Poll: Which book series is better? Vote Now!
HEYY PEOPLES I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU ALL!!
Having the love of you're life say "we can still be friends" is like having you're dog die and your mother saying you can still keep it.
People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.
Don't knock on Death's door. Run up, ring the doorbell, and run away. He hates that.
It takes 42 muscles to frown and 28 to smile, but it takes only 4 to reach out and punch someone in the face.
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friend's head.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Don't piss me off or I'll eat you.
Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.
One day, we will look back at this, laugh, and nervously change the subject.
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then, you find the person whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back, relax, and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not sing: "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!
Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.
Right now I'm having amnesia and de ja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
"Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that."
"It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."
Put this in your profile if you know a person or two who needs to get squished by a bus... or Tyler Crowley's van
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."
"Education is important, school however, is another matter."
"Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable."
"Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't."
"I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either."
"1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you."
"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over."
"You know your addicted when Volterra is added to your computer dictionary."
"Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door."
"I'm the kind of girl who falls and apologizes for it."
"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."
"I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on."
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree all girls copy and paste this to your page
Girls are like apples
on trees. The best ones
are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
of the tree
all girls copy and paste this to your page
Reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.
If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer,GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY CHEERIOS.
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda"
"Where have you been all my life?"
"Are you an angel from heaven?"
"Your place or mine?"
"Your feisty, I like that."
"My dad owns the Café. I could get us really good seats."
"I have magic fingers. And they love to give massages."
"Haven't we met before?"
"Haven't I seen you someplace before?
"Is this seat empty?"
"So, wanna go back to my place ?"
"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
"But I don't know your name."
"So what do you do for a living?"
"What sign were you born under?"
"Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
"How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
"Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
"I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
"I know how to please a woman."
"I want to give myself to you."
"I can tell that you want me."
"If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
"Your body is like a temple."
"I'd go through anything for you."
"I would go to the end of the world for you."
GIRLS RULE BOY'S SOCKS!!
When Obama tells his children to clean their rooms, he ends with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is Carlisle, screw the fruit!
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand vodka.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown
“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I'm not prejudiced...I hate everyone equally.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS:
FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink
BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food
FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa
BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail
BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up
FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night
BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process
FRIENDS: Never seen you cry
BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore
FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you
BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend
FRIENDS: Will say you can do better
BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"
FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying
BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
FRIENDS: Will help you move
BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body
FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall
BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain
BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected
BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"
FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail
BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"
FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number
BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you
BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life
FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing
BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
BESTFRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell
BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell
FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)
BESTFRIENDS: Are for life
FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough
BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste
FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass
FRIENDS: bail you outta jail
BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song
FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you
FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline
BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you
FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover
BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders
FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them
BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven
FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend
BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine
FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick
BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone
FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street
BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking
FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you don't want to know)
BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you
FREINDS: Will ignore this
BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
FRIENDS: At your funerel would be crying
BEST FRIENDS: Sorry I'll be in jail for killing the jerk who murdered you!
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a mattress:
On a child's Superman costume:
LADIES don't start fights,we FINISH them.
A good girl is a bad girl whos never gotten caught.
'Never Argue With A Woman'
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
Although not familiar
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the
What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think
Stuff I thought was funny!
27 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
26. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES
27. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Romeo and Juliet quotes:
"Oh you saucey boy"
"Would thee like pleasure from behind from thee?" "Why yes kind sir"
"Why did you rape me?" "because i'm a priest and i'm lonely and a HORNY BASTED!!"
"I'm gay with Tybalt!" " Oh thats nice"
" i swear by thyself that thee will not be taken" " Why Romeo do thy swear not to be taken from thee" "oh let me be taken, juliet, for thee can only be taken by you"
"Would thee like to be taken from behind?" "Why yes your royal horiness!"
HAHA those horny beasts!!
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer
Girls can do anything guys can do, and we do it in heels.
Men who dress as women can do anything boys can do while wearing heels and looking like a girl.
Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901
Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901
Bella Cullen: Luckier That You since 1987
My name is Kellie!!
I live in Australia(you don't need to know where)
I can be blonde sometimes hehe :P (nickname: blondy!! DUH!! :P) and apparently i'm a klutz (which i only recently figured out!! SHHHHH!! :) )
My friends and i are random but everyone loooooooooves us for it!!
I have the greatest group of friends EVER!!
if anyone ever judges them well lets just say they suddenly became suicidal and died...unexpectly!! COUGH COUGH!!
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