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I hate to do this but almost all of my stories are coming down until i have the time are insperation to finish them. I will now only have tree stories up and those are Running To Stand Still, Searching For Former Clarity, and An Unkindness Of Ravens.

"Always love hate will get you every time, always love." Nada Surf

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was not cool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, then it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh,you hurt, I hurt, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I agree with the dictionary. girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really
going at one thing, staying strong.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

Quotes:

Love is stupid. But we don't love with our brains, do we?

I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers, turned off my bed, hopped into the light. All because you kissed me goodnight.

You don't love someone because they're beautiful. They're beautiful because you love them.

Teddys don't hug back. But sometimes they're all you've got.

I've built a wall, not to keep anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile

Girl: Why do you like me?
Boy: Too many reasons
Girl: Give me a number
Boy: How many stars are in the night sky?
Girl: That's impossible
Boy: So you see the problem

Three words guarenteed to terrify any self-respecting man: Hold. My. Purse.

If you don't like me, there's nothing I can do... NEWSFLASH honey... I don't live to please you.

Ihate it when people don't accept me for who I am... but then again, who can accept perfection?

I stopped waiting for miracles to happen, and started seeing them everywhere!

Boys are like lava lamps: Fun to look at but not very bright.

Sweetie, if you're gonna be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.

I used to be open minded, but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I just made your horn louder.

They say hard work never hurts, but why take the chance?

I love work! It fascinates me! I can watch it being done all day!

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

HATPIN JOKE

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps
falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What
should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to
you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the
leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this,
the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate
sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs.
Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling.
Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the
minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he
made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve
say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up
your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.

101 Ways To Annoy People1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Advantages Of Being A WomanWhy it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?”

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, “Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!”

You know your a Sonny With A Chance Fan when...

Your friends are sick of hearing you talk about Sonny With A Chance.
Your favorite dog combination is a chocopoke, the ice cream that licks itself.
When you want someone to change something you bawk like a chicken.
You watch the episodes a week before they air on youtube.
You just wish Channy would form already!
So Far So Great is always stuck in your head.
You think cheese pants are the coolest invention.
You agree that Tawni Town is one heck of a town!
You want a blarmie, the blanket with arms.
Your cellphone ringer is MOOOO!
You wish you could taste the creamy goodness or the fro yo machine.
Instead of Oh my God, you say Oh my Chad!
You can honestly say you love Chad Dylan Cooper.
You suddenly want to go live in a vent.
Your favorite lipstick is Coco Moco Coco.
You settle things by playing musical chairs.
You do know there are 80 shades of white.
You wrote a complainent letter to Condor studios about the unfair treatment to the So Random! cast.
You can't say no to the kiss cam.
You laugh at people who say double duty.
You understand this statement, and why its one of the best: Peace out suckahhs!

You keep telling your friends that Chad Dylan Cooper is real.

This story is about a little girl who is abused. If you care about it, put it in your profile: My name is Sarah, I am but three. My eyes are swollen, I cannot see. I must be stupid, I must be bad, what else could have made my daddy so mad? I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly, then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all, I can't do a thing wrong, or else I'm locked all the day long. When I awake, I'm all alone, the house is dark, my folks aren't home. When my mommy does come, I'll try and be nice, so maybe I'll just get one whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car, my daddy is back from Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse, my name he calls, I press myself against the wall. I try and hide from his evil eyes, I'm so afraid I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping, he shouts ugly words. He says it's my fault that he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me, and yells at me some more. I finally get free and head for the door. He's already locked it and I start to bawl, he takes me and throws me against the hard wall. I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken, and my daddy continues with bad words still spoken. "I'm sorry!" I scream, but it was much too late, his face has been twisted into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain, again and again. Oh please, God, have mercy! Oh please, let it end! And he finally stops and heads for the door, while I lay motionless, sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah, and I am but three. Tonight, my daddy murdered me. Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!