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TEAM JACOB ALL THE WAY!!

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and don’t let go
When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignore's you, Give her your attention
When she pull's away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favourite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favourite movie with her or her favourite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

me: Do I ever cross your mind?

him: No

me: Do you like me?

him: No

me: Do you want me?

him: No

me: Would you cry if I left?

him: No

me: Would you live for me?

him: No

me: Would you do anything for me?

him: No

me: Choose--me or your life

him: My life

i run away in shock and pain and he runs after me and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!!

Things that I have learned from the Twilight series;

1. If you are a teenage girl, and you would prefer a really pale 107 year old man who looks seventeen and sparkles in the sunlight (which is kinda gay, dontcha think?) is really hard so he could hurt you or even kill you if you two..."got it on" and has the personality of a pair of socks to a hot, tall, tan indian who can fix motorcycles and build cars, but is still sweet and funny enough to be ur friend and hang out with you whenever you want and LOVES you, you obviously are a wack job and need to check into a mental institution RIGHT NOW! seriously, do it.

2 I would prefer a space heater to an air conditioner anyday

3 werewolves are better than vampires.

4. fictional boyfriends are perfectly healthy to have. if his name is jacob black xD

5. Dont go and freaking jump off a cliff or a vampire will try to kill himself and then u'll have to save him and forget about ur hot almost boyfriend back in ur town and marry the emo fag who tried to commit suicide.

6. it is NOT possible for a teenage guy to NOT want to have sex with his girlfriend unless he is either gay or secretly 107 years old and a vampire.

7. Sparkling is gay. Cereally, it is. If Edward's skin is the same all over then that means that EVERYWHERE glitters. Including his...area. If he were to ever go streaking in broad daylight. Which he probably wouldnt, but w/e people would see his glittery shlong. Or if him and bella were gonna get it on in their meadow, then he would have a glittery little problem if you know what i mean wink wink. If that does not strike you as odd or gay in anyway then you are obviously completely insane or refuse to believe that there is anything wrong with Edward Cullen just because hes "dreamyyyyy" or something. Which also calls for some men in white suits to come and take you away to a room with rubber walls.

8. Werewolves are smexy. C'mon you know its true. xD

9. When people loose someone they love they often refer their pain to a "big hole" in their chest. Psssh. No one gives a crap about your hole.

and finally...

10. BELLA FREAKING BITES HER LIP TOO MUCH! DUDE ITS NOT HEALTHY!! Maybe she wants to be a vampire so bad she wants to draw her own blood and taste it, idk! but she still is nerotic and totally and completely insane. Ferreal. But Jacob is awesome...xD

A few reasons that i prefer the wolves to the leeches;

1. The only thing they can be called as an insult (and have it actually make sense!) is dog, or something involving dogs. Which btw, dog is "God" spelled backwards. So that's not really an insult. Leech is, yes, because leech spelled backwards is just "cheel" which makes NO sense at all. And bloodsucker backwards is "rekcusdoolb" which makes NO sense whatsoever. I would much rather be called a dog (which is an ADORABLE and cuddly animal that is mans best friend, but only has a slight problem of licking its privates in public...) than a leech (which is a small insect/slug like creature that drinks blood and latches on u and is really hard to get off, and also is disgusting looking. it looks like a slimy small black worm-like thing. ew.)

2. A vampire can love you forever, but a werewolf can turn up the heat. wink wink

3. If you were to have sex with a werewolf, you would be in no more danger than doing it with a normal person. and if you were to get pregnant, you wouldnt almost die in the process (well, there would be the equal chance of that as there is for having a normal persons baby) it wouldnt grow up insanely fast so u could actually have time playing with it and cuddling it and saying 'awww ur so cutee!!' and stuff and u wouldnt have to worry about it dating for several years.

4. Werewolves are SMEXY! AND HOT! literally. I prefer my men to have a pulse and NOT glitter in unusual places (unless i put glitter on him, but why would i do that?) thanks. :D

Screw prince charming, I'm waiting for my Jacob Black!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Stupid Warnings:

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

16. On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

17. On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

18. On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

19. On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

24. On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

25. On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

26. On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

27. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

29. On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

30. On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen,"

"Good friends will pick you up when your down, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh"

"Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry"

"Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting right there next to you going, 'Damn That was freakin awesome',"

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

"Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you,"

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died.

~ Treat each day as your last; one day you'll be right.

~ Follow your dreams. Except for that one where you're naked at work...

~ I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.

~ All i ask for is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy!

~ They call it PMS because "Mad cow disease" was already taken.

