making fun of the age difference between Artemis and Minerva

"Artemis can't like Minerva's body. She's twelve. She has no body. She is a rectangle in a dress!"
-- my response to Allie's Artemis/Minerva imitation "I like your body"

I was washing the car with my little sister, and it got to the point where we were basically just spraying each other with the hose.
Sister: Ribbon Pudding Ring Inferno! -sprays me with hose- (Actually, her pronunciation's not so great. It sounds more like "Wibbon Pudding Ing Funnel.")
Me: Ribbon Lettuce Rush! -sprays her with hose- (I was so pleased because Lettuce's power actually IS water...so, yeah.)

(Family is watching TV)
Girl on TV: -is dressed like a guy but has an annoyingly girly voice-
Me: What's up with her clothes?
Mom: Maybe she thinks it'll distract you from her annoying voice.

"Male nurses are wonderful." -- my chemistry teacher. xD

"Hey there Josiah, what's it like at Table 14? I'm a thousand feet away, but, boy, tonight you look so fetching, yes you dooo..."
-- Cody, a guy in my class, sang a love song to Josiah at the 2007-8 Homecoming. It was VERY amusing. Yes, Cody is straight.

Teacher: "...and today we're going to be learning about the Bank Wars."
Job: "Bank Wars? Like with guns?"
Teacher: "Yes, Job, like with guns. And money. And ski masks. You have to have ski masks. I don't think you can rob a bank without ski masks. I think it's illegal."
--conversation during history class

"Maple syrup is tree blood. Tree blood on pancakes. Yum." --my biology teacher

"They made women do things they didn't normally do." "Like take showers?" -- conversation in American History

"Don't call girls 'babe.' They don't like it. They're like, 'Babe was a pig. There was a movie about Babe. I think he talked. Pigs talk!' " -- my biology teacher

"I wanna know the guy who woke up one morning and said, 'You know what sounds good? Chicken fetus. We'll throw it in a pan, and that'll be good.' I mean, we eat chicken fetuses all the time. How do you like your chicken fetus? Poached, fried, scrambled...? What's that taste, I can't quite put my finger on it... Chicken fetus! We're mass murderers and we didn't even know it." -- my biology teacher

"The new teacher's gonna be like, 'Do your warmup!' And I'm just gonna be like, 'Shut up. Shut up.' " --guy in my class, to the old teacher about the new teacher

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. Because who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

Music is like candy - you throw away the rappers, and it's actually pretty sweet.

The grass may look greener on the other side, but the grass is actually poison ivy.

When life hands you lemons... ask for a refund.

Bad pickup line #138: "So... you're a girl, huh?"

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most countries. ~Willie Wonka

17 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti -depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Find an empty register and use the microphone to broadcast, "Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon, stop with the PDA in Aisle 13!"

16. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

17. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting, "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Why is Cinderella a fairy tale? Any idiot can lose a shoe!

My Imaginary Friend thinks you have mental problems, and trust me, she would know!

So I bought some deodorant recently, and there are a couple things on the back of it that just boggle my mind. Why is the FIRST WARNING on the back, "For external use only!" Seriously, has anyone like... tried to put deoderant on their liver or something? Another thing that confuses me, "Ask a doctor before use if you have kidney disease!" ...That just makes no sense to me. Let's see... your under arms are way up, and then your kidneys a quite a bit lower... how does deoderant affect kidneys? Third thing that I find interesting, "Other information: Do not store over 115 degreesF." ...Is the deodorant going to explode or something if I have it over 115 degrees? ...-runs off to try-

Writer's block -

We've all had it at one point or another, and it annoys the heck out of all of us. So, what do you do when the terrible disease descends upon you while you are writing? Here are some tips I've used when I get writer's block.

1. Change Clothes. Believe it or not, this works a lot of the time. Just having a fresh change of clothes and a little break from writing really gets the pressure of block off your mind, as strange as it sounds.

2. Take a shower. Same concept as changing clothes. It gets your mind focusing in a different direction, and I find I can focus better in the shower than on the computer.

3. Write a One-shot. Have a favorite pairing or character? Write a little one-shot about them to take your mind off the story you're having problems with. Writing something else often can give you inspiration for other works of yours.

4. Watch a movie/TV show. Oftentimes, digging into other media content can give you ideas for your story. You don't necessarily copy off of the ideas from the movie/TV show, just get ideas of what to do from it.

5. Set up a playlist of new music. Got extra cash? Sometimes buying a new CD (or buying a bunch of songs) and playing them while you write really helps your story move along. A lot of my ideas for my stories have sprouted from listening to a new CD.

"Wherever you are, it's your friends who make your world." ~William James

~X~X~X~X~X~X~

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if my main character had a rival? Oh, plot idea!! Must get computer!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. (guilty look)

Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random (but they also have impeccable grammar).

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You zone out even when around other people.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.

Your friends stopped looking at you funny a loooooong time ago.

Your profile is REALLY long.

