Hey I'm Twonk. The name should tell you a lot. If not, see a doctor.

So yes, I like writing stories- hence the FanFiction. It drives my mum insaaaaaane, not that she had far to go.

"What have you been doing?"

"I've been on the Internet."

"Doing what, though?"

"FanFiction."

Now she should be saying something like: "YES Twonk! Embrace that creativity of yours, that, if we take the right measures, will make you RICH!" Does she say that? Does she heck.

"Right. I see."

"Why? What?"

"Nothing but... Haven't you got any work to do?"

(Sullenly) "I've DONE it."

"Pull the other one. It's got elephants on."

Why would I want to pull something with ELEPHANTS on? What if they fall off and I get crushed to death? Think how many people would weep and wail at my funeral... ah. Oh dear.

I like Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter and all that SHIBAZZ, just getting into Alex Rider (is it me, or does that sound weird?) and I HATE Pride and Prejudice. I'm prejudiced against it. Ironic, but there you go.

Can't think of anything else to write- oh yeah. I'm seventeen. With the mentality of one who is seven. Don't let it annoy you. Just repeat to yourself sloooowly that it's a lovable trait.

Check out my stuff if you like. It may be the last thing that you ever doooo... MOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ARRRGH! MY ASTHMA!

Thanx xxx. XD.

Oh, and my biggest aim is to win Britain's Got Talent. Problem is, my dad won't take me to the auditions, I have no money, no kindly neighbour who would take me from the sweetness of their heart, no driving licence to get me up there off my own steam, and sadly... I have no talent. Yet.

Some random surveys that I'm doing now I'm bored...

A Survey

Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?
My sister, and she said: "Get off the Internet now, bitch." I love her.

Where are you?
Sitting on a VERY hard wooden chair, in the shit-pit (excuse my French) my dad calls his office. World War Three has NOTHING on this...

Look up, now look back. What did you see?
I saw the face of Jesus Christ, smiling at me and mouthing "It's your time..." No, seriously, I just saw my ceiling. I was actually kinda disappointed.

What's the last thing you ate?
Pasta in a cup. Yes, really. It's like cuppa soup, but it's cuppa pasta. It's gross.

What's your personality like?
I don't know. Ask someone else. Astarael's Get or Little Fire Thief can tell you.

Who do you have a crush on?
Well, there's this guy... blush, simper... why would I post this on the INTERNET? Only the criminally insane would do such a thing! Okay, good point. His name is... nope I'm not that far gone.

What was the last thing you thought?

Oh my God Little Fire Thief SHUT UP and stop rubbing it in my face that I deleted How Hogwarts Destroyed Music. It needed to be done, I tell you!

You have a million dollars. What do you do?
I would pay JK Rowling to write a book JUST about Gilderoy Lockhart and Severus Snape. I'm sad, I know.

What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW?
Zilch, nothing. I may starve. If you're worried about me, please send a box of cookies to this address...

What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?
I wish I hadn't deleted How Hogwarts Destroyed Music...

What's it like being you?
One big roller coaster. To be honest.

What are your thoughts on writing?
Writing... mmm... you have total control. You can decide who dies and who doesn't. You can make people do things that they would never do normally. Hmmm, under personality I should put 'budding control freak.'

How tall are you?
5"4 (short ass, I know)

What book are you currently reading?
Rose Madder by Stephen King. Not his best, and kind of crappy. But I'll soldier on...

What music are you listening to?
Beat It: Michael Jackson (It's called BEING COOL, yeah. Not that I'd expect YOU to get that).

What was the last site you visited?
Quite sad really but... 100 best chicken jokes. I'm ashamed, I truly am.

What was the last thing you cooked?
What's "cooked"? I've never heard of this word. Oh, is the thing I get my younger sister to do? Yeah, I cooked oven chips like three days ago, and I couldn't find an oven glove. Burn my fingers and EAT, or let the chips incinerate, bearing in mind my own safety? OW! THE PAIN!

What color are the walls of the room you are in?
White with a hint of grey. Depression setting in...

Do you know who the governor of your state is?
Um... am I supposed to?

How many different programs are open on your computer right now?
Four, yes, one including the best chicken jokes. Hahahahaha- Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

Have you ever been water-skiing?
Oh yeah, all the time. It's my main hobby, believe it or not. Okay, you read between the lines. No. But I want to.

What is the weather like?
(Gloomy) It looks like rain. Again. Oh the English weather! How I'll miss it when I move to nice, hot, sunny... Scotland. That's brilliant.

Are you going on vacation this summer and where?
Nope. I'm going to spend my time PRODUCTIVELY. I need to learn how to do the splits. It's a massive chip on my shoulder.

Anything else?
Yes. Ahem. I hate Twilight. HATE it. The film is okay, but only beacuse golden colour eyes are hot. That's it. Er... I do Tae Kwon- Do, Kickboxing and Ju Jitsu. When I tell people that, they think I'm a freak. Yay! Recognition at last! Oh, and I LOVE Gilderoy Lockhart because he's such an idiot. I'm also a strong Michael Jackson fan. Excuse me whilst I moonwalk to the fridge.

Other Names

YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Polizzle Is it just me, or does that suck?

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Orange Komodo. I like. I like A LOT.

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Jeanetta (yes, I know) Holcombe. Wow! I like it! MUM! I need to change my name IMMEDIATELY! TO THE COURTS!

YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Bropoons Sound's kind of Scottish. Say it with a scottish accent. It'll become your worst nightmare.

YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Sunny Delight Florida Style "Oh My God! Red Sunny Delight Florida Style SAVE ME NOW! HELP!"- Surely by the time they've said my whole name, they would be dead anyways. Or at least slightly unconscious.

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Jane BooooOOOOOoooring

YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Staffie I actually quite like the ring to that one. I might have to adopt it ASAP. People will speak this name with FEAR!

Harry Potter-y Stuff:

The character I first fell in love with: Severus Snape (I know, I know, but don't get me started. I'll have a serious fangirl moment)
The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Dean Thomas (Why? I don't know. He doesn't DO anything...)
The character everyone loves but I don't: Ginny Weasley (ARRRRGGGGHHHH! She's SO annoying!! Why couldn't the Basilisk do it's stuff?)
The character I love but everyone else hates: Gilderoy Lockhart (He's BRILLIANT. To laugh at that is.)
The character I used to love but don't any longer: Ludo Bagman (Yes, I thought he was awesome. But I realised that Lockhart was so much better)
The character I'd like to be: Lily Potter (Fk James, Snape was the way to go...)
The character I'd like to slap: Slughorn (Repeatedly- I really dislike him. But not as much as Ginny. She wouldn't get a slap... She'd get a three sixty spinning kick to the face.)
A pairing that I love: Snape/Lockhart (But Lockhart does the chasing. Snape wanting Lockhart would just be... wrong.)
A pairing that I despise: Hermione/Kreacher (It's DISGUSTING. I almost threw up- Thank God the story has been removed.)

Name ten characters from Harry Potter, then answer the questions below.

1) Severus Snape

2) Gilderoy Lockhart

3) Lucius Malfoy

4) Ginny Weasley

5) Horace Slughorn

6) Luna Lovegood

7) Mad-Eye Moody

8) Ludo Bagman

9) Dean Thomas

10) Minerva McGonagall

Are number 2 and 5 friends?

Hmm, are Gilderoy Lockhart and Slughorn friends? I wasn’t aware they knew each other. However, I expect they would be as they are both the biggest prats this side of the universe. Slughorn could hold the party, and Lockhart could be the ‘entertainment’.

Who do you like more 7 or 9?

I DON’T KNOW! Mad-Eye in JK’s books is BRILLIANT, but I have a real soft spot for Dean who is a humiliation target in all my fics. Dean, I guess. But I’m still going to sulk about it.

Can you imagine 1 ‘getting with’ 8?

Snape and Ludo… no. Snape would murder him. I’m a great fan of Snape slash- just to annoy my friend Little Fire Thief- and Lockhart and Snape (Snockhart haha) is a new favourite. But Ludo is a whole new level- Gilderoy is just an idiot, whilst Ludo’s a conniving idiot. Ludo and Snape is going too far.

If you could have any of the characters visit you for a day, who would it be?

Oooooh, hard one… only one? I’d have to have… I DON’T KNOW! I adore Snape, Lockhart and Luna. Lucius is cool and Mad-Eye is a ledge. Dean is my little nutter and Ludo I could persuade to make a really stupid bet, then win all his money. Snape I guess. I’m his NUMBER ONE fan.

Which song best suits 6?

‘Close to you’ by the Carpenters. It’s slow and dreamy and sweet just like Luna herself. I can imagine her singing it out of her window. Aw, that’s so sweet…

Are you in any way attracted to the character concept of number 10?

Now, much as I’m sure that McGonagall is a very attractive laydee, I just don’t swing that way. So no. But I bet Mad-Eye is though, if that’s any ‘comfort’…

Would you buy a burger for character 4 at Burger King if they were short of cash?

Ginny Weasley? No frickin’ way. Not a chance in hell. I HATE her, plus she’s always poor. I’d end up ALWAYS buying her a burger, then I’d be poor. Stupid little Mary Sue… she ruins Harry, I reckon.

Would you write a fic where 3 kisses 5?

Lucius kisses Slughorn? LUCIUS KISSES SLUGHORN? I’m on it.

Whose house are you most likely to bomb 8 or 6?

Ludo’s no question. As long as Ludo was actually in it and not off making a stupid bet somewhere with more goblins…

Would you write a fic where 7 has a secret crush on Harry Potter?

Mad-Eye and Harry? Could be interesting I guess, as long as Harry is over sixteen. I love slash, it’s hot, but any paedophilia makes me sick. Yeah, I will when I have time- after Lucius and Slughorn of course.

Who is most likely to become a gangster and shoot every student at school 2 or 9?

Lockhart- no doubt about it. There’s something seriously unstable about that man…

If you met up with 4 in a dark alley what would you do?

Mug her.

Would 10 go on a date with number 1? Why? Why not?

Yawn, that pairing is SO old. Yes, yes, yes times a million. I just wouldn’t do it because it’s SO dull…

Is 3 the life and soul of the party? Would they dance the tango with 7?

Yes, and yes; he would love it. Getting hawt on da danceflooooor…..

Out of all the characters who is the most likely to throw a sausage roll at Dumbledore then leg it?

Slughorn- he’s a professional sausage roll lobber. Plus Dumbledore would probably like it... GET THAT THOUGHT OUTTA MY HEAD!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

RIP Jacko- you've gone to a place where you'll be understood. You've touched so many people, and even though lots were against you, many more loved you for all that you have done- you've inspired millions. Good luck on your next journey MJ. Love Twonk xx

EVERYTHING IS ON HIATUS AT THE MOMENT- CAN'T BE BOVVERED AS LIFE HAS CRUELLY CAUGHT UP WITH ME. NOOOO NOT PRISON!