~ The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~ Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

~ Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

~ Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

~ What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.I

used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Be a loser! Because being cool is so overrated!

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

My favorite word is sarcasm

It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.

I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Guys should be like lattes-rich,strong,and hot

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together!

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad, or my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu, but I think it's Colin.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes...but we love them anyways."

Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

"Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug."

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib."

"Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it."

"After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

"The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future.

"Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them. (It works 99percent of the time! :-)

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

People who say it can't be done should not interrupt those of us who are doing it.

Write only if you cannot live without writing. Write only what you alone can write.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club

.You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.

The act of writing is the act of discovering what you believe.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

SARCASM is just another free service I offer.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable.

Boys are like skateboards; they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

Dream big dreams, because little dreams have no magic.

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

I apologize, do you want me to mean it too?

Forgiveness is the scent a rose leaves on the heel that crushes it.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

"Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face."

"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

"All those who have telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.

"Fake is the new trend. I guess everyone’s in style.

So what I’ve got a smile on, but it’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.

Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face.

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

I love my computer, because my friends live in it.I

f you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticingCopying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.

I hear voices, and they don't like you.Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Be kind to a stranger, coz you'll never know; it just might be an angel, knocking at your door.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Well, sorry just doesn't cut it...scissors do.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.I

f everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

It doesn’t mater if you win or lose, but it matters if I win or lose.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Live dangerous…Run with scissors.

I’m so clever that sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m saying

Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it.

There is always a light at the end of a tunnel; just pray it isn’t a train.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.

Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.Y

ou tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.

If you’re not living life on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.

I’d rather be pissed off than be pissed on.

The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you.

Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humour.

It is no accident that ‘stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts’.

I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids. (Teachers do no fall for that one)

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper – long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong time.

Stuff to do in an elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing"Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!"

Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favourite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favourite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you act completely, well, crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being (every cell in your body) to Twilight, Maximum Ride, and fan fiction. Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favourite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you. Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school fieldtrip to bush gardens, laugh for two hours strait WHILE riding roller coasters, then still laugh after you get slapped by your friends, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it." Crazy is when you claim you can walk on water and then get your best friend to hold you by your waist in the air and you move your legs in a walking movement (It works!!). Crazy is when you claim to hear music through your nose and promptly hold an earphone to your nose and sing the song. Then your friends try it on their knee. (Gullible people..)If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done too

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

'I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die'

'I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.'

'It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.'

'You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home.'

'Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.'

'If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window I will laugh.'

'Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?'

'What is this 'kindness' you speak of?'

'It’s all fun and games until someone gets a fork in the eye THEN IT'S EVEN FUNNIER!'

'Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking.'

'Define normal.'

1. Bella

2. Jasper

3.Alice

4. Jacob

5. Embry

6. Edward

7. Emily

8. Emmett

9. Carlisle

10. Paul

11. Seth

12. Esme

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?

Sam/seth- well i read fanfics about the pack as a whole but never the two sepratly.

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

jacob is HOT about 109 degrees hot

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

esme got emmett pregnant 1- it would be the other way around 2- vamipires cant get pregnant and 3- EWWW!

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine?

carlisle, not by himself. i have read soppy stories involving esme/carlisle

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple?

jasper/edward- lol dont even go there

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten?

embry/carlisle or embry/paul. Errrr,

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

emily walked in on jasper and esme.- these questionaires are weird.

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic.

alice/paul.- Ailce has only been to every shop in the world exept the La Push convienient store. what happens when one of the pack catches her trespassing.

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff?

bella/emmett, i have actually read bella and emmett fluff before. it was one of those ones where edward cheats on bella with rosalie so bella and emmett run off together.

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.

Emily/esme- Mother Hens

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One?

jacob/bella. such a repetitive story line. been there done that.

12) Know of anyone who reads Three het?

erm, het?

14) Would anyone of your friends list write Two/Four/Five ?

jasper/jacob/embry. mabyies.

15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion?

Paul, probably phase or some profonaties

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Two and eleven, what song would you choose?

jasper/seth- hmmm, eye of the tiger mabye

17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

bella/edward/esme, dont involve your mother

18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?

Paul for jasper. hey, i havent seen you around here before

19) How might Eleven describe a relationship between Two and Eight?

seth describe jasper/emmett. competitive, friendly.

20) How emo is Seven?

emily? severly NOT. mabye when people stare but...

21) Write a Sexy Eleven/One title

seth/bella. bella see's her real sun. (dont do sexy.)

Thanks for reading my awesomley-long profile. TEAM JACOB