Your computer runs out of memory.

You can't stop writing!

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

I guess I'm an author. . .

~X~X~X~X~X~

Don't knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends; if it's not them, it's you.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

When life gives you lemons, make grapefruit juice, and let life wonder how the heck you did that!

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left-handed people are in their right mind. (... so THAT's why I'm crazy.. ohhh)

Silent is golden but duct tape is silver

Boys are like slinkeys: useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

TGIF: Thank God I'm Female

How to Know if You're Addicted to Fanfiction

10. You no longer refer to comments as "comments." They are now known only as "reviews."

9. Pens are for idiots, and you wouldn't be caught dead with one. How on earth are you supposed to erase when you want to rewrite?

8. You start laughing at the most inopportune times because you remembered something funny from a fanfic.

7. You pretend to take notes, but really you're getting a head start on your latest ficlet.

6. Short disclaimers are for losers. Whoever thinks up the craziest (or goriest O.O) gets a cookie.

5. You can't write for English class because you've used up all your ideas for fanfiction.

4. A story idea isn't a story idea. It's a plot bunny.

3. You hear people talking about a ship (the water variety), and you frenchin jump, like, five feet in the air and act like you've never heard the word used outside of the fanfiction context.

2. Whenever something inspiring happens, you screech, "Ooh! Fanfic idea!" and then immerse yourself in writing for the next three hours.

1. You repost this onto your profile! :)

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. –Edgar Allan Poe

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that it must be altered every six months- Oscar Wilde

You call me a b? Because a b is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

If God had intended for Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

~x~x~x

1. Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7. Note expressions.

8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, um... um... Darn.

25. Train army of flying monkeys.

26. Goldfish don't like milk.

27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28. Find out who invented the word "pianoist".

29. People are staring at you.

30. So act insane.

31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.

32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible.

35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36. Never pet a burning dog.

37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38. Naked men dig parkas.

39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40. You know what would look good on you?

41. Immolated cockroaches.

42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43. The size of Danny DeVito.

44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. O~O

45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49. That way is rum.

50. Constipated people don't give a crap.

52. You cannot kill the snow.

53. The snow can kill you.

54. Grass can also kill you.

55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57. HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65. Remember to kill HIM...

66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69. Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70. Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.

71. Eat the evidence.

72. But not if it's broken glass.

73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75. Disregard last note.

76. Note reactions.

77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78. Stock up on ball point pens.

79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81. Do not stick fingers into blender.

82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83. Blood loss is bad.

84. Find way to reattach fingers.

85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86. Answer every question with a question.

87. Ask people what gender they are.

88. Note reactions.

89. Refer to people as "mortal" or "Mud Man."

90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94. Kill them.

95. Brutally.

96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97. Dunk head in boiling water.

98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

~x~x~x~x~

-If you love God with all your heart, and are not afraid to tell the world, and are 100 percent proud of it, copy this into your profile.

-If you believe in God and Jesus Christ His Son, then copy and paste this in your profile.

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

What part didn't you understand? The N or the O?

Life sucks, and then we die.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

Two lefts don't make a right, but three do.

A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.'

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, bribe them. If you can’t bribe them, blackmail them.

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

Curiosity killed the cat and whoever else got in my way.

~19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity~

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation or capital letters
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water Whenever You Go Out to Eat, With a Serious Face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-Through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I can get how Rock beats Scissors, but there's no way that Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock, leaving it immobile? If so, why can't Paper do this to Scissors? Heck with Scissors, why can't Paper do this to people? Why aren't there sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to write notes in class? I'll tell you why, because Paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear paper in two seconds. When I play Rock/ Paper/ Scissors, I always choose Rock. Then when somebody claims to beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say: Oh! I'm sorry, I thought Paper would protect you, you idiot!

Let's just put it this way: I have so many odd habits, copy-and-pastes couldn't possibly cover them all.

-wave- Hi! Did you make it all the way down here without permanently crossing your eyes? Congrats! Here, have a cookie. -hands cookie-

~X~

About my Favorites: You may notice that the list has narrowed down, perhaps not hugely, but enough to be noticed. I've decided to put more criteria into it than just, "oh, look, a fanfic. FAVED!" I've determined that now a fanfic must be well written (grammatically), hold my interest, keep cursing to a minimum, and be clean (NO SEX SCENES). Or be funny enough to let me disregard the first criterion. This way, I figure, my personal values aren't in question, and it means more to those who are favorited. :)

~X~

About my Stories: Yes, I deleted "All I Want for Valentine's Day." Yes, there were over 12,000 words and 70 reviews. Yes, it was a long time coming. I'm sorry to any readers who were waiting for the final chapter. I was planning on finishing it, I swear I was, but I was reading over it for the first time in probably a year, and I discovered that there was no possible way to salvage that story. Don't be angry it's gone, but if you're happy . . . well, I am too, but please don't tell me. My ego took a beating just reading the thing. :P